Should I just be patient with this girl?

[CONMAN]

So I like this girl that I met about 2 months ago. We clicked very well, she gave me her number, and we've gone on multiple dates with each other. Every time was extremely nice with her. I'm like 99% positive she likes me too. She laughs at everything I say and constantly mentions how funny I am, we tease and make fun of each other a lot, she will playfully hit me, and find plenty of excuses to touch my arms and whatnot. She reserves hugs for me, and they are more intimate that just hugging a friend. Like for example we were both at my Dad's wedding recently, and I was spending time with some other people I knew, and she called me to figure out where I was so she could come spend time, take pictures, and hug me goodbye before she left. She SEEMS to be really into me in person, and is always talking about the next possible times we can get together again.

 

Problem is she is apparently super busy. She just moved over to Orlando and is starting school, and her new job. I do both of those as well, so I do know how busy I can get. Maybe it's just me, but I seem to scrap together enough time to be able to spend a couple days with her a week. Often she will say "I'd love to see you on Thursday" or something like that, and when Thursday rolls around, and she doesn't text when she's free, so I once again initiate the text and she will half the time say she has bogged down on school work and tired from her job. Fair enough, but why wouldn't she let me know that she had all that school work before Thursday rolled around? It seems I always have to initiate the plans to spend time, which is fine, but sometimes I feel like I am being sort of annoying, even though I definitely do not dump text messages on her or anything. I usually only send texts to keep in touch, and to set up dates. She is a little inconsistent virtually, which is the complete opposite of how she is in person. Sometimes he texts back all flirty with bunches of emoticons right away, sometimes she just takes days to reply, or just not at all.

 

Should I continue to initiate, and pursue her? Should I just give her some time to work through all that stuff she has to do? Should I back off a little bit and let her come to me? I don't want to appear as if I don't care, but I also don't want to appear needy.

 

Thanks!

[GemmaUK]

Two things:

 

 

She has only just started with all these new things so needs time to adjust.

 

 

Also, she is female. Many women do actually have less stamina then men purely due to our bodies.

 

 

Gotta say that when I told my now ex that I was tired I was literally exhausted. I had been working 15 hour days while trying to keep up with the texts and calls he wanted.

I was barely eating even and couldn't cope.

He weighed 18 stone (more than double my weight) and was 9in taller than me and worked half the hours I did. He had much more muscle mass than me. (Muscle mass = surplus energy).

 

 

Give her some time to adjust for starters.

[CONMAN]

I was thinking that. Should I just leave her alone for a bit? I don't know I should check in with her every few days, or just let her do her thing. I don't want to bother her if she is super busy, but I don't want to make it seem like I don't care either.

[GemmaUK]

How regular is text contact now/usually?

 

 

How regular is call contact now/usually?

 

 

How often do you usually see each other and when will you see her next?

 

 

Answer these and I can make a suggestion.

[CONMAN]

1. We usually make contact every other day or so, sometimes everyday. No more that like 5-10 texts messages each, if that. I usually don't start text conversations, they don't really seem to be her cup of tea. Which is rather strange, because being how she seems so into me and person and really enjoys being around me, I kind of figured she would be the kind of girl who goes crazy with texting me.

 

2. We usually only call when we are setting up the final details of a date, like a couple hours before hand, which is usually just once a week at the moment.

 

3. Answered above, so far it's been like once a week. I only have 2 days off of work, and she has her work/school/family schedule, so at the moment it's difficult to get much more than that. I don't mind spending time for only an hour or something, but it's usually on her for that. She usually just tells me when she is able to see me, rather than what her openness for the week is. Like she will say "I'd like to see you on wednesday or thursday", but not say what times during those days shes actually free, or any other days in the week she has a spare couple hours, if that makes sense.

 

4. Right now I do not know. She get's her next work schedule on tuesday. I was SUPPOSED to see her again last night, but after I texted her asking if she was still able to, she said she was exhausted from work and had a bunch of school work to take care of. So, at the moment, undecided. Most likely late next week, unless she has some free time on Saturday or Sunday. I asked her if she did, but she hasn't responded to that (sent it last night).

Edited November 21, 2014 by CONMAN

[preraph]

Also, it is a lot more work and grooming and preparation for a woman just to get ready for the day than it is a man, so her day is longer than yours.

[UltimaWeapon]

She is stringing you along. If she wanted to see you even for an hour she would. People make time for what they want- I just got out of a similar situation.

 

I started talking to the girl before I left on vacation. I left for a month and we stayed in contact the entire time. Talked everyday - sent over 6000 msgs in total- talked on the phone for 6 hours as well. She told her mom about me - kept tellin me she can't wait till I come back to see me. Sent me photos of herself, coincidentally the day I came back was on her bday so my plan was to take her out when I came back. I got her flowers and a small gift for our first date that night n she flopped last second- only to arrange another date the next day to which she also flopped. She kept making plans to flop to make new plans. Her excuses ? She works till late and is exhausted. This chick couldn't spare one hour to see me at all since I came back. But was telling me she couldn't wait to see me and spend time with me while I was on vacation?? I never saw that comin.

 

We ended up running into each other randomly one night ( 3rd week I was back from vacation) we had a great time - spent 5 hours together, held hands, made out, etc

 

After all that it went back to the same old thing --- she would make plans and than flop on them. Would still initiate contact and text me. She would keep blaming work- I can't see you now I'm so busy I work 2

Jobs. When u work 2 jobs u will see how hard it is to make time for friends or family. This went on for a while. I called her out on it and basically she told me she isn't ready for a rel now or anything - I tried fighting for her only to realize it wouldn't do anything.

 

Guess who I saw on a date with someone else only 2 weeks later ? The same girl with another guy. Luckily it was over Instagram and it gave me the answer I wanted. She is a flake. A liar. And someone who loves attention and plays games. How come she wasn't busy than ? But she was with me ? How come she could make time for him but was always busy with me and played games ?

 

Cut her off and walk away - I learned the hard way. It's all excuses

 

If you have to ask as well- that should be ur answer that something isn't right and her behaviour is making you question how she feels about you

Edited November 21, 2014 by UltimaWeapon

[GemmaUK]

1. We usually make contact every other day or so, sometimes everyday. No more that like 5-10 texts messages each, if that. I usually don't start text conversations, they don't really seem to be her cup of tea. Which is rather strange, because being how she seems so into me and person and really enjoys being around me, I kind of figured she would be the kind of girl who goes crazy with texting me.

 

2. We usually only call when we are setting up the final details of a date, like a couple hours before hand, which is usually just once a week at the moment.

 

3. Answered above, so far it's been like once a week. I only have 2 days off of work, and she has her work/school/family schedule, so at the moment it's difficult to get much more than that. I don't mind spending time for only an hour or something, but it's usually on her for that. She usually just tells me when she is able to see me, rather than what her openness for the week is. Like she will say "I'd like to see you on wednesday or thursday", but not say what times during those days shes actually free, or any other days in the week she has a spare couple hours, if that makes sense.

 

4. Right now I do not know. She get's her next work schedule on tuesday. I was SUPPOSED to see her again last night, but after I texted her asking if she was still able to, she said she was exhausted from work and had a bunch of school work to take care of. So, at the moment, undecided. Most likely late next week, unless she has some free time on Saturday or Sunday. I asked her if she did, but she hasn't responded to that (sent it last night).

 

 

 

OK, first off. I don't want to sound condescending but that was a great answer from which I gleaned a whole lot!

You communicate well!

 

 

Do you communicate as well as tis with her or not?

How honest/upfront are you with her?

 

 

From what you have said:

Give a day extra to get in touch.

 

 

After that suggest a quick call to check in and arrange your next date.

Calls negate the need for texts.

If however you need a few texts to feel she is still interested then tell her!

She is on her own schedule due to all new things so you have to tell her.

 

 

If she is not up for that or has lost interest then you will know pretty quickly.

 

 

It's better to say something and find out...always.

[CONMAN]

Thank you

 

I'd like to think I communicate this well with her as well. I obviously haven't gone into detail with her on how I like her and my issues with her communication, but I'm not so sure I should do either or those just yet.

 

I think I've shown her that I'm attracted to her without coming across as needy or too forward. I always reciprocate any affection she gives me, I try to make her comfortable and make sure she is enjoying herself when we are together, which she always appears to be. I flirt with her, without being inappropriate or easy. And obviously I often try to get back together with her, which I kind of figure is the biggest thing. I wouldn't attempt to see her more if I had no interest in her.

 

I am very honest and don't play any games or anything like that, I think they are pretty unfair and can backfire easy. I really enjoy her as a person, and definitely don't want to mess anything up.

 

I'll try just giving her a bit of space like you said. If she really is busy I don't want to give her extra stuff to stress out about, but I also don't want her to think I just don't care about her.

 

It's just really strange to me that when we are in person or in the same area, she goes out of her way to spend time with me, and have my attention. She's always affectionate with hugs, touching my arms, and playfully hitting me when I tease her. She also asked to take a few pictures with me and put those on her Instagram and Facebook. I figure if she was just stringing me along or something, she wouldn't show the whole world pictures of us together and whatnot. I'd like to think she is still interested, I would honestly be like stunned if she just had no interest after how much attraction she showed towards me on our previous dates. I'll take your advice, but any input on what you think is possibly going on in her head, or if she is interested? I know you don't know her or anything, but she isn't a party girl by any stretch. Very simple, calm, and sweet. I highly doubt she would just be eating up the attention and then throw me to the side, but I guess it's possible.

[GemmaUK]

Thank you

 

I'd like to think I communicate this well with her as well. I obviously haven't gone into detail with her on how I like her and my issues with her communication, but I'm not so sure I should do either or those just yet.

 

I think I've shown her that I'm attracted to her without coming across as needy or too forward. I always reciprocate any affection she gives me, I try to make her comfortable and make sure she is enjoying herself when we are together, which she always appears to be. I flirt with her, without being inappropriate or easy. And obviously I often try to get back together with her, which I kind of figure is the biggest thing. I wouldn't attempt to see her more if I had no interest in her.

 

I am very honest and don't play any games or anything like that, I think they are pretty unfair and can backfire easy. I really enjoy her as a person, and definitely don't want to mess anything up.

 

I'll try just giving her a bit of space like you said. If she really is busy I don't want to give her extra stuff to stress out about, but I also don't want her to think I just don't care about her.

 

It's just really strange to me that when we are in person or in the same area, she goes out of her way to spend time with me, and have my attention. She's always affectionate with hugs, touching my arms, and playfully hitting me when I tease her. She also asked to take a few pictures with me and put those on her Instagram and Facebook. I figure if she was just stringing me along or something, she wouldn't show the whole world pictures of us together and whatnot. I'd like to think she is still interested, I would honestly be like stunned if she just had no interest after how much attraction she showed towards me on our previous dates. I'll take your advice, but any input on what you think is possibly going on in her head, or if she is interested? I know you don't know her or anything, but she isn't a party girl by any stretch. Very simple, calm, and sweet. I highly doubt she would just be eating up the attention and then throw me to the side, but I guess it's possible.

 

Do you have your next date planned yet?

You and she both need it.

 

 

Actions speak louder.

Away from you she has life and stuff to do.

With you she is with you.

 

 

You just have more time as you are in your flow.

For her it's all new and tiring. Everything she is doing is new as she is in a new location.

Heck! If she gets her nails done she needs to find a new place.

She needs to find a place that sells her fave mascara.

 

 

(so so petty..yes...but these are all things that she has to cover just now as well as a new job, new life and hoping you two are OK.) You will be the last thing on her mind if she loves you and is secure with you. She thinks you will 'get her' and understand her.

 

 

If you two are as happy as you appear to be from your posts then all will work out. She needs to find her feet. You....do need a date though. Let her know why - it's OK.

[CONMAN]

That all makes sense. We don't have it planned yet though. My schedule is usually pretty consistent, but her's can be all over the place, on different times. So that is pretty much up to her, but I always seem to be the other to ask what her availability is that week. She doesn't often say like "Hey I'm free on Wednesday" or something like that. It's usually me asking "Hey are you free later this week?" then her saying what days might be possible. Which is just weird because when we are ending a date, shes asking if I work or am busy in the coming days, because she would like to see me again soon. It's kinda the opposite of how she is over text messages, I dunno why that would be.

[UltimaWeapon]

It keeps you hoping for more and that you will see her again. She tells you that because she knows it's what u want to hear

 

If you didn't ask to hang out would u ever see her? It seems as if she doesn't initiate anything

 

Why wouldn't she have responded to ur txt that u sent last night asking if she's free Saturday or Sunday ? That's a red flag.

Edited November 22, 2014 by UltimaWeapon

[CONMAN]

She has initiated spending time and general conversations, but not as much as I have. But whats the point of going out of her way to spend time with me while we are in person and leading me on through all that flirting and affection if she just plans on ignoring me a few days later? If I don't get responses more than a few times, I'm going to just stop talking to her. I don't really understand why she would do all that and encourage me to text her and get together with her, and post pictures of us on the internet if she doesn't want to do anything lol.

 

That won't make me really chase harder, if that is what she is looking for. If she was playing games, I don't really see the logic behind it. If she wasn't interested, whats the point of doing all that work on her part.

[UltimaWeapon]

My girl did the same thing - spent an entire month in contact , sent photos, told me I can't wait to see you, hours on the phone with me to only tell me when I came back that she is busy. She would also make plans with me ( she would initiate it) n than flop and continue to do that. Me trying to have hope let it go on thinking it would change but it didn't. I even told her I don't understand your behaviour why are you doing this? Why make plans - talk to me this long and continue to text me if she wasn't interested ? I won't ever know. She even initiated the make out session we had to only go back to the same old behaviour again. I won't ever understand it either but something was holding her back- she eventually told me she wasn't ready for anything or a relationship- which makes no sense cuz all I wanted was to just hang out and go from there.

 

Apparently woman love attention and will go through all these lengths to play games and string you on. I'm surprised as you are man

 

Bro I got my girl flowers for her bday and a small gift to give to her for her bday as a small gesture - she couldn't even make time to see me for that. But was crazy about me while we talked and were on the phone. I'm not gona lie that type of behaviour is really scary. She did a complete 180 on me

 

The only time I saw her was when we randomly ran into each other or at community events in the city ( we are from the same country) like give me a break bro.

 

She tells me she can't be in a rel now with me because she isn't ready - and she wishes I was patient and understanding but right NOW she can't want a relationship lol. 2 weeks later she's on a date with someone else that I saw on Instagram randomly. That's my answer right there

Edited November 22, 2014 by UltimaWeapon
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[CONMAN]

Sorry to hear man. I'd like to think that this isn't the type of girl she is. She doesn't date often, she's not out with any guy she comes across, and she just put a lot of effort into showing me that she cared. My dad is good friends with her mom, and her mom is always telling my dad about how this girl mentioned to her that we went out and had a good time and everything, every single time we went out. She also went out of her way to introduce me to her parents personally and they mentioned how they heard a lot about me. It just seems like she really is interested and invested, enough so that stringing me along seems like a big waste of time.

[UltimaWeapon]

I wish you the best but if she hasn't replied yet to your text about hanging out I would say that's a big red flag and I wouldn't ask to see her anymore after that.

 

There's no reason for her to wait that long

[CONMAN]

I can agree to that, I don't understand why should would need a day to reply to that. If she wouldn't want to spend time over the weekend, why not just say so?

[UltimaWeapon]

That's what I don't get either. I don't know why she would act like that to be honest- especially making you wait a day- she's playing games there is no reason for it. She can just be like " no I can't" maybe her not replying to you is her way of trying to tell you she isn't interested? Really stupid way to go about it but I can't see why else she would do that

Edited November 22, 2014 by UltimaWeapon

[787Dreamliner]

These girls deserve the "vanishing" treatment. Only when they realise you are gone and better than the guys they are with, then they regret. Crying over spilt milk by then is too late.

 

Currently, I am considering this option if this girl continues to play mind games with me, the typical Scorpio mind games. My patience is definitely running out here. Don't ask me to do multi-date, to me its morally wrong. I only date for the girl I like and not have different options to think about.

[CONMAN]

I totally agree, I am very selective with who I give my attention and time to, and won't date any girl that just shows me that she likes me. I've been very patient and understand of her, but I can't just have nothing in return for very long. She always gives me plenty of affection and is a really great person when we are together, she is just a pain to actually get together with sometimes. But she also isn't the type of girl to go after more than one guy or string someone along for an ego boost, she is very morally sound and kind, which is what is especially confusing to me, since she is being very hard to get together with, even when she is sitting there asking what days I am free, or telling me she wants to see me. Very conflicting.

[UltimaWeapon]

I am like that as well if I want a girl I go after her only. It takes me a lot to feel something for someone and I can't date multiple people at the same time I find that wrong and something I can't do. I'm the type who puts his all into that one person and I feel that has huge benefits but problems as well because in my situation now I am completely hurt by her actions

 

 

so as mentioned above

 

I have vanished because I can't take it anymore and told her I can't be friends even if she isn't " ready " for a relationship. These girls clearly don't value what's infront of them and I won't ever understand why she would put me through these games in the first place and act so hot and cold

Edited November 22, 2014 by UltimaWeapon

[phineas]

Look, women who are into you make it EASY to get with them.

Women who just like your attention act this way. If you do actually go out with her she will make it impossible to get her alone.

 

But, this isn't really on her.

It's on you.

 

She knows exactly what you want.

She also knows you won't go for it and won't walk away when you don't get it so she is going to milk you for free attention as long as she can.

 

but don't listen to us.

We are just guys who have experienced the same thing multiple times and don't know what we are talking about.

[CONMAN]

Lol that's pretty arrogant, and ignorant of you to say all that. I never said you guys were wrong or had no idea what you're talking about. If I had all the answers I wouldn't be posting a question on this forum. Truth is you clearly don't know my situation as well as you think you do. You are making assumptions on who this girl is. Im not going to just say that she is interested in me all the way, because I can't possibly know. Clearly something is going on, but you've made incorrect statements. In person she goes out of her way to get me alone and just talk with me, it's not a challenge to get her alone and away from everyone else in person. She basically does that for me. I'm saying it's difficult to communicate with her and plan future dates. And what exactly do you think I'm not going for lol? Once again you make false assumptions of me and arrogantly think you know every girl and every situation. I try to make plans with her all the time, I'm not stalling and just having inane text conversations with her. I also won't just take all her of nonsense. If I continue to get no response or nothing in return, I'll just stop pursuing her. It's that simple

 

But hey what do I know. I'm just the person that is in the situation and knows the personality of the girl and knows myself. I appreciate all responses and suggestions, but don't just make empty bold statements when you have like no information on either of the parties lol.

[phineas]

Lol that's pretty arrogant, and ignorant of you to say all that. I never said you guys were wrong or had no idea what you're talking about. If I had all the answers I wouldn't be posting a question on this forum. Truth is you clearly don't know my situation as well as you think you do. You are making assumptions on who this girl is. Im not going to just say that she is interested in me all the way, because I can't possibly know. Clearly something is going on, but you've made incorrect statements. In person she goes out of her way to get me alone and just talk with me, it's not a challenge to get her alone and away from everyone else in person. She basically does that for me. I'm saying it's difficult to communicate with her and plan future dates. And what exactly do you think I'm not going for lol? Once again you make false assumptions of me and arrogantly think you know every girl and every situation. I try to make plans with her all the time, I'm not stalling and just having inane text conversations with her. I also won't just take all her of nonsense. If I continue to get no response or nothing in return, I'll just stop pursuing her. It's that simple

 

But hey what do I know. I'm just the person that is in the situation and knows the personality of the girl and knows myself. I appreciate all responses and suggestions, but don't just make empty bold statements when you have like no information on either of the parties lol.

 

Generally,

When a poster makes a post like this it's because they really don't want advice.

They just want to hear excuses for the poor behavior of the person they are posting about.

 

see you next month when she meets a guy she is actually interested in and enters a full blown relationship and you need consoling.

[CONMAN]

Haha, you sure an arrogant guy. You just know me so well, I'm here looking for people to baby me because I'm just reeling in pain from this girl I've known for less than 2 months. I've been in relationships that have lasted a few years, this isn't exactly the a giant thing in the grand scheme of things. I do appreciate your false sense of confidence.

 

I didn't come here looking for people to assure me over and over that she still is interested or say I'm a good guy and I'll find someone else. I came here for different interpretations on her behavior and possible actions I should take.

 

I'm sorry you are think you are such an expert and know everything. Sadly, that isn't the case, but hey, thanks for your input, regardless of how useless it was.

 

I'll see you in a month when either she is talking to me still, or I'll have moved onto other people. Don't get so cocky and butthurt when your "advice" is questioned.