unforgotten Posted November 30, 2014 Share Posted November 30, 2014 (edited) How long were you 2 together? Didn't read the whole thread, maybe you've mentioned it? "Yet, I weep for the genuine tragedy of it all. I am not to blame for her cheating but I am to blame for many things in the relationship." That's exactly how I feel. It's awful. Edited November 30, 2014 by unforgotten Link to post Share on other sites
Author EgoJoe Posted November 30, 2014 Author Share Posted November 30, 2014 Over two and a half years. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EgoJoe Posted November 30, 2014 Author Share Posted November 30, 2014 Fighting the urge to break NC. I have the weirdest conflict inside of me. I should have zero desire to speak to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted November 30, 2014 Share Posted November 30, 2014 The urge is always going to be there. This won't be the first or the last. Don't react. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted December 1, 2014 Share Posted December 1, 2014 Yeah dude, been there and done that. I was cheated on and when I confronted her, she turned on me like a snake. You stated that she called you and stated how much better this other douche rocket was compared to you. She did this for several reasons, but the most important is that she wanted to hurt you. And the other, she needed to justify her cheating on you. She was telling you how much better this guy is because, deep down, she knows cheating is wrong and she's experiencing guilt. But, she's blameshifting things on you ONLY to ease her own guilt by telling you "how bad of a boyfriend you were". But, let's look at who's really the bad one here. She cheated and had an affair and hid it from you. YOU DIDN"T! Bare bones is what it's boiled down to, she CHEATED! You didn't ask for that and you didn't deserve that. That's not your fault. She betrayed you. She did the one most deceitful and hurtful things you can possibly do you another person. Okay, so you weren't boyfriend of the year. But, do you think about some of the things that you did wrong, did it deserve being cheated on? NOPE! She made a CHOICE, it wasn't anything you did. Don't worry about a restraining order. Your plan is to work on you and make positive changes in your life and you have no plans of seeing or talking to her again. So, a RO isn't necessary. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author EgoJoe Posted December 1, 2014 Author Share Posted December 1, 2014 I texted her about returning the last of her stuff. Asked her to drop my stuff off at my main job on my day off. She responded saying, " no, at sounders game you can drop it off outside layer when she's home or tomorrow after work." I said, "I don't want to hear those kind of details please respect that, I can drop it off tomorrow afternoon." A classic mistake on my part but i do want my books. I'm less emotional than before though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EgoJoe Posted December 1, 2014 Author Share Posted December 1, 2014 This is getting out of hand fast. I'll post again in a moment. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EgoJoe Posted December 1, 2014 Author Share Posted December 1, 2014 So she texted saying I was being immature and fine to drop it off at the neighbor and I got irritated and said I'd throw it out and throw my stuff out like she threw us out when she started seeing someone behind my back and tried to play me. So her new dude texts essentially saying I need you to calm down blah blah blah trying to be hard just drop her stuff off. I texted back some vitriol and then repeated the first text I sent and they said that was fine he tried to say perfect then do it and I responded with that's what I suggested an hour ago. That got nasty fast. This bitch is just creating BS for the sake of it. God, that was a mistake but it killed the nostalgia I had quick. What a ****ing mess. It's about $600 worth of books and identity sensitive paperwork for my job that I want though. Her stuff is at least $100-200+ worth of clothing and collector Starbucks cups. I'm back to square one though it feels good to be angry, it's easier to accept. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EgoJoe Posted December 1, 2014 Author Share Posted December 1, 2014 (edited) The anger involved here sobered up my own emotional turmoil. I actually think that I got a bit of closure. She wants to hurt me because she is hurting and this shmuck didn't win a prize he won my very damaged leftovers. I am no responsible for her damage, actions etc. But I definitely need to work on me. She and I survived an abortion, a miscarriage me going through multiple jobs. A previous break up due to living situations and so much more. I still love her stupid ass but I don't want to be with her and I can't save her from herself. I won't save her from herself. This is me letting go. Edited December 1, 2014 by EgoJoe 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Elfend Posted December 1, 2014 Share Posted December 1, 2014 Egojoe, at some point reading this thread, I felt that you could had handled this more civilly. However, at the end of all these arguments and bitter cursing, you managed to pull yourself together and willing to let go! Congratulations and bravo! You are an inspiration to me. I am hoping that I can let go of my past baggage sometime too (though my situation didn't turned sour like yours. In any case, I just took it as civilized as I can when she broke the news to me and cried once I am alone). Link to post Share on other sites
Author EgoJoe Posted December 1, 2014 Author Share Posted December 1, 2014 I dropped her stuff off. The neighbors didn't answer so I dropped it in front, had to take two trips as I'm leaving she opened the door. The dog had been whining inside for me and followed me out. I had to tell it to go away. I get in my car which I left running and begin to reverse out and she comes down the stairs and looked over at me. She looked terrible and disgusting. I looked away quickly and drove away. She stood there and watched me go. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted December 1, 2014 Share Posted December 1, 2014 I dropped her stuff off. The neighbors didn't answer so I dropped it in front, had to take two trips as I'm leaving she opened the door. The dog had been whining inside for me and followed me out. I had to tell it to go away. I get in my car which I left running and begin to reverse out and she comes down the stairs and looked over at me. She looked terrible and disgusting. I looked away quickly and drove away. She stood there and watched me go. Okay, so there you go! She has all of her stuff and you completed all business between the two of you. You drove away to a new life. Literally left her in the rearview mirror. Look, I know it hurts. Been there, done that... but you need to give yourself time to heal. You got screwed over and it hurts. Allow yourself time. And once you're healed and stronger, start making positive changes in your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EgoJoe Posted December 1, 2014 Author Share Posted December 1, 2014 I think the gravity of the situation hit her then. I feel an odd peace. I'm doing good at work and feeling free. Nothing in my blocked filter I think that's the last I'll see or hear from her. My stuff may or may not be dropped off Thursday. I'll live but it would be better to get my books back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EgoJoe Posted December 2, 2014 Author Share Posted December 2, 2014 Got a deal for worth two more I've been working on forever finishing up. I might hat trick today. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EgoJoe Posted December 2, 2014 Author Share Posted December 2, 2014 She just sent me a barely coherent text saying she won't be dropping off my stuff because she doesn't have it, stop communicating with her and thanks for dropping off her stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EgoJoe Posted December 2, 2014 Author Share Posted December 2, 2014 I'm having a rough start to today. I want to lash out. I'm fighting the urge. Fighting hard. Link to post Share on other sites
johnson_j Posted December 2, 2014 Share Posted December 2, 2014 She just sent me a barely coherent text saying she won't be dropping off my stuff because she doesn't have it, stop communicating with her and thanks for dropping off her stuff. This is her way of trying to maintain control of the situation. Block her number and walk away from your things. Personally I wouldn't have given her back her things either. But what's done is done. Let her new man deal with the drama, not you. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted December 2, 2014 Share Posted December 2, 2014 I'm having a rough start to today. I want to lash out. I'm fighting the urge. Fighting hard. Days like the day you're having is one where you need to find a gym and burn off the stress and frustrations you're having. Trust me and go on this one. If you push yourself hard at that gym, when you hit the door to leave you'll feel a little better. So, go to the gym and tear it up! Link to post Share on other sites
Author EgoJoe Posted December 2, 2014 Author Share Posted December 2, 2014 (edited) I just don't even understand why bother to text me. I dropped her stuff off and drove off like a bat out of hell. Hours later to boot. There is a future mental patient where a reasonable, hard working and loving girl was. She had quirks before but this is pure madness. I'm at work right now but I'll join one later. Edited December 2, 2014 by EgoJoe Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted December 2, 2014 Share Posted December 2, 2014 I just don't even understand why bother to text me. I dropped her stuff off and drove off like a bat out of hell. Hours later to boot. There is a future mental patient where a reasonable, hard working and living girl was. She had quirks before but this is pure madness. Both of you are fueled by emotions. That's all it is. Each of you wants to jab and poke because you both are provoking the other to react. There's nothing mad or mental about it. You need to block her, forget your things and put this behind you. Push through and work through the negative emotions. Lashing out only keeps the cycle that has been going on. Lash, feel better, slump, lash, feel better, slump... Link to post Share on other sites
Author EgoJoe Posted December 2, 2014 Author Share Posted December 2, 2014 Admittedly I've been lashing back but haven't instigated it myself since the day after I broke it off to suspicions and then was proved right. She has threatened me with lies and tried to file police reports. I'm trying to move past it but I am an analyzer and there is so much chaos and confusion. My Mother would tell me where there is confusion there is evil. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted December 2, 2014 Share Posted December 2, 2014 Admittedly I've been lashing back but haven't instigated it myself since the day after I broke it off to suspicions and then was proved right. Regardless, it's time to let it die. I understand the feeling of wanting to lash out. When I found out my ex was cheating and we ended, I'd always have the urge to lash. I wanted him to know what I thought he was, I wanted him to feel pain, I wanted him to validate me, etc. but it's just wasted energy and emotion because what hurts you cannot make you feel any better. She has threatened me with lies and tried to file police reports. I'm trying to move past it but I am an analyzer and there is so much chaos and confusion. And confusion is natural. It comes with any ending. It's one thing to analyze, or rather dwell -- just don't stay there too long. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EgoJoe Posted December 2, 2014 Author Share Posted December 2, 2014 All of the denial, rage and spite is getting to me right now. I'm not a complete mess but I'm having trouble processing. This break up is so much easier than others but so much more chaotic and painful. I have already had moments of acceptance and peace. I want to hang on to them. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted December 2, 2014 Share Posted December 2, 2014 All of the denial, rage and spite is getting to me right now. I'm not a complete mess but I'm having trouble processing. This break up is so much easier than others but so much more chaotic and painful. I have already had moments of acceptance and peace. I want to hang on to them. It is going to be hard to process. There's no tying loose ends at this stage. The emotions are going to cripple you at times. You just have to find ways to cope other than reaching out to her. Sit with it, feel it -- it will come and go. Maybe more chaotic and painful because of the cheating and how quickly it all went down? Link to post Share on other sites
Author EgoJoe Posted December 2, 2014 Author Share Posted December 2, 2014 We fought while she was away, she started texting things then. She came back and things were good and then I discovered the texting by accident. She begged me not to leave her and gave me all of the lines. Then Monday we fought over something stupid, a several thousand dollar favor I did for her (huge discount on service at my job) that night she stayed out all night. Back and forth all week, I was more angry and suspicious than insecure. She would go back and forth with loving me and even called to be supportive when I was interviewing for my third job which is a serious training program to put me on a path for upper income. Then on Friday morning she came in and tried to kiss me and I turned away saying I didn't know where her mouth had been. We fought and I went to work with her dating she wanted to work things out and talk in person. I spoke with a mentor of mine and he said go with your gut and be done the answers will come after. I called her up and tried to talk to her she got angry and hung up and then I ended it. The next day we come to my first post in this thread. Link to post Share on other sites
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