I almost caught him cheating...

[rakel_aki]

Hello Everyone.

 

I am going through something very tough right now. Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 8 years. He is my first I am his 3rd. He is 26 I am 25. We have even been talking about getting married next year.

 

Well sometime ago I logged into his email because I wanted to retrieve an email I had sent him that I had deleted and I noticed he signed up for a dating site and a "swingers" site.

 

The dating site he only created the profile but there was nothing. No Exchange of messages with anyone.

 

The "swingers" site there were many messages exchanged. He even posted his private part as his profile picture and made an album. At first I thought it was a fetish of his. He would exchange messages with other people, very sexual messages and sometimes would mention me.

 

I decided to create a fake account and start talking to him. On the same day I started talking to him I asked him if he would like to meet up for a one night stand. He said he had to see if he could. Well he called me that night saying he was a little late from work (we don't live together) but we could go out for a coffee. I told him that today I was really tired and he said OK. Well....he Then send a message to my fake account planning to meet up at a hotel. I then cal him and say that I changed my mind and wanted to go out for a coffee. He sends a message to the fake account saying he couldn't today that they would postpone to next week.

 

And I confronted him. At first he denied it. Then after 1 hour admitted it. And felt really bad. Well its been 2 days since then. I love him. I feel sick to my stomach. I don't know how to react. I love him with all my heart but my head says to leave.....

 

I need some wise words please....

Tomorrow is his grandmas birthday. I don't know how I will put a smile on....

[whatcanitellyou]

Hello Everyone.

 

I am going through something very tough right now. Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 8 years. He is my first I am his 3rd. He is 26 I am 25. We have even been talking about getting married next year.

 

Well sometime ago I logged into his email because I wanted to retrieve an email I had sent him that I had deleted and I noticed he signed up for a dating site and a "swingers" site.

 

The dating site he only created the profile but there was nothing. No Exchange of messages with anyone.

 

The "swingers" site there were many messages exchanged. He even posted his private part as his profile picture and made an album. At first I thought it was a fetish of his. He would exchange messages with other people, very sexual messages and sometimes would mention me.

 

I decided to create a fake account and start talking to him. On the same day I started talking to him I asked him if he would like to meet up for a one night stand. He said he had to see if he could. Well he called me that night saying he was a little late from work (we don't live together) but we could go out for a coffee. I told him that today I was really tired and he said OK. Well....he Then send a message to my fake account planning to meet up at a hotel. I then cal him and say that I changed my mind and wanted to go out for a coffee. He sends a message to the fake account saying he couldn't today that they would postpone to next week.

 

And I confronted him. At first he denied it. Then after 1 hour admitted it. And felt really bad. Well its been 2 days since then. I love him. I feel sick to my stomach. I don't know how to react. I love him with all my heart but my head says to leave.....

 

I need some wise words please....

Tomorrow is his grandmas birthday. I don't know how I will put a smile on....

 

Of course he's going to lie, that's what cheaters do; how else can he have his cake and eat it too? Keep you around for sex when he wants it and explore a little strange on the side. Take it from a girlfriend a little older than you: leave now. He isn't ready to settle and be monogamous, you are young and have plenty of time to find someone that is. I know it seems like he's your world, especially since he's your first boyfriend, but believe me when I tell you that's not true. There are lots of great guys out there that are ready to make a life with one woman. There is nothing but misery waiting for you with this guy.

[rakel_aki]

I would like to add ee said he wouldn't have gone. That he was just seeing to where it would go. He said that it was probably to rob him. But he did exchange very personal information...

 

 

If this happened at the beginning of the relationship I would not think twice about leaving. But we have been together for 8 years...I feel sick. I don't eat. I can't concentrate at work. I don't know what to do...I am scared he will just make another email account and register and if someone offers sex he will accept..

[Dontfindme]

What he did is the worst kind of disrespect you can expect from a partner.

 

Are you ever going to be able to trust him again? You're going to doubt everything - with good reason - and it'll just build up resentment in both of you.

 

Leave him. You deserve better. Listen to your head. Don't let attachment steer you wrong.

[whatcanitellyou]

Hon, he's lying. That's what they all say, and he's grasping for straws right now. He's not ready to settle down. I'm sorry and I know it hurts, but he's showing you who he is right now and it's so very important that you listen. I've already been where you are and it's so clear to me what's going to happen here. Trust your gut, you know exactly what it says.

[Dontfindme]

I would like to add ee said he wouldn't have gone. That he was just seeing to where it would go. He said that it was probably to rob him. But he did exchange very personal information...

 

 

If this happened at the beginning of the relationship I would not think twice about leaving. But we have been together for 8 years...I feel sick. I don't eat. I can't concentrate at work. I don't know what to do...I am scared he will just make another email account and register and if someone offers sex he will accept..

 

So why subject yourself to this BS? Dump his ass. You deserve someone who is faithful, and trustworthy, and respectable. He is none of those things.

 

He clearly didn't give a sh*t about the 8 years with you - to have thrown it all away.

 

He's lying obviously. No one meets at a hotel - just to see where it goes.

[rakel_aki]

He says he wouln't have gone OMG this is crazy. I feel crazy. he just wanted to see where it would go to. I feel so sick. I want to believe him so bad.

[Dontfindme]

He says he wouln't have gone OMG this is crazy. I feel crazy. he just wanted to see where it would go to. I feel so sick. I want to believe him so bad.

 

 

So what was he going to do if you didn't change plans and meet with him?

 

And why do you want to believe him?

[rakel_aki]

So what was he going to do if you didn't change plans and meet with him?

 

And why do you want to believe him?

 

He said he wouldn't go. That no women would offer sex up like that. He was just "plying" around. I might add he asked for intimate pictures, which I sent (fake ones).

 

I want to believe him because I love him and I seemed like he geniually love me me back. 8 years. Why? Our sex life was fine. We were fine. Why would he do that? I dont know why...I can't understand...

[rakel_aki]

I think I am going to see a therapist this week. Do you guys think that will help to get my ideas in order?

[Dontfindme]

He said he wouldn't go. That no women would offer sex up like that. He was just "plying" around. I might add he asked for intimate pictures, which I sent (fake ones).

 

I want to believe him because I love him and I seemed like he geniually love me me back. 8 years. Why? Our sex life was fine. We were fine. Why would he do that? I dont know why...I can't understand...

 

Perhaps other posters may be able to help you better, with other suggestions. I'm not sure what else to say. It sounds like you want to sugarcoat his heinous actions to salvage the relationship; it's unfortunate that you are in denial.

 

But I do get it. I mean, you had 8 years with the guy, it isn't easy to let that go -you may have plenty of fears, insecurities, and lots of hurt to navigate through in your mind. While my opinion still stands (you should leave him), you should give yourself time to figure things out; this is a lot to process, and I'm truly sorry that you are in this situation.

 

I do think speaking to a therapist is a great idea. Perhaps he/she will ease your mind, and provide a better outlet.

 

All the best to you OP! I hope things get better for you.

[rakel_aki]

Perhaps other posters may be able to help you better, with other suggestions. I'm not sure what else to say. It sounds like you want to sugarcoat his heinous actions to salvage the relationship; it's unfortunate that you are in denial.

 

But I do get it. I mean, you had 8 years with the guy, it isn't easy to let that go -you may have plenty of fears, insecurities, and lots of hurt to navigate through in your mind. While my opinion still stands (you should leave him), you should give yourself time to figure things out; this is a lot to process, and I'm truly sorry that you are in this situation.

 

I do think speaking to a therapist is a great idea. Perhaps he/she will ease your mind, and provide a better outlet.

 

All the best to you OP! I hope things get better for you.

 

 

Thank you so much for your kind words. Your words and preocupation have helped ease the enormous amount of pain right now. I feel sick. I wish I could give back to you what you just gave me. Thank you very much.

[Omei]

He said he wouldn't go. That no women would offer sex up like that. He was just "plying" around. I might add he asked for intimate pictures, which I sent (fake ones).

 

I want to believe him because I love him and I seemed like he geniually love me me back. 8 years. Why? Our sex life was fine. We were fine. Why would he do that? I dont know why...I can't understand...

 

Sorry but that is just totally untrue many men go to websites and things like craiglist because there are women out there looking for a bone just as much as men. You caught him red handed and now only after you caught him does he feel remorse why? Because he's going to lose you and he didnt think he would he thought you would never find out and things would he fine for him hes all sorrys now because they didnt go as planned, had you not caught him he would of gone to that hotel he was trying so very hard to plan it around you.

 

He would still be using that site today had you not caught him and his tears and reqrets towards you is yet another blinder to keep you by his side because he knows you love him so much there's a chance you will let it all go without consequence and he will be good but don't he shocked if further in the future he shows more of this behavior and when your married you cant exactly boo hoo then because this here is what your signing up for you know now if you choose to ignore it thats on you.

[me85]

I understand you love your boyfriend but what he is doing is wrong. You are both very young. It would be nice if the fantasy of the fairytale were true...that young couples spend the rest of their lives together...but that story is rarely true for people. You need more life experience with other people and eventually you will want to explore new territory as you get older. You're far from being ready to settle down for the rest of your life.

[Omei]

You have to remember this guy felt confident enough in his ability of lying to you enough to make a profile and try to find other woman.

 

There's no oops or accident in that.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

He says he wouln't have gone OMG this is crazy. I feel crazy. he just wanted to see where it would go to. I feel so sick. I want to believe him so bad.

 

He's lying through his teeth honey, and poorly. He went to a sex website and agreed to a casual hookup with a random stranger! He says he wouldn't have gone yet he was totally up for a meet right up until the last minute . Please don't believe a word out of his mouth. He will absolutely cheat on you the next opportunity he gets if he feels he won't get caught and if he hasn't cheated already. I'm so sorry you're going through this but you need to leave him in the gutter where he belongs.

[me85]

This is a clear indication of how your future with him is going to be if you stay with him. He is (and possibly has already) going to cheat on you. He is obviously growing tired of the same old same old. I would definitely walk, if I were you. He needs to know you mean business and that you value yourself more than to let someone disrespect you like that. I only wish I would've been that dignified. At the very least, you should tell him you need your space. Break up. Don't talk for a while. See how you feel in a month or so.

Edited November 15, 2014 by me85

[Dontfindme]

Thank you so much for your kind words. Your words and preocupation have helped ease the enormous amount of pain right now. I feel sick. I wish I could give back to you what you just gave me. Thank you very much.

 

I'm really glad if I was able to help in any way. It will get better, I promise. But until it does, definitely vent/express yourself if you feel that doing so, helps at all.

[ExpatInItaly]

He wants to have sex with women who aren't you. He lied about it to your face. He's full of sh*t and you know it, though it's difficult to accept. Get rid of him. No man signs up for a swingers site just to "play" with people and "see where things go." Please. He wants to park his baloney pony in other women, full stop.

 

Just a word from experience - this may not be the only thing he's doing behind your back, nor the first time. It's possible he's not ventured here before, but it's also possible this isn't his first time straying.

[Keke1]

He said he wouldn't go. That no women would offer sex up like that. He was just "plying" around. I might add he asked for intimate pictures, which I sent (fake ones).

 

I want to believe him because I love him and I seemed like he geniually love me me back. 8 years. Why? Our sex life was fine. We were fine. Why would he do that? I dont know why...I can't understand...

Fall for this mess and you are going to get exactly what you deserve. Get peace of mind right now and take control of your life. Don't let him make your mind crazy wondering.

[No Limit]

He would have gone. Why else do you think did he tell you he couldn't meet you that evening? I know you're currently in denial, but if you've become co-dependant to him, this relationship isn't healthy for you.

[veggirl]

As far as WHY he would do this? He's 26 and been with you since he was 18!

 

He's bored!

 

It's very likely he's already cheated on you.

[No Limit]

It's very likely he's already cheated on you.

 

Of course he has. This isn't the only website he's making his rounds, and he's probably getting some while out with buddies.

[Elle1975]

I would like to add ee said he wouldn't have gone. That he was just seeing to where it would go. He said that it was probably to rob him. But he did exchange very personal information...

 

 

If this happened at the beginning of the relationship I would not think twice about leaving. But we have been together for 8 years...I feel sick. I don't eat. I can't concentrate at work. I don't know what to do...I am scared he will just make another email account and register and if someone offers sex he will accept..

 

In my opinion, that's where you're wrong. At beginning of a relationship you don't know your OP very well, you may not be exclusive, and that's where it might not matter as much. However, after 8 years, he's supposed to be involved and totally faithful to you, but he's not.

 

Of course he was going to go to the hotel and screw the "girl" he thought he had met.

 

It's clear that he's sorry he got busted and is trying to do some damage control by lying some more. Loser is what comes to my mind.

 

Id be more prompt to forgive if at least he had put everything on the table and hadn't tried to lie about it. Cowardice is such a turn off, and a predictor of his future behavior if the two of you happen to get married. I mean, do you want to call a coward "the man of my life"?

 

Cheating, forgivable to a point. Lying to your face even though he got caught the hand in the cookie jar.. not so forgivable anymore.

[veggirl]

Of course he has. This isn't the only website he's making his rounds, and he's probably getting some while out with buddies.

 

Yeah if you catch someone doing something you HAVE to wonder how many times you DIDN'T catch them. I mean OP you can't REALLY believe that the "one time" he did something bad is the one time you happened to catch him. When during the whole "yes I'll meet up with you, oh **** now my gf wants to get coffee" exchange was he going to "not go"? When was he planning on calling it off? spoiler alert: he wasn't.