Young Colleague - Long Story

[begin1000]

Hi All,

 

This post is going to be very long and I have a very complex problem. I will explain in the form of a story.

 

I am 36, Married and we are swingers, not very experienced swingers but none the less we indulge in soft swing with other couples in a club situation.

 

Over the past couple months I have been talking to a colleague in work who is 19 years old, not particularly flirting just chatting on breaks etc. 2 weeks ago I sent her a snapchat message and we began talking by snapchat, there was a succession of evenings where we would be up until 4am talking and she would always turn the conversation very sexual by sending me pictures etc.

 

She is aware of my current relationship and said she would want to have sex with me. My partner is aware of this and told me that maybe a threesome would be a good idea, I proposed this to my colleague and she said she would not want a threesome, I countered by saying maybe we should just have some fun but not full sex, she seemed upset by this and said that if i was not allowed to have sex with her she would not want to do anything at all. I said that I would have sex with her and she said she wanted me to come inside her as she was on birth control. I would not want to do that so I declined the offer. she said that she wanted to go out for a drink with me in order to "See what happens"

 

Throughout our chats she began to mention that she suffered from depression and I noticed that she was very "hot & cold" with me, she would frequently get angry with things I would say etc.

 

We arranged to have a coffee one evening and we ended up having a couple of alcoholic drinks after, I walked her home and she kissed me on the cheek. shortly after she text me to say there was no spark and we should stay friends for now as she may feel different in the future. We continued to talk by snapchat where she would still be sexual by sending pictures but always want me to backup when I would say that I wanted her etc. all throughout the snapchat conversations she will say things like she is lonely and she wants someone to care for her and take care of her, not financially just someone to love her

 

Shortly after she text me to ask to meet for another coffee where we spent the entire afternoon together having coffee, shopping (me paying) and had a couple of alcoholic drinks, during which we did stuff like stroking each others arm and making eye contact etc. at the end of the day she gave me a kiss on the cheek etc. During the day she mentioned that she is close friends with another guy in work ( who is incidently in an on - off relationship with my manager ) however I do not particularly like this guy. She said she had shared a bed with him and nothing happened, which I believe, and they are just friends. My behaviour around this guy in work became a little erratic where there would obviously be an atmosphere between us and I would criticize him to other people because I felt jealous of his relationship with my female colleague.

 

Most days I would get messages from her that she was having bad days and felt very down, Last week I got a message as i finished work saying that she wanted me to come over and see her that evening. I said I couldnt because it would be wrong of me to go to her place if she was feeling vulnerable. She was unhappy with my refusal and after speaking to my wife I agreed to go to her place. She then moved the goalposts and said she wanted to go for a drink instead. I met her and before we even had a drink she was slurring her words, she was in a bad place and said she had not been taking her medication. I foolishly tried to hold her hand and stuff but she was not comfortable even though throughout the evening we would make intense eye contact etc. I asked her if she found me attractive and said she didnt. she said she wasnt ready to be intimate with anyone at all. I walked her home again and we hugged.

 

The day after I asked her if she had wanted to specifically see me the night before or if she just wanted "someone" to talk to. she told me she just wanted "someone". I never told her but this upset me and I am now beginning to think I have fallen in love with her and I cant stop thinking about spending time with her, kissing her and making love to her.

 

I became more withdrawn in work and have been signed off work for 2 weeks by my doctor. I just need to get my mind straight.

 

Yesterday we briefly talked by snapchat and she sent me pictures again so I am very confused with the whole situtaion. I dont understand why she would send me these pictures when she isnt attracted to me, but constantly saying that she doesnt know what the future will bring and therefore she may feel different one day.

 

I know that I should probably cut ties with her but I dont want to upset her particularly when she suffers from mental health issues, I have noticed that she has a couple scars on one of her arms so i dont know if she has self harmed in the past. I dont want to sort of withdraw my affection for her because I do actually like her as a person, I would be worried about her taking it badly and I would not want her to throw herself at me sexually and regret it.

 

I just dont know if she is simply using me as a constant shoulder to cry on when she needs someone to talk to but at the moment I feel like I am in love with her.

 

Any advice would be appreciated.

[No Limit]

She tried to "seduce you" in her mind, best ego boost she'll ever get. Too bad you didn't take the bait.

 

You aren't responsible for her. Yeah, you should indeed cut all ties rather than waste time with her. People like her are bombs, they're going to mess up whether you're by their side or not.