Would this be a mistake???

[Need advice]

Ok... Tony and Victor told me that the guy who broke up with me in December still truly cares about me but is confused. So, now let me ask this....since we have not been intimately involved since November, would it be wrong of me to just lay a kiss on him and see how he reacts? When we are together and part company we always give each other a nice hug and I usually give him a kiss on the cheek. He normally reciprocates with a kiss on the cheek also.

 

I have not tried kissing him on the lips since we split up because I was afraid of being turned down... For those of you who don't know the situation...briefly here it goes. I was with a guy for 8 months and he told me that he wanted to break-up in Dec. Since then he has continued to call me and we still see each other at least once a week and he normally calls me several times a week. I generally do not call him. He even took me out for Valentine's Day.

 

I know he is currently chatting with people online and possibly attempting to get something started there but why does he still call me if he doesn't care about me or want something more from me? I plan on talking to him sometime within the next few days because I am going to ask him what exactly was wrong with our relationship...in his mind what does he feel was missing. We got along very well, enjoyed being with each other, had fun together and he even will say this to me. I was sure that he was the guy for me because I have had other serious relationships...one for 6 years and I never felt the same way about anyone else as what I did about this guy (my 8 month relationship). I think I scared him away as well as his friends may have pressured him with their idiotic comments.

 

When we are together he feels very relaxed and comfortable around me. The other night I fell asleep at his house and I apologized when I woke up at 1:45 because I kept him from going to his bed since we fell asleep on his floor. His response was that it was the most restful sleep that he has had in awhile.

 

Do I ask questions or do I just play hard to get? Do I try to steal a kiss?

[Tony T]

Use your own intuition here. You simply aren't going to be satisfied until you find out exactly where this guy's head is at.

 

I would ask some questions. If you don't get the answers you like, back off...and far off!!!

[Need advice]

Ok, since you are a guy, would you tell me why you would break up with a girl if you got along with her and enjoyed being with her. Like I said previously, he told me in Dec (after 8 months) he felt we should split up since he didn't have the feelings that he thought that he should have for me at that time. I told him that people develop feelings for people at different paces. He knew that I loved him and I know that he cared about me alot. He told me it wasn't fair to me since he didn't feel the same way for me. But, I like I said, I think a large part of it was that he got scared because he knew my feelings for him so he became more distant. Am I wrong in thinking that when two people get along and enjoy each other's company that this is one of the biggest things of making a relationship work. I know there has to be some physical attraction and chemistry but I think the biggest thing to get past is personality conflicts which we did not have. I just wanted to get a guy's input for reasons why you would break-up with a girl.

 

He always told me that I was cool because I was so low maintenance and also because I didn't make a big deal out of little things that happen in life...like get hysterical like a lot of people do. He told me that it was neat that I was so even keel....so I don't know where it all went wrong other than possibly his friends. I work with his friend that set us up and his friend and I used to get along before I was in this relationship but once the relationship was going well, his friend pretty much became nasty to me. I told my ex recently that it is pretty amazing that my co-worker now doesn't seem to have a problem with me since we are split up....so, I think there were things said behind my back by my co-worker.

 

Thanks for allowing me to vent.

[Tony T]

First of all, please go back and scroll down to my previous answer, which covers most of the questions you have posed here. I sincerely hope others will come and give you their answers as well.

 

Just because someone is in a wonderful, great relationship does not mean they want it to be a keeper. 99.99999999999999999999 percent of this love thing has to do with timing. The lady I loved more than anyone I every loved on this planet, and she loved me back the same way, attended college with me. I would have died for her. It was beyond love. My heart when into orbit when she was within 100 miles of me. It was REAL LOVE ALL THE WAY!!! But the timing was not right. I had studies to continue, she wanted to go to New York and dance in the theatre. We loved each other enough to NOT want to interfere with the direction of each others lives. That, my friend, is REAL love. Incidentally, she married someone else a few years later but she and I are very dear friends to this minute and I love her no less than before.

 

Selfish love is when you love somebody so much you absolutely positively have to have them with you at all cost, no matter what their wishes or their feelings are. There's an awful lot of that kind of that crap love going around these days.

 

Now, you are basically in a situation of bad timing. Your guy simply isn't ready. He may not be ready for a relationship with you...he may just not be ready for a relationship with anybody...he may not be ready to make a decision on whether he's ready or not to be ready. Either you can have the patience to let this play out, to let the timing be right, or you can make yourself absolutely utterly miserable until the end of time.

 

If you really love this guy, honestly and truly, talk to him and let him know how you feel and that you absolutely support whatever his desires are...and be sincere about it. OK???

[Victor]

I'd say you should go and talk to him, mostly what Tony said in his posts 3 threads down... about the timing, it might not be right for him, so talk with him and discuss your current status of relationship.