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loving a married man


lilbaby38

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Hello!

 

I have been single for 10 years now. I had a crush on this guy I work with. I am 38 now and he is 27 years old. He is married but he said it was arrangement, even though we are just friends I did not see a problem with it. Until I started having feelings. I know I am wrong, we should have not been friends considering that I am vulnerable. I am in love with him and we have not been intimate. I just want to move on from him. He has stood me up today. I basically sent him a message saying our friendship is over. Which as I see it, it is for the best. I am just hurting because he has been acting very distant towards me.

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Smthn_Like_Olivia

If you're in love with him, then you're not just friends - sex or not. You're having an emotional affair with this man an treading on dangerous ground. Let this go. Despite what he says about his marriage, it's clear he's not willing to risk it by pursuing this fantasy with you.

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Hello!

 

I have been single for 10 years now. I had a crush on this guy I work with. I am 38 now and he is 27 years old. He is married but he said it was arrangement, even though we are just friends I did not see a problem with it. Until I started having feelings. I know I am wrong, we should have not been friends considering that I am vulnerable. I am in love with him and we have not been intimate. I just want to move on from him. He has stood me up today. I basically sent him a message saying our friendship is over. Which as I see it, it is for the best. I am just hurting because he has been acting very distant towards me.

 

Read around here. You'll find that your situation is actually really good. Take it as a blessing in disguise that it didn't go any further.

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Hello!

I have been single for 10 years now. I had a crush on this guy I work with. I am 38 now and he is 27 years old. He is married.

 

Unless you are amazingly hot and/or he is some one eyed hunchback... I don't think this could go beyond sex. I definitely don't see anything long term.

 

My cousin dated a woman about 8 years older when he was that age. When she turned 39 he dumped her for a 24 year old. She did a good job raising him though.

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Did you both have an emotional affair or was it one sided? Perhaps he really did only want to be friends with you and your feelings grew so much for him and he started noticing this which may be why he distanced himself from you.

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I am really hurting today! I miss him so much. I know I have to move on but it is hard. I will never get close or fall in love ever. I will never allow someone to get close too me. I have to continue to pray and ask God to deliver me from this pain that is in my soul. Tears.

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For one, count yourself lucky that it didn't get physical or so far as to pregnancy etc. You'd be very surprised how fast he'd get out of the affair fog/lust and attention seeking as soon as you'd try to do anything to "keep" him. Your love is one-sided and focused on the wrong individual.

 

There are many men - even single men - who will love you for who you are, not to get a few extra quickies outside of their marriage.

 

Again, my respect that you got out of it. Most OW with damaged self-esteem wouldn't even stop following that path if their toes were on fire.

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Do you still work with this guy? If so, I think it will be difficult for you to stay away from him. It's very possible that because you are already emotionally invested him, you will continue to seek his attention. IMO, you'll need to go cold turkey from him to move on and let go.

 

The bottom line is he is married and not available and this is NOT a healthy relationship for YOU.

 

PS. It doesn't matter why he's married (arranged). Should he want out of his marriage, he needs to do it the right way and leave his wife before looking to you or anyone else for emotional or physical intimacy.

 

Do the right thing here.

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  • 1 month later...
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Yes! My actions and feelings could seem foolish to everyone here. Until you have walked in someone shoes such as myself. You should not be quick to judge. We still work together, my feelings have changed some what. I am not deeply in love like I was prior. I feel that it is best to take step back. If it is meant to be and if he do leave his wife if I am still single then maybe we will be together. I will always have love for him. I tried to walk away from him completely but he won't let me go, and truthfully I don't want him to let me go. I know he cares for me, deep down inside maybe even love me. How the ever I will live my life and allow things to work out however. I just wanted to stop by and update you!

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Uhhh the fact that he won't let you and you don't really want to is troublesome. That's the material affair bubbles are made of.

Once in an affair, nothing is over, nothing is ever over!

It's hard for horned up dudes to pass up a viable sex partner. Many men don't feel like it's cheating to have casual sex outside of their marriage because they don't see any consequences because many times women won't leave a cheater unless a better option is available. It's wrong but I know guys who feel this way and I can't say I haven't at certain points when my selfishness tries to out reason my heart and responsibilities. My advice is to build up your social life until this guy is just a dime in your change purse. Get as much distance as you can, you are not free and if you thought you hurt before wait until he's with his family all day on Christmas and doesn't even text you. Being an affair partner messes your self esteem up for years and it will taint your view of fidelity when you find a partner that you would've normally trusted or been trustworthy with.

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I have been in your situation, but got out before we messed up. Both myself and my co-worker were married with children. It never progressed to the point of cheating but I was not ready to let go of the fantasy and fed it. I still couldn't get over him till he applied for a transfer and changed his office, and had to discuss with my husband for 100% healing.

 

If you try to find out if he feels the same way it will end in despair. Yes you should go NC cold turkey. You sound so vulnerable and I feel one of you should change the workplace. Till then you are at risk.

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Until you have walked in someone shoes such as myself. You should not be quick to judge.

 

Won't leave a comment on your fantasized relationship with him but about 'judging' - we all meet people in our lives of the opposite gender. Every single user here does, everyone who hasn't been born to a kidnapped mother locked in a basement does. And so many people manage not to act on feelings. This isn't judgement, it's simple truth. Don't try to justify behavior like an eargerness for affairs you know isn't right by believing the whole world does it too.

 

Again, this isn't meant to scorn you. But your situation is everything but unique.

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  • 10 months later...
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Update! Found out he was never married afraid of commitment. How ever he got a new job! Last communication was in July of 2015. I recently became friends with him on Facebook and Instagram. I am not going to text him I am not in love with him anymore. I lied and told him I was in a relationship so he won't think I want him in that way. I am grateful that I have completely healed from him. That was confirmed when I looked at his pictures.:D:laugh::bunny:

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