BrotherAaron Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 After three years, I thought we were happy together. She kissed my friend, and it's over between us. She sees him every day. I tried getting her back; I tried everything that the clueless first-time-dumped tries. Of course it didn't work. Well, I stopped trying... that's all there is to it. I don't call her, usually don't answer her calls. I still miss her, and wish that it hadn't happened, but I'm going and meeting new people and doing new things, so I'm not dwelling on her anymore. Why, then, won't she leave me alone? I told her that friends wont work, she cheated on my and is seeing the guy she left me for... I can't be around her because I wont accept that she's just my friend and physical with a guy who would do that to me, not to mention think about the fact that she would do that to me. She says that she needs to be my friend, because there are things that nobody else can give her, not even the other guy. She says that nobody else is fun just go to longboarding around campus, and lay in the grass talking about the stars, and cuddling, and tickling, and making jokes about Joey's big nose and how he looks like big bird... etc. And if she gets all that from me, why doesn't she want to be with me? It's a question I can't answer. What does she want with me? Could she really just want to be my "best friend", after all this time? Why would she want that, and not more? Examine the hell out of it, I'm lost. Link to post Share on other sites
missm Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 Hop on in the boat with me because sadly I know where you are coming from. See my post from earlier today. Maybe it's something in the air??! My experience thus far and the only explanation I've come up with is that my ex wants his cake and eat it to. Well, I'm not going to give him the satisfaction. Yes I want to be nice to him, but this is his way of controlling my life. News flash - I'm taking the reins back, bud! HE broke up with ME. SHE broke up with YOU. I say let them deal with it. Time for them to lay in the bed THEY made. I'm saying that too much - gotta think of someting better. Point is, we've got better things to do and shouldn't waste our time analyzing them (the exes) and why they are doing what they are doing to us - 'cause that's what they want. Keep your head up :-) m Link to post Share on other sites
Donut Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 This screams of safety net to me. Don't settle for second best if that's not what you want. It'll just end up hurting you even more. It sounds like you have a well adjusted attitude, keep on with what you are doing. No need to examine her actions, either put up with it (sadly) or find a girl who really does want everything you have to offer. Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 They're called "cake eaters", BA. She's selfish, like all cheaters. She wants to keep you in her life, on her terms. But you have no obligation to her anymore. I got the same thing from my (almost) ex-wife. She cheated many times, didn't want to fix what she wrecked, and wanted us to split. But she also wanted us to stay friends. I didn't want that, and I still don't. She knows there are a ton of good things about me, that I'm an honest and upstanding guy, and that having me among her friends makes her look good, or at least makes what she did to me seem not so bad ("he must still think I'm OK, since he still wants to be in my life... see, everybody?"). But, it's more important to me, for my own well-being, to not see her or speak to her more than necessary. I don't inquire about her life, because I don't really care. I don't chitchat with her, beyond answering her questions about my life with as little info as needed. She wouldn't even be in my life at all were it not for the kids. I'm not overtly hostile towards her... just disinterested and detached. You don't need to do more for her than you want to. Her feelings and needs are now secondary. That's the way it is. Link to post Share on other sites
emotionsmessmeup Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 Yup my ex dumped me but the minute I give up on him, he starts calling??!!! Link to post Share on other sites
haywood Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 the dumpers want a friendship because they feel bad for dumping you. my advice is to have no contact until you find someone else. if you find someone else and still feel like talking to your ex, then you can be friends but usually, they're out of you life by then. good luck Link to post Share on other sites
emotionsmessmeup Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 yup i am gonna get him outta my life...and fix myself.. then if i see myself being friends with him, i shall do so.. but u know after 5 years...part of me thinks its gonna be difficult to be like friends.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrotherAaron Posted March 17, 2005 Author Share Posted March 17, 2005 I finally got to the point where, at best, I want a relationship with her, not feeling like I need one. I mean, there's still my trusty pal called logic who tells me to fuggheddaboutit. My hopeful heart just disagrees - classic story, I know. It's just that, when she acts like she needs me, I get the wrong idea, immeadiately. I'm also worried that this thing between her and that other guy would work out. My logic tells me that she's not his type - he's the insecure, horny type who is always pawing over any semi-attractive girl that comes within his range (and they hate it). My friends, or, well... these guys I once generously referred to as friends decided that they're more worried about him than they are me (with maybe 2 exceptions). They worry that she's going to "hurt him". Well of course she is - he's a loser, and a rebound at best. It's weird, she still tells me they're not dating - but I know what she wants to call it, whatever. I still hate that they both live so close - my ex and her new lapdog - and I can watch her leave his room and go to hers, even when I don't want to. It's just hard to get your head straight. I chide myself for considering that it might be good to be together with her again, considering the current cirumstance. Still yet, I care about her more than she apparently understands. I can't wait until I'm ready to find someone new. Link to post Share on other sites
CurvyGurl Posted March 17, 2005 Share Posted March 17, 2005 Originally posted by BrotherAaron She says that she needs to be my friend, because there are things that nobody else can give her, not even the other guy. Well that's just too damn bad, now isn't it? She should have considered this before she kissed some other dude and then dumped you for him. You owe her nothing. Zip, zilch, nada. She wants you to take a demotion from the one who loved and cared for her and one she loved and cared for in return to 'some guy she knows'. No thanks. What do you want a relationship with her for? So she can use you and keep you around just in case things don't work out with new guy. Nah. Leave that alone. Link to post Share on other sites
ion Posted March 17, 2005 Share Posted March 17, 2005 She was your girlfriend and lover. She is not your friend now. He is not your friend now. You're suffering from her actions. If you can ever be friends it won't be for at least 2 years and by then you or her may not want to be friends even. If she doesn't understand why she hurt you or why it continues to hurt you now, that is something you do not have to help her understand. Good luck BrotherAaron. Originally posted by BrotherAaron After three years, I thought we were happy together. She kissed my friend, and it's over between us. She sees him every day. I tried getting her back; I tried everything that the clueless first-time-dumped tries. Of course it didn't work. Well, I stopped trying... that's all there is to it. I don't call her, usually don't answer her calls. I still miss her, and wish that it hadn't happened, but I'm going and meeting new people and doing new things, so I'm not dwelling on her anymore. Why, then, won't she leave me alone? I told her that friends wont work, she cheated on my and is seeing the guy she left me for... I can't be around her because I wont accept that she's just my friend and physical with a guy who would do that to me, not to mention think about the fact that she would do that to me. She says that she needs to be my friend, because there are things that nobody else can give her, not even the other guy. She says that nobody else is fun just go to longboarding around campus, and lay in the grass talking about the stars, and cuddling, and tickling, and making jokes about Joey's big nose and how he looks like big bird... etc. And if she gets all that from me, why doesn't she want to be with me? It's a question I can't answer. What does she want with me? Could she really just want to be my "best friend", after all this time? Why would she want that, and not more? Examine the hell out of it, I'm lost. Link to post Share on other sites
flowergirl Posted April 13, 2005 Share Posted April 13, 2005 Is it "Psycho Exes" day or what around here?! Your ex seems really insecure, like the type of girl who needs as many people as humanly possible stroking her ego and paying attention to her. I'd run form this situation as quickly as possible before you drive yourself insane. Link to post Share on other sites
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