This is why men don't make an effort with OLD

[irc333]

Recently, I saw a woman's profile, she was very articulate in what she was looking for and even emphasized the fact she deliberately made an effort not to sound like the "typical profile." She was a new face to the site.

 

I found that to be a plus and she was looking for communication in a relationship as well, and listed things that most tend to lack in dating relationships.

 

My initial emails was more focused on that and the validity of how I view serious relationships.

 

It was a rather lengthy, well put together email, quite different than the ones I normally had written in the past. I suppose I was in the mood for it actually as I had first woke up, had my cup o' Joe and ready to explore this new face.

 

I proofread it, hit "send" and that was that.

 

Now, keep in mind, with POF they do have their "Filters" meaning that these emails sometimes do NOT get sent. They tend to filter out words like c*ck....in "cocktail" an if ANYTHING is like that in your initial email, it is never sent.

 

So I check the "Sent" area and it shows it was never delivered to the person. Okay, good thing I had it in my notepad , so I look through and took out some of the words that probably didn't make it past the filter and re-sent it.

 

"You've been blocked by this user!"

 

*Thumbs up* Greeaat! Talking about sucking the wind out of my sails. lol Next time, I'll just send a short intro paragraph. And you wonder why people get sick of online dating.

 

Ever had this happen to you?

[MidwestUSA]

Yes. Well, been on the receiving end. You used the word lengthy yourself.

 

Shorten it up next time. You came across as way too intense.

[irc333]

Yes. Well, been on the receiving end. You used the word lengthy yourself.

 

Shorten it up next time. You came across as way too intense.

 

Her profile was lengthy, so why not?

 

Anyhow, I've done "Short" with still no results. So it's moot.

 

When I write emails to women, it all depends on the lengthiness of THEIR profile as well.

 

Regardless, I don't think it warrants a block on the first email.

[PegNosePete]

If they like your profile and photos then they will probably reply to you, no matter what your message is, as long as it's not terrible. But yeah if it's stupidly long or serious then they might simply not bother. The idea here is to start a conversation with a stranger, not write an essay.

 

As to getting blocked after 1 message, some women do it as a matter of course. The reason is most likely that in the past, when she has not replied to someone she is not interested in, he has send follow-on messages full of insults and abuse. So she now blocks anyone she is not interested in to avoid getting those messages. If you want someone to blame, blame the idiot guys who send abusive follow-up messages, not the women who take precautions to avoid them.

 

IMO they should have a "thanks but no thanks" button that you can press if you're not interested in someone. One click, less harsh than a "block", lets the sender know they're not interested, and prevents them sending you any follow-on messages. Everyone's a winner. But what do I know eh.

[the tank]

PegnosePete is right, on old the most important thing is the picture and profil. Many men only look the picture , why the girls cannot do the same ? Try a new pic and send short message.

[irc333]

PegnosePete is right, on old the most important thing is the picture and profil. Many men only look the picture , why the girls cannot do the same ? Try a new pic and send short message.

 

Already tried new pics and short messages. *shrug*

[Keenly]

These people that don't read messages and are quick to discard are not really looking for what they say they are looking for.

 

 

People that expect to feel some kind of instant spark are just stupid. Talk about unrealistic expectations.

 

 

From October until now I've sent 257 messages. Responses are rare. The people that don't even try to have a conversation are not actually looking to meet people to see of they connect.

 

 

To them I say good riddance. If you were actually looking for a relationship, you'd talk to people.

[BlueIris]

If they like your profile and photos then they will probably reply to you, no matter what your message is, as long as it's not terrible. But yeah if it's stupidly long or serious then they might simply not bother. The idea here is to start a conversation with a stranger, not write an essay.

 

As to getting blocked after 1 message, some women do it as a matter of course. The reason is most likely that in the past, when she has not replied to someone she is not interested in, he has send follow-on messages full of insults and abuse. So she now blocks anyone she is not interested in to avoid getting those messages. If you want someone to blame, blame the idiot guys who send abusive follow-up messages, not the women who take precautions to avoid them.

IMO they should have a "thanks but no thanks" button that you can press if you're not interested in someone. One click, less harsh than a "block", lets the sender know they're not interested, and prevents them sending you any follow-on messages. Everyone's a winner. But what do I know eh.

 

That's very true!

 

I’d also recommend waiting 2-3 weeks to contact a new face in OLD. The first weeks on an OLD site can be overwhelming. Just to manage volume and to narrow to a small number to actually communicate with- just to get started!- women might make quicker decisions than they will later.

 

Match does have that "thanks but no thanks" feature, or at least it used to. POF didn't when I was on it, so, yeah, the only option was to block. And POF also had more nasties and higher volume so I bet the incentive to block is higher there, too.

[organizedchaos]

And this is why tinder is better and worked far better for me. No wasted time crafting the perfect email based on a lengthy profile. You like, you swipe. She likes, she swipes. Then you just start chatting and getting to know each other. Done.

[normal person]

In response to the title "This is why men don't make an effort with OLD:"

 

I'd say it seems the more serious of an effort you've made in the other parts of your life, the less of an effort you'll have to make in OLD.

 

These people that don't read messages and are quick to discard are not really looking for what they say they are looking for.

 

There's more to it than that. If they're quick to discard or don't read messages, then they aren't looking for what they say they're looking for with that specific person. People have way more criteria in a potential partner than "he's also looking for a relationship."

 

People that expect to feel some kind of instant spark are just stupid. Talk about unrealistic expectations.

 

I've felt it before, online and in person. People are just attracted to certain traits, physical and otherwise that you can't really put your finger on. Someone's look, the tone in which they write, what they've written about themselves, etc can give you a pretty good inkling as to what kind of person they are. The few times I've had great feelings about people going in were with the girls that I ended up developing something more with. It does happen.

 

From October until now I've sent 257 messages. Responses are rare. The people that don't even try to have a conversation are not actually looking to meet people to see of they connect. To them I say good riddance. If you were actually looking for a relationship, you'd talk to people.

 

I'm sure this is going to sound a bit rude, but there are plenty of people I don't want to have conversations with or even reply to. The bottom line is that you've got to be attracted to what you see first. People aren't looking for just a relationship -- they're looking for a relationship with someone they're attracted to. Talking about that obscure record or book you both like isn't the magic key. The person has to generate that excitable feeling in you first.

[PegNosePete]

From October until now I've sent 257 messages. Responses are rare. The people that don't even try to have a conversation are not actually looking to meet people to see of they connect.

 

To them I say good riddance. If you were actually looking for a relationship, you'd talk to people.

Err, well actually, the people who don't respond aren't necessarily not looking to meet people - they just don't want to meet you.

 

And if you were actually looking for a relationship you'd talk to people that you want to meet. Why waste time talking to someone you're not interested in?

 

Yet again you're blaming your lack of success, on the other users of the site.

[Keenly]

Err, well actually, the people who don't respond aren't necessarily not looking to meet people - they just don't want to meet you.

 

And if you were actually looking for a relationship you'd talk to people that you want to meet. Why waste time talking to someone you're not interested in?

 

Yet again you're blaming your lack of success, on the other users of the site.

 

Because it IS the other users of the site, oh all knowing OLD master, or rather the environment created by anonymous people with large pools of choice.

 

People on these sites are not actually looking for what they say they are.

 

If they don't want to talk to me, they can piss up a tree for all I care, but they shouldn't advertise that they really want to find some one they connect with if they don't even attempt to make a connection.

 

 

That's fine, their loss. I just wish there was an easy way to sort the BS from the more serious.

Edited November 14, 2014 by Keenly

[irc333]

For the same reason you like Tinder is the same reason I would avoid it.

 

And this is why tinder is better and worked far better for me. No wasted time crafting the perfect email based on a lengthy profile. You like, you swipe. She likes, she swipes. Then you just start chatting and getting to know each other. Done.

[normal person]

People on these sites are not actually looking for what they say they are.

 

If they don't want to talk to me, they can piss up a tree for all I care, but they shouldn't advertise that they really want to find some one they connect with if they don't even attempt to make a connection.

 

Here's the disconnect:

 

- You think "connecting" is talking and messaging with any girl with an online dating profile (which implies she's looking for a relationship).

- Those same girls think "connecting" is talking and messaging with any person with pictures and a profile that they're attracted to.

 

There seems to be a big disparity there. The fact that you've sent out 250 messages is surprising, are you really attracted to all of them? I live in New York and I'd be hard pressed to find 200 girls online that I like enough to even consider. Maybe you've cast your net too wide and it's skewing your understanding of the whole process?

[PegNosePete]

People on these sites are not actually looking for what they say they are.

How do you know that? Did they tell you? Oh wait no, they didn't respond to you. So how do you know if they're lying about their intentions, or they simply didn't like your profile?

 

If they don't want to talk to me, they can piss up a tree for all I care, but they shouldn't advertise that they really want to find some one they connect with if they don't even attempt to make a connection.

Well if they don't want to make a connection with you then they obviously have decided from your profile and photos and message, that you are not someone they want to have a relationship with. That doesn't mean they don't really want a relationship. It just means they decided you weren't right for them, based on your profile. You think that just because she is looking for a relationship, she has an obligation to talk to you? Ego much...?

 

I don't understand how you don't get this simple logic. It ain't rocket science.

[Rejected Rosebud]

People on these sites are not actually looking for what they say they are.

 

If they don't want to talk to me, they can piss up a tree for all I care, but they shouldn't advertise that they really want to find some one they connect with if they don't even attempt to make a connection.

 

 

That's fine, their loss. I just wish there was an easy way to sort the BS from the more serious.

 

Whoa there buddy! When I was on OLD I was looking for a connection. I didn't need to spend time getting to know EVERY guy who messaged me, I was looking for a connection with somebody I was attracted to and who had something in their profile that sparked my interest! If that wasn't there, there was no reason to go further. I sure don't feel guilty or that I wronged those guys. There is nothing wrong with holding out for a person you really WANT to get to know.

[johan]

Why do you always write about what men do or don't do. Or women. Are you taking polls? Why the need to support your assertions with big generalizations? Is it for leverage?

 

Why don't you write about what you know: you? It seems like it would be more productive for you.

[irc333]

True. .. they have to be attracted to what they see first. There are some that just won't bother with a bald guy, shorter guy, known some women not into men with any kind of facial hair., etc.

 

They may not express that in their profile. ...so they keep it to themselves as to not sound shallow. Of course I've seen women express height requirements audibly in their profile. ...others leave it out.

 

I just thought a profile as prolific as hers would want to read a prolific first message.

 

Funny in other posts here women complain of the first "Hey, cutie!" Emails. But then this has been known to happen. Lol

 

 

In response to the title "This is why men don't make an effort with OLD:"

 

I'd say it seems the more serious of an effort you've made in the other parts of your life, the less of an effort you'll have to make in OLD.

 

 

 

There's more to it than that. If they're quick to discard or don't read messages, then they aren't looking for what they say they're looking for with that specific person. People have way more criteria in a potential partner than "he's also looking for a relationship."

 

 

 

I've felt it before, online and in person. People are just attracted to certain traits, physical and otherwise that you can't really put your finger on. Someone's look, the tone in which they write, what they've written about themselves, etc can give you a pretty good inkling as to what kind of person they are. The few times I've had great feelings about people going in were with the girls that I ended up developing something more with. It does happen.

 

 

 

I'm sure this is going to sound a bit rude, but there are plenty of people I don't want to have conversations with or even reply to. The bottom line is that you've got to be attracted to what you see first. People aren't looking for just a relationship -- they're looking for a relationship with someone they're attracted to. Talking about that obscure record or book you both like isn't the magic key. The person has to generate that excitable feeling in you first.

[Rejected Rosebud]

True. .. they have to be attracted to what they see first. There are some that just won't bother with a bald guy, shorter guy, known some women not into men with any kind of facial hair., etc.

 

They may not express that in their profile. ...so they keep it to themselves as to not sound shallow.

How do you know why they don't put that in their profile? That they don't want to "seem shallow"? They are making a profile to tell about themselves and see if anybody that appeals to them on a few important levels responds, and I think many guys on there are doing the same thing. Not to detail every single thing that they like or don't in the opposite sex. Sheesh, with the attitude you seem to have about women of course you are single!

[irc333]

There was a time I actually cherry picked women online based on what they said in their profile. .. like beliefs, hobbies, etc.

 

Only to be ignored. I still do this occasionally. ..like with this one.

 

Now I am not as cherry picking as much and find myself contacting women with more Vanilla profiles or profiles lacking in specifics. Neutral profiles. I just wait for the face to face meeting to determine if things would go forward.

 

 

Here's the disconnect:

 

- You think "connecting" is talking and messaging with any girl with an online dating profile (which implies she's looking for a relationship).

- Those same girls think "connecting" is talking and messaging with any person with pictures and a profile that they're attracted to.

 

There seems to be a big disparity there. The fact that you've sent out 250 messages is surprising, are you really attracted to all of them? I live in New York and I'd be hard pressed to find 200 girls online that I like enough to even consider. Maybe you've cast your net too wide and it's skewing your understanding of the whole process?

[TigerLilly78]

How do you know that? Did they tell you? Oh wait no, they didn't respond to you. So how do you know if they're lying about their intentions, or they simply didn't like your profile?

 

 

Well if they don't want to make a connection with you then they obviously have decided from your profile and photos and message, that you are not someone they want to have a relationship with. That doesn't mean they don't really want a relationship. It just means they decided you weren't right for them, based on your profile. You think that just because she is looking for a relationship, she has an obligation to talk to you? Ego much...?

 

I don't understand how you don't get this simple logic. It ain't rocket science.

Exactly for some reason the OP cant grasp this concept he think all women should be falling at his feet a lot of men on this site act like this yet they themselves are allowed to be as picky and shallow as they like when it comes to dating well guess what dating is subjective and women have just as much right to be picky and shallow..

[Ready2DateAgain]

I'm sick and tire of OLD I barely get response ,if I compliment a woman all I get is a thank you and when I further ask a question to see if she will respond I get ignored ,all this swinging and missing makes me miss my lying,manipulated ex fiancee but I know she's moved on and I could never message her again ,I'm stuck in a transition phase I can't get out of

[Keenly]

I got this one girls number and we were going to meet today, but on Wednesday something happened when we were talking and she got really... stand offish?

 

 

We were talking about our favorite foods and she got kind of rude out of nowhere so I called her on it. She said she was just having a bad day. Now I'm a little skeptical of.meeting her of she is the kind of person that takes their mood out on others.

 

What do you think. To go or not to go?

[Ready2DateAgain]

Exactly for some reason the OP cant grasp this concept he think all women should be falling at his feet a lot of men on this site act like this yet they themselves are allowed to be as picky and shallow as they like when it comes to dating well guess what dating is subjective and women have just as much right to be picky and shallow..

 

I don't think OP wants a woman to fall at his feet,he wants to be acknowledge that he is putting a effort when he types in a proper and lengthy message,he's displaying character and proving that he's not like the other men in which woman tend to describe they don't want.

[Ready2DateAgain]

I got this one girls number and we were going to meet today, but on Wednesday something happened when we were talking and she got really... stand offish?

 

 

We were talking about our favorite foods and she got kind of rude out of nowhere so I called her on it. She said she was just having a bad day. Now I'm a little skeptical of.meeting her of she is the kind of person that takes their mood out on others.

 

What do you think. To go or not to go?

 

go bro ,you got nothing to lose