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Would you be okay with your boyfriend/girlfriend going on a vacation without you?

NJ123

By NJ123
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NJ123 Established Member

NJ123

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If let's say your girlfriend wanted to go on an "all girls" vacation for a week or two would you be okay with it? Or would you consider it disrespectful & be worried something will happen without you there?

 

Same for women, would you be okay with your boyfriend going on an "all guys" vacation to lets say Vegas for over a week?

 

I'm asking this since it seems whenever I hear about this type of thing, a lot of the time it doesn't seem to turn out well due to insecurities or the ones on vacation are doing things they shouldn't be doing.

quankanne Established Member

quankanne

Posted
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you mention a key word: Insecurity.

 

if there's no trust in the relationship, no vacation plan will go over well if a partner is not part of it.

 

which I think is crappy – in our book, separate vacations ARE the way to go, and we've been married almost 23 years. Not because we don't love each other or don't want to be around each other, but we figured out early that we don't have to do everything together just because we're married or love each other. And because we realized that what might be fun for one is boring for the other. Husband spends 2-3 weeks with his brother in Las Vegas twice a year, I drive back home to South Texas for several days to spend with friends 4-6 times a year.

 

BUT, we do check in with each other regularly, know we can call each other at any time, and are pretty up front about what our plans are. I tell him who I'm staying with and for how long, and where I'll be going next. And that includes staying with BFF from college, who is a married guy.

 

you have to have a strong sense of trust in order for the separate vacation thing to work, or you'll be plagued with resentment and jealousy, not to mention insecurity.

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Darren2013 Established Member

Darren2013

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Not only would I be okay with it I would encourage her to get away for at least a month and stay out of my hair. Matter of fact don't call me when you are away on vacation. Go and enjoy yourself and keep a strict radio silence until you come back. When I go on vacation alone I go on strict radio silence too.

Ninjainpajamas Established Member

Ninjainpajamas

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I'm on the low end of the insecurity spectrum, I'm more worried about their well-being than being cheated on...like what if something happens and I'm not there to swoop in like superman and save the day, but that's just a protective and caring thing, I know she's a grown woman and can take care of herself.

 

But other than that, it doesn't really bother me and it's not something I'd be paranoid about.

 

The only thing that strikes a bit of fear is the kind of friends she is going with, I think that can definitely have an influence on what happens.

 

So I'd say who the person(s) is going with is an important factor, I know If I go out with a guy who's a womanizer, he's going to pull me into situations and bring out parts of me that aren't...."respectful" to my relationship, so I know better for myself than to hang around with those types if I'm not trying to have a good time being single, as I might be expected to operate in certain ways in social situations. But even then I take responsibility for my own actions and behaviors, and I'm in my 30's now I have a better control over something like that than when i was in my 20's.

 

So basically, I'd be ok with it. If you don't have trust in a relationship, then you don't really have a relationship IMO. Chain your partner to the floor if you want, but it'll have a dramatically negative effect on the relationship...if they cheat, then just move on, just another part of life if it comes to that.

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ffw Established Member

ffw

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I could be totally okay with it. She has every right to go on vacation if she wants to. She is an adult and can make decisions for herself. Why do I have to project my insecurities on her? If I have a problem with a vacation, then it's my problem not hers.

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Lernaean_Hydra Established Member

Lernaean_Hydra

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I wouldn't be too worried about it for the most part. Not everyone's goal when going on vacation is to have a random hookup, contrary to popular belief. Whenever I've gone on a "girl's trip" the primary concern was at best finding the bars with the cheapest drinks or the best outlet malls within reasonable driving distance and at worst, getting into the hottest clubs and being looked at from afar. Hooking up was never on any of our radar, mainly because...you know, nobody wanted to get Natalie Holloway'd :eek:.

 

And having witnessed first hand the kinds of things that happen on a "guys trip" to places like Vegas - a lot of day-drinking, losing money on tables, culminating in many wasted evenings at overpriced strip clubs - I certainly wouldn't be all that concerned. Unless of course my bf A) hung around a really reckless, shady crowd and/or B) was completely retarded and easily peer pressued into doing dumb s**t. Then again, if that were the case he wouldn't be my bf anyway so...

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NJ123 Established Member

NJ123

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I wouldn't be too worried about it for the most part. Not everyone's goal when going on vacation is to have a random hookup, contrary to popular belief. Whenever I've gone on a "girl's trip" the primary concern was at best finding the bars with the cheapest drinks or the best outlet malls within reasonable driving distance and at worst, getting into the hottest clubs and being looked at from afar. Hooking up was never on any of our radar, mainly because...you know, nobody wanted to get Natalie Holloway'd :eek:.

 

And having witnessed first hand the kinds of things that happen on a "guys trip" to places like Vegas - a lot of day-drinking, losing money on tables, culminating in many wasted evenings at overpriced strip clubs - I certainly wouldn't be all that concerned. Unless of course my bf A) hung around a really reckless, shady crowd and/or B) was completely retarded and easily peer pressued into doing dumb s**t. Then again, if that were the case he wouldn't be my bf anyway so...

 

lol so it was on your mind than.........

Anderlie Established Member

Anderlie

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It wouldn't bother me at all. I want my husband to have experiences outside of us, otherwise I'd kinda feel like our relationship was all he had and that's not healthy in my book.

Tik Established Member

Tik

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It's healthy to have time away. If she's that committed to you, it's simply a girls time away to recharge. I'd be more worried if you were insecure about this. Tip; get in with her girl friends i.e. become really good friends with them that way they watch out for her if she gets into sticky situations.

 

Don't reach out if she is a way; spend the time for you to recharge too. If she calls in to check up on you, you reply happily.

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NJ123 Established Member

NJ123

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It's healthy to have time away. If she's that committed to you, it's simply a girls time away to recharge. I'd be more worried if you were insecure about this. Tip; get in with her girl friends i.e. become really good friends with them that way they watch out for her if she gets into sticky situations.

 

Don't reach out if she is a way; spend the time for you to recharge too. If she calls in to check up on you, you reply happily.

 

lol if she got herself into those type of situations in the first place than she wouldn't be worth keeping around. From that, basically she would have it on her mind to cheat & the only thing that would be holding her back is her friends. What happens the next time, if no one is around to stop her from potentially doing something?

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Tik Established Member

Tik

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lol if she got herself into those type of situations in the first place than she wouldn't be worth keeping around. From that, basically she would have it on her mind to cheat & the only thing that would be holding her back is her friends. What happens the next time, if no one is around to stop her from potentially doing something?

 

And there it is; your true colors on show. Stop the over thinking and insecurity. Guys can be very persistent; take it from one who knows how to work the system and when out and who has been on the receiving end of a guy kissing his girl when she had no ulterior motive. A girl, your girl or even my girl is allowed to talk to any guy. But when they get pushed into sticky situations, they need back up; thats when another girl can step in to help out. Every one loves to have fun and meet new people. Stop worrying. Go take up a new hobby while she is away.

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NJ123 Established Member

NJ123

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And there it is; your true colors on show. Stop the over thinking and insecurity. Guys can be very persistent; take it from one who knows how to work the system and when out and who has been on the receiving end of a guy kissing his girl when she had no ulterior motive. A girl, your girl or even my girl is allowed to talk to any guy. But when they get pushed into sticky situations, they need back up; thats when another girl can step in to help out. Every one loves to have fun and meet new people. Stop worrying. Go take up a new hobby while she is away.

 

Well first off I don't have a g/f at the moment. I made the topic as a hypothetical for people on this forum in general. And from what you said in your previous post, why should her friends have to stop a girl in a "sticky situation"? Shouldn't the girlfriend be able to not let herself get in those situations to begin with?

 

And I disagree with you completely. Sorry, if she's a relationship/marriage material woman she would absolutely not kiss no other guy while away & not get stuck in a situation where she might, period. There's no excuse for it whatsoever. Doesn't matter if she's in a new environment or not. If she does, than she's dumped right on the spot.

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Mangina Established Member

Mangina

Posted
Posted
And there it is; your true colors on show. Stop the over thinking and insecurity. Guys can be very persistent; take it from one who knows how to work the system and when out and who has been on the receiving end of a guy kissing his girl when she had no ulterior motive. A girl, your girl or even my girl is allowed to talk to any guy. But when they get pushed into sticky situations, they need back up; thats when another girl can step in to help out. Every one loves to have fun and meet new people. Stop worrying. Go take up a new hobby while she is away.

Sounds more like you are insecure making friends with her girl friends because you think they might need to keep on eye on her and do you really think HER friends are going to look out for YOU or even tell you if anything happens?

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No Limit Established Member

No Limit

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Sure. I can't (and frankly don't want to) chain my boyfriend to my back. Besides if I couldn't trust him to keep it in his pants when a girl passes him, he wouldn't be my boyfriend.

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sillyanswer Established Member

sillyanswer

Posted
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If let's say your girlfriend wanted to go on an "all girls" vacation for a week or two would you be okay with it?

 

Probably, unless there was some very specific reason relating directly to my girlfriend or her group of friends that made me think differently. I don't think that I would have any problem with it just for the general reason that some other people do the wrong things on vacation.

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Shepp Established Member

Shepp

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Posted

I trust her not to cheat on me - non issue!

I don't totally trust her not to loose her passport or catch the plane in time - she's not one for those kind of minor details is my girl! Haha

 

But hypothetically if she wanted to then sure I'd be chill - I'm her husband not her dad!

 

I'd be a hypocrite if not cause I plan treks and climbs and the like with the boys - not that you meet as many women I half way up a mountain as you do Vargas but if your gonna play away your gonna play away!

  • Like 5
Darren2013 Established Member

Darren2013

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If my girlfriend has an inclination to cheat then it makes no difference whether she stays here or goes away on vacation. The chances of her cheating are the same regardless of location. She could be having an affair with the neighbor next door when I am away at work for all I know. So the fear of her cheating would not worry me if she wants to go on vacation.

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Got it Established Member

Got it

Posted
Posted
If let's say your girlfriend wanted to go on an "all girls" vacation for a week or two would you be okay with it? Or would you consider it disrespectful & be worried something will happen without you there?

 

Same for women, would you be okay with your boyfriend going on an "all guys" vacation to lets say Vegas for over a week?

 

I'm asking this since it seems whenever I hear about this type of thing, a lot of the time it doesn't seem to turn out well due to insecurities or the ones on vacation are doing things they shouldn't be doing.

 

Yes, my husband and I have taken separate trips. It has been fine. It is going to vary by couple and there is no right or wrong answer. It is their decision of what is appropriate, what isn't, in the spectrum of their relationship, expectations, and boundaries.

veggirl Established Member

veggirl

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If he wanted to go home and visit family/friends or go camping or something like that, fine. If he wanted to go on a week long bender in Vegas or some other party trip? No I wouldn't like that.

Rejected Rosebud Established Member

Rejected Rosebud

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Yes of course it's ok, but some couples would never do it because its not their style. That's ok too except if it's because of insecurity. So what I'm saying is that since you feel like somebody needs to be around to stop your gf or wife from "doing something" that is controlling and insecure and a bad reason for the girl not to do what she wants. Trying to control other people is not healthy.

  • Like 1
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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BF/GF not a problem at all. In fact about 6 months into dating DH I went on a cruise. By the time I would have considered going with him, the cruise was sold out so he couldn't come.

 

 

If my spouse wanted to go away for a week that I'd have a problem with but a weekend would be just fine. I'm actually planning a girls' weekend with several of my sorority sisters next spring. Our weekend would be about reconnecting with each other not picking up guys.

 

 

If you have concerns, ask for assurances -- calls, texts, perhaps a photo or two. But don't freak out & try to prohibit the other person from going.

Tayken Established Member

Tayken

Posted
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@OP.....Here is the thing, as am not sure if you've ever been married? If you ask a lot of married folks, they will attest to the fact that both sexes at times go off and do their own thing. The females have their "girls vacation" and the men have "fishing/hunting/golf/etc" vacation.

 

When I was married, there was only 1 time I went off by myself and that was because it was to an orphanage in south America to volunteer and deliver all the toys/books/medicine that I canvassed for here.

 

One of my staff divorced his wife because when she came back from her Vegas trip, she didn't have her wedding ring on her (something she never takes off). She told a cock and bull story, but he didn't buy it.

 

So my point....the sooner you learn to be non-clingy, the better.

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NJ123 Established Member

NJ123

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@OP.....Here is the thing, as am not sure if you've ever been married? If you ask a lot of married folks, they will attest to the fact that both sexes at times go off and do their own thing. The females have their "girls vacation" and the men have "fishing/hunting/golf/etc" vacation.

 

When I was married, there was only 1 time I went off by myself and that was because it was to an orphanage in south America to volunteer and deliver all the toys/books/medicine that I canvassed for here.

 

One of my staff divorced his wife because when she came back from her Vegas trip, she didn't have her wedding ring on her (something she never takes off). She told a cock and bull story, but he didn't buy it.

 

So my point....the sooner you learn to be non-clingy, the better.

 

Damn, that's harsh. I suppose they were having a lot of trouble in their marriage?

acapelo_dp Established Member

acapelo_dp

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As long as I feel secure and loved in my relationship I would have zero problem with it. In fact I would probably try and plan a girls trip around the same time to have some fun myself :)

thefooloftheyear Established Member

thefooloftheyear

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Tell your gf/so/wife that you are going on a "guys only" trip to Vegas and see what she says......:laugh:

 

OTOH, a hunting trip or something along those lines and I dont think there would be a problem..So factors weigh in...I am not an insecure type...Go ahead..Ill find something to do while you are gone...But honestly, Ive never been in that situation...shrug....

 

TFY

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