I was originally friend zoned but i think she has fallen in love, what now?

[stellafeller]

I met this girl at a bar and made out that night lol we texted for a week then we went on a date and hooked up, but then the next date she gave me the friend speech.

 

I initially told her I didnt want her friendship bc honestly she'd been very flaky w me leading up to that and i respected myself too much. We stayed in the same circle of friends and one night after partying she asks me to come to her house, so i do. We talk the entire night until 9am and really bond, it was really amazing, and then we go and have breakfast w her entire family and it was great...

 

Me and her best friend were going to nyc (he's now also one of my best friends) and i invited her (and sad to say i offered to pay for her flight) and she agreed to come, I was a bit of a doormat buying her ticket, and it didnt help that on that trip i also bought her an ipad... yeah...

 

we had a wonderful weekend, i made no moves on her but she did grab me and kiss me once when we were alone, but when i tried to continue kissing her she said no.

 

she would do things to show her attraction to me, which id wondered maybe was her issue, she wasnt into me. She touched me all the time, our hands always on eachother, she would watch me undress and comment on it, we would cuddle half naked in the bed, she would get jealous when i was on my phone, and whenever her friend asked about any kind of dating questions she would avoid them and just have them be about her and i. when she left on the plane back i could tell she had been crying (After that trip I was officially moving a few states away from her)

 

Also she had never even been out of her homestate before (in the south), and i made sure we did lots of epic things on that trip, and made sure she felt really cared for and gave her the time of her life.

 

So after that i went to spain w her best friend for 2 weeks and he tells me that he thinks she is in love w me, but that she has a history of getting really scared bc of a really bad relationship in her past. She's told me the same over and over during our long talks. In spain i send her romantic gifts like flowers from a garden where i wrote her, poetry (Having a coke w you) and letters

 

I come back to the states and she's a different girl, she's loving and sweet and romantic w me, she says things that bowl me over w/love and thoughtfulness....but then she will disappear for a week and i wont hear from her...

 

Most recently right as I began dating again, officially giving up on her, (she could see on fb pics of me w new dates), i received a package full of all these letters she had written me over the past 2 months we were apart.

 

in these letters were her own poems to me, words like soulmate, past life, how shes never met anyone like me and never will, and how shes always talking about how amazing i am, and how she wants me in her life for the rest of it, honestly things that made me cry. I received this the DAY of one of my biggest date...

 

I stayed home until right before the date planning on cancelling. but something told me F that, go. So im driving to the date and out of nowhere i get this text from her, its long about how shes sorry shes been distant, shes been working a ton, and shes glad i got the letters and then she says "PS I love you"

 

my heart stops, im minutes away from meeting another girl and thats the most direct way shes ever addressed her feelings...so i reply "PS i love u too"

 

she tells me shes absent bc she hates technology, bc she just sleeps and works, bc she cant find a stamp or envelope, and any other excuse....

 

Id move mountains to be w this girl and as much as i appreciate when she does try, its so sparse and unreliable and she has not told me she wants me as more than a friend. Yes ive told her this recently, I told her how much i care about her but that i cannot be the one to always make the effort, she said she agreed and would work on it.

 

I realized i just wait around for those few moments she comes around and overwhelms me w love, so i decided to move on w my life. I cut off my fb and I have ignored her incoming texts (I feel bad for that but she often ignores my texts for weeks at a time, even some really intimate ones i sometimes send, but until now i havent done that to her).

 

I guess my plan is to move on and if being distant, if no longer being her rock, makes her realize she has to step up her game, then good, if not then, im moving on....

 

Am i doing the right thing?

 

TL;DR girl blows hot and cold but I feel like she is in love w me, so i am walking away until she is consistent w me and opens up... is this right?

[anika99]

Yes! You are absolutely doing the right thing.

 

 

This girl is playing the "go away, come here" game with you. Not saying she is doing it with malice or with a plan to hurt you but the end result is that it always hurts to be on the receiving end of that game.

 

 

Definitely move on with your life. Maybe some day she will mature, stop playing cat and mouse with you, and be ready for a real straight forward relationship with you. You can't put your life on hold for maybe some day though. Move on and let her catch up with you or not.