Boy o boy Posted February 23, 2001 Share Posted February 23, 2001 Someone please help me. I have a serious problem.. I have been dating my girlfroend for over a year, and we have been living together fo six months.... Well it all started out when about a month and a half into the relationship, she cheated on me.... She told me about it two months later... It killed me, but I had to take her back.. She got the help she needed and she did change, in fact she became the best girlfriend I think anyone could ever hav.... but... I never tottally let it go... I never brought it up, but it was kindaalways there.... Well, she ended up going out with her friend about a month ago, and I ended uup at the same bar she was at, and I saw her getting freaky with another guy... I got pissed, left and we ended up talking about it and stayed together.... it ended up tha I just got nit picky and controlling... iwas pretty controlling before after the cheat thing and I never let it go.... Well its now to the point that I have made her compleatly mserable by being controlling and nit picky... she wants to move out.... i don't want her to... i live her with all of my heart, and I know she loves me, but she just is not happy..... I guess what I am asking, is how can I prove my love, show her that I can let it go... I know I can, I just neer really tried... I know that in ordr for our re;ationship to progress, I have to let her be free.... and know she will come back... What can I do to give me one month and for her to stay with me? Help... Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted February 23, 2001 Share Posted February 23, 2001 This is not going to work. I don't care how much you love her, she cheated on you once that you know of...and after that you saw her out at a club being chummy with another guy. This is not a girl who is ready for a long term relationship. I think you ought to date her if you want but don't count on her to be faithful. She just doesn't have all that wild oats stuff out of her system yet. You're going to have to face that reality. You are also going to have to face the fact that your trust for her has severely diminished since the first cheating episode. That's real hard to get back. And then after seeing her with the guy at the club, that was a real setback. It's so very hard to gain trust again. Maybe you can do that...but in these cases love doesn't have a whole lot to do with it. You're far better off letting her go now because if you keep her around all you're going to do is make her life more miserable, just like you've been doing. And don't let this attitude carry over into a future relationship or you will destroy that to. Trust someone until they give you a reason not to. In time, when this girl is ready to get down to business, maybe then you can get something together with her. But my money is on the fact that you'll most likely never trust her again. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted February 23, 2001 Share Posted February 23, 2001 First, I forgot to comment on your heading...that YOU "screwed up hardcore." I don't think so. When a girl cheats on you and then goes out later and gets "freaky", as you say, with guys in bars, I wouldn't say you have screwed up. Second, I totally disagree that this is the best girlfriend you could have. She may have some great qualities. But to date someone who has the capacity for bringing deadly diseases home to you is not somebody you want to take too many chances on. Sorry I forgot to mention those in my post above. You probably didn't want to hear this stuff anyway but I really feel strongly when people get messed over and then blame themselves. You are NOT the bad guy here. Link to post Share on other sites
Paulie Posted February 23, 2001 Share Posted February 23, 2001 ...But Yes, now you are screwing up by putting up with her CRAP. One time, yeah, I can MAYBE understand that, but this scene at the bar would've been the last straw for anybody with any sense of self-worth. I agree with Tony. Deep-Six this poor excuse for a girl. And stop being so hard on yourself. You deserve better than this, don't you? Link to post Share on other sites
big pretty Posted February 23, 2001 Share Posted February 23, 2001 I THINK YOU SHOUND DUMP THE BITCH BECAUSE SHE MEANS YOU NO GOOD Link to post Share on other sites
Victor Posted February 23, 2001 Share Posted February 23, 2001 She might not be happy with you because she could possibly be with another person, that's why maybe she wants to leave you... Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Mojo Posted February 24, 2001 Share Posted February 24, 2001 ...she screwed up by cheating on you. she has been dishonest, disrespectful and seems to have done a good job of making you feel like you are the one who has the problems and you are the reason why she cheated, which is not true at all. i know you love this girl, but i don't like the sounds of her at all. i think you need to understand that your reactions to what she told you, and your reaction to seeing her getting freaky with another guy in a bar are *completely normal*!!!!! of course there was a part of you that was nitpicky and controlling - that part of you felt that if you could control things, then maybe it wouldn't happen again. you were only trying to protect yourself out of fear and out of the pain she caused you. *you have not made her miserable*. she brought on this misery all by herself it upsets me to see that you are picking yourself apart here: "...it ended up that I just got nit picky and controlling... iwas pretty controlling before after the cheat thing and I never let it go....I have made her compleatly mserable by being controlling and nit picky... how can I prove my love, show her that I can let it go...I know I can, I just neer really tried..." matey, you aren't the one with anything to prove. and do you honestly have any idea how hard it is to let something like this go? i know this is not what you want to hear, but she has abused your trust in her BIG TIME, and while it all sounds so great in theory to move on from something like this, it is damn, damn hard. it is highly likely that you will never trust her properly again. whenever she is somewhere without you, you will worry who she's with and what she's doing. you will always be wondering if it will happen again. i notice you said "...she got the help she needed and she changed...". no, she didn't change. she tried to, you desperately wanted her to, but she didn't. she went out and did it again to a certain extent - you saw her. i think the only person here that needs to be set free is you. i know you love her, but is that really enough? you sound like a really sweet guy, and to be honest, this girl doesn't deserve someone like you. my instinct tells me that she's looking for a way out so she can do what she wants, with whoever. take time away from her to get over what she has put you through. SHE SCREWED UP, NOT YOU! and then when you have come to terms with what has happened, go out and find yourself a really great girl who has the same values as you. and remember - her cheating has nothing to with you as a person. if you never met and she was with another guy, she still would have done the same thing. *you deserve a real lady* Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Mojo Posted February 24, 2001 Share Posted February 24, 2001 ...she doesn't deserve your trust. not one little bit of it. i am a girl (obviously, as my name suggests!!) and i can tell you honestly: not all girls cheat i say this because: 1. i am a girl who has never, and will never cheat in her life. i once had a very bad relationship, where i had ample opportunity to cheat, and not once did i ever consider it. there are a lot of girls, like myself, where cheating just goes against everything they believe in. 2. i know plenty of girls who will never cheat. 3. there are girls out there who have eyes for their partner only, no matter what problems they're facing in a relationship. 4. most people with a shred of decency would put themselves in the other persons shoes before doing something like this. trust me, you will find a girl who you can trust so much, who will never cheat on you, and only then will you realise that this kind of girl comes into your life, she's "the best girlfriend ever" - not the one you have now. give yourself that chance at happiness and tell this girl to get on her bike if you truly want a fulfilling, happy, loving relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts