cerridwen Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 (edited) It is just very hard when he is sooo adamant that I have somehow done something terrible wrong...that I have mental problems for breaking up with him and the way I did it? He is just beyond messed up over this break up and he is indicating to anyone and everyone that will listen to him that I am "fcked up" and " not right in the head" and " wont ever be able to be in a relationship for a very long time!" It is sooo annoying! He is just such an idiot basically! I mean, he cannot accept a very simple break up with very straight forward reasons - and he then goes and portrays me to be " messed up" and " issue riddled" cos I simply broke up with him!!!!!! He just makes me blood boil with how annoying and stupid he is! I remember your tortured threads after a break up. Think back to how painful that was. It didnt feel "simple" or "straight forward", did it? It can undo people. Perhaps curb your insults of him and his pain and things may de-escalate. Empathy --with distance-- can go a long way. Cavalierly declaring you're "over it" doesnt mean he should automatically be too. Being the dumper is always easier, Leigh. Just go NC. Edited November 14, 2014 by cerridwen 7 Link to post Share on other sites
anna121 Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 For God's sake just block him on FB and any other social media. Why are you remaining open to contact??? Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 Sometimes people will think about us what they want to think. There is not much we can do about it as you already did what you could. In those cases we better can leave it for what it is and know our own truth. The people who in the end are worth it know you for who you are and stick with you Link to post Share on other sites
Snakechammah Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 Leigh, sometimes it is easy to forget how it feels like to be the one who was dumped. I hope you will remember his good deeds during the happier times you were together and try to be kind to him. He may not have been The One, but please don't insult him either. You have chosen him, even for a short time, but you still chose him. There must be some good in him somehow. I too, made the mistake of revealing my participation in this forum to my now ex, but I doubt he gives a rat's ass about my post since our break-up (lol.. phew..) I have nothing bad to say about him (I keep it all in lol) and I wish him all the best. He may not have been the one for me but I'm sure he's a diamond for another girl, and I hope he finds her someday. So I know how it feels when a jilted ex reads all your posts/threads in LS... but I am sure, like others, TIME will heal their wounds. Stop rubbing salt into his pain, and let him be. Apologize once again for the pain you've caused him, be firm but also remember to be gentle. He's a grown man, he will be ok. Leave it at that. Always remember, what goes around will come back around. How you treat others is how the rest will treat you. ....Now focus on the next men in your life lol 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 Simon - I just don't get it... I told him why I broke it off. Several times ( A DAY in some instances!) " I do not see myself with you for the long term" " I want to explore other men" " I just know you're not "it" for me" HEY GIRL!!! Haven't seen you on here in a while! If you said that to him that I highlighted in bold. Well yeah, he's going to automatically assume that you have someone else waiting in the wings. That's kind of a massive blow to the male ego. You say, "I want to explore other men" He hears "You're not good enough and I need a better man than what you are." He's hurting and he lashing out. You know as well as I do that, that was going to happen. Best thing for you to do is to start NC. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
letmoc Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 I don't want to appear mean, but after a breakup you see the true character of a person (character shows under pressure). So it's good that you broke it off. Yeah the same can be said for her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sooshi Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 most_distant_galaxy, I respectfully disagree that people's "true" character shows up during a breakup or under immense stress. Break-ups are a form of loss, and people grieve when they lose someone who is important to them. There are many variables with how people will respond, and I think that in general, when people lose someone they love, they cling to that person (or the idea of them), experience a wide range of emotions--whether it's a loss through physical separation, death, etc. Many of us react in ways that, when we look back at it, we're embarrassed. But it was simply where we were at, and we can accept our behaviour, learn about why we behaved that way, and transcend it. Leigh, you know what he's saying isn't true, but it still bothers you that he is doing it. He is hurting, and may not know how to cope with his pain without deflecting it onto you. Perhaps his past history of strokes may also be a factor. Regardless, in the meantime, it sounds like you feel like you don't need to listen to him, and you don't owe him any more explanation--so it may be best to at very least limit contact. You've already given him as much as you possibly could; you've been upfront, direct, and honest, and you took responsibility by doing so. Now it's his turn to take responsibility to work on his healing. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 So, you should block him. Responding to him - or even giving him the ability to contact you right now - is not going to help anything. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 Without diving into specifics, do you know the proof that he claims? Is there specific posts we should look into, we all look at the history the same. Was there some sort of post in which you admit to sleeping around, Or is he just hurt and trying to get out of town? I'm not condoning his reaction, nor am I accusing you of such, But to spread lies like that, yes, it could be he's mentally out of touch. But in my experience, people will really claim the worst, Only when they truly believe they really have been hurt. Could he have misread, or mistaken, a post that you made? Is there a reason he's claiming this seemingly false charade? You are adamant about being honest with him, Yet he's the one claiming proof, and we're believing you on a whim. I'm not calling you out, nor am I calling you a liar, I'm simply asking what his proof is, and if its founded or dire. You see, you're the one with the post history, And it's easy to hit "print" and point and say "Look at what I can see". Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 Why does he think you cheated? Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 HEY GIRL!!! Haven't seen you on here in a while! If you said that to him that I highlighted in bold. Well yeah, he's going to automatically assume that you have someone else waiting in the wings. That's kind of a massive blow to the male ego. You say, "I want to explore other men" He hears "You're not good enough and I need a better man than what you are." He's hurting and he lashing out. You know as well as I do that, that was going to happen. Best thing for you to do is to start NC. Exactly my thoughts.. If my ex said that to me i would assume the same. I would FEEL cheated on. Surely you can understand his reaction and why he is saying such things. I dont think you are quite as "over it" as you say! Just keep NC and stop fretting over what he thinks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leigh 87 Posted November 15, 2014 Author Share Posted November 15, 2014 Exactly my thoughts.. If my ex said that to me i would assume the same. I would FEEL cheated on. Surely you can understand his reaction and why he is saying such things. I dont think you are quite as "over it" as you say! Just keep NC and stop fretting over what he thinks. Oh. I am dead over him. I don't have even one iota of romantic feelings left. He plainly annoys me. His ranting and raving and him making out like I must have mental problems for breaking up with him is just so pathetic and irritating. He just gives me the s****s. There is really no more to it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leigh 87 Posted November 15, 2014 Author Share Posted November 15, 2014 HEY GIRL!!! Haven't seen you on here in a while! If you said that to him that I highlighted in bold. Well yeah, he's going to automatically assume that you have someone else waiting in the wings. That's kind of a massive blow to the male ego. You say, "I want to explore other men" He hears "You're not good enough and I need a better man than what you are." He's hurting and he lashing out. You know as well as I do that, that was going to happen. Best thing for you to do is to start NC. Hi I didn't want to treat him like a fool. He isn't stupid. He deserved to know how I wwas feeling. Wanting to explore other men was the main thing that made me realize that I wwasn't in love. As when I am in love I don't feel that way..... I really do want to explore other men. So I told him as such. I believe I did the right thing. In telling him the cold hard truth. Why beat around the bush and say oh..... like, I just wasn' feeling Iit anymore:lmao: come on now....he would have known better. Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 It's gotta be hard for the guy seeing how easily you've moved on. Hopefully, he'll give up reading this forum and not have to know about your Croatians, Chileans, Russians, etc. Just give it time, this shall pass. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 I believe I did the right thing. In telling him the cold hard truth. Why beat around the bush and say oh..... like, I just wasn' feeling Iit anymore:lmao: come on now....he would have known better. Sometimes it is kinder to not lie and tell part of the truth. If you say for example 'I am not feeling it anymore', the conclusion almost follows logically at some point in time. I do not know if you are like me, but usually I think in images. If I was with you and you would say 'I want to explore other man', I would instantly see the image of you exploring man. I can image that it makes the split even more sour as I probably am still attached to you. It would make me feel pretty impotent (I hope I use this word in the right way here). Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted November 16, 2014 Share Posted November 16, 2014 Just ask him not to contact you again, and block if necessary. I think you are feeding into all of this because of your ego. You don't want him to think badly of you. I get that, but, after a breakup, most people don't really care for their ex. Especially when it is really fresh. Of course, he is going to think the worst of you. I know that you remember what it's like to be dumped, and it's really traumatic for some people. I'm sure it wasn't pleasant for him to hear that you want to "explore" other men. That makes it sound like you basically want to sleep around, so, yeah, that's gonna cut pretty deep. The best thing you can do is to cut all contact, and let it be. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leigh 87 Posted November 16, 2014 Author Share Posted November 16, 2014 Yeah the same can be said for her. I acted respectfully! I wanted to explore other men! I knew he wasn't it for me! It had been brewing for a while but I kept at the relationship and I talked my dissatisfaction through with him for months! As soon as I KNEW I was done with him, I ended it! I didn't drag it on a second past that point of realisation! I think the way I acted was honourable! I even told him that he was welcomer to contact me, if he wanted me to talk through the break up for another week or two, so he can get his head around it and feel more of a sense of closure! I mean, HOW could I have done it any better>!>!>>>??????? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leigh 87 Posted November 16, 2014 Author Share Posted November 16, 2014 Just ask him not to contact you again, and block if necessary. I think you are feeding into all of this because of your ego. You don't want him to think badly of you. I get that, but, after a breakup, most people don't really care for their ex. Especially when it is really fresh. Of course, he is going to think the worst of you. I know that you remember what it's like to be dumped, and it's really traumatic for some people. I'm sure it wasn't pleasant for him to hear that you want to "explore" other men. That makes it sound like you basically want to sleep around, so, yeah, that's gonna cut pretty deep. The best thing you can do is to cut all contact, and let it be. Well I don't want to sleep around! Anyone who deduces that is sadly mistaken! I wanted to explore the possibility of other men who I know will be a better fit for me as a partner! And yes FWB is fun but you know, I would only want the ONE FWB, I don't just have more than one guy at a time:lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted November 16, 2014 Share Posted November 16, 2014 Woah, this relationship has all sorts of crazy written all over it from both sides based on what is written here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted November 16, 2014 Share Posted November 16, 2014 Oh. I am dead over him. I don't have even one iota of romantic feelings left. He plainly annoys me. His ranting and raving and him making out like I must have mental problems for breaking up with him is just so pathetic and irritating. He just gives me the s****s. There is really no more to it. You know he reads what you post here and you're passive aggressively trying to send him a message. You should stop talking about him and insulting him here. You're just feeding into the drama and probably provoking him into lashing out at you. Leave him alone and forget about him. It doesn't matter what he thinks or says about you anymore. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leigh 87 Posted November 16, 2014 Author Share Posted November 16, 2014 You know he reads what you post here and you're passive aggressively trying to send him a message. You should stop talking about him and insulting him here. You're just feeding into the drama and probably provoking him into lashing out at you. Leave him alone and forget about him. It doesn't matter what he thinks or says about you anymore. I am not trying to be passive aggressive! I TOLD him all this myself !! I would tell him that he annoyed the crap out of me with his stupid break up delusions ( that I am mentally messed up and that is why I broke it off when really, I just wasn't into him!) Trust me when I say that: I would much rather tell him this myself, have him BELIEVE IT, and then have him leave me alone! Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Posted November 16, 2014 Share Posted November 16, 2014 I think this thread has run it's course, thanks all.... Link to post Share on other sites
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