Million.to.1 Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 An old BF of mine from when I was a teenager has been a friend of mine for a long time. We have/had a mutual circle of friends for many years.. He is married and has two daughters. I went to his wedding. We'll call him "Pete" My BF now is friends with him (my ex) too. We'll call my BF "Bill" They do a bit of work together. So Pete is dropping Bill off home the other day and Bill walks into the house and yells out to me "put some pants on baby, Pete is here" as a joke... and Pete says to him... "Nothing I haven't seen before" ... Bill was a bit weirded out by this comment, and since he told me about it, it's been annoying me too. Thought it was pretty rude to remind your mate that you have seen his GF naked, even if it was 18years ago. Thoughts? . Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 Your boyfriends comment strikes me as kind of a slap at Pete, I get to see her without pants and you don't, so I don't blame him for slapping back a little. He could have just said Pete's here and you would have put on pants if you didn't have any on for some reason. There was no other reason to include that part. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 As a woman, I understand that for you it was weird. Honestly though, they are buds hanging out. I wouldn't read too much into it. They forgot themselves for a minute being dudes. No big deal. Maybe say to your BF, in the future: No comments in front of guests in your home, ANY guests, regarding your clothing or lack there of. A simple "honey I'm home" will suffice. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 Umm sorry, I forgot to take into consideration that you did not know your bf was bringing someone else home w/him. Apparently, so did he. My man would always call and give me a heads up for that. It is your house too and if you are showering or not dressed that is your prerogative. Ask him for a tell BEFORE he walks in the door with other people. A girl might want to put on some pants and some lipstick! JS Link to post Share on other sites
cerridwen Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 (edited) Hi Milly, I understand why you're annoyed and Bill a little put off. It was a tactless comment. If Pete isn't usually a dick or given to senseless competition, it might have been a throwaway remark he may even secretly regret. It might have even been his misguided attempt at being funny. Without knowing him, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt above but I'd still likely have a gentle word with him alone. I'm not interested in adding undue drama to my life or have someone around giving back-handed insults to my SO. Edited November 15, 2014 by cerridwen 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 I think you are making a mountain out of a mole hill. I think you are lucky that these two aren't even worrying about Pete being your ex and lucky they can joke and banter like two guys together. I think you are making something out of nothing. "nothing I haven't seen before" is a cliche line that would have been the most natural thing in the world for him to come back with. Stop fussing or you'll make your husband start wishing your ex wasn't still in your life. Don't say one word about it unless you want to open the door for him to say, Well, hey, most guys wouldn't have to worry about this. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 Both comments seem awkward to me (the put your pants on and the retort). It's a reminder to tighten up boundaries. Bf can't make light jokes about you naked when he brings your ex home. Common sense. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Million.to.1 Posted November 15, 2014 Author Share Posted November 15, 2014 Thanks for the replies guy. My BF Bills comment "put some pants on" didn't bother me at all. I knew both of them were coming by to drop off gear. I wasn't pantless at the time... It was a joke. I often stay in my PJ'S most of the morning if I'm not working so that was a little joke from him I surprised that most of you found Bills comment off. I guess pete could have taken it that way... Bill was more offended by Petes comment than I was. My guess was he was trying to be funny and failed. I'm not trying to make a mountain out of anything... Just trying to get a bit of feedback about it. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 Bill's comment didn't bother you because it was welcome from him. But if we're thinking with compassion for the third person in the room, it might be awkward to have a reference to you with no pants. Of course that's going to trigger memories. Open mouth, insert foot. FWIW, my H's friend has said, "Nothing I haven't seen before" in reference to my boobs (I completely forget the context of this conversation ), because he saw me nursing my baby more times than he cares to remember. He said it front of one of his girlfriends, and I (being more sensitive than the guys) immediately wondered if it made her uncomfortable. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Million.to.1 Posted November 15, 2014 Author Share Posted November 15, 2014 Bill's comment didn't bother you because it was welcome from him. But if we're thinking with compassion for the third person in the room, it might be awkward to have a reference to you with no pants. Of course that's going to trigger memories. Open mouth, insert foot. FWIW, my H's friend has said, "Nothing I haven't seen before" in reference to my boobs (I completely forget the context of this conversation ), because he saw me nursing my baby more times than he cares to remember. He said it front of one of his girlfriends, and I (being more sensitive than the guys) immediately wondered if it made her uncomfortable. I totally get it, you're right. Pete wouldn't have said anything if not triggered by Bills "put some pants on". Thanks, I am really looking for a reason for Bill not to be annoyed by Petes comment as I know it was just meant as a throw away line, and we all have a good relationship, I hate it when little things like this erode that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 Don't find a reason for your boyfriend not to be annoyed, it will just come off like you're siding with the ex in what's really kind of a mini-spat over you. And your boyfriend probably has some level of insecurity about that based on what he said and being so offended by Pete's reply. It's not a normal reaction. You need to soothe his insecurities, not exacerbate them. Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted November 16, 2014 Share Posted November 16, 2014 You could always take clothes out of the equation all together and become nudists......we NEVER have these sorts of issues. Link to post Share on other sites
whatcanitellyou Posted November 16, 2014 Share Posted November 16, 2014 Hmm, a reason I hadn't thought of to avoid keeping exes as friends. Link to post Share on other sites
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