Another guy interested in another girl

[tryingtobenice]

So, I've been with my girlfriend for a little over one year. It's been great, we understand each other very well and all that. The only thing that bugs me sometimes is that she's 7 years younger than me (I'm 26, she's 19). She's very mature for her age, though, or else I wouldn't even consider a relationship, but sometimes this age gap gets more apparent. She gets excited for things I find silly, she isn't experienced enough to talk about some topics (economics, politics, etc), and I don't feel comfortable around her 18-20 year old friends.

 

Recently, I met this other girl. We have a lot of things in common, we also understand each other well, and we've been talking (also in person but mainly online) for hours and hours. I'm definitely interested in her and I'm pretty sure she is also interested in me. She knows I have a girlfriend and maybe because of that she hasn't tried anything. And she's only one year younger than me, this makes a huge different in our conversations. She's also very beautiful, although I find it unfair to considering it a factor.

 

So, I've been asking myself what I should do. I really despise the idea of cheating and I don't want to go down that road. I've thought about having an open relationship with my girlfriend. We talked about it a while back, but she didn't like the idea and I didn't bother (I didn't know the other girl back then). But I could try again.

 

Or... we could break up. This sounds really mean. She's a lovely girl, I don't want to hurt her. We have a very nice relationship and all. Perhaps I will soon forget the other girl? Either way, it's a difficult decision. I don't want to be regret (a) breaking a nice relationship or (b) letting go a really nice girl that I could end up having a better relationship.

 

People say that if you're interested in someone else, then you're not fully satisfied with your partner. And ok, we have this age issue. But I can't imagine someone could be 100% satisfied the whole time with their partner. I mean, I've known the other girl for a few months and I'm still "in awe" of her, but I'm pretty sure if we start a relationship, I will start seeing problems in her too.

 

Sorry for the long text. Any help is appreciated.

[PegNosePete]

I really despise the idea of cheating and I don't want to go down that road.

Well buddy I'm afraid you're already down it. You are emotionally cheating on your girlfriend. It is not appropriate for someone who is in a relationship, to be chatting to another girl for "hours and hours", and describe her as someone you're interested in! How would you react if your girlfriend was doing this with another guy? Would you be perfectly happy to accept that behaviour if the boot were on the other foot? I very much doubt it.

 

I've thought about having an open relationship with my girlfriend.

Worst. Idea. Ever.

 

Open relationships only work when both parties want it, and there is complete trust between the two of you, and you're not "interested" in the other people. You don't want an open relationship -- you want permission to cheat. You want to have your cake and eat it.

 

Dude you need to start treating your girlfriend with respect. You are acting like a complete douchebag here. You are cheating on your girlfriend. You need to break up with her, and examine your actions to find out why you are so disrespectful to people. Then when you think you can be faithful, you can start another relationship. Maybe with the new girl, maybe with someone else, who knows. But you have some serious growing up to do first. She may be mature for her age but it seems you're most certainly not.

[tryingtobenice]

Well buddy I'm afraid you're already down it. You are emotionally cheating on your girlfriend. It is not appropriate for someone who is in a relationship, to be chatting to another girl for "hours and hours", and describe her as someone you're interested in! How would you react if your girlfriend was doing this with another guy? Would you be perfectly happy to accept that behaviour if the boot were on the other foot? I very much doubt it.

 

I was in this situation with a former girlfriend, and sure enough, I didn't like it. We talked about it, I told her she should make up her mind. But the guy she was into started behaving in a way she didn't like and the whole thing ended.

 

Worst. Idea. Ever.

 

Open relationships only work when both parties want it, and there is complete trust between the two of you, and you're not "interested" in the other people. You don't want an open relationship -- you want permission to cheat. You want to have your cake and eat it.

 

Dude you need to start treating your girlfriend with respect. You are acting like a complete douchebag here. You are cheating on your girlfriend. You need to break up with her, and examine your actions to find out why you are so disrespectful to people. Then when you think you can be faithful, you can start another relationship. Maybe with the new girl, maybe with someone else, who knows. But you have some serious growing up to do first. She may be mature for her age but it seems you're most certainly not.

 

Hey, you do have a point, but can we go easier here? It's a delicate situation and I'm not proud of it. I don't want "permission to cheat". I'm interested in someone and want to find out if it isn't only superficial. I don't have the slightest doubt that she would have her share of guys in an open relationship.

 

Anyway, I've never been in a situation like this before. And I think neither have you. It sucks.

[PegNosePete]

Hey, you do have a point, but can we go easier here?

No, I don't think wrapping it in cotton wool is in your best interests.

 

You're right, I have never been in a situation like this, because I would never do that to someone. I have honour, integrity and respect.

 

You are acting like a douchebag. What else do you want us to say? That your actions are perfectly OK? That cheating on your girlfriend just to find out if you prefer someone else, is a good thing to do?

 

I'm not sure what expecting to hear here. You want us to justify your actions by telling you yeah sure, go ahead and test-drive the new girl and if the clutch sticks just go back to your old one? Not gonna happen buddy.