Can't get a girlfriend because of inexperience?

[thanaton]

So I'm 21 and never had a girlfriend I've never even hung out with a girl before, I've never been to a public school my mom insisted on homeschooling me and she never cared for socializing me. It's been a few years since I graduated and I'd never be able to afford college to meet girls, the loans would for sure put me out on the street.

 

I'm lonely and want a girlfriend but I'm too inexperienced, I've been reading books on the subject and learning a lot but no actual field experience, I know the usual places to meet girls, bars, coffee shops, etc, but I'm too inexperienced to meet girls at those kinds of places because guys have to come up with the magic combo sets of words in 30 seconds in order to interest her and the short time constraints that these places set, like at coffee shops you have about 30 seconds to choose all the right words before she'll want to go about her business. And you never see any of these girls again you just have 30 seconds to 5 minutes to get her number or you'll never see her again. I've tried some of the "groups" and "clubs" in my area but it's all old people.

 

I'm highly inexperienced and I need time to get her interested enough to get her number, I can't get in in a finger snap and bars, coffee shops, etc, fail to provide the atmosphere because you'll never see them again. I need to see the girl a few times talk to her then I can inch my way to getting her number.

 

I don't know what to do or where to go, I know that in the past you've told me where to go but the standard list isn't working out I'm just too inexperienced to her a girls number in three sentences, and "groups" and "clubs" all old people.

 

Help? What do I do? Any help whatsoever would be greatly appreciated!

[Targetlock]

everyone has to start somewhere just keep on trying, dont put so much pressure on yourself, and keep options open and seize opportunities. it happened to me (even if for a short while) it can happen for you

[d0nnivain]

Keep looking at clubs of things that interest you. Try a co-ed sports league if you like sports.

 

Perhaps join a group called ToastMasters. It's about public speaking but it helps with all sorts of interactions. Perhaps it can give you more confidence in talking to others.

[thanaton]

Keep looking at clubs of things that interest you. Try a co-ed sports league if you like sports.

 

Perhaps join a group called ToastMasters. It's about public speaking but it helps with all sorts of interactions. Perhaps it can give you more confidence in talking to others.

 

I believe a better question is what interests girls? The trick is to go where the girls are, what do they like to do? I have no idea I don't know anything about girls.

[ConfusedCanadian]

You will be better served finding a woman doing something you are already enjoy doing yourself so you will have something in common and something to talk about right away.

 

If not you can try online dating, usually you will message back and forth a few times before exchanging numbers, or going out on a date.

[RockyCruz]

Help? What do I do? Any help whatsoever would be greatly appreciated!

 

Can you explain what it is you do when you approach. Give an example, and be specific in how you approach, plus what do you say. Do you ask a lot of questions? Cause can't give feed back if we don't know what it is you do when see a girl you like.

[thanaton]

Can you explain what it is you do when you approach. Give an example, and be specific in how you approach, plus what do you say. Do you ask a lot of questions? Cause can't give feed back if we don't know what it is you do when see a girl you like.

 

Well I try to get to know her ask questions but I never end up getting her number because that was rushed situations, I've tried in line and at coffee shops a few times you know how coffee shops are they act like they have better places to be. I'm just not good at making friends quickly like that.

[thanaton]

You will be better served finding a woman doing something you are already enjoy doing yourself so you will have something in common and something to talk about right away.

 

If not you can try online dating, usually you will message back and forth a few times before exchanging numbers, or going out on a date.

 

Well theirs no girls doing the things I enjoy, I like video games and anything outdoors my city has a huge video game culture and a lot of groups but it's all guys, and all the outdoors groups is all middle aged. I'm just having terrible luck finding girls at these groups.

 

I believe that it would solve all of my problems right now if I knew what girls like and what interests them that way I can find them chances are I might like the group but I don't know what they are.

[RockyCruz]

Well I try to get to know her ask questions but I never end up getting her number because that was rushed situations, I've tried in line and at coffee shops a few times you know how coffee shops are they act like they have better places to be. I'm just not good at making friends quickly like that.

 

Whatever YOU say is not that important.

 

What matters most is your body language, how you confidently approach but in a cheeky, teasing and complimentary way. 95% body language and rest is words but what carries it is your confidence..

 

Here's what not to do...

 

Most average guys will approach a girl and ask all sorts of questions and bore her to death with, like this..

 

Guy - Hi, hiya doing

Girl - Ok

Guy - Where you from?

Girl - Erm, about. London

Guy - So you come here often

Girl - Not always. Oh, sorry, got to go to meet my friends.

 

See what I mean?

 

There is no chemistry, no confidence. He's trying to start attraction before he even created any comfort whatsoever. There is no chemistry. It's just usual mediocre, boring average type of talk. Like it's some interview for a job.

 

Let's turn it around...and be direct, confidence but have fun...

 

You - Hi, my name is______. This may seem out of place, but your really cute."

 

Girl - Blushes or doesn't know what to say.

 

You - I really do think your cute. I'd like to take you out. What's your number?"

 

And this is your cue to immediately give her your phone to add your number. Don't give your number first! Very important.

 

Then to make sure....

 

You - Ok, I'll just call you so you got my number.

 

This is basic. It won't work on all girls/women but as you do more approaches, you'll find your own words, pick up on things that makes them smile, laugh, excite them.

[sillyanswer]

So I'm 21 and never had a girlfriend I've never even hung out with a girl before, I've never been to a public school my mom insisted on homeschooling me and she never cared for socializing me. It's been a few years since I graduated and I'd never be able to afford college to meet girls, the loans would for sure put me out on the street.

 

It may be possible to get student loans where repayment can be deferred if your income or assets are below some threshold so that you wouldn't be put out on the street... so make sure you've fully investigated that before discounting it. Lots of people get jobs (perhaps part time) to part-fund their college expenses, too.

 

BUT... Going to college should be about getting education not about meeting girls, so if it's only girls you're after then I wouldn't recommend it.

 

I'm lonely and want a girlfriend but I'm too inexperienced, I've been reading books on the subject and learning a lot but no actual field experience, I know the usual places to meet girls, bars, coffee shops, etc, but I'm too inexperienced to meet girls at those kinds of places because guys have to come up with the magic combo sets of words in 30 seconds in order to interest her and the short time constraints that these places set, like at coffee shops you have about 30 seconds to choose all the right words before she'll want to go about her business. And you never see any of these girls again you just have 30 seconds to 5 minutes to get her number or you'll never see her again. I've tried some of the "groups" and "clubs" in my area but it's all old people.

 

Are you actually talking to girls in these situations or are you just sitting there petrified because you don't have the magic words to say? Too much reading of books on the topic probably won't help (and it certainly won't give you any of the experience that you say you're lacking), but practice might.

 

I'm highly inexperienced and I need time to get her interested enough to get her number, I can't get in in a finger snap and bars, coffee shops, etc, fail to provide the atmosphere because you'll never see them again. I need to see the girl a few times talk to her then I can inch my way to getting her number.

Why? What, specifically, about your inexperience means that you can't use words like "Can I get your number?" at some point during a conversation?

 

I don't know what to do or where to go, I know that in the past you've told me where to go but the standard list isn't working out I'm just too inexperienced to her a girls number in three sentences, and "groups" and "clubs" all old people.

 

Help? What do I do? Any help whatsoever would be greatly appreciated!

 

I wonder if inexperience isn't your problem, rather timidity. Be bold.

[RockyCruz]

 

I believe that it would solve all of my problems right now if I knew what girls like and what interests them that way I can find them chances are I might like the group but I don't know what they are.

 

None of this matters. It doesn't matter what their interest are. It doesn't matter what they are into. It doesn't matter.

 

Pay attention friend...

 

It doesn't matter.

 

All these things about interest, what she's into, happens LATER. Don't do what most Beta guys do. I'm talking from experience here. These things about interest, groups is BS.

 

Take it from me, I've been with Goth, Punk, Rock, Hip Hop, Corporate woman director, to Gymnast and so forth.

 

I didn't need to know ANYTHING about what they are interested in.

 

You already know.

 

WOMAN is interested in MAN who can make he feel excited, aroused, feel a woman. You get me?

 

Let go of this idea, that you need to find what a girl is interested in. Playing nice, is going to get you nowhere. You don't find what she's interested in to go out with her. You make her FEEL EMOTIONS. Make her laugh, tease, be different to all the guys who try to do their home work on what she's interested to get into her pants.

 

That's what women HATE. Pretending to be a friend, being nice to sleep with her.

 

Think smart. It's about emotions. Feelings. Talking about interest, is logic! She don't give a damn about these theses.

 

That's not what attracts the girl to you. Be direct. Be confident. Be bold. Find ways to make her laugh, and see you're different to other guys.

Edited November 18, 2014 by RockyCruz

[d0nnivain]

Go to the outdoors groups with middle aged people. They may have kids, siblings or friends your age who they are willing to introduce you to. Besides isn't being outdoors with nice people still better than sitting home alone?

 

Look around at the available other groups. Branching off from video games, do you like board games or Sci Fi movies? Could you at least tolerate those without being bored to tears?

 

Since you mentioned you want more groups with women -- How are your cooking skills? everybody needs to eat so try taking a 2-3 week cooking class. Even if you don't meet the love of your life at the class, when she comes into your life, you may be able to impress her.

 

Similarly, how are your finances? Everybody needs money. Perhaps check out a group that can help you with long term planning or even short term planning so you can save to go to the "big" video game conference in Las Vegas or Comic Con in San Diego.

 

In any of these situations, seeing these folks over & over will build some camaraderie & it will be easier to talk to somebody of a longer period then trying to build a rapport out of thin air in a line at the coffee shop.