missm Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 Just here to rant because I'm in that sort of mood at the moment. Ex and I broke up almost 3 weeks ago. He broke up with me. We were together almost 4 years. It was kind of strange because we did not have a tumultuous relationship. He had, however, been talking to some girl from out of state that he met at work for a couple weeks...so it wasn't too surprising. He made it a friggin' roller coaster ride 'til the very end though. Crying and upset and not wanting me to leave to get the f*ck out of my life. I had my days afterwards - couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, very emotionally upset. When I found out that he spent $1600 to take her to a hotel for a weekend - well my hurt turned to anger and I pretty much was over the whole thing though I obviously still have my moments of hurt. Seeing as how he never thought enough of me to do something like that in the whole 4 years we were together though...grrr. I didn't call him, didn't email him, didn't see him - didn't want to. He on the other hand will not stop calling me and sending me emails. It's like he is f*cking with me and I don't like it. He keeps saying I just don't know what I want right now and you've got to give me time and blah blah blah...you guys know the drill. First of all, I don't HAVE to do anything for him. With these messages it's like he's trying to keep me hanging on to hope for a relationship with him. He says that he and this girl are friends, yet he's flying up to Boston to hang out with her. I don't need these details in my life. I'm trying to move on. He expects me to sit around and "give him time" while he goes out to see if there is something better - until he finds out there isn't anything better. Then he'll come crawling back and I'm afraid it's just going to be too late for him. He can play his game with someone else. On top of that, it's almost like he is going through an early mid-life crisis - or maybe he's just trying to be different - because he starting drinking. This is a person who at 24 had never had a drink in his life and was very firm about not wanting to as his father was an alcoholic and died when he was 12. I don't even know him anymore! He wants to be my friend - because we have been each other's best friends for the past four years - but I've got to draw a line somewhere. I don't tell him about each and every guy I'm seeing...he doesn't need to know. Maybe he wants me to be jealous - sorry, not going to fight over him. I've just got better things to do. So, I'm not really looking for answers about my situtation, but has anybody been jerked around like this - obvious question, right? Link to post Share on other sites
WantanS4 Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 He won't come crawling back... that's what I got 9 months ago.... has she made an effor to turn around.. nope... she's on the "I'm better than you" high still... and I guess she was.......... let it go... i know how hard it is... especially after 4 years (6 for myself)..... but it's the only thing left for us to do...... to completely let it go.... that's what they want... and that's what they'll get in the end......... there's nothing for you to do but forget....... Link to post Share on other sites
Author missm Posted March 16, 2005 Author Share Posted March 16, 2005 Believe me....I would love to forget and let go hence going out with other people and having a life of my own. I suppose I just need to stop taking his calls and replying to his emails. Remember, I haven't initiated contact with him. On the flip side, and I know I'm going to get pelted for this - I don't want to hurt his feelings. Funny right, since he had no consideration for mine.... I'm just one confused girl. Should be used to it after a month! Craziness! Link to post Share on other sites
WantanS4 Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 No.. not true... if you really loved him.. it will take you longer. i'm going on 9 months now... and I still can't seem to get it in my head that I HAVE TO find someone else... that I HAVE TO forget all the intimate moments we had.....it's not an easy deal. I haven't contacted her since Sept. and she IM-ed my phone on my birthday with a simple Happy birthday... her birthday was yesterday, and I IM-ed her Happy Birthday as well and sent her a card............. weak i suppose... do i have expectations for a response........ nah.. sorta... not really........... it's called love.... and we're trying to destroy it... get rid of it......... it would have been nice to when they started to stop feeling/loving us... or at least when there were hints about it.... rather than them saying "I don't think I love you anymore...."............. if you want to be confused, figure this out.... around christmas time, she calls my mother thanking her for the christmas cards we sent her.... and well according to my mom, she says "yes, i miss him a lot and I've been thinking about him a lot lately...... but I don't know if I love him... I don't think I do"............ which in small terms is a cluster-***** for me.......................... for her sake I hope her games work out in her benefit........... because if she does figure out that she does love me (which I doubt... but stranger things have happened).. then we're going to have a hella of a time picking up the pieces..... the longer she takes... the hard it will be............. Link to post Share on other sites
Author missm Posted March 16, 2005 Author Share Posted March 16, 2005 you used the word cluster-***** - I thought I was the only person that used that term! That really made me laugh, so thanks!! I really did/do love him. Not saying that I have gotten over that. I just want him to leave me alone so that I can pick up my pieces. Especially if he is just playing a game. It would be a whole 'nother ballgame if he were calling me saying how much he missed me so and that he made a mistake and wants to talk about how to make the situation brighter. (I'm not waiting for this phone call - it would be a cold day in hell) Him calling me and emailing me just puts me back at square one and that's not where I'm tryin' to be. It isn't easy - songs, movies, tv shows, places - everything seems to take you back at some point or another. It would be easier though if I didn't have to talk to him. Not saying that I never want to speak to him again - 'cause aside from all the sh*t, he's a decent guy - just don't want to deal with him now. I need my own time and space and he needs to lay in the bed he made. HE wanted this - SO he can deal with it, just like me....just don't contact me....lol She probably does miss you a lot and probably thinks about you - doesn't mean she loves you...as she told your mom. She's probably just lonely - that's how I see it with my ex. I'm the girl he calls when he can't reach his new girl. I DON'T WANT TO BE THAT PERSON! Me answering his calls puts him in control - makes him think that he has me right where he wants me. Hang in there - we're all in this together! m Link to post Share on other sites
WantanS4 Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 Ahh.... I'm not trying to hang in there... we should be trying to quit........ but like you said.. somethings will bring them back into your mind... and I wish that didn't happen. I regret being with her.... and although the popular opinion here would be "you shouldn't. Better to have loved and lost then to never have loved"... I think that's a bunch of B.S...... cause it's this reminiscing that gets to you....... i often feel as if I wasted so many oppourtunities to meet other girls (and I had chances.. boy did I have chances) only because in 'us' so much.................... that gets to me....... that's what gets to me the most. well... what do I have left to do but enjoy what I have around me now...... and hope for the next to come around soon so I can forget that deceptive place our love was............... Link to post Share on other sites
demonfall Posted March 17, 2005 Share Posted March 17, 2005 It's been 2 months for me, and I still think about her everyday. At this point I wish I didn't cause it's driving me nuts. missm - Stop taking his calls. If it's that important he can leave a message. Delete the emails without reading them. wantans4 - if you would have taken those chances, would you just be replacing her? or are you truly over her? I know that if i were to start a relationship now it wouldn't be fair to the new girl cause i would still be thinking about my ex. I can't turn off the love i still have for her, even though she cheated on me. Link to post Share on other sites
WantanS4 Posted March 17, 2005 Share Posted March 17, 2005 demonfall, I meant I had chances to meet a lot of other girls (who were giving me the 'i'm interested, approach me' nudge) while we were both at school, at the same school for that fact. But, for some reason, i didn't do it... I couldn't push myself to do it. It would have been wrong.... completely and utterly wrong for me to open my doors to anyone else. Where's the fidelity in that? Now, I look back and wonder if I was suppose to do it.... if it wasn't meant to be. now... i'm having a hell of a time even getting someone to look in my general direction... which I find kinda odd. So... as I said before, this is a cluster-***** in itself... and now after about 6 months of NC.. I'm starting to enjoy trying to figure out where/what is meant for me. Yup, there's no way to turn off love... but i should say that my love for her is gone... i mean there's still a stain from where it was... but i dont' feel it anymore.... i don't feel that necessity to hear her voice, see her smile, smell her scent... it's just not there.... now i do miss themm and the rest of her.. but...... i don't know... i wonder if that means it wasn't meant to be. Would i jump at the oppourtunity of working things out... i don't know... i'd have to meet with her face to face... i'd have to see her i suppose.. hear her voice... that might stur up emotions..... it sure did give me the hibby-jibbies to mail her a birthday card... i actually got the 'no.. i shouldn't... gosh i should' feeling you get on that first date... what does that mean? love is an interesting thing.. and there's nothing else like it. Link to post Share on other sites
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