1 year 7 months since BU

[freebird31]

It has been 1 year and almost 7 months. I am still convinced he has strong feelings for me. I feel in my heart still that he still loves me. I FEEL it in my heart. Why?

[BC1980]

It has been 1 year and almost 7 months. I am still convinced he has strong feelings for me. I feel in my heart still that he still loves me. I FEEL it in my heart. Why?

 

Didn't you email him not long ago, and he didn't respond? Was that another poster?

[freebird31]

Didn't you email him not long ago, and he didn't respond? Was that another poster?

 

That may have been...7 months ago I messaged him and told him I wish him nothing but the best. And he just sent me a message that said he wished me the same. And that was it. Still, I cannot shake this feeling that he has strong feelings for me. When I go back and analyze the situation (the breakup and the relationship) in my mind, it just makes me feel more sure that I may be right.

[BC1980]

That may have been...7 months ago I messaged him and told him I wish him nothing but the best. And he just sent me a message that said he wished me the same. And that was it. Still, I cannot shake this feeling that he has strong feelings for me. When I go back and analyze the situation (the breakup and the relationship) in my mind, it just makes me feel more sure that I may be right.

 

Okay, I remember now. I think that his lukewarm response to your email was indicative of his feelings for you. Also, the fact that you initiated contact and left the door open and on good terms, speaks volumes. All of that, and he still hasn't reached out.

 

I think you are projecting your feelings about the relationship into him. I say that because you just say that you "know" he loves you when all the facts argue agsinst that. It's easy to do because we can only feel and understand from our point of view, so we have great difficulty accepting that someone may feel another way. Especially when at one point in time, the other person did feel the same way. I can still remember things my ex said, like us being together forever, I was the best thing to happen to him, how he was exited to plan our future together. Remembering those things, I have trouble believing that he doesn't love me or want to be with me. That's when I have to reign myself in with the facts. This man threw me out like trash with little emotion, took little to no responsibility, and is living his life without me. He apparently doesn't care that much and isn't that hurt.

 

It's tough though. To believe that a person could change so quickly. I understand your want to believe that he still loves and wants to be with you, but the facts just don't support it.

[freebird31]

Okay, I remember now. I think that his lukewarm response to your email was indicative of his feelings for you. Also, the fact that you initiated contact and left the door open and on good terms, speaks volumes. All of that, and he still hasn't reached out.

 

I think you are projecting your feelings about the relationship into him. I say that because you just say that you "know" he loves you when all the facts argue agsinst that. It's easy to do because we can only feel and understand from our point of view, so we have great difficulty accepting that someone may feel another way. Especially when at one point in time, the other person did feel the same way. I can still remember things my ex said, like us being together forever, I was the best thing to happen to him, how he was exited to plan our future together. Remembering those things, I have trouble believing that he doesn't love me or want to be with me. That's when I have to reign myself in with the facts. This man threw me out like trash with little emotion, took little to no responsibility, and is living his life without me. He apparently doesn't care that much and isn't that hurt.

 

It's tough though. To believe that a person could change so quickly. I understand your want to believe that he still loves and wants to be with you, but the facts just don't support it.

 

 

i agree with everything you said about projecting my feelings onto him. I believe that might be true. I may be doing just that, but how do i really know for sure that he DOESNT have strong feelings for me aymore? There just seems to be no sure way of knowing, i have realized. Yes it is true, he chooses not to be with me everyday, he broke up with me, he didnt want a relationship anymore. But do all of those factors necesserily mean he doesnt have strong feelings for me anymore?

 

Facts are he's 22. Who REALLY knows what they FOR SURE want at 22 years old? Maybe he needs to just find himself and figure out what he wants. Maybe this doesnt necessarily entail that he doesn't have love for me anymore. Maybe he just needs to figure out and realize that I really did care for him and that what we shared was REAL and special and rare. And the only way for him to do that is for him to live his life on his own, or to even DATE other women so that he can figure out what it his he wants. We didnt break up because he fell out of love, or for any other reason other than he just didnt want a relationship anymore. I just FEEL it in my heart that it is not over between us. And YES i know this is a bad, bad thing. I am trying to move on....but these feelings are still there for me. I try to reason with myself, but I cant find any good reason that indicates he does NOT have strong feelings for me anymore. Because there are no facts or arguments (unfortunately) to support the possibility that he for sure doesnt.

 

UGH. see what i do? i analyze. -____- im an analyzer.

[freebird31]

I just think back to that night in his car, two months after we had broken up. And the confusion. The love was so obviously still there. We were kisssing and holding hands. After we broke up he sent me mixed signals. And told me he still was attracted to me, and had love for me. He just needs to figure out what he wants. Unfortunately it has been 1 year 7 months, and nothing.

[freebird31]

Please, someone challenge my argument. Because I am going insane. Nothing anyone can say will hurt my feelings. Maybe at this point it doesnt even matter if he has feelings or not, maybe i should be asking advice on how to move on, how to cope with this loss? ..how to let go?

Because i cant find it in me to forget about him. It lives with me every day. It has been 1 year 7 months. soon two years. what happens when it has been 3 years...4 years, 5,? I dont know how to cope with this loss, how to stop analyzing, how to rid myself of this feeling that he still cares about me and will come back. im tired...

[Marco Valerio]

I just think back to that night in his car, two months after we had broken up. And the confusion. The love was so obviously still there. We were kisssing and holding hands. After we broke up he sent me mixed signals. And told me he still was attracted to me, and had love for me. He just needs to figure out what he wants. Unfortunately it has been 1 year 7 months, and nothing.

 

He wanted you to be around meanwhile he was looking for another girl. If he had wanted you in his life, he wouldn't had broken up with you, 100% sure !!!! He wanted you to be in the picture for a while, just in case things didn't turn out the way he wanted !!!! Forget about him !!!

[BC1980]

I just think back to that night in his car, two months after we had broken up. And the confusion. The love was so obviously still there. We were kisssing and holding hands. After we broke up he sent me mixed signals. And told me he still was attracted to me, and had love for me. He just needs to figure out what he wants. Unfortunately it has been 1 year 7 months, and nothing.

 

Leaving seems to have reinforced his decision not to be with you for whatever reason. Same thing with my ex. He waffled, gave mixed signals, said he still loved me, said maybe it could work later, but, when I went NC, he let me walk. I've seen the same story over and over on this forum. That email response 7 months ago makes it so clear to me. You basically gave him an opening, and he didn't take it. You left it on good terms, so he wouldn't be scared to contact you. The door is wide open, and he won't walk through it.

[BC1980]

Please, someone challenge my argument. Because I am going insane. Nothing anyone can say will hurt my feelings. Maybe at this point it doesnt even matter if he has feelings or not, maybe i should be asking advice on how to move on, how to cope with this loss? ..how to let go?

Because i cant find it in me to forget about him. It lives with me every day. It has been 1 year 7 months. soon two years. what happens when it has been 3 years...4 years, 5,? I dont know how to cope with this loss, how to stop analyzing, how to rid myself of this feeling that he still cares about me and will come back. im tired...

 

He might still have feelings but not enough to be in a relationship. My ex said he still loved me but just couldn't be with me for whatever reasons he came up with. I still have love for an ex I broke up with years ago, but I wouldn't be in a relationship with him.

[freebird31]

You're right....u made a valid point. I think I need to just continue to move on with my life. Even if I were to ever get back together with him, I'd always fear losing him again. I need to rid myself of this feeling that I need him. I don't think I'll ever be truly happy until I realize that I dont need him. I just miss him. I need to move on...still trying to figure out how exactly to do that. Just still figuring out a lot of things...its so hard...I grieve often.

[BC1980]

You are making the right decision to move on. I know it's very tough, which is probably an understatement. I'm at about the same time post breakup as you, and it's still very tough for me at times. It surprises me when I still get nostalgic about things. I still wonder WTH happened and how it all went so wrong so quickly. My ex was very hot and cold though, so I guess it's not a surprise. I made a terrible investment when I decided to trust his side that claimed he wanted commitment. I know how difficult it can be to extricate yourself from such an investment. You still have so many memories of the person telling you how much they loved you, wanted to be with you, ect. It takes time to gradually detach from that, and you will have bad days. You will have days when you don't want to believe what the evidence is telling you. It's okay. You are human, and you loved someone. You probably still love him. Heck, I still love my ex in some way despite what he did to me. Don't know why, but I do.

[Itspointless]

It has been 1 year and almost 7 months. I am still convinced he has strong feelings for me. I feel in my heart still that he still loves me. I FEEL it in my heart. Why?

Memories are powerful. Or brain and body remember many things. I still literally can feel her hand on my arm, but her hand hasn't been on my arm in 13 months. The past is sometimes very alive in our bodies. This can be triggered by all kind of things you encounter.

[freebird31]

You are making the right decision to move on. I know it's very tough, which is probably an understatement. I'm at about the same time post breakup as you, and it's still very tough for me at times. It surprises me when I still get nostalgic about things. I still wonder WTH happened and how it all went so wrong so quickly. My ex was very hot and cold though, so I guess it's not a surprise. I made a terrible investment when I decided to trust his side that claimed he wanted commitment. I know how difficult it can be to extricate yourself from such an investment. You still have so many memories of the person telling you how much they loved you, wanted to be with you, ect. It takes time to gradually detach from that, and you will have bad days. You will have days when you don't want to believe what the evidence is telling you. It's okay. You are human, and you loved someone. You probably still love him. Heck, I still love my ex in some way despite what he did to me. Don't know why, but I do.

 

Yes....its been a long time now and i still grieve. but i guess thats understandable...normal. This person has not been in my life for over a year. I think it would be normal to grieve over that kind of absence. I had a long talk with myself. I really think im going to continue to power through this...if i keep fighting....getting through..convincing myself that one day I will feel at peace, and complete again, I will be fine. I have faith that one day i will finally feel at peace over this...i will finally find someone else who better meets my needs. Until then, its an ongoing fight to not let myself fall into a depression. I agree with you....its going to take time.

[freebird31]

Overall, i think it may just be me wanting to believe he still cares, that we will be together again. And yes i agree...my mind...body is playing tricks on me. I have to detach myself from that idea. and even if it were true, if he did still care...the facts are he is not in my life anymore. I cannot wait in hopes that he will come back. I have to detach, let go. I am working so hard on that. Now, more than ever. I will power through it...fight through this every way I possibly can to finally detach. I want this so bad for myself. I want to get through this. I cannot let myself fall into a depression. it really is not easy whatsoever

[Itspointless]

I cannot wait in hopes that he will come back. I have to detach, let go. I am working so hard on that. Now, more than ever. I will power through it...fight through this every way I possibly can to finally detach. I want this so bad for myself. I want to get through this. I cannot let myself fall into a depression. it really is not easy whatsoever

Perhaps you try to hard. Sometimes our mind keeps stuck and in loops just because we are to tense about it. Have you tried meditation? I mean just becoming silent, emptying your head.

[BC1980]

Yes....its been a long time now and i still grieve. but i guess thats understandable...normal. This person has not been in my life for over a year. I think it would be normal to grieve over that kind of absence. I had a long talk with myself. I really think im going to continue to power through this...if i keep fighting....getting through..convincing myself that one day I will feel at peace, and complete again, I will be fine. I have faith that one day i will finally feel at peace over this...i will finally find someone else who better meets my needs. Until then, its an ongoing fight to not let myself fall into a depression. I agree with you....its going to take time.

 

One thing I have learned is not to be so harsh on myself with my grief. It takes as long as it takes. There may never be a point where you forget the person and don't have any feelings for them. I don't know. It might just dull with time, and the old saying, "out of sight, out of mind" is true.

[BC1980]

Overall, i think it may just be me wanting to believe he still cares, that we will be together again. And yes i agree...my mind...body is playing tricks on me. I have to detach myself from that idea. and even if it were true, if he did still care...the facts are he is not in my life anymore. I cannot wait in hopes that he will come back. I have to detach, let go. I am working so hard on that. Now, more than ever. I will power through it...fight through this every way I possibly can to finally detach. I want this so bad for myself. I want to get through this. I cannot let myself fall into a depression. it really is not easy whatsoever

 

I'm sure he still cares about you, though it might be easier if he hated you. I think it's worse to have someone feel lukewarm about you. That's kind of worse because it means they don't really care. That's how I think my ex feels about me, and it actually hurts more than if he despised me.

 

At a certain point, you have to make up your mind that this person isn't going to ruin the rest of your life. This one person cannot have that much power. It's a decision you have to keep making, one day at a time. That's what I had to do. I finally came to the point where I felt it simply wasn't fair to myself to allow my ex to ruin the rest of my life and give me no hope for the future. I still have points where I get down, like seeing others who are happy with their partners. Especially around the holidays But I think a lot of it is your mindset. You are allowed to be sad and grieve the memories and loss, but I don't linger too long with the memories. Also, make new memories.