Cheating Boyfriend - Need Some Serious

[MrsGrey]

Why would he still keep me around if he knows he can't keep in his pants.

Why would he keep coming back at the time when I have moved forward and start to heal?

 

And on those occasions that I took hm back into my life, and after a few months, it seems though all he has promised to do will simply be just empty promises.

 

And that he is expecting me to make him a " real" part of my life. Meaning, to take him to my house and meet the kids, to have him attend any of the kid's school functions. And that he says all the time, it has to work both ways.

And my response to him was, he needs to be able to prove and show me that he is worthy of the trust because of all that he has done to me and the relationship.

 

Am i being wrong here?

[Zahara]

Why would he still keep me around if he knows he can't keep in his pants.

 

We have answered this question for you. It is because you are available, someone he can go home to, the security of having a woman at his side, someone that will always be there to support him and provide him with whatever he needs. Why would a man like him give up that benefit? Why wouldn't he want to have women on the side along with his support system. He is a serial cheater. They're not thinking about your feelings. They are thinking about their own needs and wants. Someone that cheats on you this way, doesn't give a crap about what you think.

 

Why would he keep coming back at the time when I have moved forward and start to heal?

 

We have answered this as well. See above.

 

And on those occasions that I took hm back into my life, and after a few months, it seems though all he has promised to do will simply be just empty promises.

 

It is because he told you what you wanted to hear -- that would be the only way you would take him back. He never meant any of it. Words to manipulate you and weaken you so that you will take him back.

 

And that he is expecting me to make him a " real" part of my life. Meaning, to take him to my house and meet the kids, to have him attend any of the kid's school functions. And that he says all the time, it has to work both ways.

And my response to him was, he needs to be able to prove and show me that he is worthy of the trust because of all that he has done to me and the relationship.

 

Am i being wrong here?

 

No, you are not wrong here. We have told you numerous times that there is NEVER a reason to cheat. Stop questioning your judgment. You were wise and strong NOT to allow this man into your home and meet your children.

[stillafool]

Why would he still keep me around if he knows he can't keep in his pants.

Why would he keep coming back at the time when I have moved forward and start to heal?

 

And on those occasions that I took hm back into my life, and after a few months, it seems though all he has promised to do will simply be just empty promises.

 

And that he is expecting me to make him a " real" part of my life. Meaning, to take him to my house and meet the kids, to have him attend any of the kid's school functions. And that he says all the time, it has to work both ways.

And my response to him was, he needs to be able to prove and show me that he is worthy of the trust because of all that he has done to me and the relationship.

 

Am i being wrong here?

 

No you are not wrong. The above questions have been answered to you at least 5 times on this thread. Please read back.

[MrsGrey]

Thank you and I am sorry for asking too many questions that seemed repetitive.

 

6 years is a very long time to be fooled this way. It is really quite hard to decipher.

 

I am holding on quite well and your advices have helped a great deal to get by.

[Zahara]

Thank you and I am sorry for asking too many questions that seemed repetitive.

 

6 years is a very long time to be fooled this way. It is really quite hard to decipher.

 

I am holding on quite well and your advices have helped a great deal to get by.

 

Understandable that you keep replaying this in your head. But everytime you get weak or question your judgment, read this thread. It will help you. Keep posting on here.

[Elle1975]

1- Dude cheated on his wife when you two meet.

2- He moved in with his parents 4 years ago (FOUR years), didn't ask you to marry him. He didn't ask you to move in together.

3- Dude then cheated on you not once, but twice.

 

What is there to say really?

 

"Dedicating" your love to him and his family doesn't entitle you to keeping this man in your life. You'd think it'd entitle you to a minimum of respect, but how can he respect you when you let him walks all over you?

 

The guy is a lying .. you know what. And yet, you stay. You look for solutions to keep this relationship alive.

 

Bleh. Go get yourself a nice single guy who will want to be part of your life.

[MrsGrey]

Elle1975, thank you for taking time to make me see what was obvious all these years.

 

He wanted that he moves in with me at my house, rather than him getting his place of his own. We talked about him purchasing a property for him , and i am willing to help out. But until the time we were working things out, he never bothered to put time and effort in doing so.

 

Mind you, i have ignored some random red flags during the very early stage of our "relationship" . Caught him with random lies and possibly hooking up with other women. A psychic even once mentioned about him having other women on the side. About 3 years ago, while he was past asleep, i look at his phone and saw a text came in that said... I am so H tonight, and something like in that line. I confronted him right that moment and made me believe that it was just nothing and that he is thinking it was his EX wife, playing him. That he simply wanted to get to the bottom of it. I forgave him and moved on.

 

The last two were more serious, him traveling to every two months to see that girl, and all their emails that i came to read, proved it was a full-blown relationship. The other girl even emailed me and told me that they have marriage plans.

 

The recent one , was equally worse. Him sleeping at the woman's place.

 

He downplayed all this other relationships.

 

I know i have allowed him to walk all over me.

 

I really thought he was sincere when he cam back to me after he first cheated.

He cried, begged, went to church with me and all. We vowed to learn from it and move on. He promised he will never do it again.

I fell for it.

 

When i am with him, he tends to treat me good. And i did not have the slightest clue that he was harboring another relationship.

 

Funny thing is , when i caught him on all occasions, he comes back to me.

 

It is really despicable to think.

[MrsGrey]

Oh and just for everyone who has been helpful with their time in giving the advice, the other day, i have sent him a message telling him that he has no integrity and that his integrity is on his D###k. And that he is a lying cheating as####e.

 

I was so upset that he would not bother to give me my stuff.

And i have a strong gut feeling that he may be in contact with the other girl still, even though he denied it. He never showed his phone statement and it seems he is very guarded with his phone.

 

 

And that was it for me. i would love to get my stuff back but most of you do not encourage it anymore.

 

I am moving on day to day.

[MrsGrey]

Oh and the other girl he strung along, promised marriage was his then best friend's cousin. They no longer are friends now for some very obvious reasons.

 

it is really sad to think how weak i have became and trusting in his words.

[CarrieT]

when i caught him on all occasions, he comes back to me.

Because you LET him!

 

i would love to get my stuff back but most of you do not encourage it anymore.

Learn the mantra: It is just stuff. It is just stuff.

 

You will look back on this years later and marvel at how much time and energy you shouldn't have expended on re-acquiring "stuff."

[Zahara]

So he was already showing you despicable behavior when you started dating, cheating on his wife with you and cheating on you with other women early into the relationship. Now he's cheated twice, which you know off and you're still talking about your stuff?

 

Forget the stuff. It's not worth your self- respect and dignity.

 

Stop communicating with him. Delete his number. Block him.

[Trimmer]

You've got great replies above, but I will chime in to reinforce it:

Why would he still keep me around if he knows he can't keep in his pants.

Why would he keep coming back at the time when I have moved forward and start to heal?

Be very clear about this: it is because what he gets matters more than what he does to you.

 

And on those occasions that I took hm back into my life, and after a few months, it seems though all he has promised to do will simply be just empty promises.

Again, be very clear: he is an actor, and you have seen ample evidence of this. He plays a part to convince you, and then goes and betrays you. Not once, not as a 'mistake', but as a regular part of his character. He is an actor in his real life, so of course his promises will be empty.

 

And that he is expecting me to make him a " real" part of my life. Meaning, to take him to my house and meet the kids, to have him attend any of the kid's school functions. And that he says all the time, it has to work both ways.

All of that is just b---sh-t to put the burden of his character flaws upon you. Do not fall for it.

 

And my response to him was, he needs to be able to prove and show me that he is worthy of the trust because of all that he has done to me and the relationship.

 

Am i being wrong here?

Your boundaries and standards are not wrong. The only thing that would be wrong, moving forward, is if you continue to fail to see his flaws, and continue to hope that he will change.

 

His words are empty, you have ample proof of that. He has shown you, by his actions, who he is. Please believe what he has demonstrated for you, and don't be fooled by him any more.

[MrsGrey]

Thank you Trimmer for taking time to share your valuable inputs.

 

I emailed him a closure letter just a few minutes ago. I felt i needed to.

 

It made me feel so much better and to let him know that i am not going to be fooled again.

 

I made reference to most of the things you wrote. As i am lost in words and it helped that i can just borrow some of your lines. Hope that was ok.

 

I am fully aware of all that he says vis a vis his actions. I have brought it up in most of our dinner conversations. But you guys are right, he will never change.

 

He reeled me for a number of times and i allowed it because i did love the person. I loved until it hurts.

[Zahara]

I will suggest you block him from email and your phone. This closure letter will most likely present a response from him and you don't want to listen or entertain what he says because it will 1) make you want to respond and go back and forth and cause you more pain 2) manipulate you into giving him another chance.

 

And when/if he appears at your door, do not entertain him.

[MrsGrey]

Thank you Zahara. You have been a great support.

 

If for what ever reason he will respond or reach out, which i think it will be unlikely, I promise you guys that he not hear anything from me.

 

I need to heal and the only way i can do this is put a closure and close that chapter of my life.

 

I am not angry anymore. I am slowly accepting the fate of this all.

 

I am sad though that i have allowed this to myself and being so trusting.

[Zahara]

If for what ever reason he will respond or reach out, which i think it will be unlikely, I promise you guys that he not hear anything from me.

 

He will reach out and he will contact you because he knows you are weak and you have proven time and time again that you will submit to his contact. I have a feeling you won't block him because you still want to hear what he has to say and you want to be accessible to him.

 

Whether you respond or not isn't the issue but contact from him will trigger your pain and stagnate you. The only way to move on from this is a clean slate with zero triggers or reminders from him.

[MrsGrey]

You may be right Zahara. He may try to reach out. But part of me feels, he will not. As i have some strange feelings that the possibility of him still in contact with the recent woman he had a relationship with while we were very much together is very likely. Though mind you, we spend every day and time we have but he may have sneaked out here and there. He works at their family business and his time is his, that will permit him to do whatever he wishes. Well, he has once a week work thing, that i have supported him in a lot of ways. Meaning, he may be very busy dealing with that instead of me whom he has taken for granted.

 

Part of me, may want to hear what lies he has to say again this time. And just laugh it off. And i can tell you that i will stand firm on my ground this time. My mindset is moving forward without him effecting me anymore.

 

And if he so decide to reach out in whatever way, be it to call me at my office, show up at either my house or office, that will be a perfect time for me to show him, enough is enough. I will not be swayed.

 

I have seen the light at the end of this tunnel and don't want to go back in the dark place that he has constantly put me in.

[MrsGrey]

We had great plans. Kids and all. Even maybe adopting.

I really thought he meant them.

[Zahara]

We had great plans. Kids and all. Even maybe adopting.

I really thought he meant them.

 

This is where you become accountable for you own actions.

 

What would make you think that there were great plans in store for you with a man that was 1) cheating on his wife 2) hooking up with other women and lying so early into "relationship".

 

Actions - not words. You were focusing on words.

 

You knew he was a liar and a cheat early on into your dealings with him -- how could you possibly find any sincerity and honesty in what he said?

[MrsGrey]

I can say that i did believe his words, because when we are together, he treats me good. He has helped me in some ways. But whenever he has some other person on the other side, i can notice it changes.

 

I have succumb myself and cause all these pain to myself.

 

I can't wait for the days to fast forward and be over all these very sad thoughts and pain.

 

i will stay strong and not allow myself to be weak and trusting to this person ever again.

[Trimmer]

Thank you Trimmer for taking time to share your valuable inputs.

 

I emailed him a closure letter just a few minutes ago. I felt i needed to.

 

It made me feel so much better and to let him know that i am not going to be fooled again.

 

I made reference to most of the things you wrote. As i am lost in words and it helped that i can just borrow some of your lines. Hope that was ok.

Absolutely, of course!

 

 

Thank you Zahara. You have been a great support.

 

If for what ever reason he will respond or reach out, which i think it will be unlikely, I promise you guys that he not hear anything from me.

 

I need to heal and the only way i can do this is put a closure and close that chapter of my life.

 

I am not angry anymore. I am slowly accepting the fate of this all.

 

I am sad though that i have allowed this to myself and being so trusting.

I hope that sadness will some day gradually turn to an appreciation that you did, eventually, see through the lies and deceptions and stood up for yourself so you could move on into your future. Be strong, and best of luck!

[MrsGrey]

As most of you have predicted... He sent me a message last night, wishing me a good night and blah... Soon after i read the message, i blocked his both cell numbers from my phone. Then of course, he then sent me an email.

 

To summarize his email: (last night)

 

1. He wants to talk.

2. He is sorry i feel that way

3. He hopes that we can see through it all since "we" have been through a lot.

 

i did not respond to any of these.

 

Another email came in (this morning):

 

1. He figured he got my closure now.

2. He figured he is blocked from my cell.

3. He needs his closure.

4. Oh and that he was looking at a property, and he even wanted for "us" to make an offer.

5. He will go to my office or house if i don't respond.

6. He said he wants to talk.

 

I have been channeling my thoughts with the more important things in my life right now.

 

I really am not interested to hear what he has to say.

Funny thing is suddenly now he is interested in a property.

 

 

Please help me with how i should approach this situation.

I know even if i block his email, he may still show up to my office or house.

[Zahara]

As usual, he'll promise you the world now that he wants to rope you back in. All the sweet words, the promises, the future, etc. All BS.

 

This is when you respond in writing:

 

"Do not show up at my home or work. I DO NOT want to talk. I am requesting that you cease contact and do not harass me further with anymore communication. Please leave me alone. If you ignore my request and show up at my home or my place of work, I will have to take further measures to have you comply."

 

Then BLOCK him from sending you anymore emails.

Edited November 21, 2014 by Zahara

[MrsGrey]

Thank you Zahara. I honestly don't intend to respond anymore.

And if he ever shows up either my work or home, I will simply ignore him.

He can only go as far.

 

Funny thing is, he is asking for my help to make an offer to a property he looked at and like. Emailed me asking me if I can help her or not. I ignored him.

 

Well, i have a real estate license and he is using it.

When we were in talking terms, he never mentioned anything of that. Ever since i have encouraged him to get his own place. He is off age and need to get out of his parent's house.

 

Why would he even ask me to help me?

 

Please shed light.

[MrsGrey]

I meant i have a real estate license and he makes it seemed that he needs my help to make an offer. And he said, if I'm not helping him, he hates to go to another realtor.

 

Thought on why would he say those?