kkat Posted March 18, 2005 Share Posted March 18, 2005 Short and sweet. Spoke to ex-MM today. Long conversation. I expressed forgiveness for the things he has done that have hurt me and also acknowledged that while he is responsible for creating the painful situation that I know he has experienced pain as well, for which I am sorry for him. I told him I wish him well. I thanked him for the times when we had love and giving. He thanked me, quite emotionally. He told me he would never again initiate a relationship with me unless he was available but (drumroll) that, contrary to what he believed previously and what he led me to believe, that he has no intention of leaving his marriage and that he is reasonably happy in it. He apologized for having started a relationship with me when he felt differently, and for the pain he has caused me. He said he still loves me, always has, always will, but wants to be in his marriage. He said that if I ever need anything that he can help me with he would be there for me. We said goodbye. We agreed we would not speak again, at least for a long, long, long time and perhaps never. I'm not saying what I did was right or wrong, or that everything he said was true. I feel sad but hopeful that this was a good step for me towards moving forward again towards a new life. Wish me luck as I again attempt NC... Link to post Share on other sites
WithOrWithoutYou Posted March 18, 2005 Share Posted March 18, 2005 Good luck kkat. It sounds like you both got some closure, which is important sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
MySugaree Posted March 18, 2005 Share Posted March 18, 2005 He said he still loves me, always has, always will, but wants to be in his marriage. He said that if I ever need anything that he can help me with he would be there for me. But he's really not there for you: Never was, never will be.There's the painful rub in every affair: every cell in one's body clamors for the MM/MW but h/she is absent the great majority of the time.At the affair's end days, these absences become more unbearable and rips the lover's heart apart an the great sex anesthesia wears off. As for you ever needing anything, his promise to help is a load of crap. You needed him, and he chose the long suffering wife. Let this be the final NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Sad Flower Posted March 18, 2005 Share Posted March 18, 2005 WOW KKAT sounds so familiar. Good Luck although I feel it is easier said than done. If he truly loves you I can bet NC won't last that long....like a year maybe Link to post Share on other sites
Author kkat Posted March 18, 2005 Author Share Posted March 18, 2005 Heck, if I can make it a year I'll be home free - I'd do anything to make it a year! Right now I am looking to make it a day, a week, whatever! MySugaree-thanks for pointing that out; as I mentioned I don't necessarily think everything he said was valid or true. Link to post Share on other sites
brashgal Posted March 18, 2005 Share Posted March 18, 2005 Be well. Sounds like you have a hopeful start. Link to post Share on other sites
MsMree Posted March 18, 2005 Share Posted March 18, 2005 and keep us posted. What have you planned for keeping your mind occupied?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author kkat Posted March 18, 2005 Author Share Posted March 18, 2005 Hello all and thanks for the replies both here and on my "Epiphany" thread. As luck would have it, I had a therapy session last night. Therapist says I have entered a new and fun stage, the "Grief" stage, whereas I had previously been in some other stages, including a long layover in "Anger" . That seems to fit because I now feel more saddened by the loss (or perceived loss) than I have in months. I think that for so long I have wanted answers, been obsessed with wanting the secrecy to end, all of that, that I hadn't felt the loss of the man I have been in love with. My conversation with him yesterday was more kind and loving than in months, and so I am missing "him" today whereas before I didn't - I wanted things to be different but I didn't miss him AT ALL for months. So that's painful, in a new and different way. Yippee more new and exciting pain. But the good news is that I got my tail out of bed this morning and went about my day; have been more productive than in several weeks and while I feel sad, I don't feel weighted down by it. The anger was killing me, and to let some of that go feels very good. I will keep myself productive by making plans with friends and focusing on a list of accomplishments I have identified for April. How's everybody else doing today? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts