Leigh 87 Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 My ex is trolling this website and reading ALL my information! How do I get him to leave my friends alone! He is now annoying my good friend, telling her that I cheated on him and that he has the proof!!!!!!!! IT has been three weeks now since I broke it off, I have explained to him AMPLE times that I realised one day that I just wasn't in love with him, and that I just "knew" that he wasn't the men I wanted to spend my life with! I have explained over and over again as he has a brain injury and he sometimes forgets things. It is fine but I am starting to get really annoyed at him going to my good friends and telling that I screwed other people whilst with him! I DIDN'T! I did the right thing! I broke it off with a guy who was wonderful to me and who I was relatively happy with, because I "knew" I didn't want to be with him anymore, and that I wanted to explore other men. You know, rather than be a slag and just keep this guy around for comfort and to look after me while I went off to screw others on the side, I did the normal, decent thing and broke it off with him so I could go and explore other men in an honourable way! I was honest to my ex, I told him all my concerns regarding our relationship - about his disability and his capacity to provide, I wasn't comfortable having a family with him and the hard stuff I wrote about on here. As you can all see, I tried to give our relationship a fair chance and it just wasn't mean to be. I didn't just give up, I did debate with myself for months before ending it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leigh 87 Posted November 14, 2014 Author Share Posted November 14, 2014 guys what do I do, he has blocked me of course ( he blocks me on and off on facebook then he unblocks me so he can talk to me) He is saying I cheated on him! I DID NOT cheat on him!!!! He seems to think I have done such a terrible thing I have no clue what he is on about! Help! I cannot get through to him obviously so he will be sitting there, thinking all these messed up thoughts about me that are NOT true! Link to post Share on other sites
Elfend Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 I don't really know how you both went down. But Sorry I recently broke up with my ex too.. Except I am probably more in the your ex's shoes after reading this. But from a guy's point of view, I think the best way is that you try rationalizing with him. See and understand what proof he is talking about. I myself would appreciate some sort of closure like that from my ex. I don't know but I feel this would help bring closure and make healing easier for him. Link to post Share on other sites
dclan Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 You broke up with him... If he wants to think you cheated on him...he can do that. You can tyr to explain him you didn't, but if thats what he wants to beleive, there is nothing you can do about it. If your "friend" would rather believe him, than you...same thing. All you can do is defend yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leigh 87 Posted November 14, 2014 Author Share Posted November 14, 2014 I don't really know how you both went down. But Sorry I recently broke up with my ex too.. Except I am probably more in the your ex's shoes after reading this. But from a guy's point of view, I think the best way is that you try rationalizing with him. See and understand what proof he is talking about. I myself would appreciate some sort of closure like that from my ex. I don't know but I feel this would help bring closure and make healing easier for him. I spent every day explaining to him for hours the reasons why I broke up with him. I explained to him for days why I ended it. He never got it. He never accepted it. He put it down to me having mental problems - he couldn't just accept that it was HIM that I just wasn't in love with/didn't want to be with - he makes himself feel better by acting like I am not capable of loving ANY one. I have tried to explain to my ex several times over why I wanted to end things. To no avail... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leigh 87 Posted November 14, 2014 Author Share Posted November 14, 2014 You broke up with him... If he wants to think you cheated on him...he can do that. You can tyr to explain him you didn't, but if thats what he wants to beleive, there is nothing you can do about it. If your "friend" would rather believe him, than you...same thing. All you can do is defend yourself. My friend is on my side. No one I know believes him cos, um, I didn't do it? Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 I spent every day explaining to him for hours the reasons why I broke up with him. I explained to him for days why I ended it. He never got it. He never accepted it. He put it down to me having mental problems - he couldn't just accept that it was HIM that I just wasn't in love with/didn't want to be with - he makes himself feel better by acting like I am not capable of loving ANY one. I have tried to explain to my ex several times over why I wanted to end things. To no avail... I'd stop trying to explain. Just let him mouth off. If your friends mention it, then you can tell them your perspective. But this is a fight you aren't going to win that will drive you crazy in the process. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leigh 87 Posted November 14, 2014 Author Share Posted November 14, 2014 Simon - I just don't get it... I told him why I broke it off. Several times ( A DAY in some instances!) " I do not see myself with you for the long term" " I want to explore other men" " I just know you're not "it" for me" Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leigh 87 Posted November 14, 2014 Author Share Posted November 14, 2014 How much clearer to I need to get? And why do I have mental problems (according to him:lmao:) for breaking it off with him due to not envisioning a future with him? I thought what I did was as non mental as it comes! Breaking it off with a very very nice partner who truly was in love with me, which is HARD to do, because it was the right thing to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 Simon - I just don't get it... I told him why I broke it off. Several times ( A DAY in some instances!) " I do not see myself with you for the long term" " I want to explore other men" " I just know you're not "it" for me" It doesn't matter. You need to stop talking to him about it. You've told him. Be done with it. You wanted to be done, so be done and move forward. Who cares what he thinks of you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leigh 87 Posted November 14, 2014 Author Share Posted November 14, 2014 It doesn't matter. You need to stop talking to him about it. You've told him. Be done with it. You wanted to be done, so be done and move forward. Who cares what he thinks of you. We don't talk - he blocked me which is nice. Peace and quiet for me. However, he thinks from the threads I made about him on here -that I somehow cheated on him? He alludes to his friends and family that I am f*cked up in the head - that leaving him - a perfectly guy - means I have some sort of detachment issues. It just really really annoys me that breaking up with a guy I don't want to be with, makes him and others think I have some sort of "issues" - and that SANS issues, I would not have left him - which is a crock! Issues or not, I was not in love! Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 Hes hurting? As someone who has been dumped, it sometimes takes a while to sink in. It sounds like its his way of dealing with it i guess. I guess "i want to see other men" could be seen by him as emotionally cheating. I spent many hours talking to my ex, trying to make sense of it. It didn't help. I still dont get it almost 1 year on. Do both of you a favour and ignore him. Who cares what he says? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leigh 87 Posted November 14, 2014 Author Share Posted November 14, 2014 Hes hurting? As someone who has been dumped, it sometimes takes a while to sink in. It sounds like its his way of dealing with it i guess. I guess "i want to see other men" could be seen by him as emotionally cheating. I spent many hours talking to my ex, trying to make sense of it. It didn't help. I still dont get it almost 1 year on. Do both of you a favour and ignore him. Who cares what he says? yes I was broken up with also - by a guy I dated for a lot longer than I did my recent ex... I also asked him a few times about the break up but not incessantly. I didn't ask him every time we spoke... I understand it takes a while to sink in, it took me a few weeks for it to sink in with my ex ex who did the dumping.... But to accuse me of cheating? During our R, there was only one other guy I fantasised about occasionally, and that was it. To begin with I only thought of my ex..... And then I broke up with him the day that I was at work and I felt chemistry with another guy - I never ended up meeting this said guy again, however, it was clear to me that I WANTED to explore other men! Just in general... And I THEN asked Berlin guy to meet with me and we almost did meet up! All this AFTER I broke up with him! NO cheating involved. NO idea how he got cheating out of all this.... Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 It doesn't matter. At all. You know the truth. Your true friends know the truth. Let it go. He's your ex. Be done with it. You are wasting your time and energy on something that doesn't matter. What his friends and family think of you is irrelevant to your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 My friend is on my side. No one I know believes him cos, um, I didn't do it? Doesn't this take care of the problem then? Where is there any further issue? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leigh 87 Posted November 14, 2014 Author Share Posted November 14, 2014 It is just very hard when he is sooo adamant that I have somehow done something terrible wrong...that I have mental problems for breaking up with him and the way I did it? He is just beyond messed up over this break up and he is indicating to anyone and everyone that will listen to him that I am "fcked up" and " not right in the head" and " wont ever be able to be in a relationship for a very long time!" It is sooo annoying! He is just such an idiot basically! I mean, he cannot accept a very simple break up with very straight forward reasons - and he then goes and portrays me to be " messed up" and " issue riddled" cos I simply broke up with him!!!!!! He just makes me blood boil with how annoying and stupid he is! Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 You're wasting your time on something that doesn't matter at all. Instead of questioning yourself, this should be confirmation that you made the right decision. If anything, this episode should show you that you are way too concerned with how other people perceive you. It didn't work, you cut it off, end of story. Stop obsessing and getting upset about something that does not matter. Whether or not he accepts the break up is irrelevant. You made the move, stop looking backward. He's hurt and acting out, leave him be and let him. Honestly, you are making way too big of a deal about something that is completely irrelevant. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 If my mate's ex came up to me and started mouthing my mate off, I would tell them I am not interested in what they have to say, and block them. Why are your friends and family even talking to him? You have to stop giving a damn what he says or does or thinks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leigh 87 Posted November 14, 2014 Author Share Posted November 14, 2014 You're wasting your time on something that doesn't matter at all. Instead of questioning yourself, this should be confirmation that you made the right decision. If anything, this episode should show you that you are way too concerned with how other people perceive you. It didn't work, you cut it off, end of story. Stop obsessing and getting upset about something that does not matter. Whether or not he accepts the break up is irrelevant. You made the move, stop looking backward. He's hurt and acting out, leave him be and let him. Honestly, you are making way too big of a deal about something that is completely irrelevant. I whole heartedly agree. It is just annoying I guess. He annoys me immensely. I don't really think about him in general, I am going on dates and getting to know other men lol, it annoys me that he is so stuck in the past and cannot accept the end. Also - I am not a robot, I am concerned for his well being to some extent, he is acting in an alarming manner according to my friend. He only talks to her as my other friends have blocked him and this one friend told him to please stop talking to her about the break up - because she knows I did nothing wrong and that he is deluded. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leigh 87 Posted November 14, 2014 Author Share Posted November 14, 2014 If my mate's ex came up to me and started mouthing my mate off, I would tell them I am not interested in what they have to say, and block them. Why are your friends and family even talking to him? You have to stop giving a damn what he says or does or thinks. I feel bad for upsetting him. I know what it was like when my ex dumped me, I was devastated and also took time to reach a level of acceptance.... I wanted to be accommodating to his needs! But this crap makes me want to say fck it, leave me alone and get over it, seeya later! Not that we talk anymore - he occasionally unblocks me and then sends me a HUGE message with a spiel about how awful I am for breaking up with him:lmao: He is really not quiet right, he was strongly looking for a life partner and he was totally convinced I was it! So yeah, he is in a very bad way and of course I feel bad for putting him in this state.. I just tell myself that it is just life! People get their hearts broken, I am personally not scared to get my heart broken, it is called living, going through these things make life more worth living in my opinion - certain pain due to relationships is part of life, it is a right of passage, it happens. I am glad for my having my heart broken once as I lived it and I know I definitely get over it and end up more happy than when I began (with the ex in question...) My ex doesn't have my outlook; I take on board and know the pain I have endured in relationships has made me a happier person and it has added more depth of character to me. The recent ex just sees things as a waste of time if they don't work out, he wishes we never met. Link to post Share on other sites
most_distant_galaxy Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 I don't want to appear mean, but after a breakup you see the true character of a person (character shows under pressure). So it's good that you broke it off. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 he occasionally unblocks me and then sends me a HUGE message with a spiel about how awful I am for breaking up with him:lmao: So why don't YOU block HIM? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 I whole heartedly agree. It is just annoying I guess. He annoys me immensely. I don't really think about him in general, I am going on dates and getting to know other men lol, it annoys me that he is so stuck in the past and cannot accept the end. Also - I am not a robot, I am concerned for his well being to some extent, he is acting in an alarming manner according to my friend. He only talks to her as my other friends have blocked him and this one friend told him to please stop talking to her about the break up - because she knows I did nothing wrong and that he is deluded. Well, the more you meddle, the worse it'll get. Unless you want to get back with him, you need to leave it be. He'll calm down with time but you have to leave it alone. This is exhibit A why No Contact needs to be used by both parties in a breakup. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leigh 87 Posted November 14, 2014 Author Share Posted November 14, 2014 Thanks for reiterating everyone that I have done NOTHING wrong. It gets to you after a while when a person is raving about how terrible you are and how you apparently cheated on them:sick: No contact is ideal, I wanted it but initially, you know, I was open to answer any of his queries and to appease him during really dark moments.. He is actually the one who instigated no contact (although it is what I wanted but I was worried he'd go nuts) so that is the only smart thing he has done since the break up in terms of methods of overcoming the break up. It is funny I am already over the relationship, I went through the motions a little before the break up.. he is still struggling to accept why I did it. No contact is key here. Will keep it in place - will also block him even though he has blocked me... Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 You are giving him the platform for him to react and take it out on you, STOP doing that... Block him on FB, don't speak to him anymore, if he text messages you then block him.. In other words.. you need to go NC... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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