My boyfriend lied.. Not sure ..

[KateC10]

Hi everyone

This might get a bit long...

 

For the reference :

I'm 26 and my boyfriend is 30, we broke up once before. Now living together (again)

 

I'm quite confused about what to do now, I'm with a fantastic guy and we are both very happy with the relationship, About 7 months ago my boyfriend borrowed my laptop as he always did.The day after I dropped my laptop on the way to work, I couldn't switch it on since, as I had a spare one it didn't bother me too much, it took me a while until I brought it to the shop and got it repaired. That was the time that we argued a lot and had a big fight, There was no cheating or jealousy involved. We just came to the point that we should break up or at least not see each other for a while, and see how it goes.

 

I moved out of the house, we started talking after a couple of months, we talked about everything and realised what were the problems in our relationship, how can we solve them.

 

When we were still deciding if we should get back together, I went to get my laptop back as I completely forgot about it, it had been sitting there for months, I picked it up and tried if it works when I got back home, I hopped on facebook.

Got a message from Helen ,One of my best friends, it says "Hey I suppose I left my coat at your place, can you have a look ?" I was a bit confused at first, Then I realised the family name is different,it was not the Helen I know, my boyfriend logged in Facebook on my laptop months ago and never logged out.

At the time we were not back together yet, I just logged out and never thought about it anymore.

 

We got back together after another month. The relationship has been fantastic ever since, we are both very honest with everything.

 

A couple of days ago, we were on the train to his family's, he got a text on his phone, He it looked it up and said "it was the girl I was seeing years ago, we were more like friends with benefit though. I haven't met her in such a long time"

He showed me the text, it wasn't anything special. But I recognised that name, it was Helen, the girl who messaged him on Facebook and I happened to see it on my laptop accidentally.

 

I was thinking, why did he lie that he hasn't met her in such a long time, I know that they did meet cause when we were apart she sent the message says that she left her coat at his place.

We were not together at the time so even if they slept together I still can not say it was cheating, I just can not understand why he had to lie to me, as I say the relationship we are having now is great and he is a very honest person.

All his friends know me, i spend a lot of time with his family too, everything seems to be amazing.

 

I don't know how to ask him without making myself come off insecure.

I trust him completely, maybe he thinks telling me that he actually slept with someone when we were apart doesn't help anything. It's better not to say, I don't know.

 

Should I ask?

How?

 

 

Thanks everyone. Sorry for the long text, I was just trying to give more information.

[Dontfindme]

I would ask. I would also keep in mind that he isn't all that "honest" if he's choosing to lie to me when things are so "great."

 

Personally, it would keep bugging me, until I had some sort of an answer. I don't think that makes me insecure, I - like everyone else, deserve the truth.

[smackie9]

You know you are going to ask....be direct, and straight with him about it. And let this be a lesson to the both of you that A, not everyone is going to tell you everything no matter how wonderful the relationship is, B, to be honest about it if something does come to the surface. Communication is key to the survival of any relationship.

[preraph]

Well, I'm a vindictive harrion, so what I'd do is casually bring it up again and say "So you saw Helen in ______ (month the email was). That's not really so long ago." and -- this is important -- never explain how you know, never. Not one more word. When he asks "Oh, it's usually pretty obvious," little chuckle, again, not mad. Just omnicient, which should put the fear of God in him that he will ever get away with anything with you. The priceless part is he will practically be forced to contact Helen to ask if she told you. If he comes back and says she sent that message, "Didn't get that. Why would she send ME a message?" I call it "confuse a cat."

[smackie9]

Play games? what are we 16?