Girlfriend keeps lying and getting drunk

[sg473]

Last night is the big issue at hand but Let me give you a brief background, we've been dating for almost 4 months, she's lied about a few things in the past , mostly small things like she said she went to the gym but was actually napping, and she lied about her smoking and drinking habits, by the way , I don't do either, we had a major talk after the one night she went out and got drunk , she never texted me or snapchatted me when she got home, she said that she wouldn't be going out anymore and if she did she wouldn't get drunk....well last night I had some major family issues so I told her it was best that she wouldn't come sleep over so I could sort things out, so she tells me about how much she loves me and has my back and supports me, so here's how last night started, she went to her female friends house and had some wine and ate dinner , no problem, we were texting and snap chatting up until about 1030, then she stops texting back or snapchatting (p.s. I like Snapchat because its a way to prove where u are at the moment) , so I text her at 1115 , no response , again at 1150, no response , I'm obviously freaking out so I wasn't able to fall asleep, now it's about 130, still no response, so I call her, no answer, then about 10 minutes later her friend posts a picture of them out at a club/bar...her phone in her hand...I don't think her friend was supposed to post that picture, anyways about 15 minutes later , I get a text from her saying 'babe, I miss you" , and "I went to ** lounge and about to leave"

I reply with "was ur phone dead?" Didn't respond so I text saying "didn't think so, have fun, stay all u want" , then she texts m a bunch of drunk sloppy texts , I respond with "ur a ****ing mess, go to sleep" , she responds about how Mich she loves me blah blah blah , then in the morning she texts me saying she was already drunk before they went out and that she didn't drink out and took her friends keys and passed out in her car....fishy right....yeah...so I' wouldn't mind if she went out but 1) she didn't tell me, 2) she blatantly ignored my texts/calls for hours 3) she got drunk as hell 4) she had a drink in her hand in the instagram pic yet she tells me she didn't drink

I don't know what to do, I have zero trust in her and who the **** knows if she made out with some guy , her friends would cover for her anyway,

Now keep in mind, when we're together its amazing, she cares for me, cooks for me, have lots of sex together, laugh like bros, my family loves her and her family loves me

But when we're not together , I don't trust her at all since she's lied before , and especially when she goes out and gets drunk like this I can't stand it, I know how easy it is to get a girl to cheat, I've always been the homewrecker so I know that a drunk girl out with friends is an easy slay , I just don't know what to do , I do love her and that's why I'm not so quick to call it quits

[Art_Critic]

Time to bolt and dump her permanently.. drunks are never fun and you will always lose to the Alcohol.. and I am one .. a sober one today though...

[Darren Steez]

So she blatantly lies, goes out and gets drunk and does god knows what? You're only four months in and she's disrespecting you like this.

 

When I say disrespect, I don't mean as some mega macho man domineering his woman, just simple respect two people have to show each other in order for a relationship to have a firm grounding and the chance to grow.

 

You treat someone the way you want to be treated yourself. If you don't smoke and drink that's already some incompatibility. If she lies, unless you also think it's fine to be distrustful then that's terminal for your relationship.

 

You're four months in, it's supposed to be new, fun and exciting not chasing around and wondering what the other person is up to. Plenty of fish in the sea.

 

Tell her see you later.

[DKT3]

Way I see it, this relationship has zero chance. Here is why, either your girlfriend is totally untrustworthy as which you should end it ASAP OR your too controlling and she feels she can't be open and honest with you.

 

I'm actually leaning towards the second. When reading what you've wrote what I hear is, in my best caveman writing "me grul do what I say"

 

She is young (I'm hoping) and she wants to hang out and have fun. Unless she is one of the girls you cheated with she deserves the benefit of doubt until you have proof otherwise. Trying to force you will on her as to how and what she does is neither endearing nor loving (really for that matter). In this dynamic she will grow to resent you.

 

The best way to handle this is express your emotions thru communicating your POV, tell her how it makes you feel and your fears about what she is doing. Then let it go.

 

The truth of it all is, if she is the one then you don't need to change (or try) the things about her you don't like. If you can't accept her and love her for who she is, then let her go. You can make or wish her into being what YOU believe she should be.

 

Three months isn't that long, yet its long enough to know if you have the bait you need to stay or if its time to cut and try new bait.

[lolablue17]

I see that you like drama, you seek conflicts and maybe over controlling.

 

When you say hundred times that she didn't answer again and again and again and again... you make it sound like it's a multiple bad behavior but in fact she didn't answer just one time - the whole late evening.

 

I don't understand why do you think she did wrong. She didn't answer because she was drunk. period. If you don't believe her, break up with her but it's realy your own problem.

 

I don't know how old are you but who are you to tell her to go out or not, or to drink or not. She wasn't cheating... she was just drunk. it's not a crime.

 

You mentioned that you don't drink at all . So that's the real issue, right? you just want her to be just like you. you hate that she drinks.

 

fair enough if you end it because she drinks or because you think she is a liar... but if you stay, i advice you to calm your urge to control her. She is not your property.

Edited November 15, 2014 by lolablue17

[Omei]

You guys are just not compatible

[sg473]

i am 20 and she's almost 25, I admit i am a bit controlling but at the same time, i don't do anything or have any bad habits that would make her question my trust, i dont drink or smoke or go out because i see no need when in a relationship with someone, when i was single i went out all the time, and lets be honest, the only reason guys go out is to pick up girls, and what girls are easiest to pick up? drunk girls. She said she didnt text back because she was drunk and her phone was in her friends purse because it wouldnt fit in hers, she said that she didnt enjoy being out so she took her friends keys and went to sleep in her car, that just sounds so unbelievably sketchy, in the picture she sure looked like she was having a good time so i just dont believe that story at all, and she said i called her phone and her friend told her i called so thats when she texted back and that she said she completely forgot to let me know that she was going out, this goes to show that i obviously wasnt on her mind and she ignored me and disrespected me, i have 25 missed calls from her today and i never answered, i really dont wana talk to her and she let me down big time.....like i said, when we're together its great, we love eachother, talk about our futures and kids and marriage and she treats me great and i treat her great, i looked through her messages once and she told her friedns that i'm the best she's ever had so she doesnt have a reason to cheat on me because shes obviously satisfied, but lets face it, alcohol makes a girl forget all that, i've seen some girls in the happiest of relationshps and they cheated simply because they were drunk.....i could get almost any girl i want but i choose to stay in hopes that she would change for the better and develop more 'wifey' traits.....i'm not so quick to quit and i'm very devoted and i dont lie to her and would never cheat

[ExpatInItaly]

You have zero trust in her? Sorry, but this relationship is already dead in the water. Move on and find someone whose interests and values match yours. This one clearly isn't working.

 

Also, the fact that you like Snapchat because it "proves where you are" is concerning. You say you're maybe a bit controlling - yes, I would agree.

Edited November 16, 2014 by ExpatInItaly

[sam_999]

girls with boyfreinds have nothing to do in clubs thats my opinion

[Lernaean_Hydra]

girls with boyfreinds have nothing to do in clubs thats my opinion

 

Not everyone who goes clubbing is looking to hook up. I certainly didn't and never would. There's nothing wrong with wanting to go out and dance/drink/party.

 

OP, you sound like a super controlling, possessive and clingy guy who feels like he has to police his girlfriend's behavior 24/7 because you give zero trust. It's highly unattractive and off-putting. On the other hand, she also sounds like a party girl who shouldn't be in a relationship, least of all with someone like you. Just break it off and move on. You're not compatible in any way.

[Coe]

She sounds like a perfectly normal 25 year old girl. My opinion is that she should dump you.

 

You are controlling and she clearly feels that she has to hide things from you because of that. You are also delusional to think you can pick up any drunk girl you want. Drunk girls aren't easy, easy girls are easy.

 

You're 20 and have been dating her for 4 months and already talking about the future, marriage and trying to see if she will show any "wifey" traits. Sorry but that is insane.

 

You should be out having fun with your girlfriend but I can't imagine she will ever want to invite you out as you will be too busy sipping tap water and watching and judging her every move to have fun.

 

Basically you aren't compatible with her at all... Or really with the majority of women under the age of 35.

[Coe]

Time to bolt and dump her permanently.. drunks are never fun and you will always lose to the Alcohol.. and I am one .. a sober one today though...

 

There is a massive difference between someone that goes out and has fun and an actual alcoholic.

[NJ123]

Not everyone who goes clubbing is looking to hook up. I certainly didn't and never would. There's nothing wrong with wanting to go out and dance/drink/party.

 

OP, you sound like a super controlling, possessive and clingy guy who feels like he has to police his girlfriend's behavior 24/7 because you give zero trust. It's highly unattractive and off-putting. On the other hand, she also sounds like a party girl who shouldn't be in a relationship, least of all with someone like you. Just break it off and move on. You're not compatible in any way.

 

Honestly, I think it's bad news waiting to happen to be at a club/bar while in a relationship. Getting hit on constantly by drunk guys, guys not taking no for an answer etc. It's just not a good environment at all while being in a relationship, especially if you're going on your own.

[sg473]

i love seeing all the people saying that its fine to go out and get drunk when in a relationship, why do u think the divorce rate is so damn high and infidelity is at an all time high? and sites like ashely madison and swinger sites are available? because people are selfish and carry destructive traits for a relationship, thats why nothing lasts more than a couple years , and for all u who are saying i'm controlling are the same ones who probably hide things from their partner or cheat or get cheated on....when we first started dating i was not controlling and gave her the benefit of th edoubt, but she let me down a couple times and lied when i gave her my trust, so now i am more controlling and do tend to trust less, for all of u that go out and get drunk and think its acceptable , come tell me that when u have a family and kids and when the family is torn apart due to dysfunction, people in relationships need to start acting like they're in a relationship or else stay single, like i said ,i went out to frats and clubs when i was single and talking to multiple women at the same time, but when taken, i am the most devoted man u can imagine, always honest and sincere and help my partner gain trust in me by doing little things like deleting girls from my snapchat or facebook and not liking pictures of other girls or texting other girls....i would take some of your advice more seriously if that type of advice didnt lead to a selfish unfaithful relationship, i've seen it way too many times, from friends to my own experiences, to older married couples, certain traits and behaviors lead to the downfall of a relationship

[NJ123]

i love seeing all the people saying that its fine to go out and get drunk when in a relationship, why do u think the divorce rate is so damn high and infidelity is at an all time high? and sites like ashely madison and swinger sites are available? because people are selfish and carry destructive traits for a relationship, thats why nothing lasts more than a couple years , and for all u who are saying i'm controlling are the same ones who probably hide things from their partner or cheat or get cheated on....when we first started dating i was not controlling and gave her the benefit of th edoubt, but she let me down a couple times and lied when i gave her my trust, so now i am more controlling and do tend to trust less, for all of u that go out and get drunk and think its acceptable , come tell me that when u have a family and kids and when the family is torn apart due to dysfunction, people in relationships need to start acting like they're in a relationship or else stay single, like i said ,i went out to frats and clubs when i was single and talking to multiple women at the same time, but when taken, i am the most devoted man u can imagine, always honest and sincere and help my partner gain trust in me by doing little things like deleting girls from my snapchat or facebook and not liking pictures of other girls or texting other girls....i would take some of your advice more seriously if that type of advice didnt lead to a selfish unfaithful relationship, i've seen it way too many times, from friends to my own experiences, to older married couples, certain traits and behaviors lead to the downfall of a relationship

 

I honestly think you two aren't really compatible. She's been lying to you about things, so I can't exactly blame you for having trust issues with her. And trust is one of the main things to have a healthy relationship. If you don't trust her, than it's just not going to work out. You're going to keep wondering what she's doing when you're not around her & that's not healthy for the relationship or yourself. I just don't see how it'll work out long term. If you want to possibly make it work you need to discuss these things with her & if you don't like her answers than you should end it.

[lolablue17]

i love seeing all the people saying that its fine to go out and get drunk when in a relationship, why do u think the divorce rate is so damn high and infidelity is at an all time high? and sites like ashely madison and swinger sites are available? because people are selfish and carry destructive traits for a relationship, thats why nothing lasts more than a couple years , and for all u who are saying i'm controlling are the same ones who probably hide things from their partner or cheat or get cheated on....when we first started dating i was not controlling and gave her the benefit of th edoubt, but she let me down a couple times and lied when i gave her my trust, so now i am more controlling and do tend to trust less, for all of u that go out and get drunk and think its acceptable , come tell me that when u have a family and kids and when the family is torn apart due to dysfunction, people in relationships need to start acting like they're in a relationship or else stay single, like i said ,i went out to frats and clubs when i was single and talking to multiple women at the same time, but when taken, i am the most devoted man u can imagine, always honest and sincere and help my partner gain trust in me by doing little things like deleting girls from my snapchat or facebook and not liking pictures of other girls or texting other girls....i would take some of your advice more seriously if that type of advice didnt lead to a selfish unfaithful relationship, i've seen it way too many times, from friends to my own experiences, to older married couples, certain traits and behaviors lead to the downfall of a relationship

 

All I can say is that if I thought my girlfriend has a constant pattern of lying, i wouldn't be with her.

[Coe]

i love seeing all the people saying that its fine to go out and get drunk when in a relationship, why do u think the divorce rate is so damn high and infidelity is at an all time high? and sites like ashely madison and swinger sites are available? because people are selfish and carry destructive traits for a relationship, thats why nothing lasts more than a couple years , and for all u who are saying i'm controlling are the same ones who probably hide things from their partner or cheat or get cheated on....when we first started dating i was not controlling and gave her the benefit of th edoubt, but she let me down a couple times and lied when i gave her my trust, so now i am more controlling and do tend to trust less, for all of u that go out and get drunk and think its acceptable , come tell me that when u have a family and kids and when the family is torn apart due to dysfunction, people in relationships need to start acting like they're in a relationship or else stay single, like i said ,i went out to frats and clubs when i was single and talking to multiple women at the same time, but when taken, i am the most devoted man u can imagine, always honest and sincere and help my partner gain trust in me by doing little things like deleting girls from my snapchat or facebook and not liking pictures of other girls or texting other girls....i would take some of your advice more seriously if that type of advice didnt lead to a selfish unfaithful relationship, i've seen it way too many times, from friends to my own experiences, to older married couples, certain traits and behaviors lead to the downfall of a relationship

 

Yeh you should end it with her. Before she dumps you when she meets a normal 20-something guy that is just as happy going out with her as he is going out separately with their own friends.

 

You don't trust your partner if that trust comes with a list of things she can and can't do that a Mormon would be proud of.

[ExpatInItaly]

i love seeing all the people saying that its fine to go out and get drunk when in a relationship, why do u think the divorce rate is so damn high and infidelity is at an all time high? and sites like ashely madison and swinger sites are available? because people are selfish and carry destructive traits for a relationship, thats why nothing lasts more than a couple years , and for all u who are saying i'm controlling are the same ones who probably hide things from their partner or cheat or get cheated on....when we first started dating i was not controlling and gave her the benefit of th edoubt, but she let me down a couple times and lied when i gave her my trust, so now i am more controlling and do tend to trust less, for all of u that go out and get drunk and think its acceptable , come tell me that when u have a family and kids and when the family is torn apart due to dysfunction, people in relationships need to start acting like they're in a relationship or else stay single, like i said ,i went out to frats and clubs when i was single and talking to multiple women at the same time, but when taken, i am the most devoted man u can imagine, always honest and sincere and help my partner gain trust in me by doing little things like deleting girls from my snapchat or facebook and not liking pictures of other girls or texting other girls....i would take some of your advice more seriously if that type of advice didnt lead to a selfish unfaithful relationship, i've seen it way too many times, from friends to my own experiences, to older married couples, certain traits and behaviors lead to the downfall of a relationship

 

So then break up with her. It's obvious she doesn't share these views. You're wasting your own time (and hers) trying to change her into the person you want her to be. She is who she is. All you can do is decide whether or not that works for you, which it clearly doesn't. I really don't know what else to tell you. It's been only four months and you're already on shaky ground. You guys aren't a match.

[Art_Critic]

There is a massive difference between someone that goes out and has fun and an actual alcoholic.

 

Yep, and she has a problem with Alcohol... the lies are also manifested from that.. she isn't a normal 25 year old who goes out and has a few with her friends, she drinks to the point of not being able to get home and lies.. those are traits showing she has a problem with Alcohol.

 

By the way.. in my state being in a car with your keys passed out earns your a DUI.

[d0nnivain]

SG473

 

 

You have very strong negative opinions about alcohol. You need to only date people who share your view.

 

 

Having a drink or several & even getting drunk does not automatically mean the other person is unfaithful. Unreliable, undesirable, maybe but not unfaithful.

 

 

While her lying is a problem so is your controlling behavior. In your first post you said, that you like SnapChat because the program confirms the senders location. Your preference for that shows extreme trust issues. Perhaps because of her pattern of lies, external confirmation is required where she was concerned but you can't lo-jack people. (well the technology exists but it's a bad idea).

[Lernaean_Hydra]

Honestly, I think it's bad news waiting to happen to be at a club/bar while in a relationship. Getting hit on constantly by drunk guys, guys not taking no for an answer etc. It's just not a good environment at all while being in a relationship, especially if you're going on your own.

 

I mean, I don't know when the last time you went to a bar or club was but it isn't exactly Dante's Inferno in there . Being hit on by drunk guys doesn't mean you have to sleep with them and as far as them not being able to "take no for an answer", that's what your friends and security are for. Most people don't go out clubbing alone...

[NJ123]

I mean, I don't know when the last time you went to a bar or club was but it isn't exactly Dante's Inferno in there . Being hit on by drunk guys doesn't mean you have to sleep with them and as far as them not being able to "take no for an answer", that's what your friends and security are for. Most people don't go out clubbing alone...

 

But to me it would be a problem going to a club/bar & basically acting like you're single when you have a boyfriend. If a guy asked you to dance without your boyfriend around, would you? Or if they offered you a drink, would you accept it? Clubs/bars are absolutely not the right environment if you're in a relationship. It's filled with guys looking for hook ups. And even if you go with your boyfriend, how do you think it would feel for him if guys keep hitting on you right in front of him even knowing he's with you. He just has to sit back & take all of that because if he says anything he'd be seen as insecure, but if he doesn't than he's seen as a bitch basically. Trust me, a lot of guys deep down would be bothered by that even if they don't admit it/show it.

 

And didn't you make a post a few days ago, pretty sure it was you anyway, that said you were with a guy on a date at a bar & you kept getting hit on right in front of him? Than he took it out on you basically. So yeah, not exactly the best place to be while in a relationship.

[No Limit]

i love seeing all the people saying that its fine to go out and get drunk when in a relationship, why do u think the divorce rate is so damn high and infidelity is at an all time high?

 

Plenty of reason for the divorce rates.

Just to name my personal top 3 reasons;

 

- Sex is available everywhere, and people don't care enough about their partners to restrain themselves.

- People don't live consciously and attentively. Sometimes when a cheater comes home to a crying partner, they're honestly surprised that cheating upsets them. "It was just a little fun."

- People marry because of material reasons/money. Many women who don't have enough brains to make it in the world of jobs and professions prefer to get pregnant quickly and "trap" a man. Just like some men want their trophy wife and get a perfect loving-act.

 

 

Either way, alcohol might be the favourite excuse and justification, but it rarely is the true reason. Personally I've been drunk a few times already, and never have I woken up with a guy on top of me. None of my female friends either, and even piss poor drunk one friend of mine who has a boyfriend refuses to get "too close" while dancing, because she knows her boyfriend wouldn't appreciate other guys touching her etc.

 

You can't seriously expect a "party girl" (= someone who drinks regularly and is basically setting themselves up for an alcohol addiction) to ever care about anyone but herself. She wants fun, which often includes drunken sex with random guys.

Don't like it? Then don't make her your girlfriend.

[NJ123]

Plenty of reason for the divorce rates.

Just to name my personal top 3 reasons;

 

- Sex is available everywhere, and people don't care enough about their partners to restrain themselves.

- People don't live consciously and attentively. Sometimes when a cheater comes home to a crying partner, they're honestly surprised that cheating upsets them. "It was just a little fun."

- People marry because of material reasons/money. Many women who don't have enough brains to make it in the world of jobs and professions prefer to get pregnant quickly and "trap" a man. Just like some men want their trophy wife and get a perfect loving-act.

 

 

Either way, alcohol might be the favourite excuse and justification, but it rarely is the true reason. Personally I've been drunk a few times already, and never have I woken up with a guy on top of me. None of my female friends either, and even piss poor drunk one friend of mine who has a boyfriend refuses to get "too close" while dancing, because she knows her boyfriend wouldn't appreciate other guys touching her etc.

 

You can't seriously expect a "party girl" (= someone who drinks regularly and is basically setting themselves up for an alcohol addiction) to ever care about anyone but herself. She wants fun, which often includes drunken sex with random guys.

Don't like it? Then don't make her your girlfriend.

 

Usually that's not the case. Usually it seems the cheater hides it completely for awhile, until they either finally admit it after their conscience gets the best of them after awhile, or they simply get caught.

 

lol and I'm surprised you'd say that since you're a woman yourself. And that's a big topic in my other thread. If the man/woman's standards are that the other has to have a great job or whatever else they better have it themselves. I feel for those guys that get with a woman that's clearly using them for their money & security. Those women usually don't have much going for themselves at all, and the guy should see that before marrying/having kids with them.

[d0nnivain]

But to me it would be a problem going to a club/bar & basically acting like you're single when you have a boyfriend. If a guy asked you to dance without your boyfriend around, would you? Or if they offered you a drink, would you accept it? Clubs/bars are absolutely not the right environment if you're in a relationship. It's filled with guys looking for hook ups. And even if you go with your boyfriend, how do you think it would feel for him if guys keep hitting on you right in front of him even knowing he's with you. He just has to sit back & take all of that because if he says anything he'd be seen as insecure, but if he doesn't than he's seen as a bitch basically. .

 

 

I am married & still have no problem going to a club or bar without my husband & he can go without me. If a guy hit on me I'd politely show him my rings & gently but firmly shut him down. If someone bought me a drink, I'd drink it, then reciprocate. If I was asked to dance, I'd dance but not grind. Even when DH is with me I often dance with other people because my husband doesn't like to dance.

 

 

When DH & I are out together he gets hit on more than I do. When it gets bad, I have physically started to touch & caress him because it's never him that is encouraging it but people who aren't taking his hints to go away or downshift. I have also moved closer to him when I can't politely shake a persistent suitor.

 

 

There are ways to behave in public even in situations fraught with the most "temptation" and still behave appropriately.