I cheated, my gf and mistress found out and both still want me...

[Bumpin in My Trunk]

 

I really do not understand how or why my gf still loves me so much and still wants to be with me. And I cannot fathom why my "mistress" would still be so eager to be with me. She calls me a sociopath but says she likes it and if I ever "grow a pair" and break up with my gf she wants to try to date :-/...I don't know what the hell to do with myself, I don't know how to tell my gf that she's perfect and amazing and everything

 

 

BRAH

 

I think the problem is what you said about yourself in the beginning of your post.

 

 

Secondly, read that paragraph over and OVER again.

 

What strikes me the most is this:

"She calls me a sociopath but says she likes it and if I ever "grow a pair" and break up with my gf she wants to try to date"

 

 

-grow a pair

-try to date

-try

 

 

What. The actual. Fack?

[OwMyEyeball]

You need either a spiritual awakening or some serious therapy to get you out of this funk. There are some deep underlying issues that are affecting your life in all sorts of negative ways - not just your romantic relationships.

 

As far as therapists go, they don't come in a "one size fits all" version. Each has a different philosophy in how they approach treatment. Best thing to do for yourself is "date" around with different therapists - one session each - so you can both assess whether you're a good match for each other. Clearly, the Christian-based therapist wasn't a good match. That's fine. There are ones out there with whom you'll gel. It's up to you to find them.

 

And stay away from these silly, broad labels like "sociopath" and "narcissist". They are meaningless in your context.

 

You don't have a mental "illness". You simply have yet to learn healthy ways of understanding yourself, others and the best methods of interaction. Many people learn this throughout their childhood and upbringing, but unfortunately for many others they grow up in toxic environments that form painful wounds in their psyche that follow them throughout their life until they are addressed head on. It's never too late to learn and it's never too late to heal.

[smackie9]

Not all therapists are the same. If one isn't helping you find another.

 

If you can't afford one on one therapy there are support groups, like an AA for sex addiction. I'm sure there is one in or near your area. When you start to put down, or reject help that means you are still in the denial stage. Rethink and find resources through the internet. knowledege is power, and there is plenty of information, and others like yourself that can be reached on forum specifically for sex addiction. It is up to you to proceed.

[Chronie87]

lol, i'm dating someone EXACTLY like you. dramatic, self-pitying, unable to take responsibility for your actions/feelings, self medicating instead of actually finding constructive ways to deal with your problems.

 

you're not a precious snowflake. a lot of people have your kind of mental issues. you probably should be on some kind of antidepressant. PLEASE break up with your girlfriend. if you really cared about her, you would. it's obvious you don't respect her.

 

Haha tell me to break up with her while ur "dating someone exactly like me"...and I won't take antidepressants chemical imbalances occur bc of exterior problems not the other way around. Our med system is designed to push ppl thru as fast as possible and get them started on some kind of pill that they will become dependent on very quickly so big pharma can keep right on lining their pockets. I'll look into therapy but so far it appears that I really can't afford it.

[me85]

When people say that bc u cheated you don't love someone I think they are crazy...I know that I love my gf. Honestly they are both amazing ppl but the last post was right my gf can be a doormat for me. I don't really think she would ever break up with me. I'm pretty sure if I came to her if have to convince her I was a serial killer for her to leave me. So ill def have to do the breaking up. And the "mistress" is crazy and has serious abandonment issues but honestly the reason I think it kept going back was that the sex was the best id ever had. Actually thinking I'm a sex addict a bit if that's a real thing.

 

I have thought ab therapy tried once bf and it didn't go well at all. It was expensive and it turned out the lady was like a Jesus based therapist and im an atheist. Honestly after we talked twice I could tell that she was done with me. I think I was depressing the therapist. I feel like a "single serving" boyfriend if anybody has seen fight club I need to find some girls that can just use me for sex or personal gain and move on.

 

I'm not crazy. People such as yourself who claim they love someone yet they continually hurt and betray them are crazy. You need to check yourself. Seriously.

[Chronie87]

But yes I need to break up with my gf and since I don't want to do it over the phone looks like I'll have to wait till after thanksgiving...I need to be as far away from ppl as possible. Just the thought of dealing with ppl on a social level makes my stomach turn at this point. I have already stopped talking to my "mistress" now and as much as I think ab her and want to call or text I'm just gonna disappear from her life, I blocked her number and deleted all my social media. Once I break up with her my only option will be to move back in w/ my dad but my sister is moving out soon and he'll be all alone so he needs the help anyway. I love my dad but he gets on my last nerve so fast. Just sucks knowing how miserable I am now and knowing how it's only gonna get worse in the near future. Oh well I did it to myself...thanks for taking the time to respond everybody.

[Chronie87]

I'm not crazy. People such as yourself who claim they love someone yet they continually hurt and betray them are crazy. You need to check yourself. Seriously.

 

I am "checking myself" quite thoroughly, but unfortunately not before I rigitty-wrecked myself...thanks Ice Cube. I know I'm crazy, but to say that bc someone cheated they automatically don't love that person is BS.

[Chronie87]

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=o7IJ9ZBu4AQ

 

In case ur not familiar me85...

[me85]

I am "checking myself" quite thoroughly, but unfortunately not before I rigitty-wrecked myself...thanks Ice Cube. I know I'm crazy, but to say that bc someone cheated they automatically don't love that person is BS.

 

lol Yes, I'm fully aware of the one they call Cube. I have been trying to helpful and offer advice. So to call me crazy?? Well maybe I am crazy, to try to help or sympathize with a cheater even though I despise cheaters.

 

Listen... I love pizza. I love all sorts of stuff. You may "love" this girl but you love her more like a friend than you do as a lover. If you were really in love with her and if you really cared about her feelings you wouldn't keep hurting her. Unless you're admitting that you have a psychological disorder and are insane. Which I don't think you are, btw. You're not a sociopath. Not if you're feeling real guilt about what you've done. But if you feel real guilt why did you cheat again 2 weeks ago? I think you'll do it again. I mean, why wouldn't you? You are in love with the both of them. Now THAT'S BS. You can't be in love with 2 people at the same time. You can be torn between 2 people all day long, that's completely different but you absolutely cannot be IN love with 2 people at the same time. Rubbish.

Edited November 21, 2014 by me85

[No Limit]

Sorry but in that mess of yours I only feel sorry for your "GF". It's always tough when people become codependant, but this will make her stronger. In time she'll realize she's worth much, much more and won't accept any less.

 

As for your "mistress" - well, as counts for most of them, pathetic attempts to better their self-esteem a bit. Keep sleeping with her, at least that will give her some short-term good feeling for a while.

[Chronie87]

Sorry but in that mess of yours I only feel sorry for your "GF". It's always tough when people become codependant, but this will make her stronger. In time she'll realize she's worth much, much more and won't accept any less.

 

As for your "mistress" - well, as counts for most of them, pathetic attempts to better their self-esteem a bit. Keep sleeping with her, at least that will give her some short-term good feeling for a while.

 

I wasn't looking for pity and I don't want anybody to feel sorry for me so don't be sorry for not being sorry. My soon to be ex is amazing and she really does deserve better. It's just going to be really hard to convince her that she's gonna be fine without me. I know she will be but she's gonna be destroyed.

[Chronie87]

lol Yes, I'm fully aware of the one they call Cube. I have been trying to helpful and offer advice. So to call me crazy?? Well maybe I am crazy, to try to help or sympathize with a cheater even though I despise cheaters.

 

Listen... I love pizza. I love all sorts of stuff. You may "love" this girl but you love her more like a friend than you do as a lover. If you were really in love with her and if you really cared about her feelings you wouldn't keep hurting her. Unless you're admitting that you have a psychological disorder and are insane. Which I don't think you are, btw. You're not a sociopath. Not if you're feeling real guilt about what you've done. But if you feel real guilt why did you cheat again 2 weeks ago? I think you'll do it again. I mean, why wouldn't you? You are in love with the both of them. Now THAT'S BS. You can't be in love with 2 people at the same time. You can be torn between 2 people all day long, that's completely different but you absolutely cannot be IN love with 2 people at the same time. Rubbish.

 

I know I'm not "in love" with this mistress but I do disagree that u can't be in love w/ 2 ppl at once...and I don't feel guilty honestly I just feel sad that this hurt my gf so much. I guess what I really want is somebody to love that doesn't care if I sleep with other people. If my gf wanted to stay together and have sex with other ppl I would be fine with that. If she had sex with somebody else it would make me feel better. Thing is, she says that she doesn't even look at or think about other guys and all she wants is me. And you despise cheaters? Well thanks, seriously, for taking the time to try and help someone u despise...

[Chronie87]

"Listen... I love pizza. I love all sorts of stuff. You may "love" this girl but you love her more like a friend than you do as a lover. If you were really in love with her and if you really cared about her feelings you wouldn't keep hurting her. Unless you're admitting that you have a psychological disorder and are insane"

 

Maybe I am insane? Def not mentally stable but that's not an excuse to be a piece of ****...

[me85]

So you want to have an open RS with someone. Well get into the swingers scene. Hopefully you'll wrap it up everytime though.

 

Look, you have a choice in everything you do. You can either keep beating yourself up about what you did wrong OR you can be better. You need to get up, brush your nasty teeth, take a long hot shower, put on some nice clean clothes and sit down face to face with your gf and tell her the truth about everything and that you want to be single.

 

Best of luck to you.

Edited November 21, 2014 by me85

[Chronie87]

Thanks me85 best of luck to u as well

[me85]

Thanks me85 best of luck to u as well

 

So what are you going to do about all this mess??

[Chronie87]

When my gf comes back from thanksgiving I'm gonna tell her I have to leave gonna go ahead and pack my stuff which is like a couple bags of clothes and my guitar and leave. Um after that move in with dad get a crappy job in my home town and try to help him fix his old house. Avoid human contact as much as possible and send my gf or ex I guess money for rent until she can move or find a roommate. Prob send mistress a letter explaining my sitch and that we won't be talking anymore. Then just sit around and wait for Crohn's to put me back in the hospital I guess...

[Chronie87]

I guess in the mean time I'll sit around and watch netflix until I've either watched everything on there or my internet gets cut off (I'm behind on the bill)...

[me85]

Well that sounds like an excellent plan. That really does. I hope you follow through with it. Hopefully you won't have to go into the hospital. Take care of yourself. Don't sit around and sulk. Helping your Dad will be good for you. You'll see that everything is going to get better. In just 3 or 4 months. IF you do the right things. Keep coming here. It helps. You know, I have a ps3 and I don't do Netflix. Maybe I'll finally sign up. So you play guitar? acoustic (big body/small body?) or electric? Les Paul? Gibson? Who's your inspiration? What do ya play? Sorry /= I'm a huge fan of music.

Edited November 21, 2014 by me85

[Chronie87]

Well that sounds like an excellent plan. That really does. I hope you follow through with it. Hopefully you won't have to go into the hospital. Take care of yourself. Don't sit around and sulk. Helping your Dad will be good for you. You'll see that everything is going to get better. In just 3 or 4 months. IF you do the right things. Keep coming here. It helps. You know, I have a ps3 and I don't do Netflix. Maybe I'll finally sign up. So you play guitar? acoustic (big body/small body?) or electric? Les Paul? Gibson? Who's your inspiration? What do ya play? Sorry /= I'm a huge fan of music.

 

Netflix is pretty awesome for the price...I like all kinds of music I have an old classical guitar and a fender strat. I'd say my favorite stuff to play is blues based (imagine that) I love Hendrix, SRV, Zeppelin, Clapton, and old blues guys like muddy waters, howlin wolf, buddy guy, etc...Hendrix is really my favorite tho.

[Chronie87]

The more I think about it the more I realize that I got into this relationship just wanting nothing but sex and I fell in love...but I didn't want to and I still don't want too...love is too strong of an emotion and I don't like it. Sex is really all that I'm interested in. Just wish I hadn't screwed other ppl in the process of figuring that out.

[me85]

Netflix is pretty awesome for the price...I like all kinds of music I have an old classical guitar and a fender strat. I'd say my favorite stuff to play is blues based (imagine that) I love Hendrix, SRV, Zeppelin, Clapton, and old blues guys like muddy waters, howlin wolf, buddy guy, etc...Hendrix is really my favorite tho.

 

Ya, it's like $8 a month, right? Or there's probably several packages to choose from. NICE...A fender strat. Great taste in music, for sure. Do you play everyday?

[me85]

The more I think about it the more I realize that I got into this relationship just wanting nothing but sex and I fell in love...but I didn't want to and I still don't want too...love is too strong of an emotion and I don't like it. Sex is really all that I'm interested in. Just wish I hadn't screwed other ppl in the process of figuring that out.

 

Well, it's over with now. Past is past. It doesn't exists. Our memory keeps the past alive so we're screwed but try to redirect your sad/negative thinking. Go play your guitar.

 

I've been single for 16 months now. I'm emotionally unavailable so therefor I don't date seriously and haven't even dated at all for the past 4 months nearly. Woah. But it's what I want. I need a lot of time on my own to get past my last RS, which was very toxic. It really messed me up.

[Chronie87]

Ya, it's like $8 a month, right? Or there's probably several packages to choose from. NICE...A fender strat. Great taste in music, for sure. Do you play everyday?

 

I play most days not as much lately with all the stress and being depressed all the time...