Girlfriend keeps lying and getting drunk

[sg473]

In case anybody was wondering, after i didnt respond all day saturday, she came by saturday night, made my favorite cookies and prnted out a bunch of cute pictures and wrote cute things on them, i obviously didnt forgive her from that but it shows shes sorry and what not, so we talked for a good hour, i said everything i had to say, harshly but accurately, i told straight up that i don't want to date somebody who's gonna be going out and getting drunk, even if its once in awhile, i told her that i gave her the chance to prove herself when she goes out which she clearly failed to do, she didnt bother to tell me she was going out and never contacted me while out, i told her we're not compatible and that i wont put up with it and that i dont want to change her, so she cried and told me she would do anything for me and that she loves me more than anything and would do anything and everything to make the relationship work...she said that she won't go out anymore because she admitted she is clearly not capable of handling herself after alcohol, she also said she will be completely open with me(which for the most part she has), also she has not had a one night stand with a guy she just met and she neevr really had a 'fwb' or 'booty call' situation so that shows she mainly has sex with only someoen she cares about and dates, although she has madeout with lots of guys in the past, and just to be clear, i know that based on what i wrote before it seems as if she goes out(to clubs/bars) weekly or often but thats not the case, shes only went out 3 times or so the whole time we dated, but the problem is that each time she got really damn drunk, and really drunk people make bad choices....also i know that many of u say we're not compatible, i agree that we may not be compatible in terms of the night life scene and drinking but i've never felt more connected and compatible with someone in all other aspects before in my life, we see eye to eye on so many things, we talk like best friends, we laugh, poop in front of eachother, motivate eachother in school/career, families love us, we are so comfortable sexually and sparks fly whenever we get it on...so my point is that the pros outweigh the cons, although the cons(going out, drinking..etc are destructive to any relatiosnhip) and if those things can be resolved we would have a flawless relationship.. well anyways i decidied to continue things, she seems extremely willing to compromise and also sees that my intentions are not to hold her back and prevent her from having 'fun' going out but rather to show her that that isn't necessary to have fun and have a good time, she always want to be with me/near me, the problems i've talked about arise when she's not with me,the days i can't see her, and thats what worries me and what i mentioned to her is that i feel like when shes not with me(i'm her drug/addiction as she calls it) she feels the need to go out and drink, she undertsands and sees where im coming from and is willing to do what it takes to make it work

[ExpatInItaly]

I think she's going to regret telling you she won't go out anymore. For someone who doesn't often go out (by your own admission) you sure have some strong feelings about it. My take is that she panicked and made you a promise, but I think it's going to eventually breed resentment. Sorry, I know you won't like hearing that, but that's my two cents.

[Coe]

Kinda stretching the definition of compromise there I see.

 

Nice to know you poop in front of each other... Weird.

 

Enjoy the next month or so, she will hate you after that.

[No Limit]

lol and I'm surprised you'd say that since you're a woman yourself.

 

Thing is I'm going to school and stuff to be successful and financially on my own feet; my family tries to push me even further than that, hoping to set me up for the probably best paid area in the medical business (plastic surgery). I never felt the need to hopefully meet a half-decent guy willing to be my meal ticket so long as I surprise him with fancy lingerie until the I hold signed marriage contracts in one hand and a positive pregnancy test in the other.

 

Besides, I don't really think of men vs women. There are just some things men and women do in relationships that are just plain wrong.

 

I feel for those guys that get with a woman that's clearly using them for their money & security.

 

Huh, indeed.

 

 

edit; just saw OPs latest message. Well, good luck. You're gonna need it. Don't let a few tears influence you though...

Edited November 18, 2014 by No Limit

[stillafool]

Well, as usual around here, it doesn't matter what they do they take them back.

[lolablue17]

Nobody can tell the future, if she is trust worthy or not. It's a gamble.

 

But she took the right approach, and based on the fact that she is very young, i think it's a good sign. you're 20, right?

 

There isn't any assurance... but if she isn't addicted or anything, it's not so hard to prevent drinking while you're not there, as a rule between you two. it should be a primary rule of course.

Good luck

[mr_dave]

Hmm, I had the same kind of problem with my ex girlfriend, she was a homebody for the first few years, always preferring to stay in with me, or for us to go out together and watch a movie, have a meal out, and a few quiet drinks.

Then she became one of the girrrrrls, she started going out a few nights a week. Even though I hate that scene I encouraged her to go out as I wanted her to have a fulfilling life. Unfortunately, these friends wanted her to embrace their kind of behaviour, - they actually encouraged her to cheat on me, and covered for her when she eventually did.

 

I don't think you should have to tell a partner what they should and shouldn't be doing, she may grow to resent it. Why not find someone who doesn't lie, and who isn't into that scene?

[d0nnivain]

Actions speak louder then words. She can tell you that she wants to be with you but alcohol is very seductive. Also the fact that you worry when you are not together shows tremendous trust issues. Even in the best relationships the couples have to be apart for work etc. RL exists. You can't just hole up together forever.