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I almost caught him cheating...


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I decided to create a fake account and start talking to him. On the same day I started talking to him I asked him if he would like to meet up for a one night stand. He said he had to see if he could. Well he called me that night saying he was a little late from work (we don't live together) but we could go out for a coffee. I told him that today I was really tired and he said OK. Well....he Then send a message to my fake account planning to meet up at a hotel. I then cal him and say that I changed my mind and wanted to go out for a coffee. He sends a message to the fake account saying he couldn't today that they would postpone to next week.

 

He was up for it, no question and had you said you were going away on a work trip for 2 days, he would have messaged your fake account to arrange to meet up then.

You can no longer trust him and that is a bad state of affairs, especially if you have known him for 8 years and are not even married.

Be grateful you have found out now before you have kids and lots of other responsibilities to worry about.

You are young, ditch him and enjoy your life.

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I'm sorry he did this.

 

This shows he's not the guy for you. He doesn't have your best interests at heart, and you can't trust him.

 

Eight years is a long time. But that doesn't mean you should stay. You don't want to waste more time with a guy like this. If you want to eventually be married with kids, you need to end this, allow yourself to heal, and find a guy who doesn't lie, sneak around and put your health at risk.

 

I understand you love him and want to know why. You may never know the answer. And it really doesn't matter. Bottom line is that a guy that would do this is not good for you. You feel sick because you know it's wrong. You are looking for a guy that would make a good husband and father and he clearly does not fit the bill. Right now you are minimizing and denying because you aren't ready to feel the impact of this truth yet. It's how our minds protect us from things we can't cope with. Allow yourself to feel, to be sad. Telling yourself it's not that bad or that he wouldn't have went is self protection, and a therapist can help you get stronger, to a point of acceptance.

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IMO being a swinger is a lifestyle CHOICE, not something that needs to be addressed in the therapist's chair. Like being gay, or having kink, it's just what he is into. He's been hiding it by putting on the "being normal" fasade.

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