XBF falsely accusing me of harrassing the new GF.

[Love2share]

Oh my goodness guys!! I'm posting this is the coping section because that's what I've been doing for the past 9 months since I broke up with my XBF. I've dated quite a few interesting men during this time. Two months ago, I started dating a MM. Two weeks ago, the MM and I started an affair. Clearly, that's a whole different issue in which I've previously discussed on other threads.

 

But the point I'm trying to make is that I've moooved on with my life since the break up. I haven't had much time to even think about my XBF. However, the XBF has been contacting me at least once a month after our breakup, just to tell me how much he still loves me and misses me. I broke up with him when I discovered that he was cheating on me. After the breakup, he an that OW became a couple, no longer hidding their relationship.

 

Despite contact from my XBF, I've tried to ignore him as much as possible because I just don't love him or trust him anymore. On Valentines Day, he sent me a letter asking me to be his Valentine. He proclaimed that he is single and not dating anyone. He wants me to give us another chance. Well, I ignored that letter and didn't respond. A week later, he text messaged me on my phone. I also ignored that message and didn't respond.

 

Yesturday, (which is two weeks after the text) my XBF called me and left a message in my voice mailbox & accused me of harrassing and stalking his new GF. He proclaimed that he does not want me anymore. He said I was pathetic for stooping to such low levels as harrassment to keep him from being happy. He demanded that I leave him and his girlfriend alone.

 

Should I respond to his message? What should I say? I haven't done any of the things he's claiming. I don't know if he's just lying to get my attention. Or if someone really is harrassing his GF and he really thinks it's me. Why would he think that I still want him when I broke up with HIM? I have been ignoreing HIM? He's the one who won't leave me alone. Yet, somehow, he's the one who feels violated. Any advice for how I should handle this?

 

Truly, I have my own life and problems to deal with. I just wish my XBF would die so that I never have to worry about him again. (But, I'm not looney enough to murder him or anything like that) I just want him to go away forever.

[Merin]

First let me point this out Love.. when you say you wish your EXBF would die.. well it doesn't really show indifference here.. see what I'm saying?

 

I understand what a pain in the ass an X can be.. but seriously the opposite of Love isn't Hate it's indifference.

 

You're not there yet.. you're upset that he has accused you, you're upset that he is still walking around breathing apparently

 

Sorry.. I'm not taking this lightly..

 

Honestly if you're over it and over him then do nothing. Don't call to defend yourself or make counter accusations.. just leave it alone.

 

Block him so he CAN'T call you anymore.. indifference stings a hella lot more than when you know you're still able to pull up someones number.

 

Good Luck

[Love2share]

I really don't understand your advice. Indifference? Who? Me or him? I don't get it. And I never said anything about LOVE. I don't love him anymore. And I know he doesn't love me.

 

Just to clarify myself, I don't really want him to die, literally. I just want him to disappear from my life completely. Never call me, never contact me. I can't block his number because wireless phone companies don't offer that. I don't' want to change my number because it's too much of a hassle for just one ignorant person.

 

I haven't been bothering him at all. So I want the same respect in return from him. Instead, he contacts me and accuses me of something that could cause problems with the law. I'm not worried about winning a case should he try to have me arrested. But I don't want to go through legal disputes if he tries to take it to that level. It's soo not worth it. Especially since he's falsely accusing me. That's why I'm angry.

[Merin]

Originally posted by Love2share

I really don't understand your advice. Indifference? Who? Me or him? I don't get it. And I never said anything about LOVE. I don't love him anymore. And I know he doesn't love me.

 

Just to clarify myself, I don't really want him to die, literally. I just want him to disappear from my life completely. Never call me, never contact me. I can't block his number because wireless phone companies don't offer that. I don't' want to change my number because it's too much of a hassle for just one ignorant person.

 

I haven't been bothering him at all. So I want the same respect in return from him. Instead, he contacts me and accuses me of something that could cause problems with the law. I'm not worried about winning a case should he try to have me arrested. But I don't want to go through legal disputes if he tries to take it to that level. It's soo not worth it. Especially since he's falsely accusing me. That's why I'm angry.

 

Love, let me clarify (if I can) at one point in time you did Love this guy (from what you've said) so yeah you DID say something about Love.. now you cannot stand him and you worry about what he says or doesn't say, what he does or doesn't do.. IMO when you're over someone, really over them they no longer have ANY control in your life to inspire any feelings from you except indifference..

 

Regardless if you mean you wish for his demise literally or figurativley the idea is the same.. he still inspires this kind of anger in you and someone you really don't give 2 sh*ts about isn't able to do that. One on hand you say you wish he would disappear forever never to be heard from again.. but then you say that changing your number would be to big of a hassle... IMO IF you really wanted this guy to leave you alone, and you really felt threatend by him you would've already changed your number so he couldn't contact you or make accusations.. again you're saying that you're concerned he would try to have you arrested and you don't want to go through legal disputes if he wishes to take it to that level.. but you think having your phone number changed is to much of a hassle... hmmm.. see IMO it IS worth it to change your number.. takes 15 minutes tops.

 

So essentially it's up to you to stand back for a moment and decide what it's worth to you to get him to leave you alone....

[Mr Spock]

Do nothing. Do not answer it.

[GirlDown]

Originally posted by Love2share

Oh my goodness guys!! I'm posting this is the coping section because that's what I've been doing for the past 9 months since I broke up with my XBF. I've dated quite a few interesting men during this time. Two months ago, I started dating a MM. Two weeks ago, the MM and I started an affair. Clearly, that's a whole different issue in which I've previously discussed on other threads.

 

But the point I'm trying to make is that I've moooved on with my life since the break up. I haven't had much time to even think about my XBF. However, the XBF has been contacting me at least once a month after our breakup, just to tell me how much he still loves me and misses me. I broke up with him when I discovered that he was cheating on me. After the breakup, he an that OW became a couple, no longer hidding their relationship.

 

Despite contact from my XBF, I've tried to ignore him as much as possible because I just don't love him or trust him anymore. On Valentines Day, he sent me a letter asking me to be his Valentine. He proclaimed that he is single and not dating anyone. He wants me to give us another chance. Well, I ignored that letter and didn't respond. A week later, he text messaged me on my phone. I also ignored that message and didn't respond.

 

Yesturday, (which is two weeks after the text) my XBF called me and left a message in my voice mailbox & accused me of harrassing and stalking his new GF. He proclaimed that he does not want me anymore. He said I was pathetic for stooping to such low levels as harrassment to keep him from being happy. He demanded that I leave him and his girlfriend alone.

 

Should I respond to his message? What should I say? I haven't done any of the things he's claiming. I don't know if he's just lying to get my attention. Or if someone really is harrassing his GF and he really thinks it's me. Why would he think that I still want him when I broke up with HIM? I have been ignoreing HIM? He's the one who won't leave me alone. Yet, somehow, he's the one who feels violated. Any advice for how I should handle this?

 

Truly, I have my own life and problems to deal with. I just wish my XBF would die so that I never have to worry about him again. (But, I'm not looney enough to murder him or anything like that) I just want him to go away forever.

 

is it possible that his girlfriend found out he calls you and he made up some kind of bullshyt lie like "i only call her to tell her to stop calling me, she's calling all the time and i never told you cause i didn't want you to get upset. oh, and she says stuff about you, too..." ?

 

maybe she said "fine, then call her now in front of me so i know that's what going on..."

 

i know it's kind of a shot in the dark, but for him to say that out of the blue is a bit odd. you never know...after all the stuff i've seen on this site, you never know what kind of crap people are pulling!

[ziggue]

Originally posted by Mr Spock

Do nothing. Do not answer it.

 

Your ex has probably said a few things about you and what you did after the brake up and she feels threatened by it and is taking it out on you.

 

It's not your boyfriend claiming all this it is your boyfriend's girlfriend.

 

Contacting your Ex will only work up the girlfriend more. It's not worth all the trouble it will cause. Just try to ignore it and move on.

[pseud]

Originally posted by Love2share

...Should I respond to his message? What should I say? I haven't done any of the things he's claiming. I don't know if he's just lying to get my attention. Or if someone really is harrassing his GF and he really thinks it's me. Why would he think that I still want him when I broke up with HIM? I have been ignoreing HIM? He's the one who won't leave me alone. Yet, somehow, he's the one who feels violated. Any advice for how I should handle this?

 

Truly, I have my own life and problems to deal with. I just wish my XBF would die so that I never have to worry about him again. (But, I'm not looney enough to murder him or anything like that) I just want him to go away forever.

 

You should not respond to his message. You could go to the police if this escalates, and file a restraining order or harassment claims on him. I think that the legal system is far too abused in these areas, however, so I would suggest just ignoring his claims.

 

Accusing a person of a crime that he did not commit is illegal, unless the accusing is done in good faith. If you have not done anything wrong, just ignore his bull and keep doing what you have been doing.

[Love2share]

Okay. I get it. I should not respond to the message. I was just affraid that not responding would make myself appear guilty. And he would press charges

 

Girldown, your guess is not a long shot. He could have been calling in front of his girlfriend. I just wish he would have text messaged me later or something to let me know what was going on. But I haven't heard anything from him since that deranged message.

 

My XBF and I haven't had any arguments since we've been apart. Our only struggle has been him trying to keep me as a "friend" and me trying to stay as far away from him as possible because I know he's dating someone and I don't love him anymore. In all this time, he has not approached me in a negative way. I've been ignoring and avoiding him for this entire time. If he's just trying to retaliate for me rejecting his attention, why would he pick now to be so negative? All he had to do was simply stop contacting me. Or he could have pulled this stunt a long time ago.

 

That's why I don't know if he's serious or not. Is someone really harrassing his girlfriend? Does he really think it's me? Why would he think it's me since I've been ignoring him and I pushed him out of my life? He has several other EX's whom he could make his new girlfriend jealous about. Why me?

[whichwayisup]

That's why I don't know if he's serious or not. Is someone really harrassing his girlfriend? Does he really think it's me? Why would he think it's me since I've been ignoring him and I pushed him out of my life? He has several other EX's whom he could make his new girlfriend jealous about. Why me?

 

This is what Merin means...Let it go, move on...It just doesn't matter and you need now not to care. WHO cares what is going on with his girlfriend. It's his problem, not yours. Live your life, he is part of your past. Forget him and his girlfriend. Don't think about it period because wonder means you care enough to want to know. Indifference is just that.

 

Live your life and be happy. If she is playing a BS game, sooner or later she will get tired of you not reacting. Then she will stop. But until then the less contact you have with him the better and if he calls again, tell him it would be best for no communication. Eventually everything will stop and they will just go away.

 

Oh yeah, leave your answering machine on and screen calls if you can't do callblocking.

[Love2share]

Alright you guys. I thought this wasn't possible, my XBF filed a restraining order against me. He lives over 900 miles away from me. There is a hearing for which I can go to court and give my side of the story, but I will have to travel to his state. This is sooo not fair. How is this possible? Just when I thought I was finally over that jerk, he finds a way to stay in my life. If anything, I should have filed a restraining order against him, all the emails he sent me, and all the times he has called me since we've been broken up.

 

He accused me of harrasing his new girlfriend for which I have absolutely no idea who she is. I've never met her. How can the courts allow this? Right now, I feel violated. What should I do now? I ignored his nasty voicemail, but somehow, I knew this would happen. Perhaps if I had played along with his game and told him that I still loved him and all that, maybe he wouldn't try so hard to get my attention, and do this.

 

Ooooh! I'm just sooo angry right now. I keep thinking if I do go to court and plead my case, I will be standing before a judge, my XBF, and his GF. I won't know what to say other than the truth, which is obviously my XBF trying not to let me move on with my life. How can he do this to me?

 

By the way, Whichwayisup, I've been doing what you suggested for this entire time. I've been telling him not to contact me. I even sent him a letter in January kindly stating my postion of having moved on and not wanting to be involved with his life, at all. Nothing has worked. At this point, I'm wishing I never met this man.

[InLimbo2]

Ask the court if you can appear telephonically since there is such a great distance. Gonna be tough to prove you are harassing/threatening his gf from that distance. Usually for a RO you have to say you are in fear for your life or safety - you ain't much threat from that distance.

 

Take all the letters, emails, cellphone records, tapes etc - and copy them and package them up and send them to the court for the judge to review as evidence when you appear via phone.

 

Don't go into he said/she said - don't go into all kinds of analysis of why he's makin this up - focus only on facts that back up your claim that you aren't doing this, and the evidence of you telling him to leave you alone. If the judge asks why the ex would go to these lengths - tell him the truth - you have no clue if he's jealous you moved on or what - maybe he's just crazy - we did break up and live 900 miles apart after all.

 

Appear self-confident, adult, mature, not into 'baby momma drama' and at a total loss as to why you find yourself in this court appearance when you have been 900 miles away minding your own business.

[GirlDown]

make sure you save any evidence of his calls and emails and/or anything you sent saying he needs to leave you alone.

 

he won't be able to prove you've been harassing him if he has nothing to show. i would show up at the court...why should you have that on your record for no reason? and i would also counter him for harassment as well.

 

what a jerk. i'm so sorry you're going through this. good luck.

 

remember, what goes around, comes around. he'll get his.

[RecordProducer]

Don't answer the message, it's none of your business what's going on in his life and with his GF. Keep ignoring him. That's the only way to make him go away. If he calls you on the phone, hang up!

[Love2share]

I have saved all the letters and emails that he sent to me. However, the last letter that I sent to him, it strongly expressed the fact that I've moved on. I kindly advised him to do the same. It was mailed on January 26, 2005. I don't have a copy of it. But I do have the exact words that I wrote because I had re-written that letter directly from a page in my journal. Originally, I had written the letter as therapy without intentions of sending it. When he called me on January 24, 2005 and told me that he was single and wanted visit me and make love to me, I decided to re-write it and send it to him. So I hope the judge will except that page in my journal as proof.

 

Ironicly, just two days later, January 26, 2005, I recieved a call from a female in his state. I copied the number, date, and time. It was a business number. She stated my name to confirm that she had the right number. I answered, "yes" because I assumed the caller was legit. But right after I said that, she said, "that's all I needed to know" and she hung up. Then I realized that it was someone checking up on my XBF. I still ignored it. I didn't call him and tell him about it or anything because I knew that he hadn't recieved my letter yet, and that letter said everything that I needed to say.

 

When the female called, I actually felt relieved. It was an "I told you so" moment. The call proved that I had been right about my XBF all along. There he was, calling me and telling me how single he was, and then his GF calls me a few days later. It was soooo easy for me to ignore both of them.

 

The last letter that my XBF wrote to me, he mailed it on Febuary 22, 2005. It was written on Valentines Day. He asked me to be his Valentine and assured me that he wished he could change all the mistakes he made in our relationship. It was a short, and direct letter. But I never responded because of the phone call from his GF. I really didn't want to be bothered with my XBF and his GF. I knew that he recived my letter advising him not to contact me again unless he was serious about us working things out. I was a little angry that he had dishonored my kind request.

 

The same day that he mailed his letter, he also sent me a text message. All he said was, "Hi." And I deleted the text without responding. Two weeks later, I got that angry message from him. And now this RO.

[Craig]

Here is a tip regarding the "evidence" you have. Do not give anyone the originals, get certified copies made and give those copies to the court or police. Originals sometimes have a way of mysteriously "disappearing."

 

If the police become involved remember that they are not your friends and don't give a damn about you. The police have an agenda of their own and will lie to you to try to get you to say something so they can make arrests (that's their job.)

 

I don't know if you've talked with an attorney yet but it may be a good idea to at least find out what your options are for a defense against the TRO and civil litigation later on.