First Date, what do you think?

[RosieDunne]

So today I had (what I think) was a date with this guy I've been sort of seeing and wondered what you all think?

 

Basically the backstory is that we've vaguely known each other for about a year (not very well, we just had mutual friends) but about 3 months ago we hung out on a night out and sort of got to know each other more and one thing led to another and we ended up going home together (we were very drunk) and we've been sleeping together for the last 3 months as a 'just friends' sort of thing.

 

At the beginning I did actually like him and having slept with each other about 3 times I sort of asked him if it meant anything to him or not (I think I already knew the answer) and he said he saw it as more of a just friends thing, and he wasn't really after a relationship at the moment. So after that I stopped seeing him and was pretty disappointed, but then a few weeks later we started seeing each other again and I'd invite him round when we had parties/went to the pub etc and he'd always come. He always looks after me and one night I even got left out on my own by friends and he'd already gone to bed but he came out anyway and walked halfway across the city to meet me just so I wouldn't have to walk home on my own which I thought was really nice. And when we'd sleep together, in the morning we'd hold hands and stuff and fall asleep like that and cuddle and I knew it didn't mean anything, but secretly I hoped it could/still can but just made myself forget about that and kept it just a friends thing. So that's what we've been for the last few months, it was entirely a casual thing and I was fine with that and just made myself forget any feelings I had for him.

 

But then the other day he was round my house and we were chatting in my room and he said to me he wanted to stop just sleeping with me and get to know me, and that he'd really like to spend time with me sober and actually get to know each other and hang out. It was really unexpected and I said yeah I'd really like that too! (I'm not sure if he means hang out to get to know each other to potentially date or just as friends but I hope it's the first one) Anyway, that night he was supposed to stay over but he couldn't because he was going to his friends house (which he'd already told me so this was in no way his fault) but being drunk I got really mad at him after he left and I messaged him telling him he was horrible for leaving and he was really apologetic and said he felt really awful for leaving me and when I asked him where he even went he said "I was going to go to my friend's, but realised how much I ****ed up, so went home." I wasn't really sure how to interpret this as it implies he thinks there's something to mess up, which either meant 1.) He hopes maybe we could be something else? And he thinks there's therefore something between us that he could mess up? or 2.) He just felt guilty. But I took it as potentially a good sign. Anyway the next day he was really apologetic for leaving still (which really wasn't even his fault) and he asked if I still wanted to go for a coffee in the week, so we arranged to meet up today.

 

I wasn't sure if it was a date or a just friends thing, but now I've just come back from it and we had coffee for about an hour and 40 minutes which I thought was a good amount of time and we got on really well! He made me laugh a lot and it was really nice to actually get to know him properly and find out about him. He was quite shy at first and I had to initiate some of the conversations (which was fine) but once we got talking he stopped being shy and I think it went really well. There was the occasional brief silence at first where I tried to think of something else to say, or he'd interrupt it with something else, but there weren't many and they didn't last that long, and I had expected a few anyway seeing as we're both pretty shy people. But in general it was really easy to talk to him and we had lots in common and laughed a lot and spoke about loads of different things and got to know each other. When conversation was flowing a lot it was especially good, I felt like I knew him really well at some points. In general, I think it went really well but I don't want to get my hopes up and I don't know what to think of it?

 

It is still possible he just wanted to get to know me because we're sleeping together, not because he wants anything more? But he is a nice guy and all my friends who also know him don't think he's that kind of person and they seemed to think he might actually want to get to know me for the right reasons and potentially go on dates. But I'm really not sure what to think, what do you reckon? I'd never really expected any of this to happen as I didn't think he was interested, but I'm hoping maybe I might be changing his mind? I should also mention that when I first started seeing him I had a huge crush on his friend (which he knew about) and this might be another possible reason he didn't want to pursue anything with me at the beginning, but the other night he brought him up and when I told him I didn't like him anymore he seemed kind of happy about it.

 

Anyway, I do really like this guy and am worried about feeling anything for him because of what our relationship's been in the past - it's possible he doesn't even want anything at all, but I'm confused as to why he wants to get to know me if that's the case? I won't be fine with just sleeping with him if I start to like him, I'll want something more.. so I really hope potentially that's what he wants too?

 

If this was a date, it went really well and I left feeling really happy about it and he said see you again soon at the end and I felt like it had gone well. But there's still a chance it wasn't even a date at all, I really really don't know. Help?