How do you interpret this? (female perspective appreciated too)

[harnold]

My gf of 1.5-2 years recently broke up with me (11/12). I could see it coming... the two weeks prior, communication was stagnant. When I'd ask her what was wrong, she'd say "nothing".

 

The way it went down was interesting. I finally get her to open up and she begins telling me that she doesn't wanna do this anymore. She said she's tired of having talks with me and is emotionally exhausted, and then gives me her reasons.

 

I was originally upset, and she was pissy... but then I started getting angry. I was angry she never discusses these things with me beforehand and always lets them get to a point where things have no choice but to boil over. No communication!!! She then started softening up.

 

Then it got strange. She tells me she's horny. I didn't want to have sex at first, but we eventually did. To top that, I ended up sleeping over at her house. This was the first sleepover I'd EVER had at her house before (she lives with her parents). A BIG milestone. All night, she was spooning me, kissing me, etc. And she embraced me multiple times in the AM before I left for work. She said she'd be in my town that weekend to see a friend and that she'd swing by after to hang out.

 

Anyway, her friend bailed, so my gf canceled. We spoke on phone instead. I calmly told her I was confused by our actions (sex, affection), but she maintained her break-up stance. But, she said "it's not goodbye". She said "I don't know what the future holds for us, we might be friends, we might be bf/gf, I can't promise anything... but there are certain things you need to work on first". She also said she wasn't sure when she'd be ready to see me again, but she said she was happy it was one of the most amicable breakups she'd ever been in. That was last weekend.

 

She's reached out since then, but I've been on low contact with her. No games, I'm just reflecting on things and getting myself straight. She offered to meet this weekend, but I declined (my mom had surgery so I am staying home with her).

 

I agree I need to work on things, for myself and for my future relations. As does she. And I'm actually doing ok right now.

 

My question: how do you interpret her actions (the breakup sex and affection, and the open ended questionmark of our future)? Is she open to reconciliation someday? I won't wait on her, but I am curious. I know in the past she got back together with ex-bfs. Obv it didn't last, but it's worth mentioning.

 

Input!

[Jsbodhi]

I think that she doesn't want to be with you right now, but also doesn't want to give you up.

The sex affection thing was because she broke up with you, and it scared her, she didn't want you completely gone just yet. I've done this exact scenario when breaking up with someone.

She's keeping her options open with you.

I would do no contact on her, that would've driven me crazy in that situation.

[idoltree]

I think that she doesn't want to be with you right now, but also doesn't want to give you up.

The sex affection thing was because she broke up with you, and it scared her, she didn't want you completely gone just yet. I've done this exact scenario when breaking up with someone.

She's keeping her options open with you.

I would do no contact on her, that would've driven me crazy in that situation.

 

Woman here. I agree with all of this.

 

OP, don't be friends with her, don't do LC with her just because she wants to keep in touch and dangles the possibility of a future together in front of you.

 

The best way to stop being taken for granted is to go NC, heal, and move on with your life. She ended the relationship, there is no reason for you to hang around, other than giving her a soft place to land after she broke up with you. (It's a bit absurd when you think of it that way, right?)

 

She doesn't want to let you go, so be prepared for lots of whining and guilt trips coming your way. Remain firm with her. "No, ex, I was consistent and there for you when I was your boyfriend. You've unilaterally taken that away from me, and therefore I will not be giving you the emotional benefits you enjoyed while having me as your boyfriend. I don't owe you anything. This was your choice and those are the breaks."

[Jsbodhi]

I'm a woman too

[angiefly]

In my experiences, if someone wants to be with you, they will do any and everything to let you know that. IMO it sounds as if she was being selfish, having sex with you and emotionally reconnecting with you, after breaking up. She wants you to stick around but only as a back up if/when her actual plans fall through. You deserve better than that, my friend. initiate NC but not to get her back. Move on and you'll be better for it in the long run. I know it's hard. Good luck