Me or her, pick one! What should I do?

[eileen42]

Well, it finally happened. Quick background: he's 25, I'm 24. Been dating for about 6 months.

 

Problem:

His ex calls at all hours, usually in the middle of the night. He never answers it, at least never in front of me. She has been calling ever since we started dating, although more so within the past couple months. I've complained about it, that it wakes me up at 3 am, it's rude etc. He has suggested a few times that , "Next time she calls just answer it". I didn't want to do that because I didn't want to get involved. The calls continued, and I got mad. We argued about it. He said that he couldn't help it if she called her.

 

The other night it happened again and he said, "If it bothers you so much then call her and tell her to stop". I did. I did it right in front of him in the same room and I was very polite and civil about it.

 

Last night he tells me that he just found out that "My girlfriend is calling my ex-girlfriend". Apparently he was so drunk when he told me to call her and I made the call that he says he doesn't remember. I don't doubt this, as he does that sometimes when he's had too much to drink. A mutual friend of theirs called him and told him she was really upset about it. He was mad at me for making her upset, even though he told me to do it. He said there was no need to cause more hurt, and when I asked "Hurt to who?", he said, "Her, you, me. Just drop it".

 

I cannot understand why if he loves me so much why her feelings are even a factor. I'm his girlfriend now and he should be concerned about MY feelings right?

 

My ex continued to call after I asked him to stop, so I clocked his number from my phone because it was interfering with my current relationship.

 

I feel like I'm being put 2nd behind his ex. He refuses to talk about it and I don't know what to do

[EC]

I feel like I'm being put 2nd behind his ex. He refuses to talk about it and I don't know what to do

 

Tell him that if thats the way its going to be...your gone.

 

He cannot refuse to talk about it..you are not a child!

 

Your a grown woman..in a serious relationship..and who cares if her feelings are hurt..this isn't highschool and he needs to tell her something or you leave him. I would write simple as that..but we all know its not.

[blind_otter]

Originally posted by eileen42

cannot understand why if he loves me so much why her feelings are even a factor. I'm his girlfriend now and he should be concerned about MY feelings right?

 

My ex continued to call after I asked him to stop, so I clocked his number from my phone because it was interfering with my current relationship.

 

I feel like I'm being put 2nd behind his ex. He refuses to talk about it and I don't know what to do

 

You demand respect, you get respect. You need to project a persona that obviously won't take all that bullsh*t from a man. You are tolerating sh*t that you shouldn't have to tolerate. Are you sure they are completely broken up? And....do you want to end up in her position when/if you break up with your current BF??

[very-confused-girl]

I was in a similar situation as you are. The difference was, that my boyfriend´s ex came to his place, once at 9 in the morning, and for the second time at 3 in the night. It happened only twice but it upset me very much. The problem was that she is a psycho and my boyfriend could not say f**k off to her because a) he is a very nice person and b) he was worried that being too tough on her, she could commit a suicide.

 

I was a bit unfair to him as I was very much holding against him that she invaded his place. If it happens once, I can forget about it. But if it happens more often, it shows that this is her feature of behaviour and it needs to be stopped, therefore I held him responsible that he did not avoid her for the future. I told him if she is coming again, I am leaving. I dont know if I leave when she comes again. My boyfriend is moving away from his apartment so I hope she is going to back off.

 

Your situation is even worse because she calls OVER AND OVER again. Sometimes guys just dont get it. Tell him that it makes you feel uncomfortable. Tell him that she is purpousefully picking most inconvenient times for her calls to be invading privacy of you two. Tell him that you can put up with it to certain extent, but you are just a human. Tell him that you dont need this since it is not compatible with your needs. Tell him that he does not make you happy - this statement is a bit manipulative cos guys do HATE when girl tells them that he somehow DISAPPOINTED her, as they wanna be seen as saviours and protectors.

 

If he is not going to do anything about it, try to avoid him for a while and be a little bit distant. He might get the hint. If not, dont bother and leave, he is not worth it and you deserve better.

 

Good luck!