Women need chemistry for sex, men need it for commitment?

[Lernaean_Hydra]

There's a lot of talk on here about "chemistry" with a fair bit of guys who either call BS on chemistry altogether or are seemingly baffled by the concept as a whole and assume it's a requirement exclusive to women. But I'm starting to think it's more a case of men and women experiencing chemistry differently.

 

Many women say they need to feel "chemistry" before even wanting to go out on a date with a guy, let alone sleep with him. Meanwhile plenty of men admit they'd date (eg "go out with") a woman they might not be all that keen on simply because they hope for sex and thus "chemistry" is not really needed at that stage. I mean, men will have sex with a houseplant if the need and opportunity arouse.

 

However, it's obvious men need that extra something in order to make that leap into exclusive commitment and in my opinion, it is not the trait of being "quality" that drives them to want to take this step. A lot of men say the can't commit unless they feel she's worthy of commitment but I have to call serious BS on that. Let's face it, there are plenty of SINGLE quality women out there meanwhile, stereotypically "low-quality" women are getting into relationship after relationship.

 

So what is it really? Personally I get the impression that what a lot of men really need/want first and foremost when it comes to settling down is that dreaded chemistry. It feels like despite all the lip service some men pay to a woman having say, a low partner count, or her own income, that's not exactly what tugs at their heartstrings. I don't know...

[Woggle]

I can't speak for other men but for me it is quality. If I commit to a woman she needs to be a good partner and somebody who will treat me well and be serious about the commitment. I don't know if that is chemistry or not but that is how I see it. Men risk a lot with marriage and with the snap of a woman's fingers we can be shoved out of the family and forced to pay for it so damn right smart and aware men are cautious. What some might call chemistry is us making sure a woman won't do that to us.

[ThaWholigan]

That chemistry matters in so many different areas for both men and women - and depending on the individual, some areas matter more than others.

[Copelandsanity]

There's not a lot of single quality women out there. It's probably the same for guys, but I don't pay attention to them

 

I come across women who may be attractive, intelligent, successful, creative, interesting...but I rarely come across someone who is nice, positive and down-to-earth. That's what I consider to be quality. Most of the ones I meet like that are already married or otherwise attached. I come across a lot that are psycho, selfish, entitled, negative, neurotic, and too flighty or free-spirited.

[sillyanswer]

I mean, men will have sex with a houseplant if the need and opportunity arouse.

 

Most of my houseplants are cacti. I really hope it doesn't come to that!

[MidwestUSA]

Well, I can't comment on the topic because I'm giggling over 'houseplant'. I have a plethora of them that came in before the frost. Some are tall, some are short. Some are slender, some are bushy. Some are smooth, some are prickly. Most have light colored foliage, some are darker.

 

So none of that matters? They're all at risk?

[Copelandsanity]

Men are pretty simple.

 

If they want to get married have kids, they will.

If they don't, they won't.

If they do and stall, then they just don't want to do it with you.

[Imported]

Women need chemistry for sex,

 

No they don't.

 

 

 

 

men (or women) need it for commitment?

 

Of course.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

Well, I can't comment on the topic because I'm giggling over 'houseplant'. I have a plethora of them that came in before the frost. Some are tall, some are short. Some are slender, some are bushy. Some are smooth, some are prickly. Most have light colored foliage, some are darker.

 

So none of that matters? They're all at risk?

 

 

Hey, some men are into prickly or even bushy cacti, others are into totally smooth. Basically no, none of them are safe.

[MissBee]

There's a lot of talk on here about "chemistry" with a fair bit of guys who either call BS on chemistry altogether or are seemingly baffled by the concept as a whole and assume it's a requirement exclusive to women. But I'm starting to think it's more a case of men and women experiencing chemistry differently.

 

Many women say they need to feel "chemistry" before even wanting to go out on a date with a guy, let alone sleep with him. Meanwhile plenty of men admit they'd date (eg "go out with") a woman they might not be all that keen on simply because they hope for sex and thus "chemistry" is not really needed at that stage. I mean, men will have sex with a houseplant if the need and opportunity arouse.

 

However, it's obvious men need that extra something in order to make that leap into exclusive commitment and in my opinion, it is not the trait of being "quality" that drives them to want to take this step. A lot of men say the can't commit unless they feel she's worthy of commitment but I have to call serious BS on that. Let's face it, there are plenty of SINGLE quality women out there meanwhile, stereotypically "low-quality" women are getting into relationship after relationship.

 

So what is it really? Personally I get the impression that what a lot of men really need/want first and foremost when it comes to settling down is that dreaded chemistry. It feels like despite all the lip service some men pay to a woman having say, a low partner count, or her own income, that's not exactly what tugs at their heartstrings. I don't know...

 

I think chemistry is something both sexes require, whether or not they articulates it as such.

 

To be with someone in a relationship, for men and women who aren't desperate anyway, means there has to be something about them, besides just a dry list of qualities,which makes you want to commit. A lot has to do with how they make you feel and feeling like out of everyone else so far they're someone you want in your life.

 

Chemistry is how you get along and how you connect not simply a dry match up of "on paper" qualities, which I've realized some men here who've posted threads don't get. They will say stuff like "Women say they want a confident man and I'm confident yet this woman turned me down..." or "They want a man with a good job and I have one and they turned me down..." and I'm like huh???? People want those qualities as a minimum, but it doesn't mean they just like ANYONE who has those qualities without care for how they get along, how they feel with them, if they're attracted to them etc.

 

Someone can be perfectly fine on paper but on paper qualities don't make for good relationships. Certainly on paper is part of it but how you ACTUALLY fit together in terms of how you feel, do you bring out the best in one another, does this person make you want to forsake all others etc. is the necessary ingredient. Every man I've been in a relationship with, at the time, I had those feelings about them, where we connected and I just didn't want to see anyone else. They had certain on paper qualities but it was a combination of the on paper and then how I felt with them which led to me being committed not just simply checking off a list like "Has a good career, is confident, looks good, etc" and then saying "Okay, you, let's be together given these criteria."

Edited November 19, 2014 by MissBee

[Quiet Storm]

I think it depends on the person. Some guys need a woman who "qualifies", others need that strong pull. My husband said he felt like I was destined to be his woman from the day he met me.

 

I also think your parents, or the couples that you grow up around, can influence this. My husband's parents had a sweet, complimentary chemistry (RIP ) . My parents are like Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Both had chemistry, but a very different dynamic. Sometimes our environment in childhood makes us feel chemistry or familiar with certain dynamics.

Edited November 19, 2014 by Quiet Storm

[stillafool]

There's a lot of talk on here about "chemistry" with a fair bit of guys who either call BS on chemistry altogether or are seemingly baffled by the concept as a whole and assume it's a requirement exclusive to women. But I'm starting to think it's more a case of men and women experiencing chemistry differently.

 

Many women say they need to feel "chemistry" before even wanting to go out on a date with a guy, let alone sleep with him. Meanwhile plenty of men admit they'd date (eg "go out with") a woman they might not be all that keen on simply because they hope for sex and thus "chemistry" is not really needed at that stage. I mean, men will have sex with a houseplant if the need and opportunity arouse.

 

However, it's obvious men need that extra something in order to make that leap into exclusive commitment and in my opinion, it is not the trait of being "quality" that drives them to want to take this step. A lot of men say the can't commit unless they feel she's worthy of commitment but I have to call serious BS on that. Let's face it, there are plenty of SINGLE quality women out there meanwhile, stereotypically "low-quality" women are getting into relationship after relationship.

 

So what is it really? Personally I get the impression that what a lot of men really need/want first and foremost when it comes to settling down is that dreaded chemistry. It feels like despite all the lip service some men pay to a woman having say, a low partner count, or her own income, that's not exactly what tugs at their heartstrings. I don't know...

 

You are absolutely correct. You can read stories here on LS where the woman cheats and does all kinds of bad things and still these men will not leave them. It's definitely the chemistry that ignites the sex and these men will not let them go.

[somedude81]

There's a lot of talk on here about "chemistry" with a fair bit of guys who either call BS on chemistry altogether or are seemingly baffled by the concept as a whole and assume it's a requirement exclusive to women. But I'm starting to think it's more a case of men and women experiencing chemistry differently.

 

Yup, baffled.

 

 

Many women say they need to feel "chemistry" before even wanting to go out on a date with a guy, let alone sleep with him. Meanwhile plenty of men admit they'd date (eg "go out with") a woman they might not be all that keen on simply because they hope for sex and thus "chemistry" is not really needed at that stage.

 

Yeah that makes sense. Women need chemistry to go on the first date.

 

Chemistry for men doesn't become relevant till much later on.

 

Men also believe that chemistry can form over time (at least I do.) Most women don't feel the same and they need instant chemistry. That's the whole, "A woman will decide in 15 seconds if she'll ever have sex with you."

 

 

I mean, men will have sex with a houseplant if the need and opportunity arouse.

 

What comes to mind when you see this flower?

 

However, it's obvious men need that extra something in order to make that leap into exclusive commitment and in my opinion, it is not the trait of being "quality" that drives them to want to take this step. A lot of men say the can't commit unless they feel she's worthy of commitment but I have to call serious BS on that. Let's face it, there are plenty of SINGLE quality women out there meanwhile, stereotypically "low-quality" women are getting into relationship after relationship.

 

IMO, a big part of it comes down to the guy's feelings about casual sex. And sex is what all this commitment talk is about right?

 

Without sex, would a girl really care if a guy commits to her?

 

My view is that if a woman only has sex with with guys she's in a relationship with, then she'll never have problems about guys not wanting to commit to her.

 

So what is it really? Personally I get the impression that what a lot of men really need/want first and foremost when it comes to settling down is that dreaded chemistry. It feels like despite all the lip service some men pay to a woman having say, a low partner count, or her own income, that's not exactly what tugs at their heartstrings. I don't know...

 

For me, it's all about how we click and if there are common interests. Plus attraction of course. Basically once a girl is cute enough, her personality and interests are what matter.

 

Essentially if I got to choose between a Sports Illustrated model, blonde hair, blue eyes, huge boobs but with nothing in common with me. Or a cute nerdy girl who's a bit overweight that enjoys video games and dancing. There is no contest. Nerdy girl wins. Of course I'd have sex with the plant model if given the chance.

[insert_name]

'Chemistry' is such a really sweet notion, like women actually select their mate based on attributes intrinsic to his character.

 

The problem with this narrative is that studies have indicated that even in modern society women are pre-disposed to hypergamy and so a man's status seems as responsible for creating chemistry as anything to do with his character and what hobbies he has. So this is why I don't necessarily believe that its all about butterflies in the stomach because a man's means will go some way towards creating that bond that she claims to feel.

 

As one blithely oblivious woman I used to work with said once, actually thibking aloud like she couldnt work it out for herself: "its funny how when men lose their jobs their wives leave them shortly after".

 

Nothing kills chemistry like a redundancy it seems.

[Rejected Rosebud]

The problem with this narrative is that studies have indicated that even in modern society women are pre-disposed to hypergamy and so a man's status seems as responsible for creating chemistry as anything to do with his character and what hobbies he has. .

 

What studies have you been studying? Well, whatever they say, you can take the words of us actual women right here over them, I can guarantee you. I don't dump my guy if a "higher status" specimen happens along! That would be creepy! You guys need to make up your minds, anyway, one day you're worrying that we only like bad boy scumbags and the next you are insecure that we are going to trade you up for a higher status man.

[OwMyEyeball]

'Chemistry' is such a really sweet notion, like women actually select their mate based on attributes intrinsic to his character.

 

The problem with this narrative is that studies have indicated that even in modern society women are pre-disposed to hypergamy and so a man's status seems as responsible for creating chemistry as anything to do with his character and what hobbies he has. So this is why I don't necessarily believe that its all about butterflies in the stomach because a man's means will go some way towards creating that bond that she claims to feel.

 

As one blithely oblivious woman I used to work with said once, actually thibking aloud like she couldnt work it out for herself: "its funny how when men lose their jobs their wives leave them shortly after".

 

Nothing kills chemistry like a redundancy it seems.

Couldn't one also conclude that the characteristics which drive a man into higher levels of status are those which a woman finds attractive?

 

It's not the status that's sexy, but the underlying traits that got him there in the first place.

 

Maybe

[Lernaean_Hydra]

What studies have you been studying? Well, whatever they say, you can take the words of us actual women right here over them, I can guarantee you. I don't dump my guy if a "higher status" specimen happens along! That would be creepy! You guys need to make up your minds, anyway, one day you're worrying that we only like bad boy scumbags and the next you are insecure that we are going to trade you up for a higher status man.

 

 

 

:laugh: :lmao:

 

THANK YOU!! Wow, it's times like these I thank god I live alone because if anyone could see/hear my reaction to that right now I'd die.