I sent a text for FINAL closure

[Decisiontomake]

I posted earlier on another thread about the last 24 hours and how hard it has been with my now EX AP of 2.5 years. I've finally realized what a journey to nothing I was on - and had the strength to not worry about the fact that any text from me noting that final closure would mean it was REALLY over. Because that's exactly what I need!!! Closure. Our previous "let's end this" discussions have been with me expressing how much I thought of the relationship, how much I cared for him etc - all with my secret hope that would make him realize what he was walking away from, and keep that door open. Well not this time. I told him his actions these last few days have been unforgivable and that I hate him for doing that. I'm feeling a moment of empowerment and I'm going to grab that with both hands and use that as I ride out the inevitable sadness at the thought of never seeing him again. He's crossed a line and flicked a switch in me this time.

 

 

Oh, and I blocked his numbers on my phone - that was the last obstacle I had to remove his ability to contact me. His only option now would be to call me at work - but he won't call - he's too much of a coward for that.

[FusionCutter]

Don't rely on him for any closure. It has to come from within and within only. Don't worry him and worry about yourself. You're the only person that matters. He doesn't matter. Don't worry about him calling you at work or whatever. Just don't worry about him and focus all your attention on yourself.

[Decisiontomake]

Don't rely on him for any closure. It has to come from within and within only. Don't worry him and worry about yourself. You're the only person that matters. He doesn't matter. Don't worry about him calling you at work or whatever. Just don't worry about him and focus all your attention on yourself.

 

That's what I intend to do FC :-). The text was my way of taking back the control, and starting my road to true closure. It was a tangible way for me to know I'd done it - for me - not for him. Yes, I want him to feel the pain of what I've said, and my emotions will no doubt be all over the place BUT I 100% know I can do this and deserve a million times better!

 

 

BTW - I read your story too seeing as you've bothered to read mine - thanks!

[Decisiontomake]

OMG I am so wobbling right now - I want to text him so badly - this is pathetic! We did work together - I basically gave him a tonne of input to his company as I've run my own for years and he was new to it - I mean I was REALLY involved. So I decided to delete all the emails/folders etc from my work system that involved our communication - it was always work focused and professional in case his W or my H saw it, but we used to push the boundaries with the banter etc. It's just been like looking back through a box of old photographs - so incredibly painful. I just want to sit at my desk and cry right now.

 

 

And what would texting him achieve?! Nothing. He probably wouldn't even respond, or he would respond (if I unblocked him) with something I wouldn't want to hear OR I'd just drag this ending cycle out further. My text yesterday was cutting - and now I feel bad for doing that. This is incredibly hard.

[Donesharing]

OMG I am so wobbling right now - I want to text him so badly - this is pathetic! We did work together - I basically gave him a tonne of input to his company as I've run my own for years and he was new to it - I mean I was REALLY involved. So I decided to delete all the emails/folders etc from my work system that involved our communication - it was always work focused and professional in case his W or my H saw it, but we used to push the boundaries with the banter etc. It's just been like looking back through a box of old photographs - so incredibly painful. I just want to sit at my desk and cry right now.

 

 

And what would texting him achieve?! Nothing. He probably wouldn't even respond, or he would respond (if I unblocked him) with something I wouldn't want to hear OR I'd just drag this ending cycle out further. My text yesterday was cutting - and now I feel bad for doing that. This is incredibly hard.

 

It is hard. I have had more than a few slip ups. But, in the end each time only hurts me more. He picked her, not me and with each attempt at communication, I realize how I was not his choice. It makes me question every conversation and every time we spent together. I want to think it was really love, but with each day that passes and the few attempts at communicating with him and from him, the truth is, he stayed with her. That alone hurts. Basically, contact in any which way has not helped at all.

[Decisiontomake]

Just for back from an IC session. Thank God! Urge to text has passed. Great session about how to look at this closure differently. Fingers crossed that will resonate for a while at least

[nikki76]

Just for back from an IC session. Thank God! Urge to text has passed. Great session about how to look at this closure differently. Fingers crossed that will resonate for a while at least

 

Thats great!!

[Decisiontomake]

It WAS. The urge is overwhelming again. . This is f'ing ridiculous.

[nikki76]

It WAS. The urge is overwhelming again. . This is f'ing ridiculous.

 

post on here when you have the urge. Or PM me, or a friend.

[Decisiontomake]

Thanks Niki. I won't do it. I know I won't. But the desire to do it is incredible. I have nothing left to say that hasn't been said already. If he were going to be what I wanted him to be, he would have done it by now. Am incredibly sad tho. The thought of not seeing him again or speaking to him is physically painful right now.

 

Am using every tool in the book right now - journaling, posting on here, IC, re reading old journal entries to see the reality of the angst and one sidedness etc.

 

My current state of emotion is not helped by the situation with my H right now. I'm having to force myself not to go to him for comfort - which would give him false hope - because logic tells me my marriage is over BUT not could I do with one of his hugs right now. Again, I won't as that would be pretty despicable of me, but that's the emotions that are fueling me at the moment.

[Another Other Man]

As someone who has done just the very same this morning, I wish you the best and hope we both start feeling better in time to come. Well done you.

[Decisiontomake]

I'm feeling ok this morning. Sad still but think some of the residue strength and detachment I gained in the recent 3 weeks of NC is helping. It will also help when I know he's no longer here. He doesn't live in the same country as me and we used to see each other every 8 weeks or so when he'd be here for 2 weeks at a time. We emailed or spoke every day when he wasn't here though. But when he's gone there is no easy avenue for me to contact him though as I shut down the email we used and I can't just call or text him because of his W. That helped a lot during the prior 3 week NC. I will no longer know his exact schedule after this trip, although will have approximate ideas of when he'll be back, but not knowing for sure anymore when he's here will help too. Of course I'm still hoping he'll reach out - if only for the satisfaction of knowing he can't be here without wanting to see me - but I know this is done.

[hello234]

It's great for u that you had the courage to do This.. after my millions of posts and threads abt MM, i am completely frustrated now and had even tried to do NC but he kept coming back saying he was so depressed and having mental breakdown.. did urs say the same stuff? or did anyone else's mm? Please tell me its utter BS?

 

so then when he said that, i got soft and replied and now .. here we are again but I am just soo damn frustrated and mad at this whole thing that i have not been intimate or spoken to him like i normally do , with affection and love.. and i do not plan to be intimate with him.. but i donno why, some reason i am soo frustrated i just want out but am finding it soo difficult, going bak and forth, UGH!

- the two statements he made yesterday which convinced me more to back off:

" Maybe i can have some live- in relation with u, since u want a "destination" for this relationship"

- IF i meet others, i cant GUARANTEE i wont involve with them in affairs but it is highly unlikely, as i LOVE you. (Please , i want comments on this.. how unreasonable does this sound??) if he loved me, it would be guaranteed right?

[GirlStillStrong]

I'm feeling ok this morning. Sad still but think some of the residue strength and detachment I gained in the recent 3 weeks of NC is helping. It will also help when I know he's no longer here. He doesn't live in the same country as me and we used to see each other every 8 weeks or so when he'd be here for 2 weeks at a time. We emailed or spoke every day when he wasn't here though. But when he's gone there is no easy avenue for me to contact him though as I shut down the email we used and I can't just call or text him because of his W. That helped a lot during the prior 3 week NC. I will no longer know his exact schedule after this trip, although will have approximate ideas of when he'll be back, but not knowing for sure anymore when he's here will help too. Of course I'm still hoping he'll reach out - if only for the satisfaction of knowing he can't be here without wanting to see me - but I know this is done.

 

It may help you to know that it's pretty common for guys who travel for work to have a woman "in every port" so to speak.

[GirlStillStrong]

It's great for u that you had the courage to do This.. after my millions of posts and threads abt MM, i am completely frustrated now and had even tried to do NC but he kept coming back saying he was so depressed and having mental breakdown.. did urs say the same stuff? or did anyone else's mm? Please tell me its utter BS?

 

so then when he said that, i got soft and replied and now .. here we are again but I am just soo damn frustrated and mad at this whole thing that i have not been intimate or spoken to him like i normally do , with affection and love.. and i do not plan to be intimate with him.. but i donno why, some reason i am soo frustrated i just want out but am finding it soo difficult, going bak and forth, UGH!

- the two statements he made yesterday which convinced me more to back off:

" Maybe i can have some live- in relation with u, since u want a "destination" for this relationship"

- IF i meet others, i cant GUARANTEE i wont involve with them in affairs but it is highly unlikely, as i LOVE you. (Please , i want comments on this.. how unreasonable does this sound??) if he loved me, it would be guaranteed right?

 

I don't quite understand your question except to assume that you believe that if someone "actually" loves you, that means they are true and are the right one for you, etc. Problem with this is, just because someone "actually" loves you does not mean they are honest, true, or the "right" one for you.

 

But no, what he is saying is he is only conceding to what you want to appease you. He is not long-term relationship or marriage material. He is probably the kind of guy who says he agreed to marriage, that he didn't actually WANT to get married in the first place. Like someone, somehow bent his arm and forced him to marry. Complete lack of accountability. Some kind of personality disorder, for sure.