Need rentry into the dating world help!

[Three of Swords]

Can someone give me their opinions please?

 

This is the story.

 

About 2 weeks ago, a co-worker noticed me staring at a guy we work with - though he works in a different department. The co-worker asked me what I thought of him. I said I liked him. Well what does she do - but passes him a note. Saying someone liked him and if he is interested post something on the bulletin board (soo high school - yikes!). Any way he posted his email address.

 

So I emailed him. He emailed back saying we should hang out sometime. And if not sooner, Friday there is an event at a local venue we could hang out at. And to let him know next time I see him at work.

 

Well I saw him at work yesterday. All he said to me was we (again) we should hang out sometime. No mention of Friday. And I was too shy to bring it up. Maybe he changed his mind is what I was thinking? So when he was on break, I put a note on his desk saying if he was still interested in Friday to give me a call.

 

Well - guess what LS people - no call. So what do I do? Do I show up tomorrow anyway - even if I don't hear from him.

 

He doesn't have a phone yet - recently moved - but in this world of instant communication, finding one shouldn't be too darn difficult should it?

 

Does it sould like he isn't really that interested? Or is he shy - he did turn rather red when he spoke to me last night.

 

Yikes - I am not prepared to be feeling this way - totally confused. I thought I was past all that. But maybe things haven't changed since the last time I dated, 27 years ago.

 

We don't have the same shift now until Monday.

So yeah - people - some advice please!

[moimeme]

Go by his desk and say 'was I mistaken in thinking you were planning to hang at (venue) on Friday with me? I'm thinking I might've misheard something you said and was just looking for clarification.' That ought to sort out what's up or not. But dating coworkers can be a real bad idea, be warned.

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

Maybe it's all too quick and he's just getting used to the idea of having your interest. I'd say let this Friday venue pass and see how you two communicate verbally before you go out on a date.

[Three of Swords]

Well people - please feel free to use me as an example of what not to do!

 

So yeah - he called and he met me at work and we walked to the venue together.

 

We had several drinks, and danced alot. He did the intimate coming up from behind kinda dancing. Touched me several times. I was liking it very much.

 

I had to leave to go out of town and he said he would walk me to my place to get my bags. I still had a few hours, so he offered to wait.

 

Well lets just say my inner slut took over - and yeah slept with him that night. Twice. He might have been good for a third time - but I had to go.

 

So since then I have seen him at work twice. He is friendly and smiles. I am friendly and smile - but damn don't know what else to say. I don't mention Friday and he doesn't either - nor does he suggest we hang out again.

 

So yeah - is it over? I don't have a clue. And I am feeling a wee bit

 

Any suggestions for what next?

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

Ohhhh you sound alot like me. That darn self control thing, eh? This is what I'm going to do from now on>>> wear granny gitch, less makeup, and don't shave my legs!

 

I hope the two of you can get over the awkwardness and have a normal conversation. Good luck.

[Three of Swords]

Well people - in case you are interested in an update to this dating rentry disaster - here it is in all it's glory

 

We did talk a few times during the week and then discussed hanging out on the weekend. He called Saturday morning, put me off to Saturday afternoon. Called me Saturday afternoon put me off to Sunday afternoon.

 

Was a wonderful springy day Sunday, so I set out several hours early. Decided to walk to meet him rather than catch the bus.

 

Missed his - too tired to do anything with you phone call, see you at work on Monday.

 

Went there anyway. He was surprised to see me. We chatted for a bit, then he went back into the venue where he was. I decided to go in there too - just in time to see a girl slip her arms around him and him giving her an affectionate rub. Yuppers - I left.

 

Have been polite at work - pretending no big deal here. After all - it was only one date (at which I DID get a wee bit carried away by drink, smoke and loneliness).

 

So yeah - went to an STD clinic today for a check-up. Will know the results in a week.

 

NEVER shaving my legs again!!

 

B.

[moimeme]

So yeah - went to an STD clinic today for a check-up. Will know the results in a week.

 

Please say you used a condom!

[Three of Swords]

YES, YES, YES - I insisted, he readily complied.

 

I was drunk, stoned, lonley - but not stupid.

 

The clinic said this was a low risk situation - but only abstinence is 100%/

[debs]

TOS ouch I say to the date.

 

That is 1 of the main reasons I do not date people from work!

 

If it doesn't work out then I have work and no sightings of the guy!

 

Ah re-entering the dating scene is a hit or miss these days.

 

But I did find a gentleman and yes off a 50s plus date site who is a gem.

I am not adverse to LDR but very cautious and deal with reality!

 

Men here in my present city of residence are either layed off, unemployed, too young and looking for a free ride or mid life crazies who, I just do not wish to date.

 

If I learned anything in the 16 months of being alone is what I will accept and what I won't! I learned you just don't live your life through another!! I can say NO! And I can blow off men who are not into me but pretending because they are desperate for a relationship or a quick lay!

 

I refuse to bed down just any Tom, Dick or Harry!

 

I can remember in my younger years of dating everyone and anyone so as just to be doing the dating thing. I am far more wise now and not desperate because being alone is not the most horrible thing I have experienced in my life!

 

If the man does not compliment my life and beliefs it just is not worth my efforts!

 

I have morals and feelings and sorry at my age I refuse to compromise my beliefs!

[shamen]

Three of Swords,

 

I tend to agree with Debs, stay away from men you work with! Rule one.

 

Other than that, just take your time. Go out on dates when you feel like you want to. Only sleep with the ones who have potential to be good ones and worth your time. Be good to yourself. You are the most important thing right now.

 

So you made a mistake by sleeping with him, that's OK. Learn from it. Glad you used a condom!

 

I too am back into the dating world after 4 years (really more like 6), and it's been a little weird, but good.

[Three of Swords]

yes definately lesson learned.

 

BTW - I was NOT looking to bed any old Tom, Dick or Harry here. Am feeling kinda crummy about it turning out the way it did. I too have morals - but I just compromised them. Yikes!

 

Was hoping for a bit longer term 'relationship'.

 

I did like him. Still do - but you can't make someone like you back.

 

So yeah - have to live with the consequences of how it made me feel.

 

[shamen]

Hi 3 of Swords,

 

I'm sure that you don't sleep with any Tom, Dick or Harry! I know that one of the first things that I wanted to do when I broke up with my ex was get rid of the fact that the last person I had slept with was my ex! I feel for you, don't feel too bad about it. It's just something that happened.

 

Again, just learn from it. I slept with someone last summer (one night stand) during my first break up with my ex. It was fun (sex was blah though), but I also found out that I didn't want to do that again. Ya gotta learn from your OWN mistakes.

[Three of Swords]

I need some feedback from you wonderful LS out there.

 

On Saturday the co-worker walked me home from work and had a chat with me. He apologized for not wanting to hang out with me and gave me the "it's not you, it's me talk". The reasons he gave are valid and I understand where he is coming from. Parts of his life have been rough. When we parted ways I gave each other a very nice affectionate hug.

 

Moving on to Sunday - I had a coffee first date with a fellow named Michael. We met up had coffee, conversation was a bit akward at times, so I suggested we go for a walk.

 

On our way back to his car guess who we should run into - yup the co-worker!! I never see him outside of work unless it is planned - in a city of nearly a million people we normally never cross paths. So yeah he stops and we chat briefly. I introduce the two men - and yeah was feeling rather akward - cause I still like the co-worker alot.

 

Don't know if the date sensed anything but within 5 minutes he said lets call it a night. Never offered to drive me home or anything, said maybe we should do this again some time - but didn't seem to encouraging about a repeat performance - which although he is cute and all I am OK with - cause I would rather have the other guy anyway.

 

I said OK - and set off walking back home down the street in the direction the co-worker went. And yes, I was hoping to catch up with him.

 

Well I didn't get too far when I did run into him. So we hung out for about 4 hours. We were walking, talking, looking for places to rent - cause we both need a new place. Then we went to a restaurant for a meal. Chatted and walked some more.

He gave me a hug at one point in time.

 

We talked about the date - I told the co-worker I really did like him. And he asked why I was out with Michael then. I told the co-worker I wasn't sure if he liked me back - he never replied to this.

 

We parted close to our respective places. He gave me a few more hugs. Said he had a good time. Said maybe he would call me during the week to hang out some more - but not to count on it cause he would be busy looking for a new job and a new place to live. But see you on Sunday - cause that is when we work together again.

 

So here is what I would like from you LSers. What do you make of all this? Where do I go from here.

 

The guy knows I like him - I told him at least twice on Sunday. Do I wait to see where things go with him - if so, how long?

 

Would being 'caught' on a date ruin any chances I might have had with him? Is there even any further chances?

 

Ugg - I hate this roller coaster ride of emotions.

 

I would be OK with him saying that he really wasn't into me . I would be hurt, sad, etc. - but I could move on.

 

I HATE limbo, not knowing where I stand.

 

Would it be too aggressive to say - hey where do I stand here?

 

Please help and shed some light on my confusion.

 

B.

[Mz. Pixie]

He's just killing time because he doesn't have anything else to do.

 

SORRY!

 

If he were into you, he'd want to go out with you- IMO he's just being nice because you guys work together and he ran into you.

 

I'd back off if I were you- he knows you're interested, if he is he will call you.

[Linlin]

Originally posted by MWC_LifeBeginsAt40

Ohhhh you sound alot like me. That darn self control thing, eh? This is what I'm going to do from now on>>> wear granny gitch, less makeup, and don't shave my legs!

 

Good plan. I think I need to employ these methods. However, I have been a good girl lately. Why I am not sure?

 

TOS - this guy is just going to use you. If you can do it just to get sex then it is OK. He could possibly be a "friend with benefits." But he doesn't sound like boyfriend material. But you can't get feelings involved with this guy because it sure sounds like they will not be returned. Take it from me, do not waste your time chasing guys who do not want to be caught.

[sami]

That's really true. Just take that as an importnt factor in this relationship.

[Three of Swords]

That was sorta the thoughts I was having as well.

 

That he wasn't that into me.

 

And I would actually be OK just being a friend with benefits for him - but he isn't offering the benefits either.

 

So I guess I am back to being the one night stand?

 

Sigh

[Three of Swords]

Another update here -

 

Did you all guess - he never called me all week.

 

We worked together Sunday. He was relatively friendly - chatted a bit about nothing in particular.

 

We ended up leaving work together as a group of people and when I headed one way, it seemed to me that he deliberately headed another. He did this although we live in the same direction - and several blocks later, I saw him duck into an internet cafe along the same street I was walking on.

 

Then tonight we worked together again - more friendly chit chat. After work, I ran into him in the grocery store. I came up behind him and said "hey" and something lame like "you didn't get very far". He ended up giving me a one word answer -just said "No" and wouldn't look at me. So I just said "see ya" and walked away.

 

I got the distinct feeling he was worried I would hang around him.

 

Did I over-react here? I am getting a cold shoulder after work - am I not?

 

I am seriously thinking I need to look for another part-time job here. I can't handle the feelings I get.

 

Is it time to literally MOVE on - with new employment?

 

BTW this job is just a second job - and shouldn't be too difficult to replace.

 

Suggestion/advice anyone?

[Mz. Pixie]

Three-

 

You obviously followed him because you were going in the opposite direction and saw him head the other way and go into a internet cafe.

 

Quit running into him- he thinks you're stalking him and is uncomfortable. Everytime he sticks his head out the door after work there you are!

 

Leave him alone! Even if he were a bit interested you've worn out your welcome!

[Three of Swords]

Originally posted by Mz. Pixie

Three-

 

You obviously followed him because you were going in the opposite direction and saw him head the other way and go into a internet cafe.

 

Quit running into him- he thinks you're stalking him and is uncomfortable. Everytime he sticks his head out the door after work there you are!

 

Leave him alone! Even if he were a bit interested you've worn out your welcome!

 

I perhaps didn't describe the situation clearly.

 

I walk the same path home every day. He knows where I live and what path I walk on. He turned in the other direction and then later I saw him go back onto the same street - he never saw me.

 

I was in the store first - he came in afterward.

 

I AM leaving him alone.

[Mz. Pixie]

At any rate you two have been running into each other alot lately. He probably feels it's on purpose, although from what you say probably not.

[sami]

It's possible!!!! subconsciously may be.

[shamen]

Three,

 

Sorry that this guy has turned out to be such a lame-o. What a butthead. First he talked to you about seeing you again and then blows you off. People can be so flaky. I assume that you are no longer thinking about him. Hopefully you don't keep running into him. That's the worst, when you keep accidently running into him right after it's weird. Ugh!!!

 

Did you end up dropping this part-time job?

[RecordProducer]

Originally posted by Three of Swords

 

NEVER shaving my legs again!!

 

B.

 

Hahahahahahah!

It doesn't help, believe me! You will do it with your hair on them.

 

In any case, I hate this feature of guys - they use women for sex without any announcement. That's immoral. The sex is a mutual pleasure, but if I had known that guys were only into sex, I wouldn't have slept with them. So that's why they hide their true intentions. I don't want to f*ck someone once and then feel like a total slut.

[Three of Swords]

I wish I could say I was no longer thinking about him.

 

I have spent the better part of tonight crying about this whole sh^itty situation.

 

I still work there unfortunately. And today had to watch him 'flirt' with two of the younger women who work there. I just want to go up to them and say hey - listen up here.

 

But I feel I should be a better person than that. So have resisted the temptation - so far.

 

I haven't run into him at all outside of the work place though - so I guess that is good?