guest569 Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 Does anyone else cringe when they hear someone say this? "She's out of my/your league"; "Date in your league". I'm really addressing this to men, because I've never been around a chick that talked about dating in her league; it's usually guys. Absolutely. I totally agree with you OP. Beauty is subjective. Myself and various friends will rarely agree on who is hot and who is not. I have never had anyone say "he is out of your league". Leagues are a load of rubbish. Even if "shoot for someone in your league" was good advice.. look around at couples and see that it is all crap. Link to post Share on other sites
TigerLilly78 Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 Sure....okay that happens....but as an exception to the other things... So a beautiful, rich, intelligent woman, marries an ugly, poor, stupid man, because they both enjoy tennis? Sure - it can happen. But it doesn't. At least according to actual evidence (as opposed to random thoughts in people's heads). Actually I was thinking more along the lines of a hot geeky girl ends up with what sociaily says is a not so hot geeky kinda guy..ive seen this a few times (not just in my head )..tennis is a very open hobby millions play im sure but in essence that could also work I guess.. Link to post Share on other sites
MercuryMorrison1 Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 I've already stated this in another post about leagues, but why not again. I think the whole idea of ''leagues'' are flat out stupid. Beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder, it's so subjective... Take me for example...A lot of my friends seem to be attracted to blonde women, blonde women just drive them up a tree, I for example tend to me more attracted to dark haired women, Brown, Black...etc...etc, occasionally red heads . If I see two reasonably attractive women one blonde and one brunette, my attention almost always goes to the brunette, none of this is to say there haven't been blonde's I found very attractive, it's just a matter of taste is all it is. But quiet simply when I look at women, The idea of if they are in my league or not doesn't even cross my mind...In my mind it works simply like this... Wow! They are pretty/ smart/ funny/ intelligent/ any combination of these. I should go talk to them and get to know them better! ...The end. I see a lot of guys...Admittedly some of my friends, who just completely wuss out talking to women they are attracted to because they think she is to good for them, I just wanna slap em all in the face! lol. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 I see a lot of guys...Admittedly some of my friends, who just completely wuss out talking to women they are attracted to because they think she is to good for them, I just wanna slap em all in the face! lol. I believe it is just an excuse to not try, for fear of being rejected and made to feel embarrassed. Confidence is such an appealing quality, some pretty average looking people get wows and adulation for just being really confident and comfortable in their own skin. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Imported Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 The issue I have is those people that base leagues solely on looks. That's asinine. While it's true that most couples are similar looks-wise, ..... . I don't think people base it "solely on looks". It's just, that is the first hurdle. There are many more hurdles. It's not like...great facial aethetics, amazing body and you're married the next day. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Rejected Rosebud Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 People tend to pair up with other people who are like them but if you're sitting around putting people around you into leagues that are higher or lower than yours you are probably hurting yourself, everybody should aim for what they really want in this life! If you're way out of line you will fail probably but there is a lot more to elevating yourself than being pretty. Link to post Share on other sites
MercuryMorrison1 Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 I believe it is just an excuse to not try, for fear of being rejected and made to feel embarrassed. Confidence is such an appealing quality, some pretty average looking people get wows and adulation for just being really confident and comfortable in their own skin. I totally agree...I'm not harpin on these guys any, the one's I hang with are great guys with the best of intentions...I just hate to see them be lonely because they are to afraid to even attempt. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Revolver Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 As a dude since you're doing the approaching you find out where you stand very early in life. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 I can understand that people are under the illusion, mostly men, that there is this "10" out there, and you won't be happy until you experience this mythical creature. But I submit to you this doesn't exist. I work with a chick who is one of these mythical creatures. She appears to be this "10', all the guys slobber when they see her, treat her special. But, when you see her without make-up she is absolutely average. I often sit back and ask myself, "Is this what everyone is getting worked up about?". "Is this what some guys will tell themselves they aren't good enough to have?". Why do people continuously lie to themselves, and say they aren't good enough, when most people are average like themselves? Why do people create these illusionary dating hierarchies? As long as the men around them drool and consider the woman a "10", that's all that matters. It's about validation. The more secure the individual, the less concerned he/she is about illusory dating hierarchies. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 As a dude since you're doing the approaching you find out where you stand very early in life. Yes and, in this sense, I was a relatively late bloomer, not getting that memo until well into my 20's. In my demographic, people paired off relatively young, got married and had children. Most of that was long under the bridge by the time I figured out what 'equality' meant so I wasted some valuable time pursuing people who would never consider me for a marital partner, at all, simply due to social class disparity. Once I got the message and the field had narrowed to those who didn't care to get married young, dating success improved. Granted, those socially shunning unequals were unfailingly polite, as their socialization dictated they must be, but the message was clear as the sign on the country club gate - 'members only'. That's how it worked. Nowadays, for casual dating without any concern for carrying on family legacies, I wouldn't be concerned about who I asked out on a date. I don't expect to marry them nor give a hoot about being involved in their social structure or not. Different times. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 Men understand the concept of leagues more, because we see it first hand. Men are generally the ones pursuing women, and any man who goes about this, will quickly find out what kind of woman will actually give him the time of day, generally speaking. That short, fat, bald guy usually knows not to hit on those women who can really rock a bikini, because those women can do better, and will shut him down faster than he can say....well, anything. They MIGHT get put in the friendzone, but most likely, that is about all they can ever accomplish. These men don't stop. They are the most relentless. Surely you know this from female friends or ex's? Link to post Share on other sites
Mangina Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 I think its the whole no league be confident attraction is subjective thing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Thegreatestthing Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 (edited) Some people have been bestowed beauty by the gods,these mythical creatures definately exist,I dated a guy that was just an 11 way above me,he knew he was very attractive and talked about it openly,he said he had such a pretty face etc How lucky he was,i didn't really think about it much, but girls were always trying to have sex with him,following him about etc. the girl he had a massive crush on before me was at least three scales below him but she had this glow and energy about her and high intelligence,that I understood why he was in love with her for years,so people can transcend the leagues for sure. Proof : big time philosopher Slavoj zizek http://louisproyect.org/category/zizek/ His model wife http://www.aacc.or.at/R/abc16/analia_hounie.jpg Jay z,Beyoncé Etc etc ...... Does anyone else cringe when they hear someone say this? "She's out of my/your league"; "Date in your league". I'm really addressing this to men, because I've never been around a chick that talked about dating in her league; it's usually guys. I can understand that people are under the illusion, mostly men, that there is this "10" out there, and you won't be happy until you experience this mythical creature. But I submit to you this doesn't exist. I work with a chick who is one of these mythical creatures. She appears to be this "10', all the guys slobber when they see her, treat her special. But, when you see her without make-up she is absolutely average. I often sit back and ask myself, "Is this what everyone is getting worked up about?". "Is this what some guys will tell themselves they aren't good enough to have?". Why do people continuously lie to themselves, and say they aren't good enough, when most people are average like themselves? Why do people create these illusionary dating hierarchies? Edited November 22, 2014 by Thegreatestthing Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 These men don't stop. They are the most relentless. Surely you know this from female friends or ex's? That is because after so much rejection many sort of become immune. It just doesn't phase them anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 Leagues are just difficult to actually describe. So many factors. Good looking folks could still be lower quality or less desirable, and some less good looking folks might be more desirable, based on other factors. People who are quite different in some way from their partner, get matched up all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
Mysterio Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 From my view. I don't really believe in leagues to certain extents. As you grow older. One becomes more about personal connection. Thats not to say that you let yourself go. All any man/woman can do is groom themselves. To me a beautiful woman, is a person that grooms themselves, yet is nice and well manered. I find myself gravitating to the girl next door type. Link to post Share on other sites
kolleamm Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 The league system has two components. 1.Attraction 2.Personality If Attraction >= Personality you have a intimate relationship. If Attraction < Personality you have a friend. Link to post Share on other sites
zebracolors Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 The league system has two components. 1.Attraction 2.Personality If Attraction >= Personality you have a intimate relationship. If Attraction < Personality you have a friend. That actually seems a good way for people to decide what kind of relationship they truly have with the people in their lives. I guess I sort of see how leagues, in terms of dating, work. Not that I really put much stock in the concept of leagues, but guess I consider someone in my "league" to be someone with whom conversations are fun, and seem natural rather than forced or awkward. In this sense, I could still see someone with a desirable personality as potential relationship material. So maybe for some people its not so black and white. Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 I think people over think all of this stuff way too much!! You just can't categorise people this way and expect it to go across the board because everyone is different and beauty is subjective. It's so sad that people give up because they think someone is too good for them and "wont give them the time of day" before even knowing a single thing about the person. It's sad because that person is being judged and deemed to be a snob. It's sad because the person who is judging doesn't value themselves. I either like someone or I don't. It's either mutual or it isn't. End of story. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kolleamm Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 I think people over think all of this stuff way too much!! You just can't categorise people this way and expect it to go across the board because everyone is different and beauty is subjective. It's so sad that people give up because they think someone is too good for them and "wont give them the time of day" before even knowing a single thing about the person. It's sad because that person is being judged and deemed to be a snob. It's sad because the person who is judging doesn't value themselves. I either like someone or I don't. It's either mutual or it isn't. End of story. We'll let's just say that after repeated attempts with certain type of people you begin to see similarities they all share. It's just a strategy to save yourself time and money. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 We'll let's just say that after repeated attempts with certain type of people you begin to see similarities they all share. It's just a strategy to save yourself time and money. And you know what "type" a person is just by looking at them? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kolleamm Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 And you know what "type" a person is just by looking at them? Nope I study them the same way astronomers study dangerous objects, from afar. Link to post Share on other sites
LookAtThisPOst Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 Looks like I jumped in a little to late here. But, there is something to this, but I wouldn't call it "Leagues" is suppose. But it's about knowing your "equivalent" in looks. I mean you could be an average Joe that works out 1 hr at the gym every other day with nominal muscle tone, but if you want to date a female personal trainer who works out 6 days a week and cycles 100 miles per week, one could consider that "out of your league". Though I'd still ask them out, and it's just a bonus if they do agree to date you. Or if they are just more incredibly better looking than you. But there is something about being keen on the idea that the person may turn you down due to your looks not being up to par to theirs. Like an overweight man or woman who attempts to ask out a personal trainer. Sure, you could try, but chances are it's not going to happen. Often times, I'd see women who need to hit the gym themselves often requiring the men they date have abs and considerable muscle when they themselves are soft in the middle. To expect ONLY that as your future mate and throwing out your equals in looks, is quite unrealistic. Link to post Share on other sites
runner Posted November 29, 2014 Share Posted November 29, 2014 person in my league = whomever the heck i'm attracted to. and as it turns out, most if not all of the women i date have similar qualities to myself; which is probably not a coincidence. but i certainly don't make decisions on whom to approach based on some socially proscribed 'league' boundary Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted November 29, 2014 Share Posted November 29, 2014 If leagues didnt exist, broke 80 year old men would be dating 20 year old bombshells. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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