Musicguy201 Posted November 17, 2014 Share Posted November 17, 2014 My girlfriend lives in a condo association with a roommate. She met a guy at the pool who made a point of telling her his wife is back east for several weeks to come. She told me about the encounter, that he has lots of money, and gave her his address "if she needed anything". "Just being friendly", she said. Surprise! Today he showed up at her condo, asking her roomie if she was home "or needed anything". What my girlfriend neglected to tell me was that she had given him her address, too! She admitted this after the fact, and that she had "screwed up" in providing her address, but she's not at all apologetic about the whole shebang. My take on this is that this Lothario is trolling for action and she's playing right along. I broke up with her. How can I trust my heart to someone who is this open to horny strangers? Or, as my friend says, am I overreacting? Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted November 17, 2014 Share Posted November 17, 2014 is this the first time this has happened?....deb Link to post Share on other sites
Author Musicguy201 Posted November 17, 2014 Author Share Posted November 17, 2014 Yes... sorta. we had a long-distance relationship for about 9 months. she used to 'disappear' for hours at a time, 'doing laundry' (I don't get service at the laundramat), or turning her phone off to charge it (why?). Link to post Share on other sites
ScreaminEagle Posted November 17, 2014 Share Posted November 17, 2014 My girlfriend lives in a condo association with a roommate. She met a guy at the pool who made a point of telling her his wife is back east for several weeks to come. She told me about the encounter, that he has lots of money, and gave her his address "if she needed anything". "Just being friendly", she said. Surprise! Today he showed up at her condo, asking her roomie if she was home "or needed anything". What my girlfriend neglected to tell me was that she had given him her address, too! She admitted this after the fact, and that she had "screwed up" in providing her address, but she's not at all apologetic about the whole shebang. My take on this is that this Lothario is trolling for action and she's playing right along. I broke up with her. How can I trust my heart to someone who is this open to horny strangers? Or, as my friend says, am I overreacting? How long have you been dating ? I under the assumption you are exclusive. She definitely has some boundary issues going on. 1) She was way to friendly with the creeper, she should of politely cut him off and advised that she had a boyfriend. 2) What fathomable reason is there to give a stranger your address, period, boyfriend or not, what she did showed motive. 3) She is not apologetic so again she has no boundaries, or respect for you or the relationship. No I think you did the right thing. No overreacting, because none of her actions can be justified. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted November 17, 2014 Share Posted November 17, 2014 My take on this is that this Lothario is trolling for action and she's playing right along. He very well could be trying to pick her up, but I wouldn't say she's playing right along. It's pretty normal and fine to meet a neighbor and be like, "Yeah, I live over there." I think it would kind of be weird not to? What if he casually asked her, "Which condo is yours?" Do you expect her to say, "I can't tell you that." That would be really awkward. It is strange that he showed up at her door. That was definitely not cool. But that's not really your ex-girlfriend's fault. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Musicguy201 Posted November 17, 2014 Author Share Posted November 17, 2014 This is a large complex, and she was blocks from her place- they both gave their specific addresses. Link to post Share on other sites
twosadthings Posted November 17, 2014 Share Posted November 17, 2014 It's likely she gave him her phone number too. Find another. Twosadthings 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGypsy Posted November 17, 2014 Share Posted November 17, 2014 The whole thing seems really shady to me. I can't think of any legitimate reason she'd give her address out to some strange dude she just met. I don't think you overreacted 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 17, 2014 Share Posted November 17, 2014 You were right to be upset that she was so cavalier with her own safety but your response to break up with her was an over reaction. She may have thought she was just being friendly / neighborly & it was OK to give him info because he was married. If she was naïve bit not intending to be unfaithful, this may have merited a fight & a discussion about what you think is appropriate but to end the relationship seems out of proportion. Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted November 17, 2014 Share Posted November 17, 2014 Who gives out their home address unless they expect the person they gave the information to will show up at their door. There is no other explanation because someone in a committed relationship would never reveal their private home information to a predator otherwise. She knows his wife is away for weeks and most women know when their being hit on. He just dropped by to see if she needed anything when she has you, really? She withheld telling you she gave him her address because she knew she was overstepping a serious boundary, she basically told a married stranger that she was open to possibilities. She knew it was wrong, the man is married, where did she expect this would go? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted November 17, 2014 Share Posted November 17, 2014 She was aware of him making a move, yet she gave him the address. maybe because she's testing the water, maybe because she likes male attention, or maybe she just didn't think too much - either way she didn't turn him down - It's a problem. But that's not a deal breaker. The deal breaker is her lying. She deliberately didn't mention her contribution to this flirting, and admitted only after getting caught. BIG RED FLAG!!! I like your reaction very much! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted November 17, 2014 Share Posted November 17, 2014 (edited) Smart move dumping her. Who needs all this drama? And the chances that this is the first, only, or last time she's put it out there for some guy has to be zero. BTW: Most women will say it's no big deal and men will say that dumping her was the right thing to do. Just sayin' Edited November 17, 2014 by drifter777 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted November 17, 2014 Share Posted November 17, 2014 Congruence, people. Anyone else think that if this guy was some creeper who worked at Subway and wasn't married... she'd given him her address? How does she know that he has lots of money? Some form of conversation sparked that. Even if he did throw the fact in her face. Something in all of that doesn't add up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted November 17, 2014 Share Posted November 17, 2014 I don't think you overreacted at all. The fact that she omitted telling you that she gave him her address is shady. The lie is a red flag. It's one thing to be friendly but there is no need to give a complete stranger your address. And one that is openly dropping hints i.e. his wife is away and extending help. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted November 18, 2014 Share Posted November 18, 2014 (edited) Go NC on her. Dead ****ing serious. She's a lying piece of ****. You can't trust her. Move on & find a better girl that you could actually trust. Edit: Missed that you said you broke up with her. Stay in NC though even if she tries to contact you again. Edited November 18, 2014 by NJ123 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Musicguy201 Posted November 18, 2014 Author Share Posted November 18, 2014 My girlfriend lives in a condo association with a roommate. She met a guy at the pool who made a point of telling her his wife is back east for several weeks to come. She told me about the encounter, that he has lots of money, and gave her his address "if she needed anything". "Just being friendly", she said. Surprise! Today he showed up at her condo, asking her roomie if she was home "or needed anything". What my girlfriend neglected to tell me was that she had given him her address, too! She admitted this after the fact, and that she had "screwed up" in providing her address, but she's not at all apologetic about the whole shebang. My take on this is that this Lothario is trolling for action and she's playing right along. I broke up with her. How can I trust my heart to someone who is this open to horny strangers? Or, as my friend says, am I overreacting? Update: since this happened, she has been contacting me insisting that I apologize (I DID call her a slut), but totally absent is any apology on her part. Zero personal responsibility. I no longer question the appropriateness of my response- her true colors have come shining through! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted November 18, 2014 Share Posted November 18, 2014 Update: since this happened, she has been contacting me insisting that I apologize (I DID call her a slut), but totally absent is any apology on her part. Zero personal responsibility. I no longer question the appropriateness of my response- her true colors have come shining through! Stay in complete NC. Never ever text/speak to her ever again. Move on & find a nice better girl that won't do shady **** like this to you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
tom670 Posted November 19, 2014 Share Posted November 19, 2014 Stay in complete NC. Never ever text/speak to her ever again. Move on & find a nice better girl that won't do shady **** like this to you. You did the right thing by breaking up with her. She had huevos by insisting you tell her you are sorry WTF. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anna121 Posted November 19, 2014 Share Posted November 19, 2014 Your choice to break up with her, but calling her a slut - on these facts - was way out of line. It doesn't sound like you care about her that much, so good thing you ended it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Musicguy201 Posted November 19, 2014 Author Share Posted November 19, 2014 (edited) On the contary, I did care about her a great deal- probably more than she did me. But she is a bit of a wild child and I'm pretty conservative in my relationships, so we were a bit of a mismatch in that respect. Also, I've been cheated on in several previous relationships, and I'm pretty sensitive to someone putting herself 'out there' despite being in a committed relationship. If she's dallying with wolves now and says it's okay, I'd have to put up with that pretty much forever. Perhaps some other guy won't mind that, but not this one. Perhaps 'slut' was harsh, but giving your address to a trolling troglodyte is an open invitation to come visit- is that a way to maintain a monogamous relationship? Poor choices come in all sizes... Edited November 19, 2014 by Musicguy201 addition and clarification 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Musicguy201 Posted November 19, 2014 Author Share Posted November 19, 2014 He very well could be trying to pick her up, but I wouldn't say she's playing right along. It's pretty normal and fine to meet a neighbor and be like, "Yeah, I live over there." I think it would kind of be weird not to? What if he casually asked her, "Which condo is yours?" Do you expect her to say, "I can't tell you that." That would be really awkward. It is strange that he showed up at her door. That was definitely not cool. But that's not really your ex-girlfriend's fault. CC12, you're taking it to the extreme. Of course you're not going to hide where you live, but there's a world of difference between 'I live by the park' and 'I live at 123B Oak St'. One is general information; the other is an invitation. And it was NOT strange that he showed up at the door. I think they were both being transparent and honest with each other- but not with me. She neglected to tell me she had provided her address to the troglodyte until AFTER her roomie informed us he had showed up at the door. And I certainly do fault her- an address at the pool is the same as a phone number at the bar. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Musicguy201 Posted November 19, 2014 Author Share Posted November 19, 2014 Smart move dumping her. Who needs all this drama? And the chances that this is the first, only, or last time she's put it out there for some guy has to be zero. BTW: Most women will say it's no big deal and men will say that dumping her was the right thing to do. Just sayin' Drifter777, you called it- the ladies are saying "Oh, no big deal", and the guys are saying "Run for your life!" I think it's interesting in how the genders perceive this situation so differently. Just remember, ladies, it's us guys you're dallying with, and we seem to take your invitations MUCH more seriously than you do! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
harrybrown Posted November 19, 2014 Share Posted November 19, 2014 Glad you found out before you married into trouble. Run , run, run. ( and don't look back) I hope you did not apologize, because she should have never tied up with a married man. I do hope you let his wife know. She needs to know. If she contacts you again, ask her about his wife. And if he will cheat with her, he will cheat on her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted November 19, 2014 Share Posted November 19, 2014 So, you broke up with her because she gave this married guy her address and probably her phone number. She NEVER mentioned she had a boyfriend to this dude. You break up with her and she contacts you DEMANDING that you apologize for calling her a slut. NO apology from her. NO remorse about how wrong SHE was...Doesn't even sound sad that you broke up with her. She's just focused on the fact that you called her a slut. Hell, if I were you and since you're already broken up, I would have said, "Hey if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck..." Then hung up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted November 19, 2014 Share Posted November 19, 2014 Drifter777, you called it- the ladies are saying "Oh, no big deal", and the guys are saying "Run for your life!" I think it's interesting in how the genders perceive this situation so differently. Just remember, ladies, it's us guys you're dallying with, and we seem to take your invitations MUCH more seriously than you do! Yes, the guys will be supportive because we've all been there and know what it feels like. If you were married with children, most of the guys would have said that this one issue was not enough to end a marriage. We would have advised things like clarifying boundaries and what each of you will and will not tolerate. But you are just dating! Life is too short for this kind of thing. If you make a practice of dumping all of the girls you date that have lousy boundaries you will eventually find the right girl for you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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