The Christian girl

[MissBee]

So I'm starting to get closer to a girl at my school who is a serious Christian. She was "Lunch Girl" in my other thread.

 

There are some things she's doing that is starting to give me the impression that she may be starting to like me.

 

I'm not that sure what I want from her other than I'm extremely attracted to her. Honestly I see the Christian thing as a bit of a hindrance, though it is something I can deal with as I am Christian, but have some issues religion right now. I may have to explain them to her.

 

We were joking and playing around over text for a while Sunday night for at least an hour and she is very responsive. Then she suddenly texts "somedude, what inspires you?

 

!!!

 

I told her that it was a deep question and why she asked. Her reply was

 

"Idk just curious

And want to see how u would respond.

Is that ok?"

 

Am I correct in assuming that she's starting to like me? I asked a female friend and she said that it's highly likely that this girl is either into me or considering it.

 

I told the Christian girl that it's too much to say over text and that I'd tell her when we meet in class in a couple of days.

 

If this does mean that she's starting to like me, I'm not sure how I should answer her. There is no way I can give her response like, "I'm inspired by the glory of God and want to spread his word to everyone."

 

What is she looking for?

 

I doubt she is expecting you to say you're inspired by the glory of God.

 

I'd ask a guy a question like this, if I liked him, to really find out if he has any sort of depth and ever thinks beyond the surface. A man who can readily answer this, in text or in person would be appealing. A man who doesn't know or has no answer is for me a signal that he isn't on my wavelength because these are the things I think about so if that never crossed his mind then we're probably very different.

 

Seems like a girl who thinks about things and has some depth to her and if she's like that she probably wants a man who is similar and it doesn't have to be that you are only inspired by God or Christian things, but that you do at least think about bigger things or have ambitions and dreams.

[sweetjasmine]

Why is it a great question? Not everybody is passionate about something in life.

 

I can't think of very many people I've met and, more importantly, kept in my life that weren't passionate about something. You have to have a reason to get out of bed in the morning other than sheer momentum.

 

If they are, then great. It does show what they really care about. But if there isn't anything, then it's not fair to use that against them.

 

Uhhh, why wouldn't it be fair? You bet it's fair. What inspires someone cuts to the core of who they are as a person. It's very fair to ask this kind of question and to hold it against someone if they have zero passion or direction in life.

 

I absolutely do not want to manipulate or mislead her. I'm trying to think of what I can honestly say that she would accept.

 

You're going about it completely backwards. You're supposed to honestly say what inspires you. If you make something up, it'll be pretty dead obvious you're BSing, especially if you're having this conversation in person.

[Imajerk17]

Yes. This probably won't go far.

 

It's frustrating how I got to this point with one girl and not the one I really liked. And now religion of all things can actually get in the way.

 

I'm afraid of giving her the wrong answer and blowing this one chance, which I've waited a long time for. Not with her, but with women in general.

 

I'm actually seeing this the other way. Everyone has been telling you for years, to no avail, that you need to work on your goals. You kept resisting this advice. So G_d finally stepped in and reached you the one way He knows how--through a cute busty girl. If that isn't a sign from the Heavens then I don't know what is.

 

FYI before you curse your luck many a girl would be wondering about your goals--as we have been telling you--no matter whether she is "Born Again" or not.

Edited November 24, 2014 by Imajerk17

[rester]

Somedude, if nothing inspires you, I would be honest with her and tell her that. It could lead to a good discussion about why nothing inspires you, and that would lead you both to learning more about each other. You'll learn about what inspires her and why, and she will learn about what does or doesn't inspire you, and why.

 

The only wrong answer for that question is a dishonest one. Being honest about not being inspired by anything would show a vulnerable side of you that would allow her to see you with your guard down.

[MissBee]

Why was this too much to say over text? How are you going to turn it into an entire conversation when you see her?

 

Ditto.

 

Somedude, I remember asking you what you look for in a woman besides cute and nice. You claimed you had other qualities but that it was hard to explain. I thought it quite strange that someone can't say off the top off their head even ONE quality they look for in a partner besides cute and nice.

 

Now this woman asks what inspires you and your response is that her question is deep and you can't answer by text. Now you're on LS trying to make something up to tell her.

 

It seems like everytime you get asked a question that requires some depth you don't have an answer to it or have an excuse why you can't answer. Maybe you're just not a deep person, which some people aren't but people have the right to decide whether or not given that you're a fit for them.

 

You keep making this about her being Christian when being inspired is something that has no religion attached. I've asked men this and I'm not a Christian and most women with their own goals, ambitions and some depth will want to know things like this... Which as someone else says probably explains why you like young girls as its a bigger likelihood that you'll be asked less pressing questions and can exist in more superficial is arrangements.

 

If nothing inspires you be honest. If she dislikes that answer so what? She has a right to want to be with a man passionate about something. Some other woman might not care one bit and you two will be happier together than you lying about a passion to appeal to someone. However, if you learn nothing from this, I hope you do see for yourself that it's not a myth that women actually give a crap about if a man has goals, dreams and a purpose and isn't living aimlessly esp if he's in his 30s. Why you'd think this doesn't matter is so strange to me in the first place...but anyway, that's why people have been saying having a gf cannot be the only goal or passion for you in life as most women who have more than 2 brain cells expect more from a a man than that and will grow quickly bores of a dude who is just blah and kind of there existing. One reason women like powerful men is that these men usually are powerful because they have some kind of drive, ambition, passion and goal in life that motivates then everyday regardless of if they have a gf or not because they have some other thing is the world they want to do that isn't about women. The side effect may be that women like them more because of it but most didn't do it with that in mind. There is not a single powerful man who if asked that question would have no answer.

[xxoo]

Why is it a great question? Not everybody is passionate about something in life.

 

Then she'll learn that. Apparently, that's important to her. It's important to most people, which is why we've encouraged you to develop interests.

 

Be honest. Just tell her you struggle with inspiration, and why. You really have nothing to lose here. You could gain a deep connection, even if it doesn't result in sex.

[GemmaUK]

Just my own opinion here but I have asked men that question.

 

 

The reason why I have asked them?

 

 

Purely because they appeared to me to have no passion for anything.

 

 

Most folk I speak to daily or new people I meet they'll give a taster of something or several things that they love to do or are really interested in.

 

 

She has given you her taster or that and it sounds like you didn't reciprocate with something that you have real passion for.

 

 

She is just curious as to what your passion is - but like I said - I asked that of men and women too who didn't appear to have a passion at all.

[FitChick]

"The love of a godly woman."

[Mr Scorpio]

This question seems to have a right or a wrong answer.

 

FFS. She is trying to get to know you. The only wrong answer is one that you fabricate for the sake of being able to get her bra off. She is a person. Not a flowchart to be "figured out" so that you can "win" at the end.

 

Also, I'm not even sure what inspires me. I'm just trying to get by and enjoy life.

 

 

Yeah. That is the problem. That and that you should probably be studying for calculus right now.

 

Yes I heard that women care if a man is passionate about anything, but honestly I felt that it was just nonsense. I never expected a woman to actually ask.

 

Do you believe that everything else we tell you is nonsense. I mean,

.

 

Why is it a great question? Not everybody is passionate about something in life.If they are, then great. It does show what they really care about. But if there isn't anything, then it's not fair to use that against them.

 

It is a great question because it cuts to the core of what a person is all about. We typically want to know people before we spend much time around them.

 

And fair? I figured you'd know this by now, but life ain't fair. Love sure as hell isn't. However, it is perfectly fair for her to ask you a straight-forward question before deciding to spend more time with you.

 

I don't want to jump through hoops for her.

 

How is telling her what you really enjoy in life "jumping through hoops"?

 

I absolutely do not want to manipulate or mislead her. I'm trying to think of what I can honestly say that she would accept.

 

Honesty is not contingent upon acceptance.

[xxoo]

I feel like she just said, "Impress me."

 

 

Why do you feel that way?

[preraph]

I know that if I were to ask her the same question she would give me a religious answer. It's also a question I would never ask in the first place.

 

This question seems to have a right or a wrong answer.

 

Also, I'm not even sure what inspires me. I'm just trying to get by and enjoy life.

 

Yes I heard that women care if a man is passionate about anything, but honestly I felt that it was just nonsense. I never expected a woman to actually ask.

 

If you're not passionate about anything, then just tell her there's nothing in particular or that you're more of a linear thinker or something. To me, "inspire" means more like what makes you creative. But yes, with her, it may be her trying to see if you're Christian. On that, just say you were raised Christian but aren't active in the church now.

[GemmaUK]

I agree with t'others too that you should not make up a passion nor say whatever you think the right thing might be.

It won't take long for a person to figure out it wasn't true.

[BlueIris]

SD, let her go.

You’ve admitted that she isn’t the person you really want to date, that you’re keeping this up only to achieve your general goal of getting a girlfriend, that you’re not religious and her religiousness is problematic for you, that you feel put upon by her conversing with you (jump through hoops), and that the thing you like best about her is her breasts. And now you’re asking how to answer a question rather than just be honest. Let her go for her sake. Find someone who suits you.

[Rejected Rosebud]

I agree with BlueIris EXCEPT I think you would be smart to answer her questions honestly and go ahead and talk to her, I am not so sure she's "liking" you the way you think. A girl as devout as she is is normally dating only to be "courted" by her possible future husband! Young people can text all day with anybody, I think she might be interested in you as a person, you are kind of a conundrum to be sure! Being honest with her might help you in ways you don't realize

[somedude81]

Right now I don't have a passion.

 

My complete focus is on graduating and finding a job. Yes I really want to have a girlfriend, but that isn't as important.

 

There are many things that I care about, but it's mostly a passing interest right now.

 

I can't think of anything that inspires me.

 

Also I know that if I were to ask her the same question she would tell me something about God or her faith.

 

I don't have anything against her being a Christian. My ex was Catholic but it was a small part of her life and it didn't define who she is. This girl almost seems too Christian.

 

I really don't want to walk away from her because of an issue like this.

 

No, she isn't the girl I really want to date, but I know that I have almost no chance with Busy Girl. But that doesn't mean I can't really start to like Christian girl.

[Rejected Rosebud]

Right now I don't have a passion.

 

My complete focus is on graduating and finding a job.

That's valid, tell her!

I really don't want to walk away from her because of an issue like this.

walk away from what, "getting to know you" casual texting?

 

No, she isn't the girl I really want to date, but I know that I have almost no chance with Busy Girl. But that doesn't mean I can't really start to like Christian girl.

 

You have ZERO chance with busygirl but you aren't doing anything wrong by getting to know this girl, until you misrepresent yourself so you can have your girlfriend you want so bad, THAT would be wrong.

Edited November 24, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[somedude81]

I'm actually seeing this the other way. Everyone has been telling you for years, to no avail, that you need to work on your goals. You kept resisting this advice. So G_d finally stepped in and reached you the one way He knows how--through a cute busty girl. If that isn't a sign from the Heavens then I don't know what is.

 

indeed.

 

God knows exactly what my prefered type of women is. So I've actually wondered if this is God trying to give me a sign. This may be Him trying to tell me something.

 

FYI before you curse your luck many a girl would be wondering about your goals--as we have been telling you--no matter whether she is "Born Again" or not.

 

This isn't about my goals. I have goals but they aren't my passion, they don't inspire me. I just want to graduate so I can have a career that I enjoy and fulfills me where I won't be struggling financially.

[MissBee]

Right now I don't have a passion.

 

My complete focus is on graduating and finding a job. Yes I really want to have a girlfriend, but that isn't as important.

 

There are many things that I care about, but it's mostly a passing interest right now.

 

I can't think of anything that inspires me.

 

Also I know that if I were to ask her the same question she would tell me something about God or her faith.

 

I don't have anything against her being a Christian. My ex was Catholic but it was a small part of her life and it didn't define who she is. This girl almost seems too Christian.

 

I really don't want to walk away from her because of an issue like this.

 

No, she isn't the girl I really want to date, but I know that I have almost no chance with Busy Girl. But that doesn't mean I can't really start to like Christian girl.

 

Why don't you ask her instead of assuming you know what her answer will be. You might be surprised that that's not her answer or it's that and something else.

 

In any event if Christianity is a big focus in her life and it's not in yours then why would you think you'd even be compatible?

[sillyanswer]

Right now I don't have a passion.

 

My complete focus is on graduating and finding a job. Yes I really want to have a girlfriend, but that isn't as important.

 

There are many things that I care about, but it's mostly a passing interest right now.

 

I can't think of anything that inspires me.

 

"All you have to do is write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence that you know." -- Ernest Hemingway

[somedude81]

That's valid, tell her!

walk away from what, "getting to know you" casual texting?

 

People in this thread are telling me to give up on her right now and not to get to know her better. I really don't want to do that because I do see some potential between us.

 

I can put up with her religious beliefs and I wouldn't have a problem going to church with her every once in a while. Frankly, my biggest issue with church right now is how I feel that God is trying to keep women away from me. Meeting and getting close to a Christian girl who could like me and that I'm extremely attracted to does put some traction in the belief that I'm wrong.

 

 

You have ZERO chance with busygirl

 

Unfortunately you are right. And I'm saddened by the truth. I really wish it was her that I was getting this close to. The funny thing is that I'm more physically attracted Christian girl, but I like Busy Girl so much more. I really enjoy her personality and being around her.

 

but you aren't doing anything wrong by getting to know this girl,

 

Yes, I know that there is nothing wrong about getting to know this girl, or other girls. I'm getting closer friends with a couple other girls as well. I just really enjoy being around women.

 

until you misrepresent yourself so you can have your girlfriend you want so bad, THAT would be wrong.

 

Of course it's wrong. I want to be completely honest and open with her. I'm just worried that I can't think of the right way to explain how I feel and it turns her off.

[GemmaUK]

I just want to graduate so I can have a career that I enjoy and fulfills me where I won't be struggling financially.

 

 

How many interviews have you been to so far?

 

 

Graduation is looming in only a few weeks so I suspect you have been looking for work?

 

 

Any good feed back yet?

 

 

If this is your goal then where are you at with that goal?

[somedude81]

Please, please keep the subject of this thread on this girl.

[xxoo]

She deserves a chance to know who you are before she decides to proceed. You are looking to avoid turning her off with the truth.

 

Be brave. Answer honestly, and trust the process. Sex or girlfriend isn't the only possible positive result.

 

Accept that there is often no "right way" to spin an incompatibility into a compatibility.

[rester]

People in this thread are telling me to give up on her right now and not to get to know her better. I really don't want to do that because I do see some potential between us.

 

FWIW, I have a cousin that is born again and her long term boyfriend is not religious in the slightest. They have been together for years, but are also in their late 30s and no sex. It's possible to live with different viewpoints and beliefs in a relationship if you both respect each others' beliefs and don't try to change them.

 

 

Of course it's wrong. I want to be completely honest and open with her. I'm just worried that I can't think of the right way to explain how I feel and it turns her off.

 

If you being completely honest with her turns her off, then it wasn't meant to be. You can't go through life telling people only what they want to hear. The quicker you start being honest with yourself the better you will feel about yourself. You will gain confidence through being true to yourself.

[GemmaUK]

Please, please keep the subject of this thread on this girl.

 

 

 

I am guessing you mean me?

 

 

You posted it and I responded.

 

 

She wants to know what inspires you so I am going down that path and asking where you are at with your goals.

 

 

If as you say you have no real passions then your goals are it and where you are at with those is relevant.