Being married or having a bf/gf isn't a deterrent for some

[Darren2013]

It seems to be a growing trend that someone having a boyfriend or girlfriend or being married isn't a deterrent for most people anymore to stop being interested in that person. Why is that?

 

I can say it is a deterrent for me. If I take an interest in a woman and learn that she is married or even just has a boyfriend or even a FWB then that's enough incentive for me to move on mentally from her because even if she was willing to mess around with me on the side or break up her relationship to give me a chance then more than likely it is headed for trouble.

 

Besides I don't know her boyfriend from Adam and therefore don't know what the guy is capable of if he found out she and I were hooking up. He might go homicidal and suicidal and get his gun and shoot all 3 of us. That kind of stuff happened close to my home a year ago on a Military base! Why would I even want to take the chance of getting killed over an affair? I'm not afraid to die but I think that's a wasteful way to go down for all 3 of us.

 

It is just not worth it. If a woman tells me she has a boyfriend whether she is making it up as a way to tell me she is not interested in me or whatever I do not care. I am going to believe her and stop talking to her until I get further notice from her that she is single again and interested. I'm also not going to wait around in the hopes her relationship will fall. I wish both of them the best. If their relationship is really in trouble then it will fall apart on its own without a 3rd party like myself helping it out.

[NJ123]

Because a lot of people don't have morals anymore. And affairs are happening so often now, that it's almost like it's socially acceptable behavior these days. It's pretty sad. People have the mindset these days where they say "if it's not me it'll be someone else so it might as well be me." Those people are just ****ed up & will never have a healthy relationship with anyone.

[Raena]

It seems to be a growing trend that someone having a boyfriend or girlfriend or being married isn't a deterrent for most people anymore to stop being interested in that person. Why is that?

 

I can say it is a deterrent for me. If I take an interest in a woman and learn that she is married or even just has a boyfriend or even a FWB then that's enough incentive for me to move on mentally from her because even if she was willing to mess around with me on the side or break up her relationship to give me a chance then more than likely it is headed for trouble.

 

Besides I don't know her boyfriend from Adam and therefore don't know what the guy is capable of if he found out she and I were hooking up. He might go homicidal and suicidal and get his gun and shoot all 3 of us. That kind of stuff happened close to my home a year ago on a Military base! Why would I even want to take the chance of getting killed over an affair? I'm not afraid to die but I think that's a wasteful way to go down for all 3 of us.

 

It is just not worth it. If a woman tells me she has a boyfriend whether she is making it up as a way to tell me she is not interested in me or whatever I do not care. I am going to believe her and stop talking to her until I get further notice from her that she is single again and interested. I'm also not going to wait around in the hopes her relationship will fall. I wish both of them the best. If their relationship is really in trouble then it will fall apart on its own without a 3rd party like myself helping it out.

 

I wish more people would think like this. Too many people feel entitled to take whatever they want without regard for how it affects someone else. I probably shouldn't say "take" because you can't really take someone away, can't force them to be dishonest and cheat but you can certainly be the excuse for why they choose to do so or you can choose NOT to be involved in the situation.

[Gloria25]

Look, Gloria25 has already posted her views on this topic...but the "homewrecker" herself will make another appearance **Ta da**

 

I was born in the US but lived overseas before my tweens up till my early 20's.

 

The Hispanic women I grew up around were aggressive. They had no boundaries. I've had friends say they did not want to retire back in our country cuz they didn't want to spend their time trying to swat the women off of their men.

 

Also, the Hispanic women where I grew up would literally "cut" you if they found out you were messing with their man. I've heard stories of them or their friends putting razor blades between their fingers, walking up on the OW and slicing her face. I mean, the Hispanic women I grew up around carried pocket knives/switchblades, etc - you'd see them having to take it out of their purse in places like banks and stuff - where there were metal detectors.

 

I guess also cuz I grew up in a broken home, I also probably got the "no boundaries" mentality enforced in my head.

 

I don't go out chasing married and/or involved men. Have I gotten involved with "taken" men? Yes.

 

Do I see myself as a "homewrecker"? No. Why? For one, I do not give these men "ultimatums" (i.e. it's me or your wife/gf). For two, I just "borrow" these guys. They spend time with me, and I return them home in one piece. Quite frankly, I probably am helping their marriage/RL cuz he's getting his needs met by me w/o having to break up his home.

 

About me "respecting" the RLs of the MM or IM ("involved men"). If there wasn't problems there, they wouldn't have gotten involved with me in the first place.

 

Of the last two "involved" men I got involved with, they were married w/o any kids. Shortly after or during their time with me, they divorced. One of them, his wife kept on getting jobs that kept them apart. They had no kids and he made enough money for both, so, why would you get a job away from your guy? Well, you don't tend to your guy, he will stray. The other one, his wife was sexually abused, and she just "quit" having sex. And, she took out all her hatred about men on him. He spent the marriage trying to "fix" her.

 

No, I'm not a charity case. I am not out there giving out "pity" sex to unhappy men. The men I get involved with, I'm attracted to. The sex IS great. They also did things for me (i.e. take me out to dinner/movies, fix things for me, etc.). So, it just happens that if I'm getting involved with an "involved" guy, I'm not gonna go with a dog, I'm gonna get with someone who's not a playa. Dogs aren't unhappy in their RL. They are playa's who are self absorbed jerks. Single or involved, I don't get with guys who are playas or jerks.

 

So duh, if a guy is unhappy in his RL he's gonna talk to other women. Have I been hit on by guys who are involved with other women and are dogs? Yes, of course...Would I give them the time of day? No. I don't deal with dogs. Actually, one guy that was married had three kids was getting on my nerves. I told him to get lost. He had a wife and kids and he needed to concentrate on that - not me.

 

Someone posted here whether or not I was like Dexter Morgan - where I have my "code". Eh, maybe I do. I have Gloria25's "code".

 

Because I have intimacy issues, getting involved with an involved guy worked for me cuz of my busy lifestyle, the distance I can keep them at, and I can get my needs met w/o having to have kids, get married, and/or commingle finances.

 

Do I feel bad about it. Depends. Again, I'm not breaking up no one's home. They had problems before I came into the picture. Also, these women were neglecting their guys.

 

Do I "get" with every guy who's taken? Nope. In my recent crush experience, when he told me he had someone and couldn't even remember chatting to me in passing - I said "forget him". I forgot his name and couldn't even remember if he told me his name.

 

Now, when I noticed he started checking me out and we almost hooked up...Part of me was relieved that we didn't. Part of me also wondered if I was dealing with a "dog". Cuz, he was like "What are you doin' right now?" And, I was like "Umm, he must be cheating already if he was so quick to get with me".

 

But, then I'm not so sure if he's a dog - cuz, if he was he wouldn't of called it off. But, then again, he probably cut it off cuz he sensed I wanted more than a one-time hook-up and dogs usually wanna "hit it and quit it"...and, since we are in such proximity - he probably didn't wanna poop where he eats. So, as to whether he's a dog or not is something I ponder at times.

 

As for me sitting around "wishin', a hopin', and a prayin'" that some guy that's taken's RL falls apart? I wouldn't call it that. I'm not putting my life on hold for that. I'm in my regular dating droughts, so it's just weird how the timing lined up.

 

As for me trying to contribute to someone's RL's failure or impending failure - again, I don't go around encouraging anyone to do anything. If they weren't missing "something" in their RL, they wouldn't have shown an interest in me. Even "if" they start trying to get on my nerves talking about their chick, I'm quick to remind them that I'm not interested in hearing that.

 

And, believe it or not, if they are with someone I know is crappy, I'll tell them to their face that she is full of it. If they are with someone that is ok, I'll even try to give them tips and/or advice on how to improve the RL. Actually, the guy with the sexually abused wifey, I, on various occasions gave him advice on how to "melt the Ice Queen". So, while I thought she was a selfish witch - I still tried to help him find ways to make things better with her.

 

Is Gloria25 a "odd ball" or "rare breed"? I guess so. Many people don't "get" me. I "get" me, and that's what counts....

[Woggle]

In some cases it actually makes people more attracted to you.

[No Limit]

Some people are so desperate for sex, they'll have it with anyone.

[Darren2013]

Look, Gloria25 has already posted her views on this topic...but the "homewrecker" herself will make another appearance **Ta da**

 

I was born in the US but lived overseas before my tweens up till my early 20's.

 

The Hispanic women I grew up around were aggressive. They had no boundaries. I've had friends say they did not want to retire back in our country cuz they didn't want to spend their time trying to swat the women off of their men.

 

Also, the Hispanic women where I grew up would literally "cut" you if they found out you were messing with their man. I've heard stories of them or their friends putting razor blades between their fingers, walking up on the OW and slicing her face. I mean, the Hispanic women I grew up around carried pocket knives/switchblades, etc - you'd see them having to take it out of their purse in places like banks and stuff - where there were metal detectors.

 

I guess also cuz I grew up in a broken home, I also probably got the "no boundaries" mentality enforced in my head.

 

I don't go out chasing married and/or involved men. Have I gotten involved with "taken" men? Yes.

 

Do I see myself as a "homewrecker"? No. Why? For one, I do not give these men "ultimatums" (i.e. it's me or your wife/gf). For two, I just "borrow" these guys. They spend time with me, and I return them home in one piece. Quite frankly, I probably am helping their marriage/RL cuz he's getting his needs met by me w/o having to break up his home.

 

About me "respecting" the RLs of the MM or IM ("involved men"). If there wasn't problems there, they wouldn't have gotten involved with me in the first place.

 

Of the last two "involved" men I got involved with, they were married w/o any kids. Shortly after or during their time with me, they divorced. One of them, his wife kept on getting jobs that kept them apart. They had no kids and he made enough money for both, so, why would you get a job away from your guy? Well, you don't tend to your guy, he will stray. The other one, his wife was sexually abused, and she just "quit" having sex. And, she took out all her hatred about men on him. He spent the marriage trying to "fix" her.

 

No, I'm not a charity case. I am not out there giving out "pity" sex to unhappy men. The men I get involved with, I'm attracted to. The sex IS great. They also did things for me (i.e. take me out to dinner/movies, fix things for me, etc.). So, it just happens that if I'm getting involved with an "involved" guy, I'm not gonna go with a dog, I'm gonna get with someone who's not a playa. Dogs aren't unhappy in their RL. They are playa's who are self absorbed jerks. Single or involved, I don't get with guys who are playas or jerks.

 

So duh, if a guy is unhappy in his RL he's gonna talk to other women. Have I been hit on by guys who are involved with other women and are dogs? Yes, of course...Would I give them the time of day? No. I don't deal with dogs. Actually, one guy that was married had three kids was getting on my nerves. I told him to get lost. He had a wife and kids and he needed to concentrate on that - not me.

 

Someone posted here whether or not I was like Dexter Morgan - where I have my "code". Eh, maybe I do. I have Gloria25's "code".

 

Because I have intimacy issues, getting involved with an involved guy worked for me cuz of my busy lifestyle, the distance I can keep them at, and I can get my needs met w/o having to have kids, get married, and/or commingle finances.

 

Do I feel bad about it. Depends. Again, I'm not breaking up no one's home. They had problems before I came into the picture. Also, these women were neglecting their guys.

 

Do I "get" with every guy who's taken? Nope. In my recent crush experience, when he told me he had someone and couldn't even remember chatting to me in passing - I said "forget him". I forgot his name and couldn't even remember if he told me his name.

 

Now, when I noticed he started checking me out and we almost hooked up...Part of me was relieved that we didn't. Part of me also wondered if I was dealing with a "dog". Cuz, he was like "What are you doin' right now?" And, I was like "Umm, he must be cheating already if he was so quick to get with me".

 

But, then I'm not so sure if he's a dog - cuz, if he was he wouldn't of called it off. But, then again, he probably cut it off cuz he sensed I wanted more than a one-time hook-up and dogs usually wanna "hit it and quit it"...and, since we are in such proximity - he probably didn't wanna poop where he eats. So, as to whether he's a dog or not is something I ponder at times.

 

As for me sitting around "wishin', a hopin', and a prayin'" that some guy that's taken's RL falls apart? I wouldn't call it that. I'm not putting my life on hold for that. I'm in my regular dating droughts, so it's just weird how the timing lined up.

 

As for me trying to contribute to someone's RL's failure or impending failure - again, I don't go around encouraging anyone to do anything. If they weren't missing "something" in their RL, they wouldn't have shown an interest in me. Even "if" they start trying to get on my nerves talking about their chick, I'm quick to remind them that I'm not interested in hearing that.

 

And, believe it or not, if they are with someone I know is crappy, I'll tell them to their face that she is full of it. If they are with someone that is ok, I'll even try to give them tips and/or advice on how to improve the RL. Actually, the guy with the sexually abused wifey, I, on various occasions gave him advice on how to "melt the Ice Queen". So, while I thought she was a selfish witch - I still tried to help him find ways to make things better with her.

 

Is Gloria25 a "odd ball" or "rare breed"? I guess so. Many people don't "get" me. I "get" me, and that's what counts....

 

 

If I was hoping to have any chance with a woman who is currently taken I think that telling her what I really think about her boyfriend would hurt my cause. If she starts telling me about their problems or gives strong hints about us getting together or even suggesting lunch I would tell her it isn't a good idea and that I think she should just focus on her marriage/relationship and try to work it out. If she talks about how she is thinking of dumping him I would probably encourage her to give him another chance unless there is abuse or cheating involved. I'm not really the best person in that situation to discourage her about her relationship by telling her yeah he is full of it even if she is talking bad about him because I am coming from a bias which is wanting to get with her.

 

So if she suggests getting together for lunch or doing any social activity by ourselves I would either say "Sure we can do that and bring your boyfriend along too. It will be my treat" or depending on how strong my feelings for her are say "Here's my number. If something happens and things don't work out then give me a call and I'll take you up on that lunch offer".

 

But talking bad about the boyfriend even if she goes on and on about it for over an hour is a no no. It would be obvious that I would be coming from a bias which is that I want to get in her pants. She needs an objective 3rd party to talk to about her relationship problems and I'm not it.

[Raena]

Look, Gloria25 has already posted her views on this topic...but the "homewrecker" herself will make another appearance **Ta da**

 

I was born in the US but lived overseas before my tweens up till my early 20's.

 

The Hispanic women I grew up around were aggressive. They had no boundaries. I've had friends say they did not want to retire back in our country cuz they didn't want to spend their time trying to swat the women off of their men.

 

Also, the Hispanic women where I grew up would literally "cut" you if they found out you were messing with their man. I've heard stories of them or their friends putting razor blades between their fingers, walking up on the OW and slicing her face. I mean, the Hispanic women I grew up around carried pocket knives/switchblades, etc - you'd see them having to take it out of their purse in places like banks and stuff - where there were metal detectors.

 

I guess also cuz I grew up in a broken home, I also probably got the "no boundaries" mentality enforced in my head.

 

I don't go out chasing married and/or involved men. Have I gotten involved with "taken" men? Yes.

 

Do I see myself as a "homewrecker"? No. Why? For one, I do not give these men "ultimatums" (i.e. it's me or your wife/gf). For two, I just "borrow" these guys. They spend time with me, and I return them home in one piece. Quite frankly, I probably am helping their marriage/RL cuz he's getting his needs met by me w/o having to break up his home.

 

About me "respecting" the RLs of the MM or IM ("involved men"). If there wasn't problems there, they wouldn't have gotten involved with me in the first place.

 

Of the last two "involved" men I got involved with, they were married w/o any kids. Shortly after or during their time with me, they divorced. One of them, his wife kept on getting jobs that kept them apart. They had no kids and he made enough money for both, so, why would you get a job away from your guy? Well, you don't tend to your guy, he will stray. The other one, his wife was sexually abused, and she just "quit" having sex. And, she took out all her hatred about men on him. He spent the marriage trying to "fix" her.

 

No, I'm not a charity case. I am not out there giving out "pity" sex to unhappy men. The men I get involved with, I'm attracted to. The sex IS great. They also did things for me (i.e. take me out to dinner/movies, fix things for me, etc.). So, it just happens that if I'm getting involved with an "involved" guy, I'm not gonna go with a dog, I'm gonna get with someone who's not a playa. Dogs aren't unhappy in their RL. They are playa's who are self absorbed jerks. Single or involved, I don't get with guys who are playas or jerks.

 

So duh, if a guy is unhappy in his RL he's gonna talk to other women. Have I been hit on by guys who are involved with other women and are dogs? Yes, of course...Would I give them the time of day? No. I don't deal with dogs. Actually, one guy that was married had three kids was getting on my nerves. I told him to get lost. He had a wife and kids and he needed to concentrate on that - not me.

 

Someone posted here whether or not I was like Dexter Morgan - where I have my "code". Eh, maybe I do. I have Gloria25's "code".

 

Because I have intimacy issues, getting involved with an involved guy worked for me cuz of my busy lifestyle, the distance I can keep them at, and I can get my needs met w/o having to have kids, get married, and/or commingle finances.

 

Do I feel bad about it. Depends. Again, I'm not breaking up no one's home. They had problems before I came into the picture. Also, these women were neglecting their guys.

 

Do I "get" with every guy who's taken? Nope. In my recent crush experience, when he told me he had someone and couldn't even remember chatting to me in passing - I said "forget him". I forgot his name and couldn't even remember if he told me his name.

 

Now, when I noticed he started checking me out and we almost hooked up...Part of me was relieved that we didn't. Part of me also wondered if I was dealing with a "dog". Cuz, he was like "What are you doin' right now?" And, I was like "Umm, he must be cheating already if he was so quick to get with me".

 

But, then I'm not so sure if he's a dog - cuz, if he was he wouldn't of called it off. But, then again, he probably cut it off cuz he sensed I wanted more than a one-time hook-up and dogs usually wanna "hit it and quit it"...and, since we are in such proximity - he probably didn't wanna poop where he eats. So, as to whether he's a dog or not is something I ponder at times.

 

As for me sitting around "wishin', a hopin', and a prayin'" that some guy that's taken's RL falls apart? I wouldn't call it that. I'm not putting my life on hold for that. I'm in my regular dating droughts, so it's just weird how the timing lined up.

 

As for me trying to contribute to someone's RL's failure or impending failure - again, I don't go around encouraging anyone to do anything. If they weren't missing "something" in their RL, they wouldn't have shown an interest in me. Even "if" they start trying to get on my nerves talking about their chick, I'm quick to remind them that I'm not interested in hearing that.

 

And, believe it or not, if they are with someone I know is crappy, I'll tell them to their face that she is full of it. If they are with someone that is ok, I'll even try to give them tips and/or advice on how to improve the RL. Actually, the guy with the sexually abused wifey, I, on various occasions gave him advice on how to "melt the Ice Queen". So, while I thought she was a selfish witch - I still tried to help him find ways to make things better with her.

 

Is Gloria25 a "odd ball" or "rare breed"? I guess so. Many people don't "get" me. I "get" me, and that's what counts....

 

I don't know who you are trying to convince... yourself or us... that it's ok to do what you do. Ultimately, it's up to YOU to decide whether or not you can live with yourself after knowing that you got yourself involved with a man who is already involved. You see it all over these boards... people LIE. They lie about the status of their relationships just because telling the truth doesn't attract women like you. Because the truth of the matter is, if a man is truly unhappy in his relationship he should either try to fix it or walk away, but cheating doesn't, in any way, solve the problem. It only makes it worse. Not only that, but many woman AND men lie about how awful things really are in their home. More than likely THEY are the reason why things aren't going so well in their home. If they were putting effort into their relationship instead of running off to find other people to satisfy their needs, then there would be no use for women like you.

 

I'm just saying.... from your perspective you can't see the fallout of what you are doing. It doesn't hurt YOU to be involved with men you don't really care about. It hurts the women they are with, whether they know about it or not. You can justify it all you want until the day it happens TO you. Then suddenly you'll understand what it feels like to be lied to and cheated on by someone you loved and trusted.

[Darren2013]

Exactly that man that you are borrowing is only telling you his side of the story and chances are his side will have exaggerations and half truths and twists to try to convince you that he is the innocent angel and his wife is more at fault. Any chance that him being unhappy in his relationship is his fault? Any chance that he is blinded to his own faults and shortcomings that contributed to the fallout in his marriage? See even he is not giving you an objective view of what is going on with his wife and there's no way you can give him objective advice when you want to borrow him for whatever.