solong123 Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 The breakup was almost 6 weeks now. The first two weeks I really felt okay and thought I was moving on. But now here I am, crying everynight and not being able to sleep. Replaying things in my mind and blaming myself even though it was not all my doing. I have self esteem issues and I dont know how to work through them. Every guy I dated needed "help" or "fixed" and I dont understand why I choose these people because in the end it is only me who is hurt, while he goes on living life like I didnt exist. Im so thankful for this forum and would appreciate any advice Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 It is perfectly normal to feel this way. 6 weeks out is short and you could still be up and down in 6 months. It`s an adjustment for your mind and body. Blaming yourself is also normal. `What`s wrong with`. You have to run through the whole gamut of emotions. It`s not easy and despair and self pity can really take their toll. Breakups are shattering. We question everything. The only advice i can give to really slow down and time will slowly wipe out these feelings. Like many others here i really know what you are going through. Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
SoThatHappened Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 Like everything else in life, the hurt you're experiencing will also pass. Stay glued to these forums. Don't blame yourself. Now is the time to be your best advocate. Blaming yourself is a slippery slope. You can blame yourself later when your head is clear and you can look back on the breakup with logic and clarity. Also, you've identified a pattern with the guys you pick. You pick projects to fix. That's OK. A lot of people like to be needed and help people. However, the "projects" you choose are likely drunks, jerks, druggies, whatever. Every guy is a project, believe me. Just don't pick guys who need help. Pick guys who have their stuff together. You'll find plenty of things that need work, even from a guy who has a good head on his shoulders. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author solong123 Posted November 17, 2014 Author Share Posted November 17, 2014 The breakup was now about two months ago and I can truly say I am better and stronger than I have been. Even though my ex sends the occasional "hope all is well" text I ignore it and go about my day. Just still once in awhile it will hit me. From this breakup I realize how lucky I am to be out of a relationship that didnt make me happy and wasnt progressing anymore. But part of me is almost mad at myself for wasting so much time on someone. I am happy to be out but I wish I had gotten out sooner so I guess I am feeling some regret. My ex is 28, living at home with no real life goals or ambitions. I am about to graduate and start my life with a great job. It baffles me that I stayed around so long to be with someone like that and makes me question my self esteem for putting up with all of that. I know it was a lesson learned but I cant help but sometimes feel like a fool for having wasted so much time and letting him take up any space in my mind. Is this just a normal part of the process? Link to post Share on other sites
Author solong123 Posted November 17, 2014 Author Share Posted November 17, 2014 So many views, not a single reply Link to post Share on other sites
Paidtheprice Posted November 17, 2014 Share Posted November 17, 2014 I can't wait to be two months into my BU! You're doing great. IMO, when you spend so much time with someone, you will always remember that person sometimes, but it's up to you how it will affect you. Link to post Share on other sites
StrangerThanFiction Posted November 17, 2014 Share Posted November 17, 2014 The breakup was now about two months ago and I can truly say I am better and stronger than I have been. Even though my ex sends the occasional "hope all is well" text I ignore it and go about my day. Just still once in awhile it will hit me. From this breakup I realize how lucky I am to be out of a relationship that didnt make me happy and wasnt progressing anymore. But part of me is almost mad at myself for wasting so much time on someone. I am happy to be out but I wish I had gotten out sooner so I guess I am feeling some regret. My ex is 28, living at home with no real life goals or ambitions. I am about to graduate and start my life with a great job. It baffles me that I stayed around so long to be with someone like that and makes me question my self esteem for putting up with all of that. I know it was a lesson learned but I cant help but sometimes feel like a fool for having wasted so much time and letting him take up any space in my mind. Is this just a normal part of the process? I think you're doing pretty awesome for two months post BU. It seems that you're seeing the RS and the ex for what they really were, instead of viewing them throw rose colored glasses. I think that's a pretty positive step in the right direction. I feel the same thing about myself sometimes, wondering how I could've wasted years on someone who treated me so terribly and had a substance abuse problem. I beat myself up for it even though I know it's pointless to do so. So yes, I think this is just part of the process and eventually it won't even bother you anymore Link to post Share on other sites
tikay00 Posted November 17, 2014 Share Posted November 17, 2014 You're actually do an amazing job. You're not putting them on a pedestal, and can see everything clearly now. The emotions will be there in waves. Just ride em. I'm in the same boat as you, and also get those emotions (mine are nostalgia), but I also consciously know it's all waves. Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted November 17, 2014 Share Posted November 17, 2014 I guess you were not receiving reactions as you seem to cope well, which is positive. My ex is 28, living at home with no real life goals or ambitions. I am about to graduate and start my life with a great job. I hope for you that indeed will be true. Link to post Share on other sites
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