Jump to content

Sex after Cheating/Divorce- Need input


Recommended Posts

  • Author

Sleeping- I just read your post after I posted my last post!

 

I think my bf went through this as well. His first serious relationship after the divorce was this really crazy chick who used him for financial support. I don't think he ever had the problem of being afraid to ask anyone out- there just wasn't any chemistry or caring once he got to know that person.

 

First of all, I think that was really sweet- the card and such. I think that if you've heard she likes you she probably does. Hopefully she will call! Keep us updated.

 

In your comments I remembered a couple of things we went through early on.

I had been married for a long time and he was scared he was the rebound guy- that my divorce would be final and I would say I wanted to be free and date around.

 

The first night we slept together (rather soon I will admit but I had been lonely for a long long time) he said something like that he hoped I wouldn't think our relationship was only about sex, and that he hoped that after we slept together I wouldn't just disappear and he would never see me again? Do guys really say that??

 

After dating for a while one night we were out and he said he would like us to be exclusive with each other- but we didn't end the night on a definite decision of whether we were or not. I had been asked out by someone else like the next day and I said no. I asked him later if he meant what he said and that he didn't us to date anyone else. That threw him into a panic thinking that I wanted to date someone else. I was a little upset about this because he kept waffling about well, if we want to go out with someone else then okay, but just don't sleep with anyone else. Finally, I just said, look I didn't want to go out with anyone else but if you want to- you can. He sent me a text message that said, "I'm just scared because I'm falling for you already and I don't want to get hurt"

 

The night we said I love you- he made me say it first! We were having a intimate moment and he said do you love me? And I said what did you say and he said nothing. So then later he did it again and I said, "Yes, I do love you" and he said I love you too so much! I asked him later why he made me say it first and he was like I had to be sure that you really felt that way too before I laid my heart on the line.

 

I kept telling him this whole time that he would see that I meant the things that I said and that this was really me and that even though I might seem to good to be true, I was the real thing. He would say "We'll see" and smile. I told him I was getting that engraved on his wedding ring.

 

My point is that alot of women might not have been patient through all of this but I was because I thought he was worth it. You'll find the one who thinks you're worth it too.

Link to post
Share on other sites
SleepingLover

A lot of that sounds familiar, Pixie.

 

Update... her friend called me and said it's a no go. I would have rather heard it from her but oh well... same old cycle. :(

Link to post
Share on other sites
Originally posted by Mz. Pixie

Not to add insult to injury, but I've been told I'm hot too! :laugh::laugh:

 

Okay, now you're just being plain nasty. That's hurtful... and unecessary. :mad::p

 

We love you too, sugar. :love:

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Her friend called you and said it's a no go??

 

Who is the one who told you that this girl liked you?? Don't panic yet!

 

Remember- you are the prize! I tell this alot to my single friends (girls) when they are having boyfriend trouble.

 

What is wrong with women?? Why are they not interested in nice guys? This blows my mind! It's amazing to me that my BF has remained single as long as he has! I think the problem is is that he is too nice, and that's hard for some women. Luckily, there are women out there such myself who appreciate a nice guy who will treat them well. The trick is just finding them. There was this one girl who called him a couple of time that he went out with once. She called him recently- and he'd already told her he was seeing someone seriously. So, he didn't call her back. I was going over this with my best buddy (who's a gay woman) and she was like, "Eh don't worry about it, most women can't handle a nice guy-they get tired of them"

 

Why women would want to be bothered or "try to change" a man who lies, cheats, forgets her birthday etc instead of someone who's nice, loyal, loving and treats them decently?? Even I can say my EX H, who didn't want the same out of marriage that I did- did all of those things correctly.

 

Yikes- thanks honey- you know I have been told I look like LeAnne Rimes and Ashley Judd too but I don't see it myself. I'm certainly not up to Merin's standards but I clean up pretty good!

Link to post
Share on other sites
SleepingLover

Yep her friend told me whom I don't even know :(

 

And my ex said she, also, stopped over to talk to her about it. My ex is also her Best friend. My ex was the one whom said she liked me. So, I talked to my ex and she said she was baffled and didn't understand but when GF started talking more she realized that the problem was that her ex-fiance was entering the picture once again. He dumped her and cheated on her. I can't really compete with an ex if she has never gotten over him. My ex was kinda upset with her best friend and I told her "not to take it out on her, it's not her fault".

 

Regardless of all that I went through with my situation with the ex, we are still good friends and she understands me more than anyone. She had said pretty much what you did Pixie. She can't understand why her friend would just, on a wing, feel like she should go back to her ex when there was someone else in front of her that would have treated her right. My ex actually said that... kinda blew me away really cause she doesn't often give me high compliments like that. But, hey, stranger things have happened.

 

Anyhow, what really bums me out and depresses the hell out of me, is being shot down like that. I wasn't asking her to marry me for god's sake LOL! I just wanted to get out with someone I connect with and see how it goes. I didn't act all needy or go overboard in the card or note either. I just made a few compliments in the note and acted myself as I do when we talk. Well I tried. You really don't know if you try, right? Having her friend contact me was just a double whammy.

 

I feel a bit better now, my ex is gonna let me have the kids tonite and I'm gonna fix us steak for dinner. :D My 13 yr old daughter brought tears to my eyes cause she could tell I was upset (and she knew why) and she said, "you know what daddy? ladies are crazy for not liking you. You know you still got me!" She is right. She is my pride and joy :)

Link to post
Share on other sites
Originally posted by Mz. Pixie

Yikes- thanks honey- you know I have been told I look like LeAnne Rimes and Ashley Judd too but I don't see it myself. I'm certainly not up to Merin's standards but I clean up pretty good!

 

Gee, you just won't quit! Enough already, keep it up and I'm taking my ball and going home! :p:laugh:

 

Ohhhhhh Ashley Judd. :love: :love: :love: Damn that Dario Franchitti, he's one lucky dog.

 

P.S. - It's official. Date number two is on deck for Saturday night. :bunny:

 

Y

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Well, like I said, I don't see it but my boyfriend says he thinks I look just like LeAnne Rimes. Of course, I remind him that she's alot younger than me but he still thinks I'm beautiful. :love:

 

Date #2 is on huh???? You gonna see if you can get that "birthday" gift this time? ;) Keep me posted on that one! :bunny:

 

Sleeping- that's really odd that you and your ex talk that much and personally. What does she think about how SHE treated you??

 

Maybe you should expand your dating pool to women that don't know your ex??

 

I think it's great that you can remain on good terms with your ex- but it has been a few years. I wanted things to end that way with my ex for the kids sake but he had other ideas. It's always good to be with your kids. I've had mine this week and I've loved it.

 

They go back to Daddy tomorrow. I have Friday and Saturday night all to myself because BF has taken his son on vacation with his parents. This is usually OUR weekend to spend time together. I have no clue what I'm going to do. I'm getting a massage tomorrow though (a gift from him I haven't spent) and do some errands. He will be back Sunday afternoon though so it's all good. :bunny:

 

Maybe I'll meet him at the door with a surprise?? :D

Link to post
Share on other sites
Originally posted by Mz. Pixie

Date #2 is on huh???? You gonna see if you can get that "birthday" gift this time? ;) Keep me posted on that one! :bunny:

 

I'd lie if I said that it wasn't in the back of my mind, but if I don't expect anything then I'm not disappointed and if I get some "num nums", then it's a nice surprice! (hoping for num nums, hoping for num nums) Let me get this straight, are you asking me to kiss and tell?

 

Originally posted by Mz. Pixie

Maybe I'll meet him at the door with a surprise??

 

You just can't help yourself can you? No mercy. :rolleyes:

 

Y

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Absolutely I'm asking you to kiss and tell!

 

Well, you don't have to give me TMI or anything but you know, after some of the stuff I've said to you in PM you shouldn't be embarrassed to say anything to me!

 

I hope you have a wonderful time hon! :love:

Link to post
Share on other sites
Originally posted by Mz. Pixie

Absolutely I'm asking you to kiss and tell!

 

Well, you don't have to give me TMI or anything but you know, after some of the stuff I've said to you in PM you shouldn't be embarrassed to say anything to me!

 

I hope you have a wonderful time hon! :love:

 

Point well taken. Your one story STILL brings a smile to my face. (You know the one. It brings new meaning to the term "num nums") :eek: :eek:

 

Yea, you'll get the 411. :o

 

Y

Link to post
Share on other sites
SleepingLover
Originally posted by Mz. Pixie

Maybe you should expand your dating pool to women that don't know your ex??

 

LOL! I typically don't date or attempt to date women who know my ex. This was an exception hehe.

 

My ex knows how she treated me and I know she has felt pretty guilty about all this time.

 

I think she has come to the point that she wants me to find someone who makes me happy. I think she feels that I am lonely because of her.

Link to post
Share on other sites
SleepingLover

Ok back to normal today. Just a lot of mixed up emotions yesterday. Still have a little bum feelings but not too bad.

 

Anyhow, the main reason I was shot down on this date wasn't because of me. I just seem to find myself getting caught up in these types of situations, often, without knowing in advance. Anyhow, the reason I was shot down on this date was because the woman, in question, isn't over her ex-fiance who cheated on her and dumped her in November. I found out last night that he has been text messaging her and talking to her lately and she is in the midst of considering getting back together with him. I can't compete with that and I won't wait for her to move beyond her baggage. She will need to, learn for herself, that if it happened once and she puts herself back in the same situation, the risk is high that it WILL happen again. That is not mine to be concerned over.

 

My purpose of sharing this experience in this thread though is to illustrate how, I feel, that the effects of having a cheating spouse resulting in divorce has affected me in the area of attempting to build new relationships. My depression yesterday is just a holdover because I feel unwanted even though I know the reason for being rejected has nothing to do with me. In the end I should turn it around and hold my chin up and say "Her loss", but that is easier said than done because that doesn't fill the void when your sitting alone at nights wondering where your life is going year after year. I think feeling the need to have someone to share life with is just natural.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...
  • Author

Just a update on the situation-

 

Last night BF and I were having a conversation. Apparently I am making a dent in his insecurity level. He said in his previous relationship before me (they had trust issues) he always had it in the back of his mind things like "What is she doing tonight" "Is she at home like she said she would be?" and he would feel the need to call and check up on that person. He said that those kind of things never cross his mind when it comes to me, and did I know how good that made him feel?

 

I had to do a little happy dance because it's been a long road! :bunny:

Link to post
Share on other sites

Mz. Pixie...

 

Good stuff - You must be doing something right.

 

(Oh, and thanks for NOT telling us how the two of you are enjoying lots of hot jungle love) :laugh:

 

Y

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...