OLD: The Stay At Home Mom

[irc333]

Gentlemen...been seeing a few of these here and there lately. They have in their profession: Stay At Home Mom in other words...unemployed. Would this be a deal breaker for you?

 

Ladies, would you say the same for a stay at home dad?

[Radu]

I wouldn't consider it a career in the standard way.

 

It means there's another guy there, kids and a lot of potential responsability for you as the new guy.

[GemmaUK]

Nope, not a deal breaker.

 

 

Child care costs in the UK are at their lowest around £400 per week so working a job with hours where he would be able to drop off and collect the little ones just does not allow for any living expenses.

 

 

If he worked a full time job he would likely still be paying the same proportion (or more actually) of a salary in child care cost to cover the hours he was not around.

[insert_name]

Maybe I am just a miserable sod but I am struggling to see why this would be the sort of arrangement a man would look to get involved in.

 

The kids would be the main priority- which is only right, but not exactly very enticing for a man to get involved in rekationship where he is already going to be second best and to add to that the woman is a full time mum so how does she contribute to date activities?

 

With respect, it just seems like a really bad deal for any sane man to get involved with unless he has lots of money to absorb the financial burden. Certainly, I would never get involved with a woman who has kids. I almost got involved with one before and it was awful.

[clia]

I would not date a stay at home dad, because that likely means he has no income of his own and is living off alimony or child support. That would make me feel very awkward -- essentially, his ex-wife would be paying for our dates and gifts for me. No thanks.

[central]

It would probably be a deal-breaker for me, but I would consider the circumstances if there was a chance of good compatibility.

 

However, without extenuating circumstances, I would not get involved with someone who is unable to support themselves and be financially responsible. Also, is their situation temporary, and when it ends, do they have career prospects and skills that would enable them to be financially viable without outside support?

[irc333]

I actually knew a 3rd something woman in this situation.

 

She was divorced housewife turned single mother having to move back in with her parents.

 

The only skill set she ever had was "being a house wife" .

That's it. So she had to start college at 3rd something.

 

 

It would probably be a deal-breaker for me, but I would consider the circumstances if there was a chance of good compatibility.

 

However, without extenuating circumstances, I would not get involved with someone who is unable to support themselves and be financially responsible. Also, is their situation temporary, and when it ends, do they have career prospects and skills that would enable them to be financially viable without outside support?

[MissBee]

I don't understand this term in reference to dating. As stay at home mom or dad is used for a two parent household where one parent stays home while the other goes out and work. So if I saw a man say this in his profile I'd wonder if he has a wife and is looking for some on the side.

 

If you aren't married/with your child/children's other parent, then you're a single parent. You can only be stay at home in my mind if you are with this person and they are the bread winner.

 

In any event, I'd pass it on by regardless.

[scatterd]

Staying at home and taking care of kids is a full time job. Many would love to have a job so they have a break once and a while. The reason kids do crime so much now is because their usually is no parent home to watch over what they do. Respect for marriage, and others relationships has also become a past time. I feel sorry for kids now days and what kind of world they are growing up in. They wont trust in marriage, and raising kids alone will probably be the norm. Its so sad.

[GemmaUK]

I actually knew a 3rd something woman in this situation.

 

She was divorced housewife turned single mother having to move back in with her parents.

 

The only skill set she ever had was "being a house wife" .

That's it. So she had to start college at 3rd something.

 

What is a '3rd' something woman?

 

 

She went to college. Is this a bad thing when you are a 3rd something woman?

 

 

I don't know what a 3rd something woman is.

 

 

Can you explain IRC?

 

 

To me, going to college at any time or research/learning at any time is absolutely brilliant for growing as a person.

 

 

I'm from the UK so I'm thinking I just don't understand your terminology.

[Priv]

What is a '3rd' something woman?

 

 

She went to college. Is this a bad thing when you are a 3rd something woman?

 

 

I don't know what a 3rd something woman is.

 

 

Can you explain IRC?

 

 

To me, going to college at any time or research/learning at any time is absolutely brilliant for growing as a person.

 

 

I'm from the UK so I'm thinking I just don't understand your terminology.

 

I agree. These men/women very much following there dream of raising their children being, but unfortunately this was not to be... Commendable this woman is doing what she can to ensure a future for herself and children...

 

 

I don't see why stay at home anything should be considered 'undatable'.

[rester]

Gentlemen...been seeing a few of these here and there lately. They have in their profession: Stay At Home Mom in other words...unemployed. Would this be a deal breaker for you?

 

Ladies, would you say the same for a stay at home dad?

 

While I don't see anything wrong with being a stay at home mom, one would not match my lifestyle and I would not pursue one.

 

I am also confused as to what "stay at home mom" means in a dating situation. If it means unemployed and planning on remaining that way, I would stay even farther away. If it means trying to get back on her feet, I would cut her some slack, if being a single parent wasn't a deal breaker for me, which it personally is.

[irc333]

Yeah, wonder if she is looking for a meal ticket.

[irc333]

LOL. Mean to day 30-something

 

What is a '3rd' something woman?

 

 

She went to college. Is this a bad thing when you are a 3rd something woman?

 

 

I don't know what a 3rd something woman is.

 

 

Can you explain IRC?

 

 

To me, going to college at any time or research/learning at any time is absolutely brilliant for growing as a person.

 

 

I'm from the UK so I'm thinking I just don't understand your terminology.

[Mirages]

The examples of SHM's that I have known, and one married to, were as follows: They lost interest in learning, became slaves of routine, became depressed, dressed down, did not look good, obesity. They had no friends at work, because there was no workplace. While I am open to respect the concept in places where economics / personal choice suggest it to be right, I will not consider anything with anyone employed less than 30hrs a week. So for me, dealbreaker.

 

There must be some who do some reading, and take care of themselves, I sure haven't run into any though.

 

One secondary concern is that too much time together makes it ordinary, every second that you are home, wife is home, she becomes as special as the housecat. I need time apart (normal work of both parties) to want to be together.

[GemmaUK]

Yeah, wonder if she is looking for a meal ticket.

 

Oh for heaven's sake!

IRC, don't date them, mail them or reply if that is what you think.

 

 

It really IS that easy!

[Woggle]

I would wonder where they were getting the money.

[GemmaUK]

I would wonder where they were getting the money.

 

In the UK. South East usually it'll be from benefits.

Unemployment, child benefit and housing help.

 

 

I ought to point out here that many families and single folk are now entitled to get free food from food banks because many live on the poverty line.they really cannot afford to eat.

 

 

It's a bad situation.

I remember a convo on here about the price of a coffee.

A dollar where you live, It's £4/5 here for black coffee with nothing added.

 

 

I recall my now ex being floored when he found out the cost of things where I live compared to 150 miles north.

[xxoo]

I would wonder where they were getting the money.

 

I think it would be appropriate on a date to ask, "How do you manage to stay home as a single mom?" Fair question.

 

Years ago, I knew a woman in this position. The father of the child supported them both. He was wealthy, and wanted his child to live in a nice condo, safe neighborhood, etc. The mother was frugal, but didn't need to work, so she stayed home while the child was young.

[insert_name]

In the UK. South East usually it'll be from benefits.

Unemployment, child benefit and housing help.

 

 

I ought to point out here that many families and single folk are now entitled to get free food from food banks because many live on the poverty line.they really cannot afford to eat.

 

 

It's a bad situation.

I remember a convo on here about the price of a coffee.

A dollar where you live, It's £4/5 here for black coffee with nothing added.

 

 

I recall my now ex being floored when he found out the cost of things where I live compared to 150 miles north.

 

With respect, what sane man would be that hard pressed for company that he would sign up to date a woman with a child who is on benefits?

 

Although I have no doubt that it must happen, guys on OLD seem to love saving women who have fallen on hard times. I just can't get my head round why they would so willingly be a provider to another man's child when the child will always be more important than him and where the mother cant make any financial contribution to the relationship leaving that all to him.

 

They must have an absolutely killer presonality to make that work.

[nofeelings22]

I actually knew a 3rd something woman in this situation.

 

She was divorced housewife turned single mother having to move back in with her parents.

 

The only skill set she ever had was "being a house wife" .

That's it. So she had to start college at 3rd something.

 

Intersting.

 

My mother was divorced. She had zero experience in the workforce, 2 kids, couldn't afford heat to the level that my pet gold fish died in ICE in his bowl in my room one night.

 

She stuck it out and now has a self built net worth of well over $1M.

 

Only 3 or 4 years after being a housewife with 2 kids, barely any food, no heat and no child support (wasn't enforced) , we were having lavish Christmases with all the best gifts.

 

So... I'm of the opinion that these single moms you meet that aren't doing anything at all, are moving in with parents, etc... aren't really trying or aren't intelligent enough to figure life out. Two poor qualities in a possible life partner. Pass.

[Omei]

Gentlemen...been seeing a few of these here and there lately. They have in their profession: Stay At Home Mom in other words...unemployed. Would this be a deal breaker for you?

 

Ladies, would you say the same for a stay at home dad?

 

It depends there's lots of factors that people with zero children wouldnt ever think to consider...

 

Are they a single parent ?

 

Are they on maternity leave?

 

Are they unable to work because they are on a waiting list for child care? (some can be a year long and its even worse for you if you're a single parent)

 

Are they wealthy?

 

Does their child have a disability?

 

Are they living in a area where jobs are even obtainable?

 

Are they finishing school? Perhaps even online from home

 

Maybe they even work from home

 

 

The reasons could go on you just don't know and shouldn't judge until you ask.

 

A lot of people are pretty ignorant on how long it can take a single mom to get into the work force esp if she doesn't have support from the father or their own family some mothers are totally alone in the world

 

 

I wanted to be a stay at home mom for the first two years of my childs life as a single mother I wanted our bond strong and I decided to fully commit to breast feeding I wanted to purely be a mother at that time and I did get judged A LOT a **** load lot!, mostly by non parents I do not expect non parents to understand. (tbh as a result from talking to other parents I learned my child started progressing a lot faster than some like we didn't really do the whole potty training we totally skipped that stage when I realized her diapers were not ever getting wet anymore she brilliantly transitioned to underwear I can only recall 3-4 bed wets and that was it, she knew how to do things like write My name is .... Before hitting kindergarten, last year she was picked to represent her school by reading to other children at a different school because she was two reading levels higher, all that time I spent homing with her paid off! Plus she does just love to learn so much, oops sorry I could go on and on proud mother alert!!!)

Edited November 18, 2014 by Omei

[irc333]

I actually went out with this Russian, widowed woman around my age. Met her through Meetup actually.

 

Her other Russian female friend drove her to the dating venue as she had no car, no driver's licence.

 

Her back story was she was a Russian bride from another state that married an older man, got her green card.

 

She was already a divorced, single mother prior to becoming a widowed green card holder.

 

She wound up with her two kids in Florida and through the Russian/American Society found someone she and her kids could room with.

 

She was in her early 40's, and wound up rooming with a 60 year old man. Apparently, they had made an arrangement that she and the kids could live with him if they got married.

 

She agreed, got settled in THEN....decided not to marry him. Yeah wasn't pretty.

 

When I went to drop her off, she wanted me to stop a couple of houses down to ensure that he didn't see us. She mentioned that even though they agreed on "being friends", she still would suspect a jealously situation may occure.

 

She was playing "Maid" to him when he went to work...but now wound up moving in with her Russian female friend. Never saw her at a Meetup again though.

[GemmaUK]

With respect, what sane man would be that hard pressed for company that he would sign up to date a woman with a child who is on benefits?

 

Although I have no doubt that it must happen, guys on OLD seem to love saving women who have fallen on hard times. I just can't get my head round why they would so willingly be a provider to another man's child when the child will always be more important than him and where the mother cant make any financial contribution to the relationship leaving that all to him.

 

They must have an absolutely killer presonality to make that work.

 

Perhaps you'll find an answer on that in this thread.

 

 

All I know is that for me, if I met a great guy who was a stay at home Dad then it's not a deal breaker for me.

[elaine567]

I am a bit concerned that we have a thread here designed to bash SAHM.

Obviously someone here has had a bad experience, but surely we could start a thread targeting workaholic men or obsessionally geeky nerds, or misogynist creeps, or guys on benefits or ex prisoners, none of these could be seen as being ideal partners for some women.

But if there is no law that forces anyone to date people that they don't want to, then why single out SAHMs?

Many of whom are decent folk and many of them have often been sh*t on from a great height anyway by men.