Have you or would you Date someone with Kids?

[frozengirl]

Have you or would you date someone who has kids from a previous relationship? Whether it'd be that kid living with them 24/7 or not living with them, staying with their mom 24/7 with visitation rights?

 

I've had this happen to me a few times, a few of the guys I tried getting to know would drop the kid bomb on me, and that's where I would end the communication between us, because kids are not for me.

 

But what about you? Have you or do you know of anyone that has or would?

[Keenly]

Well... I used to be like you. Kids used to be a deal breaker. But then I realized it was hypocritical of me to have that opinion.

 

I'm trying to expand my horizons a little bit and they are no longer a deal breaker for me.

[bastus]

my first ex-gf is single mom with 8 years kid..

 

i think it's fun , once i started to feel bored with her at some point , i can always play with her kid , children are surely adorable..

 

well , sometimes three of us sleep together and i cant make a move on my ex at all..

[d0nnivain]

In my early 20s I wanted absolutely no part of anybody with kids. AS I got older it was less of a deal breaker. I have only ever dated one man with kids that I knew about. I genuinely liked the kid & still keep in touch with him even though his father passed away.

[ddlovexx]

I just got in a relationship with a single father. I think I thought that I would've been terrified... but I knew what I was getting into when I started seeing him. He has full custody (she is 1.5 years old) but his parents take her on the weekends.

 

It's not always easy, I'm not really ready for kids... but he never pushes her upon me and she's sweet and I love her. I guess it depends on the situation and how much you start to care about the person you're dating.

[J21]

No, that would be a deal breaker for me. Nothing against kids, I want my own kids in the future, but I'm not willing to juggle that along with a relationship with someone. Just my personal preference.

[Mrin]

Honestly? When I was dating I rarely would date a woman that didn't have kids. She had to be pretty special or the no kids thing was a deal breaker. I am a single father by the way.

 

In fact, when you get 35+, being a never married or no kids is a total deal breaker. The NMNK's that I've known are almost impossible head cases, completely self absorbed and frankly, immature. I know that is a GROSS and unfair categorization. But I would be darn near impossible to deal with if i was a NMNK at my age.

[carhill]

Yeah, I dated mostly single moms during my single years and some were full-time and some part-time and, overall, the kids themselves really presented few issues in the dating or relationship process. Of course, whom their mother introduced into their lives did play a marked role for the ladies involved and I respected that. Sure, a few logistical challenges cropped up along the way but none which weren't easy to overcome.

 

Nowadays, I'd expect any woman I date to be a grandmother or great grandmother and such relationships can be quite doting! It's all part of life.

[insert_name]

Even if it was the girl I find most attractive in the world, I'd rather be single.

[endlessabyss]

Deal breaker, no doubt!!

 

 

I don't like the idea of having a pseudo-father relationship with someone else's child.

 

 

Plus, I don't want my partner managing two relationships.

[smackie9]

Kids are a deal breaker. I never wanted kids, never had them, no interest in the issues/responsabilies that go with them.

[d0nnivain]

Honestly? When I was dating I rarely would date a woman that didn't have kids. She had to be pretty special or the no kids thing was a deal breaker. I am a single father by the way.

 

In fact, when you get 35+, being a never married or no kids is a total deal breaker. The NMNK's that I've known are almost impossible head cases, completely self absorbed and frankly, immature. I know that is a GROSS and unfair categorization. But I would be darn near impossible to deal with if i was a NMNK at my age.

 

At 35 I was NMNK. I still don't have kids. I'm not a head case nor am I self absorbed. Even as a child I was never immature. I just never wanted kids before I was married & by the time I got married it was biologically too late.

 

You make people who made choices not to have kids young sound defective & that's not fair. I think those of us who chose to wait . . . even if we ended up disappointed later . . . still made the better choice then people who had kids too young & never had the maturity to raise them well.

[Fondue]

It is a dealbreaker for me.

[Brimstone]

Depends on a few things.

How old the kid is(no thanks Teen Moms)

How the relationship with the father is now/why they split up in the first place.

[veggirl]

I'm 31 and wouldn't date a guy with kids if I found myself single. There's still tons of guys my age without them.

[somedude81]

I'm 33 and I would absolutely not date a woman with kids.

 

That's way beyond anything I could handle.

[venusishername]

I'm 30 and before I hit this age I never had the opportunity arise. Up until now I probably wouldn't be ok with it only because I don't have kids and never married. Someone I dated recently has two young kids and he was a DILF.

I think that changed my mindset. I now find I'm actually more attracted to men who are dads or when I see a father with a child. Probably because I want kids, and speaking biologically it makes them seem more like a 'man' or something meaning that they are fertile. Primal instinct stuff.

Edited November 15, 2014 by venusishername

[Tayken]

I'm 33 and I would absolutely not date a woman with kids.

 

That's way beyond anything I could handle.

 

I second that motion. I have been there done that, and learned that no matter how much you try, it will always subliminally be thrown in your face that you are not the bio dad by mum and daughter.

 

In my case, the girl who was 7 at the time and now an adult, was there all the time i.e. sole custody. No time for the parents to bond and everything revolved around the kid. If it had been a son, am sure mom would have let me in more.

 

I will NOT do it again, and that is why most of my FWBs have ended. I urge any man not to get involved with a woman with daughters.....it becomes added drama

[mrgoodcat]

Once asked a single mom out.....(my thread from like 2 months ago). She ignored the hell out of me and I later found out she is already dating someone.

 

Never will be asking a single mom again and wouldn't advise someone with kids either. Why take on something like that unless there are no other women/men around and you specifically want to take on the role of 2nd parent. It's harder to set up dates, etc....

[fortyninethousand322]

I can't imagine why a woman with kids would want to date me. But I'm not exactly a guy with the luxury of options, so of course I'd be open to dating a woman with kids...

[mightycpa]

I did, but after that, I decided that I shouldn't. Same reason I didn't date people who had been married. I wanted an equal, someone who I could go through it for the first time just like I would. I didn't have experience in either, and I didn't want someone who did.

[Mrin]

At 35 I was NMNK. I still don't have kids. I'm not a head case nor am I self absorbed. Even as a child I was never immature. I just never wanted kids before I was married & by the time I got married it was biologically too late.

 

You make people who made choices not to have kids young sound defective & that's not fair. I think those of us who chose to wait . . . even if we ended up disappointed later . . . still made the better choice then people who had kids too young & never had the maturity to raise them well.

 

Oh I don't disagree that my generalization is unfair. In fact I think I even called it gross and unfair. That being said, it is based ony personal experience and those of some close friends when it came to dating. And believe me, I wish it hadn't been the case! And yes, I used some inflammatory terms but honestly, some of that is an unflattering projection about me - as to what person I would be if I had not either been married or had not had kids.

 

A counter thought for you: perhaps what I am getting at is that NMNK's and the DWK counterparts just become largely incompatible once you get over 35. Two different tracks in life... Was your husband a NMNK?

[somedude81]

I second that motion. I have been there done that, and learned that no matter how much you try, it will always subliminally be thrown in your face that you are not the bio dad by mum and daughter.

 

In my case, the girl who was 7 at the time and now an adult, was there all the time i.e. sole custody. No time for the parents to bond and everything revolved around the kid. If it had been a son, am sure mom would have let me in more.

 

I will NOT do it again, and that is why most of my FWBs have ended. I urge any man not to get involved with a woman with daughters.....it becomes added drama

 

One thing I keep seeing on OLD profiles of single mom's is, "My kid(s) will always come first. That's great and all and it really is the way it should be. But I don't want to be number 2.

[irc333]

For me, it all depends.

 

I'd PREFER someone without kids as I don't have kids either, but most women usually 30 or older are divorced with kids. Esp. in their 40's. So I'm open to that too.

 

I usually try to date women that have OLDER kids (like high school or Jr. high aged). If they are so young they need a diaper change, nose wiped or food cut, that's something I couldn't deal with.

 

Also, depends on visitation. If they have the kids 24/7...that's pretty mucha dealbreaker.

 

 

Dealbreaker - A parent that's TOO Much involved in her kid's activities. They become a PTA committee person, Den Mother in the Cub Scouts, or hold some kind of position that involves her child's group activities.

 

Sheesh, just drop the kid off and go on your date! LOL

 

Another downfall to dating single mothers in general....with kids, you're also having to schedule "Date Night" around ballet recitals, soccer practice, soccer games, ALL the kids activities AND the kid's social life.

 

I knew of this one woman, had a kid in the cub scouts, and unfortunately, she was Den Mother. So she was a mother that was ALSO involved in her KID's activities. She was even shuttling around her kid's friends, too. Going on camping trips...it was a NEVER ending ensemble of this stuff.

 

The guy she was dating got sick of it and found someone else that had time for him and didn't have to deal with a mother where her life revolves around her kids activities.

 

 

 

Have you or would you date someone who has kids from a previous relationship? Whether it'd be that kid living with them 24/7 or not living with them, staying with their mom 24/7 with visitation rights?

 

I've had this happen to me a few times, a few of the guys I tried getting to know would drop the kid bomb on me, and that's where I would end the communication between us, because kids are not for me.

 

But what about you? Have you or do you know of anyone that has or would?

[d0nnivain]

Oh I don't disagree that my generalization is unfair. In fact I think I even called it gross and unfair. That being said, it is based ony personal experience and those of some close friends when it came to dating. And believe me, I wish it hadn't been the case! And yes, I used some inflammatory terms but honestly, some of that is an unflattering projection about me - as to what person I would be if I had not either been married or had not had kids.

 

A counter thought for you: perhaps what I am getting at is that NMNK's and the DWK counterparts just become largely incompatible once you get over 35. Two different tracks in life... Was your husband a NMNK?

 

 

Yes he was. I was actually kind of surprised we found each other because some 35+ NMNK are . . . let's just say . . . problematic. You see to some extent I agree with you but I think your broad brush language is what set me off.

 

The guy I dated before DH had a young teenaged son who was 13 when his dad & I started dating. I put off meeting him for months, even joking meeting the parents is one thing, meeting the kids is a whole different level of commitment. Even though his father died a few years ago, I am still in touch with the son.

 

It is about compatibility. Neither position is perfect.

 

Like I said in my 20s it was an absolute deal breaker for me. As I aged I realized I was the anomaly & my position softened. I still refused to date anybody who kids with more than 2 different women or anybody who had been married & divorced more than twice but that was just me.