2 months later, persistent thoughts of ex

[Zard0z]

Its been a month since we broke up. But I can't escape thoughts of my ex. Not necessarily negative thoughts, but a persistent longing throughout the day. It gives me a bit of anxiety because it fills almost all my waking hours.

 

Im doing NC (on 4 weeks now). Staying active, exercising, and dating someone knew. But in my downtime my ex is nearly constantly on my mind.

 

I do hold out hope for reconciliation, so maybe thats my problem? I know it cant happen if im like this tho.

 

Anyone else dealing with this?

[love2ride]

I'm feeling like this, been 3 months since BU we've been in contact and seen each other until today. Now i'm going NC cause I need to get over her. She's always in my head. The worst is sometimes I really realize she's gone and I get this crazy frantic helpless feeling. Its really terrible I hate it. Just woke up from my sleep and must have been dreaming of her then I realize she's gone and I know she's dating. This frantic helpless cold dark feeling I get is just horrible.

[Zard0z]

I'm feeling like this, been 3 months since BU we've been in contact and seen each other until today. Now i'm going NC cause I need to get over her. She's always in my head. The worst is sometimes I really realize she's gone and I get this crazy frantic helpless feeling. Its really terrible I hate it. Just woke up from my sleep and must have been dreaming of her then I realize she's gone and I know she's dating. This frantic helpless cold dark feeling I get is just horrible.

 

waking from sleep like this is normal. ithappened to me a lot, butbi read about it and it has a lot to do with seratonin levels and whay not. no need for us to feel shame. it happens.

 

anyway, had an amazing date amd im feeling quite a bit better. did some things ive never done before and felt really confident on this date, introducing her and myself to some cool places. feeling even more confident than when i was with my ex.

 

im finally taking the lead for once

[Bito]

Holding out hope for reconciliation while daiting someone new is very unfair to your new partner.

 

I know it's hard to cope but it's only been a month. These things take time.

[lakerman34]

I was involved with a relatively short (about 2.5 months) but very fast and intense relationship. First time we kissed, fireworks. Physically we were almost MADE for each other, like two perfect fitting puzzle pieces.

 

3 months post-breakup, and she's FINALLY talking to me again. We're friendly, but definitely not friends. We are not cold towards each other, but we aren't warm either. She's seeing someone else VERY casually (I've heard they only see each other about once every other week and haven't even engaged in anything sexual yet), and I'm keeping myself busy at work (am currently the lead on a couple of projects).

 

I can tell you that I'm pretty certain I'm over her. Sure, I'd love to sleep with her again, but as for a relationship? No way. I've decided a while ago that those VERY high highs aren't worth the extremely low lows that come with her being bipolar.

 

BUT I still find myself almost obsessed with her on the very little time I'm off work. She lives next door to me, so I check to see if her car is outside the house, then reason whether she's at a friends, at a work function, or with a guy. My biggest fear is possibly seeing her out with this guy.

 

You just have to keep telling yourself that she isn't worth it. Remember all the ugly from the relationship. If she tries to get too close with you, don't allow it to happen, but also always remain a gentleman. With my situation, I'm out of here as soon as my lease is up. I never want to see her again anything more than SUPER casually.

 

Also, to me, it's also a trust thing. I wouldn't be able to sit down with her and be completely honest with my feelings because I don't know if I could trust her or not. She was so erratic and ridiculous post-breakup and never even apologized for it. My friends are all beside themselves wondering how someone who acted the way she did can just blame her bipolar disorder and NEVER apologize for it.

 

It's actually pretty easy to get over a girl like this, but to say you 100% don't care, she can do whatever she wants it won't phase you, and if she left your life forever tomorrow it wouldn't affect you even a little bit would be a lie. I look at my ex with disgust, not hate, I do not hate her. It's more of a grudge. More of a "you messed up, I expected more out of you, you didn't give that to me, and now you are with another guy who you probably don't even like but are using because you still have feelings for me." An apology and honesty would COMPLETELY change my opinion of her.

 

Don't expect any of that from an ex. There is a reason why they came into your life in the role of "the girlfriend," and a reason why they left your life in the role as "your ex." Some people were never meant to be friends. Some people are just meant to be temporary lovers, no matter how awesome, sweet, nice, great in bed, and how great the chemistry was. It's just life. I'm beginning to realize that now, and I hope that when I make my next move, a girl that is on my level with chemistry AND COMPATIBILITY (something my ex and I didn't have) will be there. She'll come. For you and for me. I promise. There are 3.5 billion ladies in the world. Don't waste your time focusing on one who has already been proven to be the wrong one.

Edited November 22, 2014 by lakerman34

[Zard0z]

Holding out hope for reconciliation while daiting someone new is very unfair to your new partner.

 

I know it's hard to cope but it's only been a month. These things take time.

 

I know it is and i was feeling a bit guilty before. But i'm starting to get back to my/newself again, and I will do right by this girl.

[lakerman34]

I know it is and i was feeling a bit guilty before. But i'm starting to get back to my/newself again, and I will do right by this girl.

 

 

Also, I know it felt great, but REALLY ask yourself if you are ready to date. It seems great, but rebound relationships usually do. Unless it's very casual dating, don't fall into the trap of the rebound relationship. Take your time with your healing. For me, I'm still not 100% over an ex I dated for only 2.5 months, and it has been about 3 months since we've broken up!