utterlyconfusedinWA Posted November 17, 2014 Share Posted November 17, 2014 I'm in desperate need of non-judgemental advice. A little back story... I met my husband in august of 2010. At the time I was in a really bad relationship with a controllING man and when I met Ken*, it was like he was an angel in disguise. We got engaged that November and married in December. So when we got married we had only known each other for 4 months. We have been married for almost 4 years now and we have 2 kids together (and one from my previous relationship). This is where I need advice... I don't know if I am in love with him anymore. We hardly speak anymore. We just sit on our phones and watch tv. We dont parent the same. We don't view the world the same, he is very cynical. But he literally is my only financial support. I dont see the point in staying married if I know in my heart that I don't see us being happy and growing old together. I've had many many talks with him about him not being emotionally available and he says he will change but he doesnt. How do I know that it's over? Do i stay because I don't have anything else without him? What if I dont WANT to see if he gets better? Link to post Share on other sites
slizl Posted November 18, 2014 Share Posted November 18, 2014 Well, for the sake of the kids, I would try going to councelling, reading book about the issues you are having, etc. Without the kids, I would say do whatever you want, but now you have to think of them before you think of yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted November 18, 2014 Share Posted November 18, 2014 I don't think that theres anything wrong with you. The relationship you have is the one you have today. Sometimes people forget that today is the day, and forget to breathe life into the relationship. Then it becomes starved of energy. One or both of you has stopped investing in the relationship for some reason. It sounds like you're stuck in a rut and not really living life. What would you like your life, your day, to be like? Where do you want the relationship to go? What would make you happy? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted November 18, 2014 Share Posted November 18, 2014 Ever thought about going out more together + marriage counseling to revive communications? Link to post Share on other sites
Turtles Posted November 18, 2014 Share Posted November 18, 2014 I understand where you are coming from and I feel the same way about my current situation, but due to the fact that you have young kids together divorcing just because you are not in love with him is not a good option. Try couple counselling first. If he won't go, make an appointment for yourself and they can help you figure out exactly what you want. If you give up because you're not feeling happy without understanding why, you'll still be unhappy and you'll be in a big hole financially. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 18, 2014 Share Posted November 18, 2014 What does being in love mean to you? It's unrealistic to expect hearts & flowers & fireworks all the time like the movies. But talking & companionship should be there. Before you throw in the towel on the basis that you don't know if you feel it anymore, try 'dating' your husband. Go out. Do things together. Hold hands. be sexy for each other. Also invest in some marriage counseling. You may simply need to learn to communicate with a phone in your hand. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted November 18, 2014 Share Posted November 18, 2014 I'm in desperate need of non-judgemental advice. A little back story... I met my husband in august of 2010. At the time I was in a really bad relationship with a controllING man and when I met Ken*, it was like he was an angel in disguise. We got engaged that November and married in December. So when we got married we had only known each other for 4 months. I can't help but wonder how your husband's side of this story might read. Sounds like you grabbed him quickly as an exit from a bad relationship. He's supported you and your family, including your previous child. Doesn't he then deserve your best effort to try and fix this? Sounds like you already have one foot out the door ... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lovinDKT3 Posted November 18, 2014 Share Posted November 18, 2014 This can be scary. Be strong and make your decision based on what's best for you and the kids. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jakrbbt Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 Why is he your only financial support? Can you work even part-time, either find some day care or get creative with work hours? Even if your entire check is going to day care, you will be more autonomous if you work. Then, you will gain clarity on why you're really in the relationship. Building financial equality can help the relationship a lot, and if not, it can certainly help you leave it. Link to post Share on other sites
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