Why is leaving so difficult even though so obviousely needed?

[Bizziedude]

Hello everyone,

 

 

I have been married for nearly 30 years and can say that most of it has not been good times. Fortunately, we only had 1 child and he is well into adulthood. Interestingly, he has no interest in ever marrying. In any case, my wife and I have been sleeping in separate rooms for at least 2 years now and sexual interest from either party has been non-existant. As for common interest, we occasionally ride our Harleys together...but even that feels akward to me. She has had a couple of affairs in the past and maybe I just have never REALLY forgiven her? I am no angel, however, I have always been faithful and a good provider. I started working out of town about a month ago for 3 nights a week and find it restful on the mind and stomach! Constant upset stomach problems are no joke and any break from that is well enjoyed. As for talking about our issues, that has gone round and round for longer than I can remember. I am to the point where I don't want to even go home or talk to her anymore. Our marriage NEEDS to end but just lingers on and on.

[cerridwen]

Habit, familiarity, resignation.

A person can lose decades of his/her life because of these things.

 

What's stopping you from proposing divorce?

Fear of the unknown?

[scatterd]

I feel for you my husband all of a sudden got mad took his stuff down stairs a month ago. He asked for a divorce then he he went to work in Japan he left yesterday and will be gone a month. I saved and borrowed some money

for a divorce. I have found so much peace in the time hes been gone. I am happy to give him what he wants.I don't want to be married to someone that is self center cheats and always acts like the scorned woman. Life is to short to be in a relationship that makes you miserable. I hope you find that

happiness as I. Some people do not like what they do so they take it out on you. Big Hugs

[scatterd]

Maybe if you Talk to your wife and tell her where you are with this she

might wake up. 31 years is along time I have been married 21 you stayed in the same bed longer then we did. Good Luck

Edited November 14, 2014 by scatterd

[GirlStillStrong]

Habit, familiarity, resignation.

A person can lose decades of his/her life because of these things.

 

I'd add fear of change and lack of motivation. A long time ago I learned to regularly step out of my comfort zone and how to embrace change. It's tough but worth it.

[Leegh]

You sound as if you could have many good years ahead. I wouldn't wait too long, as I know of a man who had planned to leave his wife after the kids left for college. After the last kid left for college, he stalled and didn't leave, and then she got a serious type of cancer, and her husband did not have the heart to leave her, as I guess he felt sorry for her. I know of another couple, where the husband also wanted to leave, and then his wife's father died suddenly and he didn't leave her, as he too, felt sorry for her. If you seriously want to leave your wife, leave soon before something unexpected arises.

[GoBlue]

Thanks Bizziedude for being open and honest. You guys have arrived at this place because of a lack of dealing with your relationship. There was a reason you got married - why did both of you stop trying? I am almost 50, have been divorced for five years now, and wonder if I will ever find another person to love and be loved by. It's not all that great out here in single land! I wish many times that I could wake up and find myself back in time able to do whatever was necessary to fix my marriage. How about an honest and open conversation between you and your wife? Explain exactly how you feel and let her share as well. There is an organization called the National Institute of Marriage that helps lots of couples just like you. Things can change when the right effort is put in. My thoughts and prayers are with you.