Chewybrwn Posted March 17, 2005 Share Posted March 17, 2005 i have had a thing for my coworker now for about four months. A few months after breaking up with his girlfriend of three years, i started showing general interest in him. So one night on a coworker bonding night, we talked more and exchanged numbers promising each other we'd hang out sometime. So the first time i called him, we ended up hanging out at his place. We talked, watched a movie and ended up cuddling. and that was it. the next day it was kind of awkward. eventually with time we had gotten more comfortable with each other around other people especially since we work together 90% of the time. so a few weeks later, i decide to invite him over and watch movies. to make a long story short, we did everything but watch the movies. before he left for the night, he asked me if things were going to be awkward. and i told him, "only if we make it awkward". he smiled, i gave him a hug, kissed him on his neck, and he left. the next day, i was so excited to know that this would probably be my guy, except that later that day he freaked on me, called me up and claimed it was all a mistake. i was speechless, and kind of responded out of nervousness. now i don't know what to do. i dont want to give up on him because i can feel that something good can happen between us. i feel I am out of the awkward stage with him, and we still talk and act normal as if nothing happened.(specifically when we're around other people) but he is always very willing to talk about it, if phone tag wasn't the situation. did he just have a freak out? or could this have really been a mistake? we were both sober and aware, so there really isn't an excuse for the choices we made that night. HELP!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 17, 2005 Share Posted March 17, 2005 It probably wasn't what happened that he considered a mistake. It was the fact that it could lead to a relationship that he doesn't want right now which makes it a mistake. You didn't freak him out, but the idea of a relationship probably did. There is little you can do about it, except to just keep acting normal around him and see what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted March 17, 2005 Share Posted March 17, 2005 Crap! Hate it when stuff like this happens... I agree with LB.. The idea of a relationship is what he is running from. Honestly I think when he asked you after the fact IF things were going to be awkward that was a pretty good indication IMO that he expected things to be uncomfortable because he had not set any boundries.. see what I'm saying? He wondered even then if you were going to expect a relationship or more from him because of what happend.. I think it was sh*tty of him to call and tell you it was a mistake.. but at this point if this is where he's at then it's better to know straight up (even if it's after the fact now) that this guy isn't looking for a relationship.. Leave things alone.. if he comes around then good to go.. BUT if you're not down for a FWB deal.. then let him know this upfront so everyone is on the same page. Link to post Share on other sites
SleepingLover Posted March 17, 2005 Share Posted March 17, 2005 Why do ladies freak out when I just want a friendly date? I think sometimes they just don't offer up the chance to get to know me and when they do, it's the "I'd rather be friends line", but then you never hear from them again. I don't really understand both the guys mentioned above or the women I'm talking about. After my divorce, everything kinda went downhill for me Sorry a bit depressed right now. Too many emotions and no outlet. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted March 17, 2005 Share Posted March 17, 2005 Originally posted by SleepingLover Why do ladies freak out when I just want a friendly date? I think sometimes they just don't offer up the chance to get to know me and when they do, it's the "I'd rather be friends line", but then you never hear from them again. I don't really understand both the guys mentioned above or the women I'm talking about. After my divorce, everything kinda went downhill for me Sorry a bit depressed right now. Too many emotions and no outlet. Coming across as overly *Needy* isn't a good thing.. I'm not saying thats what you did OR thats what happend in Chewy's case.. so don't get me wrong.. just pointing out that sometimes what seems to YOU as being just friendly or engaging.. can seem very over the top to someone else.. So with that said.. I guess the thing to do is go back, think about things and see where it was that perhaps your date began to feel uncomfortable or withdrawn.. Hang in there SleepingLover.. it will get better Link to post Share on other sites
SleepingLover Posted March 17, 2005 Share Posted March 17, 2005 Thanks for the encouragement Merin, I have got most of the depression out of my system, but it'll probably rear it's ugly head a few times off and on over the next few days. I talked to the ex and she is going to let me have the kids tonite and that will help to cheer me up. I didn't act needy or anything. That I'm sure of. What bums me out is that I'm just looking for a friendly date with someone I can connect with it's not like I'm asking them to marry me. Just wish someone would take the time to get to know me. I'd like to get out of my hermit's nest once and awhile. Link to post Share on other sites
pseud Posted March 18, 2005 Share Posted March 18, 2005 I don't think this guy is running away from the idea of a relationship. Some women....sheesh. Men deserve some credit now and then, too. If I were in this guy's shoes, I would probably be freaking out as well. If I were stupid enough to get involved one night with someone that I work with "90% of the time", most definitely I would be quite uncomfortable. I don't think it's ever a good idea to mess around, or try to forge relationships in a work environment. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted March 18, 2005 Share Posted March 18, 2005 Originally posted by pseud I don't think this guy is running away from the idea of a relationship. Some women....sheesh. Men deserve some credit now and then, too. If I were in this guy's shoes, I would probably be freaking out as well. If I were stupid enough to get involved one night with someone that I work with "90% of the time", most definitely I would be quite uncomfortable. I don't think it's ever a good idea to mess around, or try to forge relationships in a work environment. This guy just got out of a serious relationship... so yeah I don't think he's down to jump right back into another one right now... so it's not that I'm not giving him enough credit here... I would've said the same thing had this been a woman instead. IMO when people meet in the work place and IF they are ready and available for a relationship they don't let the fact that it's a co worker sway them in going after what they want. Link to post Share on other sites
clynn Posted March 19, 2005 Share Posted March 19, 2005 Good point, Merin. Chewy, I'm sorry. This really sucks. But again what Merin said about setting boundaries is really important in new relationships and something I'm only beginning to learn and which I hope that I can incorporate in future relationships. I think when you get involved without first discussing what you're both up for, well, it is hard to talk about it AFTER because each party has then set expectations and it is difficult to readjust them. Here's to both of us knowing what we want going in and being confident about communicating it (without forcing our expectations on someone else!). Best getting past this. I'm sorry about it. Link to post Share on other sites
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