This is my story. I'm looking for .

[Jason89]

Hey guys, I just wanted to share my story and hopefully receive some advice. Its a long one so I'd appreciate it if even one person reads it and gives me their advice.

TLDR: Have you or a close individual ever successfully reconciled after an affair? How?

 

For the last few years I had been dating, in my eyes, the most amazing wonderful women. I'll call her K for this post. The first year of my relationship with K was an emotional roller coaster. I had significant trust issues after my previous relationship and unfortunately threw all my insecurities straight into K's face. We worked and we fought and after it all, we felt the highest highs. A moment was never unappreciated between the two of us and I can safely say without a doubt in by mind say we were in a deep romantic love for two years. We've talked about marriage, love, kids. We were the power couple and I loved every single second of it. There was no doubt in my mind I had found my eternity.

 

Great right? Here is when the trouble began. This was in the middle of our third year together and I unfortunately found out via third party that K had another boyfriend...

Huh? Was my instant reaction, everything was great. We had fought so hard to develop our love, surely this was a misunderstanding. It wasn't. For two months, about two days a week, she squeezed in time to have another relation. I learned this information about two weeks ago and confronted her the same day. It was true, she admitted everything, even immediately broke off everything with the other guy. The past month I had know there was something wrong with her. I now realize it was her guilt. She couldn't preform in bed, constantly avoided talks to watch TV etc, etc.

 

After breaking off with her and yelling and screaming at her for days, I am taking a few weeks to myself. I drilled K over and over... "why did you do this to me?" "Everything was perfect", calling her all sorts of names in the process. No good reason was every given. I went over to "our" place last week just to talk, figure out what happened. It hadn't even dawned on us before, but just talking and looking through our memories, we had been emotionally distant for the past 6 months. She had recently dealt with a lot of stressful situations including the death of a really close friend. I asked her time and again, K would say "i'm fine" and I would leave it at that. She sought out emotional comfort, the physicality was a byproduct. I am positive of that.

 

K really wants to try. She cannot throw away all of our fantastic memories and love. Every day she sends me a text or picture either showing me a positive change in herself, or a small token to show how much she still loves and cares about me. The very first one was a picture of a appointment for counseling. She wants to EARN her way back, not be given it. I still love K more then anything in this world, but I am very unsure if I even want to try again. I have felt the highest highs with this woman, but now the lowest lows. I am well aware that I have to be 100% positive if I decide to reconcile with her, else whats the point. We now know the root of the problem. If we reconciled we would never get cocky and stop appreciating each other again. If you read this much I would love to hear your thoughts.

[Omei]

This woman lied to you for two months and only showed remorse after she was caught only after being caught does she want to try. Who knows what other things she's done in that two years you cannot and should not trust anything she says.

 

You would be a fool to return to her.

 

You can feel a deeper and stronger love with someone in the future for longer without them cheating.

[lolablue17]

You're only 2-3 years together, and she fooled you for such a long time. God!! She had a full time second boyfriend... WOW!!

 

I think it is loud and clear that she has a major problem with being devoted to only one man. She has very special needs. She has also a major problem to deal with issues without seeking other male attention or emotional supports (which you already know they become physical).

 

She has no problem to lie, to hurt, to be extremely selfish, and to risk everything. Because if it was just support, after a while a decent girl would have stopped it - figuring out her emotions... but she didn't. She continued until you caught her, and if you didn't find out she would be with him today.

 

These are major strong elements in her personality. It's her.

 

Can people really change? Maybe they can. but most of them can't. Lets assume she wants to change. it's a good start, but it's only the first step and the statistic is against her.

 

I'm sure that in the close future she will be faithful. But when routine will take control, she will feel distant from you again, and she will need some other male emotional support from "just friends"... and you know where it's going. only this time she will perform a better hiding work.

 

Do you want to gamble? I'd say the chances are 1:10 against you.

Edited November 15, 2014 by lolablue17

[Friskyone4u]

Run as fast and as far as you can. And think about what would have happened if you had not caught her

Your relationship will never be the same and if she did this after only two years you will have more of it in store for you.

And do not believe anything she says right now.!

[stillcold]

Like you OP, I want to believe that she can and will change and all of this can be forgotten. But the truth of the matter is this: it takes a certain type of character to cheat; it's not just a mistake someone falls into but a deliberate choice. Just imagine: every night she laid by your side, being the two face that she is and it didn't even phase her for two months! That takes a certain type of personality/character, just like cheating does. To cheat on your spouse is to be content with lying to and disrespecting your partner, something which anyone truly in love can not do. She does not love you like you love her, let her go. The damage is done; there's a reason why even the RELIGIOUS permit divorce in the case of infidelity, even though they are so pro-marriage at the same time. So let go, she doesn't love you. She's sorry she got caught. There's no real remorse. Skim the cheating section and you'll see what real remorse is by people who have cheated on their partners and what it looks like. I'm sorry this happened to you, let us know what you choose to do.

[smackie9]

She's nuts..........for someone to have the capacity to do something like that just shows you she doesn't value anyone .

[Darren Steez]

Your story sounds similar to mine except her boyfriend was overseas so I couldn't have known.

 

You don't have to take my word for it, yes the memories of the moments you two had were real, you must look back on that and think wow, she really must have loved me. Maybe they were, but think about the other guy too. The moments they shared (I'm not just talking about the sex) to be able to completely cast you aside from her mind to be with this guy, then switch and be with you..that's a special talent

 

Not to mention the sheer disrespect. Possibility of spreading disease, the list goes on.

 

2-3 years is a blooming long time, do you really want to marry or be with a woman who has done that to you? Run and thank god that the truth came out, because that truth can now set you free.

[No Limit]

Dude, you two never were a "love couple". You were deceived for years, her last side-BF wasn't her first. You're plan B until someone better to feed her and get her shiny stuff for life comes along.

 

Break all ties with her, block her. By sending you all your old stuff she's trying to get your weak and soft spots so she can trap you again. Don't believe any of it, and again, BLOCK HER.

[Jason89]

Your story sounds similar to mine except her boyfriend was overseas so I couldn't have known.

 

You don't have to take my word for it, yes the memories of the moments you two had were real, you must look back on that and think wow, she really must have loved me. Maybe they were, but think about the other guy too. The moments they shared (I'm not just talking about the sex) to be able to completely cast you aside from her mind to be with this guy, then switch and be with you..that's a special talent

 

Not to mention the sheer disrespect. Possibility of spreading disease, the list goes on.

 

2-3 years is a blooming long time, do you really want to marry or be with a woman who has done that to you? Run and thank god that the truth came out, because that truth can now set you free.

 

I understand that, but I have had my fair share of relationships, some lasting even longer. I have never felt this way about somebody before. Isn't it worth even trying?

Edited November 15, 2014 by Jason89

[Justanaverageguy]

I understand that, but I have had my fair share of relationships, some lasting even longer. I have never felt this way about somebody before. Isn't it worth even trying?

 

It sounds to me like to you this cheating was completely out of the blue. No big lead up warning signs or major troubles/fights in the relationship. It also sounds like she struggled to give you a real valid reason for the cheating. A family member dying is not a reason to go and get a second boyfriend. You are kidding your self if you think that was the cause. Emotional comfort that turned physical .... please!! Without actually getting to the real cause of the cheating you don't really know how to fix the issues and problems that lead to it so it doesn't occur again.

 

For me personally cheating is a deal breaker and a lot of people will say you can't recover from infidelity but I have actually seen it happen 3 or 4 times recently with people I know. All with people in a certain age bracket where the girl went a bit nuts. Can I ask how old is your GF ? Just taking a bit of a guess is she late 20's .... say around 28 ?

[elaine567]

This is not a drunken ONS, or an office party slip up, this was at least 2 months of another in depth, ongoing, relationship.

A relationship that had the third party not told you about, would still be going on today.

 

We had been emotionally distant for the past 6 months

I wonder why? She checked out with you, and fell in with him.

A woman who truly loves you, may become distant due to bereavement, but that woman doesn't tend to fall into other men's beds.

I see you had trust issues before, which you had worked on together and then she does this to you????!!

This is all about lies, deceit and sneaking about behind your back.

 

For your own sanity, please run.

[Chi townD]

She's sending you texts and pics on how she's changing and bettering herself, then she's doing it for the wrong reasons and if you allow her back, she'll do it to you again.

 

 

If she truly wants to change, then she needs to want to change for herself and no one else. She wouldn't need to literally point it out to you. You would just see it for yourself.