Praying for breadcrumbs (updated)

[umirano]

You should stay NC, i.e. not respond at all.

 

If she wants you back (and you her) you will have to wait for something with substance, like "Shet, I made a huge mistake breaking up with you. I need you! Take me back!" If you reply to her tomorrow you give up the momentum you gained when she realized you're able to move on.

 

The NC philosophy works, but it only works if you apply it completely. Half-assed NC does more damage than good. I had to learn this too. I've replied to my ex whenever she injected herself into my life these past 9 months. I've never initiated, but replying isn't NC. Now I'm not replying anymore. It's a pretty powerful feeling I have to say. You should try it.

[FancyFace]

Ok first of all, no matter how much your ex hurt you, you have no right to be with your new girl with half a foot in the relationship and the other whole part of yourself invested in the return of your ex. Unless you have specifically catagorically told your new girl what the deal is, you are being extremly selfish and will probably hurt this poor girls heart in the process. Don't know how your ex broke up with you, but the manner in which you are doing things will more than likely hurt this new girl as badly (if not worse) than how your ex hurt you. Be mature, be fair and be kind because what goes around comes all the way back around.

 

Next, most likely, your ex is just testing the waters to see whether you really are into this new girl or whether she still has you hanging by a thread. If she really wanted to be with you, she wouldnt wait until she hears news about you with someone else to reach out and she would do more than send a blase arbitrary text.

[lolablue17]

I'll analyze it for you:

 

Your EX is deliberately trying to sabotage your R with you new GF. She isn't doing it because she wants you back. She's doing it because she's hurt to hear that you're moving on.

 

She wants you to be miserable, needy and weak, desperately wanting her back. She's jealous now and doesn't have the minimum dignity to really be happy for you.

 

She sent you a text saying "I still think about you often" after hearing about you moving on!! Man, she lost it completely! You $crewed her ego badly.

 

You don't want this damage maker near you. Don't cooperate! Keep her away. Beware... She might increase tactics and tell you she wants you back, just to dump you again, soon after she made sure she killed your R with your new GF.

Edited January 3, 2015 by lolablue17

[Maggie4]

Decoded:

I'm happy if you're happy with someone new! (Finally! I've been trying to get you to move on!)

Good for U! (I didn't think you can find anybody)

But just wanted u to know that I want you to have a great new year (I am texting you because I'm a great person)

and I still think about you often. (I know this is what you've been dying to hear)

Hope you're great!!!! (you're not feeling as great as I do)

 

As for dating a new girl, I have only had two very difficult breakups. In both cases, the guy was getting over an ex. The first guy told me about the ex, and he took his anger for her out on me. The second guy hid the fact he was still pining for his ex, and he was hot and cold, confusing me. I went through hell in both cases.

 

Everyone should watch out for people still hung up on the ex. It happens so often, that I think it unfair to criticize you. It is up to each of us to protect ourselves from this. I estimate over half of dating situations are rebounds.

[lauren13]

I'll analyze it for you:

 

Your EX is deliberately trying to sabotage your R with you new GF. She isn't doing it because she wants you back. She's doing it because she's hurt to hear that you're moving on.

 

She wants you to be miserable, needy and weak, desperately wanting her back. She's jealous now and doesn't have the minimum dignity to really be happy for you.

 

She sent you a text saying "I still think about you often" after hearing about you moving on!! Man, she lost it completely! You $crewed her ego badly.

 

You don't want this damage maker near you. Don't cooperate! Keep her away. Beware... She might increase tactics and tell you she wants you back, just to dump you again, soon after she made sure she killed your R with your new GF.

 

This is pretty much what happened to me - I was the 'new girl' in the scenario. His ex (who broke up with him) popped back in the picture once he got serious with me and kept bugging him (he wasn't over her when we got together). After a while he broke up with me to go back to her ...fast forward few weeks she screwed him over again.

 

OP please leave the poor new girl alone. You shouldn't be with her if you are still thinking of your ex. Quite frankly; you're doing to her what your ex is doing to you - trying to decide what you want and keeping her around just in case.

[Atmosphere77]

Actually I've been completely honest with the new girl about my dating intentions. She also knows about my ex. Normally I wouldn't say "I'm hung up on my ex" but I did let her know because originally I was trying to discourage a relationship with her mainly due to us being kinda long distance. If the relationship grows so be it.

 

 

Still haven't texted the ex back. Every time I'm in the mood to it probably wouldn't be a good time to catch her. I will though. Not responding would be weak at this point. I'm past the point of needing NC as I'm as healed as I'm going to get.

 

 

Also, I seriously doubt we will get back together. I wouldn't mind dating her though. The break up was mutual and I'm in a much better place mentally and physically now that we aren't at each others throats. I only became the dumpee by trying to get her back right after the break up. We'll see what happens. If anything, I'm starting to enjoy my "new" life.

[toolforgrowth]

I think not responding is the opposite of weak. Not responding is basically saying "I'm too busy with said new lady to respond to your text."

 

My ex wife had an affair, and I divorced her for it. I had a hot rebound lady I was spending time with, and we were out having dinner when I got a text from my now ex wife (divorce was still happening at that time). It was about our daughter, but not critical, just some real basic stuff, so I didn't respond until the next day; I wanted to focus on my evening. So the next day I replied saying I was out the night before and answered the question she had. And boy was she PISSED. Lol It was actually entertaining. She said that I need to respond to her when she texts; I said I was busy; she argued about that; I said she's not a priority (which is what she said to me when she was having her affair) and that she needs to get used to me not always being available; she bitched some more, so I told her I was done with the conversation and turned my phone off.

 

She has never brought it up since (this was about two and a half years ago), and I've gone a couple days before getting back to her since then. And the funny thing is, she is WAY nicer to me now.

 

She's an ex, and you need to show her that through your actions. Don't respond, just stop replying. She'll get the hint.

[Atmosphere77]

Update: I texted my ex back last week on the 5th after new years. She got right back to me. We texted back and forth for a half hour or so catching up on our families etc. Convo went very well. I decided to end it on a high note. Told her I was out the door to go play guitar at an open mic. She said maybe she'd come one night to watch. I told her either way keep in touch and that I missed her. She text back I miss u too. I left it at that. My birthday is in about a month. If she waits until then to contact me I know it's a pity thing. Maybe she'll forget it. Her birthday is a week and a half after mine but I won't be sending her anything.

 

 

The girl I've been dating, who knows I'm hung up on my ex is so far up my ass. She texts me every 15 mins when she's awake. 800-900 texts back and forth a week with me waiting 20-30mins to respond. What are you wearing? Are you in bed? How's your day? It's driving me mad and making me think about my ex nonstop. In person she's totally normal and cool but I can't deal with her with the texts. She's like the guys that bury themselves chasing exes lol. I think I'm gonna have to end it which sucks because we have fun.

 

 

So I'm thinking about my ex 80% of my free thinking time now. I'm way over the depressed car on the chest **** though. It sucks when I'm thinking of her and the girl I'm dating is texting me nonstop with crazy **** like we've been a couple for years though. I told the ex to keep in touch. If she waits until my birthday I know it's bull****. My ex is stubborn too and I'm sure she's fully aware she's initiated all the conversations since 2 weeks after the break up. But hey F it. Whatever it will be it will be.

[Chin Up]

what? you don't like getting texted 47,364,767,834 times a day? heh.

 

This is what happened to me when I started talking to a guy after my b/u. Honestly, I think when you tell someone you're out of a relationship and want to take things slow and blahblah, thats when they go stage 5 clinger and melt your phone with constant calls/texts.

 

Btw..what are you wearing? what did you have for lunch? do you like this song? whats your favorite colour? what are you thinking? do you like puppies?

 

hahaha! but yeah, it weirdly made me think of my ex when it was happening to me. It almost becomes a bit scary when someone contacts so much!

 

Thing I've noticed about breakups, is we assign our own meaning to things.

So your ex might not contact you so that means blahdiddy-blah. But for all you know, she might be sitting there thinking "man, I dont want to potentially piss him off and ruin his birthday....so I won't say anything"

 

You never know. Anyways it doesn't matter. Don't think of her (to your best ability) and have fun cuz it's your day to shine.

[Atmosphere77]

I know right? Can't win. My ex potentially can go up to any guy, anywhere, and say Hey, wanna have sex? Yes? Ok let's go. I'm trying to date and be honest and it's more stress than it's worth. The bar/club scene has been terrible. Hopefully because it's winter though. I'm in my 30's so I'm stuck in between the college girls who I share, for the most part, a mutual unattraction for and the really beat up older women looking for attention. My future soul mate has not gotten divorced yet, lol.

 

 

So the girl I'm dating is coming to visit tonight. She's semi long distance and we don't have compatible work schedules. I took off work Thursday so we could spend the day together. She wants to stay in, get a movie, and cuddle tonight. I'm thinking I don't even know her last name lol. Not gonna happen. It may be a week night but we're going out. Depending on how it goes I might end it with her. Sucks, but I don't know what else to do.

 

 

I mean, yesterday she texted How's work? I was really busy so I told her. She texts Why are you so busy? Hold on, let me have a seat and tell you all about it. Funny thing is, she has a job, goes to school, has a teenage daughter, her own social life and had mentioned not a lot of free time. I assume texting during all off that doesn't count. I guess it's good she doesn't drive a schoolbus.

Edited January 14, 2015 by Atmosphere77

[Atmosphere77]

Well my ex waited until my birthday to contact me again. I've been good the past couple of weeks. Had a talk with the girl I'm dating a month ago about how I am not looking for anything serious and she's free to do what she wants. She was ok with it but she isn't lol. Last night she asked about us being exclusive. I told her I'm definitely not ready for that. I've gotten her down to 75 texts a day though.

 

 

Last week I may have seen my ex. My town has a very good bar scene. I don't know if it was her because I saw her from behind. It makes sense that she was going to that bar though. She knows I don't really go there and she's old friends with the doorguy. The guy she was with (if it even was her) looked like the guy who I figured she would start hooking up with after we broke up. They were FWB before we met. Anyway, after the possible sighting I went on with my night and didn't think much of it.

 

 

Fast forward to last Saturday night. I was out with friends for my birthday which was Sunday. At 12:15 am she texts me.

Ex: Happy Birthday!!! XO!!XO!!!

Me: Thanks! What did you get me?

Ex:Lol. You're suck a jerk! But you'll have to come over to see

Me:I wish I could but I'm out for my birthday. U can send me naked pics though

Ex:Have a great time! U deserve it! I'll never put pics out there. You know that lol. Have fun hun! Oh, but you can send me some pics though

Me: Thanks, I will. Goodnight

 

 

Next morning she sent Hope you had fun last night. Enjoy your day!

I woke up midafternoon hung over so I didn't respond. I think it's time to ask her out for drinks if that's what I want to do. It sucks that valentines day is this week though. I don't want to go near that with a 100 foot pole. Her birthday is in 10 days. I really don't want to a Happy birthday bit either.

So that's where I'm at. Not sure what I want to do. Seeing each other after all this time would be interesting. I'm not sure if we could ever be together like we were but a fwb situation wouldn't be a bad thing lol

[Atmosphere77]

Today is my ex's birthday. She has initiated all contact the past 3-4 months. She reached out last on my birthday which is the post before this. I wanted to get back in touch that week but f##king valentine's day is right between our birthdays.

 

 

Me: Hey, Happy Birthday!

Her: Thank you!!! Xoxoxo. Miss U

Me: Have a good night. Birthday drinks some time next week?

Her: Yes. Definitely want to.

Me: K. Talk soon

 

 

I'm not fully ready, but I'm as ready as I'm going to be for a long time. I'm sure she's out tonight. Possibly with someone "else". Well she's texting her ex boyfriend, douchebag! I'll see if there's any hope, if I'm friend zoned, or just on the backburner. But hey, you've got to light the backburner once in a while, right?

 

 

As far as the women I'm dating. There are two. Both want to be exclusive. One knows I'm fresh from a break up and texts me 392 times a day. She's beautiful and awesome in person though. She now says stuff like "if we have kids" and I'm like whoa slow down, I'm not ready for anything serious. She is growing on me slowly though.

 

 

The other woman is a long term FWB who knows everything. She knows about the first girl and all about my ex. She bought me a dozen roses for valentine's day which made me feel special. She also talks of us being exclusive but I've said we know each other too well to bond like that. At the same time, she tells me I really love my ex and to chase her to the ends of the earth etc. Great female advice lol.

 

 

I'll be treading lightly if my ex and I do meet up. Just gonna hang out, have a few drinks, be myself, and see how it goes. Whatever comes of it will hopefully speed up my time in limbo with her.

[Ruby65]

The other woman is a long term FWB who knows everything. She knows about the first girl and all about my ex. She bought me a dozen roses for valentine's day which made me feel special. She also talks of us being exclusive but I've said we know each other too well to bond like that. At the same time, she tells me I really love my ex and to chase her to the ends of the earth etc. Great female advice lol.

 

It sounds like you're treating both these women horribly.

[Atmosphere77]

It sounds like you're treating both these women horribly.

 

I've read a lot of your advice on LS. And yes, I am treating all women on earth horribly by being honest and letting them have their own freewill.

Based on your replies I've read, I assume men are the superior sex? Men can deal with it but women need to do whatever it takes to get by? If a man gets dumped and is beyond miserable, he should lock himself away for a year just in case he might come off rude to a female starbucks barista? If a female leaves a man for another man, it must be his fault though for either being distant or too needy, right? She should thank the stars she got away from that guy and do whatever is needed to heal her fragile heart.

 

 

P.S If you're a male, I take this all back lol

[Chasing_mya]

You're single and so are these woman. You've made it clear you don't want to be exclusive so I don't see anything wrong in dating. Just make sure that you are clear with all of these ladies about your intentions. You know once sex is in the mix things get a bit foggy and complication for some woman. They tend to associate sex with 'you wanting to be exclusive with them'. So make sure your cards are always on the table and that they understand that you're 'doing you' right now and if they choose not to be a part of that, than its all good.