Should I stay, Should I go?

[mechita]

Hello everyone, I'm having a terrible time and need lots of advice.

 

I have been married for 3 years now, my husband and I have quite a list of mutual cheats that are now bringing about terrible consequences. I cheated before marriage, so did he. After being married he cheated and wanted to be with this other girl, then they broke up and we decided to try it again. Now he cheated again and this time he got the other woman pregnant. The baby is now 7 months old (he confessed two weeks ago everything), I don't know, I honestly don't know if we can manage to be together again.

 

There is a part of me that thinks we can still work it out, be honest and include the girl into our lives. Prove than love conquers all and time and forgiveness heal.

 

There is another part of me that says I do not deserve this. and I could just divorce because we have no kids together.

 

He says he wants to change, he knows he hurt me and wants to be a better man. He says there's no love going on with the other woman, she is just the mother of his baby. He goes every month to give her money and supplies, and see the child.

 

The thing is that I don't know if it is worth it. To try again. To look for God to help us. I don't know.

 

I know it is too soon to make a decision. But well, I need some advice. This should not wait for ever.

 

Thanks for reading.

[mammasita]

Oh gawd NO. Why oh why?

 

You both cheated. Your relationship is based on nothing - absolutely nothing.

 

Love, no what you think is love, is not enough.

 

You need to separate yourself from this toxic situation, heal and figure out why you even cheated in the first place and figure out why you think you should settle for a man who has cheated, lied, left you for another woman, fathered a child with another woman while married to you and then come back for more....

 

No, just No.

[Clay]

Sadly It does not sound like either one of you are really in a good place. Do you want to be with someone that continues to cheat on you? What do you really want out of your life? I would recommend you get into counceling. I think before you make any serious decisions about your life its best you work on yourself.

 

Clay

[KBarletta]

^^^ Absolutely agree with Clay. Counseling for you, and - if you decide that you MUST give it another shot, joint counseling with your husband is a must. That way you can take is slow and make sure all cards are on the table.

 

Whatever happens, I believe taking it slowly and spending time away from the situation - and the relationship - is needed for you and him to figure out if this is what you truly want.

[MTmama]

Can you seek couple's counseling? Before you make any decisions, you should at least work through this and find out what issues are causing these situations. If your husband said he is willing to change, can you give him that chance? A counselor might be able to help you set up boundaries and guidelines. God is there for you and can help you work through these situations. Hugs!

Edited November 18, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Satu]

Once the trust goes in a relationship its very hard to bring it back.

 

Whatever else you do, get some therapy for yourself, to just get clear in your mind about what you really want.

 

Staying together will be hard, and separating will be hard.

 

There is always a way forward though, and you will find out what it is.

[mechita]

Your advice has been of help, I know counseling is a must. If I stay with him or not. It is just that sometimes I wish I had an answer immediately.

 

I know so far our marriage hasn't been on the right foundations, if any. But I also believe that if we do things right now we will have a stronger marriage later.

 

I will seek some professional help. And tell you later how is it going.

 

Thanks for your words.