emotionsmessmeup Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 I am just wondering if you were the clingy types... and maybe overtime you changed? what made you change? What did you do to change? Link to post Share on other sites
haywood Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 being "clingy" just means you're insecure about how the other person feels. you stop feeling like that when you believe they are being more clingy. but sometimes something will come out of it when there is trust and that's where you/they don't have to be constantly on you because there is an understanding of how both people feel. Link to post Share on other sites
agnf666 Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 I was a "clingy" type. The thing was that I was always wanting to call my boyfriend non stop to the point where he was tired of talking to me but we lived a good distance away. I have changed alot since the break up. I don't have to call my boyfriend all the time now, I know that I'm feeling secure with my surroundings. Let's just say that my past relationship has gave me a reality check. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 When i was like 19/20 I was clingy and needy. Now I am a rude, boorish, offensive, off-putting a**h*** who has been accused of being a man-hater sex addict. I live alone and I like it like that. I can't seem to date anyone for longer that a few weeks because I get weirded out, think it won't work, or they get attached to me and I push them away. Psyyyychoooooo....no really I got this way after too many biter, awful relationships that ended badly. Really. It's not my fault. Link to post Share on other sites
sarah12 Posted March 17, 2005 Share Posted March 17, 2005 I live alone and I like it like that. I can't seem to date anyone for longer that a few weeks because I get weirded out, think it won't work, or they get attached to me and I push them away. Psyyyychoooooo....no really I got this way after too many biter, awful relationships that ended badly. Really. It's not my fault. Ditto on that one. I have never been the clingy type but I believe that I could change, if the right person came along. I actually would like to be a bit more clingy..as I have been told time and time again that I am a solid rock. I'd like to meet a man who can make me feel vulnerable and melt over every word he says (ok maybe just in the beginning). Ok I just realized that this doesn't necessarily mean I want to be clingy, I just want a guy who will make me fall head over heels. Clingy is when you are unnecessarily attaching yourself like glue to the person-- definitely someone I am NOT and don't think I could ever change to be. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 17, 2005 Share Posted March 17, 2005 Originally posted by emotionsmessmeup I am just wondering if you were the clingy types... 1. and maybe overtime you changed? 2. what made you change? 3. What did you do to change? It depended on the nature of the relationship. I had two different rules for my relationships: the ones that I chose, and the ones in which I was chosen. I found that in relationships that were firmly my choice, I was not clingy: but I was bored and would quickly end them or just keep them on a sexual level. In relationships where I chose someone, I never could commit nor did I want to. It was hunt/conquest/dump. I was a mercenary in those types of relationships. A 'maneater' would be a good term, I guess. Either that or 'heartless bitch' (an actual nickname I had some years back.) But... When I got into a relationship where I was the one chosen, and I was not in control, I didn't have the ability to trust the other person enough to just let them love me. I needed proof, reassurance - constantly. Yes, I used to be clingy. I was also insecure, jealous, petty, immature, manipulative, passive aggressive, an emotional blackmailer, melodramatic - and those were just my good qualities. I sucked the life out of anyone naive enough to feed into my neediness. I was an emotional black hole. 1. Yes, I changed - while I still have slight 'relapses' from time to time, all that misery is behind me. 2. I used to wonder why it was that "The ones I really love always dump me". I went so far as to think I was somehow 'cursed' to never be able to find true love. Well, I realized that all my misery WAS MY OWN FAULT. I brought all that heartbreak onto myself by being relationship poison. I realized that the relationships died because I poisoned them with my own insecurity and neediness. 3. I stopped having relationships. I cut off all the casual conquests, and stopped dating. Then I turned inward and took a good long look at myself, and forced myself to look inward. I accepted my behavior instead of blaming it on someone else. I stopped being the victim, and every single time I had the opportunity to react to something I forced myself to make choices that I wouldn't normally make: positive ones instead of negative ones. Did it make me any less needy, clingy and insecure? At first, no - but as I continued to force myself to make these decisions not to be that way, and act like I was secure I began to see that things were working better. The act slowly became my reality as I retrained myself out of these negative behaviors. Then I found someone with whom it was working! Once I got pregnant, I realized that I did not want to pass down a legacy of emotional insecurity by demonstrating it to my kid - so that really got me in gear. The act is now fully adapted into my reality. There are echos deep down of those negative things, and sometimes they resurface under extreme emotional pressure - but now I'm not clingy. Or jealous, or manipulative or any of those things. It takes time, though and an extreme will. I still have to make conscious choices not to be the way I was. You have to consciously choose to not be that way and it is teeth grittingly hard to smile, pretend it doesn't bother you and walk away. But... eventually it will become second nature, and will be genuine choices. Link to post Share on other sites
Author emotionsmessmeup Posted March 17, 2005 Author Share Posted March 17, 2005 Yup Lucerzia, I know exactly what you are talking about. Now when I look into myself, I realize How much I need to change. I also realize it will take a long while before I would have changed. But yes, I am taking small steps. SLowly changing for the positive - to love my self, to value my self-worth. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts