Almost got her back, now she is choosing between me and him?

[JustSad]

Ok. Its a long stiry i keep it as shirt as possible.

 

Gf and i were together 3.5 years, lived together planned future and everything.

Supposed to start making more family end if this year.

 

Gf broke it off 3months ago. Think it was workstress mixed with my jeloussy

And routine kicking in. Maybe i was being bit controlling and both of us started taking each other for granted.

 

Until there it was perfect relationship, no arguing we always talked stuff through etc.

 

From the day she left she kept visiting me once a week with different reasons. It continued as that until about 1.5 month into break ul she told she misses me etc etc. so we started communicating more casually, until that point she always initiated convos but now i started doing it. She came by few times to have sex and told we might be able to fix things etc.

she told she has never had so good communication with anyone ever and dont want to loose it

Also im still in her heart and she cant let go.

We had trip planned to exotic place for 3 weeks starting end of this week.

 

So time goes by she seems odd, one day being hot for me then getting cold until one day she tells me rhetes simeone else.

Me and her are both mid 20s while that new guy is late 30s.

She tells me she has some chemistry with him, ohysical attraction that i and her are missing.

Its obviously a rebound as she met him 1week after break up.

She already complains about **** that guy does like bad communication etc etc i heard lot of negative comments adressed to him.

But despite those comments she doesnt let him go, she goes on dates with him, makes out etc.

She says she is confused and cant choose and is basically hoping the holiday will make up her mind with me or hoping that me or other guy wikk make decision if one if us gives up...

 

I would be happy to give up and let go but i got too strong feelings for her and i see her as lifepartner still.

If i ask her whete she sees herself in 5 years the answer is with me and children etc. she told me she loves me few days ago etc etc yet cant let go

As something pulls her to that other guy.

Other guy being old, experienced etc knows exactly what to say when to say etc etc getting everythung he wants.

Yet he wanted her not to go holiday with me but she still is coming as she wanted to.

 

What should be my play and how i act on holiday?

 

If i tell her to walk she will as she is looking for one of us to decide for her. Yet other day i asked if she coukd live without me she told she dont think she coukd cut me out .

[GQDragon]

I think your play is to make sure the vacation is super fun for her (but beware as they can also be mine fields) if she still can't make up her mind afterwards then maybe back off a little bit and try to get her to miss you.

[Kevin_D]

I think your play is to make sure the vacation is super fun for her

 

No way, that would be madness. Make sure the vacation is super fun for you! Show her that your life doesn't revolve around her. Have fun, do things you want to do and flirt with other girls. It sounds like she's a very selfish person so she might get upset and try to make you jealous, but it doesn't matter. In the end she will respect you more and become more attracted to you if you show her that you don't need her to happy.

 

And if you don't end up back together, at least you had a great vacation!

[JustSad]

No way, that would be madness. Make sure the vacation is super fun for you! Show her that your life doesn't revolve around her. Have fun, do things you want to do and flirt with other girls. It sounds like she's a very selfish person so she might get upset and try to make you jealous, but it doesn't matter. In the end she will respect you more and become more attracted to you if you show her that you don't need her to happy.

 

And if you don't end up back together, at least you had a great vacation!

 

Thanks for both wonderful replies guys but i have few concerns.

 

First off, yes the holiday will be fun for me too for sure. We have been lot of holidays together (the couple that enjoys traveling) and we have never had any problems on holidays at different parts of world. During june we took a car trip across Europe (8000km) and just 2of us had 0 problems.

 

Well i could flirt others etc but the problem is she is expecting me or other dude to back off or make decision for her. If i do that would it not give her impression of that? Or it would work as reversed pschyc basically?

After she dumped me i stopped contacting and later heard it made her kinda panic lol.

 

Yesterday i asked if mb i ask my therapy lady to put some thoughts in my head and i can go holiday with her as friend and friend only ? Just asked it to see the response. She straight away sayd no she is coming to see if we can work not to be friends over there.

 

Another thing Helen Fishers books point out: how to ignite romantic passion? Do unordinary even extreme things together.

Being in new city, mb parachuting surfing etc all that should fall in category so might work out to keep us both active and doing stuff perhaps.

 

Never been in ****y situation as current tbh. How can u say u love someobe yet try to make relationship with someone else. Unbeluveable.

[Kevin_D]

I'm sorry to tell you this, but the other guy is most likely the reason why she broke up with you. Don't believe her when she says that she met him a week after the break up. Obviously things aren't that great with him, but it doesn't sound like she misses you either. I'd say that she's bored, and that in the end, she won't choose any of you. In the meantime, it feels great to have two guys fighting for her. It's like a Hollywood movie.

 

Here's the thing: Only a real loser would accept this. She knows it, and I think deep inside that you know it as well. You guys were together for 3.5 years. She knows what she will get. Do you really think that a vacation changes anything? Most likely not. And if you try to impress her, you will basically prove that you are pushover.

 

I'm not saying that you should try to make be jealous, but do the same stuff that you would have done if you were there with a male buddy. Obviously she has no problem with dating two people at once, so why should you?

[JustSad]

Once again thanks for the reply!

Well she has been truly honest with me the whole way and she became friends with her fb etc also after she had left me like week or two.

Sayd she didnt see anything in her at first as he was shoulder to cry on etc.

The dude was good listener at first but then started making moves and now aint willing to listen a word of me.

Yes i dont think she will find relationship "full" with that guy im not sure about with me yet.

 

About the missing thing. After break up i didnt initiate contact, she did it every once a week minimun. Then out of blue started telling she misses me and started hanging out, the holiday was out of pic then as she knew i gave her ticket away.

 

Now she tells sincerely that she does love me but has some attraction or chemistry with other guy and she is hoping the vacation takes her far away from everyday **** and workstress and she might see things clear again and be able to make up her mind.

 

She cant cut me out of her life thats for sure, at least for now.

 

I was thinking. Ok lets say the holiday is as good as our holidays always have been, she gets good emotions out of it, feels rest and basically its all good.

But still as you say doubt it changes much, so she is still between two guys.

Back at airport maybe i should put foot down, tell her next call she makes me is either hey i want to get back with you and everybody else is out of the picture or theres no call at all? Would or might that help or make any difference at all? Dont see any other way out of it at this point. As im sure at holiday she can still contact the other guy via fb etc so she aint cuting her out being other side of planet either.

 

Basically idea being she gets good emotion then i cut myself out she can start missing again? Or any other good opinions, solutions out there?

 

But yes i dont see the holiday itself changing much, might just be fun trip is all, and i will be having fun with her being there, ofc as its asian trip im not going to stripclubs as i would of done with mate most likely:D i must admit its not for me either one the good guy, one of those who always looses i guess:D

[AlexfromBoston]

JustSad, despite how "honest" she claims to be, or how honest you think she is, she's not. She met this guy while you two were still together. Thats pretty much a fact. Basically, things weren't all roses in your relationship and she began to search for another mate who could compensate for your inadequacies. Only you truly know what might have went wrong and only you can reflect and correct such behavior in the future. But, its a rarity that a girl could just meet someone just a week after a breakup. And even if that is the case, that just proves how little she thought of you. If I were you, I would make this decision of hers real easy and let her know you're done. Disappear from her life and let her re-evaluate her decision, while you re-evaluate your life. In maintaining contact, you are essentially allowing her to control every aspect of the relationship. You're giving her a green light to screw around with another guy. Tell her you are done and start meeting other women, even if only as friends. Give it some time...I guarantee she will come crawling back at some point.