Nyc_user Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 I don't see why when the guy knows that it's not his right away; you just have to act quickly and decisively. If you know about everything and still decide to put your head on the block... well, then live with your choice. What if the guy doesn't know right the way? I don't know much about laws but there is no way i would pay child support for some kid that is not mine. There is no way The choice was made by the woman when she decided to **** some other dude and got pregnant because of it, the choice wasn't made by the guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Nyc_user Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 Hello, so I'm new to this website, and looking for any advice, thats not within those in my family. So my story goes like this. My wife had been one of my best friends for about 6 years. Eventually after school I proposed, and she said yes. During our wedding planning we had some problems, and I had sense there was some infidelity, but she denied it. Come February I find she is pregnant. We moved the wedding sooner, and all appears well. Eventually we get married, both excited. I had asked if there was anything she needed to tell me before getting married, bc I had some suspicions of cheating but she said no. About 2 months before her due date, I come across the phone that questions the paternity of the child. I order a dna test, and shows that i'm not the father, she denies it still and wants to do a swab. I go through, was there for the birth, and I asked her to come clean before the swab, she still says no. The day comes for the swab, and it shows 0% i'm the father. She then admits to having a one night stand with a guy she dated a while back, which I had hated, the day before valentine's day. She states it was a mistake, and she left immidiately. I asked why not tell me I deserved to know. She said she was afraid to hurt me. She has no moved back to her parents, i had asked her to. I'm debating on divorce, but its harder to pull the trigger. She says she will change, and do anything. She stated it was the biggest mistake, and it took that to realize. She stated he had try contacting times after, but has ignored his calls. He doesnt know about the baby. She was hoping the baby to be mine. I want to forgive, but am I foolish for staying? I'm so hurt, and I'm also worried if he will get involved in the future. She states she made the biggest mistake of her life, and will spend the rest of her life trying to make it up. It just hurts she kept it a secret all this time. Is it worth staying? Or do I go. I love her more than anything, and willing to forgive. @bold There is not much to say after your last sentence. In your heart you already have made your choice 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 What if the guy doesn't know right the way? I don't know much about laws but there is no way i would pay child support for some kid that is not mine. There is no way Well, then you're screwed by her. In more than just one way. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 Well, then you're screwed by her. In more than just one way. If he wants to stay married he will be screwed forever in more ways then he can imagine if he has the OM told he is the not the dad. Then the OM will know it is his and the OM will push for visitation. Which leads to contact between the AP's which leads to affair's starting again. OP wants to save his marriage he needs for NC to be 100% between OM and WW. Link to post Share on other sites
Cressida Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 ......and then we wonder where did all good men go. They're obviously in relationships and marriages with women who do this kind of stuff. It's actually unbelievable how forgiving and committed some men are, and the problem is that they do it with and for the completely wrong people. I think you should think about the child first. If you have already established a connection and you want to assume the parenthood then do what you think it's best, strictly in relation with the child. It's not his/her fault for the circumstances. However this shouldn't apply to the woman, your wife. I've read it countless times here and on other forums/blogs about how a man's priority in a marriage is ensuring the certainty of paternity. Your wife is a bad person, I am sorry to be saying so, perhaps I'm not confucius but your case is pretty much common sense. It's very hard to understand what kind of recently married woman (I take it you guys are of 'fertile' age, no offense to anyone, just trying to 'rationalize' here) had a one night stand, got pregnant and tried to pass the baby as her husband's. It shows tremendous cold-bloodedness,disrespect for you and your marriage, the belief that her pu*ssy can trample everything. You cannot make an honest woman out of someone like that, despite your best attempts. She made a mistake (the one night stand and getting pregnant) and everybody deserves a second chance, but to lie about the paternity of a child, this is INSANE. Only someone with good skills and enough shrewdness could concoct something this vile. It's just vile. I think you should finish it off with her and try to find someone who might not be perfect, because nobody is, but who's abstain from such heinous acts. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 OP wants to save his marriage he needs for NC to be 100% between OM and WW. Too late for abortion aka the only way there will be a chance of NC to happen. But please, it's not like the guy who impregnated her is the only man alive willing to screw with someone who is engaged/married. I really don't understand why people don't want to draw lines. And why you always have to push for "second chances". This woman would have divorced OP someday in a few years and when he tries to fight for custody blows the bomb on him, and yet he still clings onto her. Agreeing with Crassida here. Good men are taken by the 'bad girls' because they know full well that they will tolerate their crap. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 Too late for abortion aka the only way there will be a chance of NC to happen. But please, it's not like the guy who impregnated her is the only man alive willing to screw with someone who is engaged/married. I really don't understand why people don't want to draw lines. And why you always have to push for "second chances". This woman would have divorced OP someday in a few years and when he tries to fight for custody blows the bomb on him, and yet he still clings onto her. Agreeing with Crassida here. Good men are taken by the 'bad girls' because they know full well that they will tolerate their crap. There is no need for murdering un born children to have NC. Link to post Share on other sites
xAkulax Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 I hope that you are fully aware of what you married she shows all the necessary requirements for someone who has no ability to understand empathy whats so ever she lied to you she cheating you out of many years to make your own decisions in the relationship she doesn't love you as much as she enjoys the benefits to with the relationship offers if the other guy she had a one night stand with was a little bit more stable as a provider she would have probably stay with him she compartmentalize the relationship you were just emotional and economical support the other guy she spread her legs for was the one she wanted to propagate his gens yeah it sucks but you can't let your emotions get the better of you you have to make a decision that is in your best interest and in my opinion that decision is to file for divorce and to have no contact with her whatsoever... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cressida Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 I hope that you are fully aware of what you married .....you were just emotional and economical support True. Most women of this sort prey on good natured, genuinely'good men' as in good people, people who truly want to do good by their partner and their family, people who stay out of major trouble, people who really put their heart and everything into a relationship. I really don't understand how good quality men get played by women like these. Women of loose morals, capable of lying like skunks even when confronted with the evidence of the evidences, just to save their asses, and STILL consider the partner as a schmuck who's too dizzy from her p*ssy fumes. The 'victim' here should do himself a favor and look for someone compatible in moral compass, values, inner character, not just some ho. Sorry but his wife sounds worse than a ho. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dragon_fly_7 Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 (edited) True. Most women of this sort prey on good natured, genuinely'good men' as in good people, people who truly want to do good by their partner and their family, people who stay out of major trouble, people who really put their heart and everything into a relationship. I really don't understand how good quality men get played by women like these. Women of loose morals, capable of lying like skunks even when confronted with the evidence of the evidences, just to save their asses, and STILL consider the partner as a schmuck who's too dizzy from her p*ssy fumes. The 'victim' here should do himself a favor and look for someone compatible in moral compass, values, inner character, not just some ho. Sorry but his wife sounds worse than a ho.And some (who never even had casual sex) of us patiently waiting for a man like that can't find him. This post I had to read a couple times without wanting to nearly puke. I can't even think of a word that can be applied to his wife but she's definitely not a good person. This is beyond the typical cheater being selfish. What she did can be proceed towards the level of cruelty. Ok maybe I can understand the cheater and the ''Oh I'm sorry, it was a stupid night'' etc but to clearly know it's not your husband's child and not only lied in his face when he's suspecting and demanding the truth but to still continue with marriage and fake being a happily married woman...wow... No comments. Edited November 23, 2014 by dragon_fly_7 Link to post Share on other sites
BurnedAndLost Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 It can and has happened. I'm so sorry but having never heard of something doesn't make it any less true. This is a real thing that has actually happened and not just every once in a blue moon. Do a bit of research on the topic. Scary stuff. My s/o found out shortly after he signed the birth certificate that his son might not be biologically his. He wanted to get a dna test but the courts said it didn't matter, so there was no point in going through with it. I suspect she knew this and purposely waited until he signed the birth certificate before telling him... There is nothing anyone could do about her scheming and lies... The courts are incredibly biased when it come to things like this. Link to post Share on other sites
sidney2718 Posted November 24, 2014 Share Posted November 24, 2014 My s/o found out shortly after he signed the birth certificate that his son might not be biologically his. He wanted to get a dna test but the courts said it didn't matter, so there was no point in going through with it. I suspect she knew this and purposely waited until he signed the birth certificate before telling him... There is nothing anyone could do about her scheming and lies... The courts are incredibly biased when it come to things like this. I'm not sure of this. Your s/o's first stop has to be to see a lawyer who deals with this sort of thing. Many states allow a change in the birth certificate with a DNA test done by a court approved laboratory. Do not let this linger. The longer he waits, the harder it will be to change. Link to post Share on other sites
Nyc_user Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 Well, then you're screwed by her. In more than just one way. I leave the country Link to post Share on other sites
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